General lethargy towards life

[SerCay]

I come from a family with mental illness. Have left an abusive boyfriend of 5 years a year ago. Have someone that I care about very much seen suffer from cancer twice. Gained about 40 lbs. Have an amazing set of friends and family though, who I have a ver tight relationship with.

 

These are the problems that I have dealt with in the last 2 years. I am taking medicine for mood swings, and these are helping me with that, so no more extreme ups and downs, which I did used to have.

 

The thing is, I cannot lie, this lethargy has been there always. Since I was a kid. I am just simply happiest when at home, watching movies and series and close to my family. literally do not feel like putting a foot outside the door! I don't even feel like making a phone call.

If it were up to me, I would spend my weekends doing just this, and even find a part time job, paying jst enough for me to live off, so I can spend more time on my own.

 

On the other hand, I know that to meet people, to be able to have enough money to do the things you like, etc, I need to keep up my career, and be social.

 

I have an amazing job, just got a new job offer and will move to another city soon, 1 hour drive from my family. But I simply don't want to. Even though EVERYTHING about this new job is amazing, and it is really not that far from my family, I just do not feel like moving.

 

I don't know where this lethargy comes from, but it has prevented me from doing so many things in life so far....I don't know if I should just accept that I love to be indoors with my movies and books or start doing something about it because it's not normal.

 

Does any of you have experience with this? Did you overcome? Or what did you do?

[Nowty V]

 

I just do not feel like moving.

 

 

Are you certain? You sound very positive about the new job.

 

Moving is a very stressful thing to do, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. Your personal happiness is what is important.

 

You have a good network of support where you are. However, an hour away isn't that far.

 

Could you work Monday to Friday and go home weekends?

 

If you move you have a place all to yourself Monday to Friday, do the do for work, come home, eat, maybe a movie or book , and get stuff ready for work before sleep.

 

Then it's up and the cycle repeats for 5 days. You could even engage a personal trainer or gym membership while you are away if the 40lbs bothers you. Physical exercise is a great mood lifter in the long run.

 

As for the lethargy/depression yes I have lived with it for as long as I can remember and face similar trials to yourself. I feel a lot better when I engage with the World. Achieving things makes my alone time more fulfilling, I see it as a treat I deserve.

 

The first step is always the hardest and I'm always reluctant, whatever it is. I have to grit my teeth to get on with it. Mostly I find the ends always justify the means.

 

Have you read the book 'What Happy People Know' by Dan Baker Ph.D?

I found it helpful in understanding and overcoming 'fear'.

 

If You don't feel like moving then don't. But don't let irrational fear spoil a chapter of your life that may be very enjoyable.

 

Choose what is best for you, doing that in a timely fashion will help enormously.

[Redhead14]

I come from a family with mental illness. Have left an abusive boyfriend of 5 years a year ago. Have someone that I care about very much seen suffer from cancer twice. Gained about 40 lbs. Have an amazing set of friends and family though, who I have a ver tight relationship with.

 

These are the problems that I have dealt with in the last 2 years. I am taking medicine for mood swings, and these are helping me with that, so no more extreme ups and downs, which I did used to have.

 

The thing is, I cannot lie, this lethargy has been there always. Since I was a kid. I am just simply happiest when at home, watching movies and series and close to my family. literally do not feel like putting a foot outside the door! I don't even feel like making a phone call.

If it were up to me, I would spend my weekends doing just this, and even find a part time job, paying jst enough for me to live off, so I can spend more time on my own.

 

On the other hand, I know that to meet people, to be able to have enough money to do the things you like, etc, I need to keep up my career, and be social.

 

I have an amazing job, just got a new job offer and will move to another city soon, 1 hour drive from my family. But I simply don't want to. Even though EVERYTHING about this new job is amazing, and it is really not that far from my family, I just do not feel like moving.

 

I don't know where this lethargy comes from, but it has prevented me from doing so many things in life so far....I don't know if I should just accept that I love to be indoors with my movies and books or start doing something about it because it's not normal.

 

Does any of you have experience with this? Did you overcome? Or what did you do?

 

"this lethargy has been there always. Since I was a kid." -- This indicates a troubled/strained/chaotic and/or insecure family relationship. -- I come from a family with mental illness -- children who come from homes where the parental support is lacking often feel isolated, even in a crowd. They haven't bonded properly as a child and as a result, have trouble feeling connected to the world in general.

 

I love to be indoors with my movies and books or start doing something about it because it's not normal. -- It's not about whether it's normal or not, it's about the fact that you are struggling with finding a balance. It's OK to do these things but there should be other things that you can be involved in and start creating a bond. It's not that it's not normal, it's just that it's starting to really become an issue to you now and your awareness is raised.

 

If you really do not want to move, then don't do it. Focus on your job where you are and start trying to do more social things. Join a club, a bowling league, go to the gym once in a while. Do it a little at a time.

 

I am taking medicine for mood swings, and these are helping me with that, so no more extreme ups and downs, which I did used to have. -- Who prescribed these meds? A GP or have you been seeing a therapist who recommended them through your GP? If a GP gave them to you, it's good on one hand that he/she has perhaps, made the correct diagnosis. However, once a diagnosis has been made and a patient begins taking those meds, it should be supported by therapy/counseling. All that is being done is treating the symptoms of whatever diagnosis has been made, it doesn't address the possibly deeper causes for the condition. I think you may benefit from therapy. There's nothing to lose and perhaps a lot to gain.

[Nowty V]

All that is being done is treating the symptoms of whatever diagnosis has been made, it doesn't address the possibly deeper causes for the condition.

 

It doesn't matter, if it's working for SerCey then SerCey is paddling their own canoe.

 

Difficulties of this nature will always be difficulties, having a therapist focus on difficulties may not help much.

 

Who needs focusing on difficulties? An incumbent is usually all too aware of them.

 

Focusing on what could make one happier or more content may be more fortuitous. Sure difficulties will be difficult in times of stress, nothing will change that.

 

IMO looking for what is positive in the situation and building on that may yield better returns.

Edited July 26, 2016 by Nowty V
gender bias

[Redhead14]

It's not working for SerCay . . . still feeling disconnected. Meds only mask and help manage.

 

Trying something new won't hurt anything because what SerCay is doing isn't working . . . a therapist may be able to give other tools to help the situation as well.

 

IMO looking for what is positive in the situation and building on that may yield better returns. -- This is good thought process but doing both therapy to uncover negatives that are "running in the background" coupled with looking at the positives will balance out feelings and negative issues that are being dealt with.

 

And, coming to online sites for emotional/mental health issues isn't going to help things especially if the OP is getting advice from people who may have "their own issues" nor do most people have the skill set required to deal with all that stuff.

Edited July 26, 2016 by Redhead14

[SerCay]

Thank you both for the replies!

 

It's really true what you say Nowty...focusing on the positive has always helped me. The thing is, I have always chosen the road less traveled so far and I get the feeling that it is becoming too much for me. Maybe it's about time I start to focus on the positive, but also keep in mind my own wishes.

There's the thing, I don't know my wishes. On the one hand, I want a shining career. On the other, I want to work part time and have lots of time for myself to relax and read and see my loved ones. It's like there's 2 minds inside of me. Any tips on this? I think this is what it all boils down to...

 

As for therapy, I have tried it many times. Sorry to say that none of the therapists have been able to figure me out or help me on my journey. I always end up frustrated with them and telling them what they shoud be looking for in me....

[Nowty V]

You sound like a non-conformist. You don't conform to the norms of society.

 

Personally I believe this outlook is to be applauded, one doesn't have to wear the de rigueur training shoes or drink coffee in the ubiquitous coffee bar if one chooses not to.

 

If one can keep irrational fear in check, one's perception [of where you stand and the situation around you] is more accurate. This enables one to capitalise on the choices that are available.

 

It all boils down to personal choice, what would you like to choose?

 

[make a list, consider the options: shinning career = responsibility + money]

 

Having money is very important, it is a necessary evil. Not having enough money to put a loaf on the table and a roof over your head is a dire circumstance. It invokes stress that can make one ill.

 

Maybe earn big money for a set period of time and invest well, property for example.

 

Providing one's choices do not impact negatively on yourself or anyone else you are free to do as you please, IMO.

 

Choices that are inclusive of more activity within the World are always the best. There is plenty of opportunity for 'Me' time if you look.

 

Look for the positives in whatever you do, even mistakes have a silver lining somewhere, its all a learning curve and we are all works in progress.

 

How To Get Organized - 20 Ways To Organize Your Life Now

Edited July 28, 2016 by Nowty V
omission

[Redhead14]

Thank you both for the replies!

 

It's really true what you say Nowty...focusing on the positive has always helped me. The thing is, I have always chosen the road less traveled so far and I get the feeling that it is becoming too much for me. Maybe it's about time I start to focus on the positive, but also keep in mind my own wishes.

There's the thing, I don't know my wishes. On the one hand, I want a shining career. On the other, I want to work part time and have lots of time for myself to relax and read and see my loved ones. It's like there's 2 minds inside of me. Any tips on this? I think this is what it all boils down to...

 

As for therapy, I have tried it many times. Sorry to say that none of the therapists have been able to figure me out or help me on my journey. I always end up frustrated with them and telling them what they shoud be looking for in me....

 

SerCay, most of the time clients are not/have not revealed what they need to reveal and it takes a lot of time for that to happen sometimes. Not only that, the clients address things that are basically superficial and what they "think" the problem is and all they are doing is scratching the surface.

 

Yes, sometimes the therapist/client relationship isn't quite right because of personality differences, etc. and so you might need to try others to find the right fit. A therapist can only work with what they know at a given point but the client has to be ready to dig very deeply into a lot of things sometimes. I'd say stick with it. They should be giving you some tools at least to manage outward symptoms like anxiety/anger, etc. and it's up to the client to use those tools and be dedicated to the process.

 

I want a shining career. On the other, I want to work part time and have lots of time for myself to relax and read and see my loved ones. It's like there's 2 minds inside of me. -- The trick is to find a balance between these things. Most everyone wants both and most can have both. Lots of people pour themselves into their jobs, let's say, and then feel like they don't have time to themselves. They need to take some pressure off of themselves and let go of the job a little -- that's just an example.