Kept working on ways to talk to girls

[Bothis]

Hi,I am writing this post, mainly because I have been having difficulties for a good while to get to know women, I dunno if it has something connected to me, or maybe is actually out of crappy luck.

 

I have been hanging out close to numerous times weekly, most commonly to nightclubs and bars, It has been really hard in my opinion, because I'm not much of the the sort of man that is recognised for how sociable or outgoing he could be. I felt sort of uncomfortable and even tense, it's quite hard for me (much more) to communicate in all those types of enviroment with all the girls, even thought, I had accomplished it, I never obtained a good deal of succes, do you fellas give me some suggestions?

[smackie9]

Ya try on line dating.

[Bothis]

Not sure thats the answer im looking

[basil67]

Are you at the pubs and clubs alone? If so, take a mate(s) with you.

[bummer]

Not sure thats the answer im looking

 

You're missing the point. There are a 100 ways to meet girls to start dating. By going to bars and clubs you are looking for a tiny subset of women who want confident men who drink, stay out, and likely have ONS relationships. this is not dating IMO. You can practice and keep trying at bars, but your odds improve greatly elsewhere with far cheaper options.

 

OLD will help with the banter and communication. You'll automatically find people with similar interests. Try meet up.com or local civic organizations. Try a gym or yoga. Try hanging out in coffee shops. You'll meet better girls who are more interesting and more likely to date from daytime situations IMO.

 

It's not crap luck, it's a numbers game. If you're smart, you'll play it better by increasing your chances with more receptive girls. You'll also protect your hearing which is great.

[Hodor]

Strengthen your inner game. Dont be afraid of rejection. I know its easier said than done but unless you overcome your fears you will always have to make a compromise or completely be out of the game.

 

Read a book called "The Game". It will totally open you to a different world. ot saying you should become a pick up artist but you will learn many things.

[normal person]

You're missing the point. There are a 100 ways to meet girls to start dating. By going to bars and clubs you are looking for a tiny subset of women who want confident men who drink, stay out, and likely have ONS relationships. this is not dating IMO. You can practice and keep trying at bars, but your odds improve greatly elsewhere with far cheaper options.

 

That's pretty bold to say that every woman at a bar or club wants a guy who acts a very specific way. Before online dating, this is how tons of relationships started. Bars are great because you know the women there are usually looking to meet men.

 

OLD will help with the banter and communication. You'll automatically find people with similar interests.

 

Of all the women I've dated, the relationship never started or was supported by "similar interests." It was mutual attraction, shared values/ethics, similar paths in life, similar goals, similar sense of humor, etc. Interests weren't a big part of it.

 

Try meet up.com or local civic organizations. Try a gym or yoga. Try hanging out in coffee shops. You'll meet better girls who are more interesting and more likely to date from daytime situations IMO.

 

Girls who do this are "better" and "more interesting" than ones who go to bars? Give me a break. What do you think the cross section of women who go to yoga/the gym, drink coffee but also go to bars is? I'd say it's probably a lot. The difference is, women usually don't like to be gawked at and bothered at the gym, or out in general. At the bar it's accepted. I don't know of any woman involved in meet up.com or a local civic organization. I know many who go to bars.

 

It's not crap luck, it's a numbers game. If you're smart, you'll play it better by increasing your chances with more receptive girls. You'll also protect your hearing which is great.

 

But your best odds are at a bar. The women there are the most concentrated and receptive.

 

 

Hi,I am writing this post, mainly because I have been having difficulties for a good while to get to know women, I dunno if it has something connected to me, or maybe is actually out of crappy luck.

 

What do you think has been hindering you? You need to go into some more detail.

 

I have been hanging out close to numerous times weekly, most commonly to nightclubs and bars, It has been really hard in my opinion, because I'm not much of the the sort of man that is recognised for how sociable or outgoing he could be.

 

You don't necessarily have to be outgoing. But as for "sociable," you need to bite the bullet and engage in some human interaction. What happens at these places when you go? What do you do there and what happens when you do it?

 

I felt sort of uncomfortable and even tense, it's quite hard for me (much more) to communicate in all those types of enviroment with all the girls, even thought, I had accomplished it, I never obtained a good deal of succes, do you fellas give me some suggestions?

 

You need to lose this feeling of discomfort. You should be happy that you're out and enjoying yourself and getting talk to a bunch of beautiful women and giving them a chance to get to know you. They're just normal people. Take the natural curiosities you have about them and run with it. Figure out what makes them tick, why they do the things they do, etc. And also tastefully put on display whatever great personality traits you've got, be it humor, intellect, intrigue, excitement, etc.

 

Best of luck.

[ZA Dater]

. And also tastefully put on display whatever great personality traits you've got, be it humor, intellect, intrigue, excitement, etc.

 

Best of luck.

 

 

Very, very tough to do because if you are someone who thinks, someone who takes an interest in things like politics, world affair you will inevitably find that knowledge and intellect useless at a bar. More so if you don't drink then there really is no point of connection at all.

 

 

The OP should decide on his target market and I'd hazard based on his post bars aren't really working which says to me he might simply not fit in at a bar, I don't, so I don't go to bars, sure I'll go and have a look around and maybe a water and leave but I accomplish nothing there barring making myself feel even worse.

 

 

Motto here, go to places where you can feel good about yourself and not feel like a misfit.

[normal person]

Very, very tough to do because if you are someone who thinks, someone who takes an interest in things like politics, world affair you will inevitably find that knowledge and intellect useless at a bar. More so if you don't drink then there really is no point of connection at all.

 

I'm pretty surprised at this post and the one earlier that made the sweeping generalization that people that go to bars all have the same attitudes, inclinations, desires, and interests. You might be right to an extent, spouting off a bunch of facts, trivia, news, anything else, etc, alone won't make any women fall for you. They're all just cursory things when it comes to making a connection with someone. What you have to do is use whatever you're talking about as a launching pad to generate some sort of feeling or reaction in the other person, otherwise you're just communicating like a robot.

 

Any robot can spout a bunch of facts about an election. It takes a real person to go deeper and find out what another person thinks about an election or a candidate, why they think like that, what the implications of it are, and offer a similar response that might help the other person form an opinion of, and bond with, you. If you're smart enough to know a ton of facts and info about a bunch of topics, certainly you're smart enough to know that just repeating those facts without any sort of emotional component attached isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

 

The OP should decide on his target market and I'd hazard based on his post bars aren't really working which says to me he might simply not fit in at a bar, I don't, so I don't go to bars, sure I'll go and have a look around and maybe a water and leave but I accomplish nothing there barring making myself feel even worse.

 

People like to assume the venue is somehow the problem. If you were fishing on a lake, and you could see the fish in the water, and you could see other people on their boats catching fish, would you say "this lake isn't working, I should try a pond?" Perhaps before relocating and denying himself the chance to catch a lot of fish, he should check his bait.

 

Another thing, bars and clubs are the de facto areas people go to socialize and meet each other. If someone simply "doesn't fit in" there, the world is not going to provide an alternative just so everyone can feel at home. There might be one coincidentally in some form, but the world doesn't owe you any favors. If someone can't figure out how to sit down, talk with friends and strangers, and do some socializing, that's probably pretty indicative of why that person isn't having luck with the opposite sex. They can't crack one of the most important nuts of socialization; most people wouldn't want to be with someone who has difficulty with a basic sort of interaction that most people do.

 

Motto here, go to places where you can feel good about yourself and not feel like a misfit.

 

Please don't take any offense, but I've seen numerous posts of yours explaining how unsuccessful you've been, why would you give advice like this when you haven't had any success yourself? I've been very successful with women and I would never advise someone not to go to bars -- that's where tons and tons of people meet. I've met plenty of women at bars, but only a few times have I ever met a stranger during the day doing something non-social which lead to a date, and even then, I felt out of my element and I'm pretty good at this stuff.

 

Back to the fishing analogy, it's like OP wants fish but doesn't like the act of going to the lake, casting, waiting for a bite, so you're saying "don't go to the big lake with all the fish in it." My suggestion is learn to do the things that will give you the best chance of catching the fish, even if he doesn't like those things, because they're very important skills to have in this arena if you want to be successful and your desire to catch the fish is greater than the discomfort you'll feel (I assume).

 

Plenty of people want success, but they aren't willing to do what's necessary to get it. Life won't bow down to you, if you want something, you usually have to go out and get it for yourself, and often times it's not easy, convenient, or comfortable. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet.

[Bothis]

I made a thread discussing me having difficulties on approaching and ways to talk to girls, the following are adjustments I have made to change that.

 

I started simply by listing all details I want or find interesting in ladies, that's mentally and physically; by doing so I could figure out in which situations to take a woman in a serious manner, as well as in which others it'll be for the night.

 

For conversation now i'm aiming to begin them by context, as an example a conversation will change in a nightclub in comparison of one started in say, the library, additionally now I am making statements as an alternative for relaying on questions, mean I don't like it to appear like this is a job interview or anything, and in accordance with the comments attained I will push it further, adjust or get back to the topic. Moreover I've noticed Is possible come and go between conversational topics, as it is a human chat it doesn't, and will not be linear.

 

My goal right now is on my body language because I have yet to work alot for my conversation skill sets, so in my scenario may be the most convenient way to go. I am focusing on things like good eye contact and remaining as close towards the gal as possible, likewise try to find out any sings of

 

discomfort, to ensure that i can make all changes when necessary. Generally if the girl is smiling and doesn't refuse my touch everything is all right.

 

I am aware that many people believe popping to night venues such as dance clubs and bars is tough or possibly dumb, I do agree to a degree, even so I likewise find it as the optimal enviroment, considering that it make a whole bunch of attractive women on the same place, and also since it is not the easiest spot to be, it forces myself to improve. I do started to visit several locations as well as in my day to day life I get to approach ladies, and so I have observed major improvements, I feel really like it is way quite a bit easier than on dance clubs, that is on the grounds that I've been struggling with those environments at the beginning.