almost a yr after break, still think of him, am i the only one who does this?

[black_couer]

Long time lurker, first post.

 

a little back story. Im 38 years old, my ex boyfriend is a few years younger. We were together for 2. it was rocky for awhile especially when he wanted to try swinging (not my thing). I know I probably should have run when I found that out, but I'm not one to just give up, after all I felt I loved him.

 

Fast forward to about a year later, I have a new boyfriend who treats me wonderfully. But, I still think of the ex daily, sometimes dream of him. I know that it would never work to get back together and I know he's a complete dick, didn't appreciate me but the only conclusion i can come to is that he was in control of the break and not me.

 

I feel if I chose the break up I wouldn't even care, upper hand kind of thing, ya know? I would just love for him to come crawling back so i could just shut his ass down. Stupid I know, just can't shake the feelings and tired of looking backwards.

 

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else out there has any insight or any dealings in a situation like this.

[smudge21]

Yep, for me it lasted around the same time after being dumped. For others it can be shorter or even longer, but we all heal in our own time. I bet when you dream about the ex, it's all in a positive light - not about the swinging dumper who destroyed you and treated you with no respect. Funny how we all look back at our exs with such rose tinted glasses on. I think it comes down to the fact we invested so much time and love on them, that we refuse to accept they were so wrong as that makes us feel like we let ourselves down by chosing such a loser. Couple that with the fact we always put loved ones up on pedestals and find it hard to knock them off. Finally as a dumpee, we have that sudden impact of losing someone whereas the dumper just goes and moves on. Basically sum it all up and it's understandable why dumpees suffer for so long. Our egos, our hearts, our heads, our total belief in human beings gets wrecked when we are dumped or cheated on by another. That's a lot of broken bones that need to heal.

[black_couer]

yeah, the rose colored glasses definitely are romanticizing things. I guess I've just made bad boyfriend choices and to have one who treats me well, is weird. I feel like maybe I don't know how to have a stable relationship, like I'm bored. (feel guilty admitting that)

 

I just feel like a ****ing loser for still thinking about such an ******* almost a year after. And as a side note, I do see a therapist. But it's more of the same, "he's not worth it, he did you a favor, blah blah" which is so true but my mind can't process it because all I want to do is drop the hammer down on his ass because I know for a fact I was the best thing to ever happen to him.

 

But I did learn that a swinger just can't appreciate having a solid relationship because they're deviant sex drive is all they think about. Ugh, just needed to vent. He's taken up too much of my thoughts. I know that time will pass and i will move on just like i have before. I just like to be the dumper, the one to say "peace mother****er, thanks for nothing" lol

[SevenCity]

I have to question the future of your current RL.

 

Seems to me you will get to be the dumper again...

[juniorrocha]

Well, it's normal to think about exes. I'm 2 months post break-up and while I still think of her everyday, when I remember all the reasons of the break up and how bad she threated me, it doesn't really matters the fact she dumped me. She was wrong yet she decided to leave. Her loss.

 

That's a good way to get over it. I can't say I have moved on, but knowing she was very bad at times makes me want to never see her again. I don't hold and resentment or anger, but I don't want her back either.

 

Work on your new relationship and if you're not fully happy with your current boyfriend, then maybe you should think if it's good to keep it, since apparently you're not healed yet.