Age Gap, Affair, Religion, Parents

[anika99]

His company isn't doing well, he got a pay cut. His wife doesn't work. ALL his money goes to her except like $120 a month. So there's nothing. She doesn't even give him any of the money HE earns because she had to go and quit her job and hasn't got off her fat ass to get another one yet.

 

So he pays for gas, food, a gym membership we can shower and that's about it. I pay for my stuff and also gas and food for us both.

 

He won't take any money away from her because he doesn't want his kids to have to move out of their house. But she's going to have to deal with that when they get divorced anyway because he can't live on $120 a month

 

Nothing you say makes this sound less ridiculous. He doesn't want to lose his house, that's why he is still paying for it. She isn't going to have to deal with it when they get divorced because they aren't getting divorced. It sounds like your MM is having a serious mid-life crisis and has temporarily taken leave of his senses. You will see him in a different light someday and that light won't be flattering. I suspect he knows this as well. He knows it's highly unlikely you will still want him 10 yrs from now. One day you're going to look back at this and feel nothing but shame and contempt. When you are 30 or 40, remembering how you were shacked up in your car with an old married dude will feel embarrassing.

[AbbyVP]

Nothing you say makes this sound less ridiculous. He doesn't want to lose his house, that's why he is still paying for it. She isn't going to have to deal with it when they get divorced because they aren't getting divorced. It sounds like your MM is having a serious mid-life crisis and has temporarily taken leave of his senses. You will see him in a different light someday and that light won't be flattering. I suspect he knows this as well. He knows it's highly unlikely you will still want him 10 yrs from now. One day you're going to look back at this and feel nothing but shame and contempt. When you are 30 or 40, remembering how you were shacked up in your car with an old married dude will feel embarrassing.

 

Not if we are still together and happily married. I don't think anyone understands the intense connection we have. We both have never felt like this about anyone. He completes me and I complete him. We can talk about about anything, the good the bad and the ugly. I've told him several times if he cant do this then it's ok but he is still with me. We talk or text all day long and never run out of things to say. Age and money doesn't matter we are soul mates. We are one.

[sweet_pea]

This is just a huge mess.

 

You're only 21 and are basing your entire life around a man who could be your dad. I'm not sure you're really thinking things through, but it looks like you'll only learn your lesson the hard way. I would REALLY listen to the advice here to save yourself a lot of pain and problems. I have to give it to you that the very fact that you've basically been shunned by your family hasn't been enough of a wake-up call. Living out of your car? Putting your plans on hold for a man who can't even decide if he wants to be with you? Y'all have been on and off enough times to show you that this relationship is not stable. Girl, and I say this as nicely as I can... get a grip! Please put an end to this so you can get the support you need!

 

Side note: I'm not sure why you don't understand why his teenage kids don't care for you and aren't keen on visiting/getting to know a young woman who is only a few years older than them and is having an affair with their dad (aka taking part in breaking up their family), in addition to the way you talk about their mom. I wouldn't very much like you either, to be honest.

Edited July 29, 2016 by sweet_pea

[RecentChange]

 

I know adultery is a sin but i also know Jehovah forgives.

 

Faulse logic. So if murder is a sin, and sins are forgiven, what stops you from murdering each day?

 

See, I am not religious, I don't believe in a Jehovah, which will forgive your knowingly and on going sinning.

 

What I DO believe is that many things are declared a sin because they are BAD FOR YOU. They are bad for society. They are damaging to your soul and those around you.

 

Adultery is one of those sins.

 

One does not have to be a believer to know that the seven deadly sins are things not to over indugle in, not because they are worried about an after life, but because they affect our life here on earth negitively.

 

Adultery can make your time here on earth a living hell - as you can see, and emotional wreck living in a car. I don't care about an afterlife, why make your life here on earth such a freaking mess, causing heart break all around you?

[RecentChange]

WWe understand infatuation, we remember being young and ignorant and recognize it 100% in you.

 

Not if we are still together and happily married.

 

Let's look at the statical probability of this shall we?

 

67%-80% of second marriages end in divorce.

 

Failure of the second marriage is 13% more likely if the bride is under 25. (So now we are to 80%-93% chance of failure).

 

Then, having children in the household from a prior marriage increases the odds of divorce another 15%.

 

Look, I have a degree in sociology. I have studied interpersonal relationships. Power dynamics and how age and other factors can play into that. I have an understanding of the phases of love, bonding and how chemicals and hormones play a part.

 

Logically, even biologically it's understandable how you have gotten yourself into this predicament.

 

But you are too naive, too over run by bonding hormones, too immature to see the bigger picture that we all, including your friends and family see.

[stillafool]

"Is this a joke? Are they supposed to visit him in your CAR??"

 

no obviously not in the car. We would get an apartment together. If we are living together and he gets custody or visitation then they'll have to visit, won't they?

 

This is the hardest thing is the guilt he has over his kids. They aren't taking it very well, their mother insnt helping by being upset all the time and his daughter and him had problems before me. I want him to have a good relationship with his kids. He's not seen them much these last few weeks because we havent had gas money to drive the 30 minutes to where they live. Their mom brought the son up the other day because he was having a hard time and they went to lunch but it's hard on him too because everytime he talks to his kids, all his son does is ask when he's coming home and how he's not the dad he knew and it's all MY fault. And his daughter doesn't even return his messages and if she does, she's nasty.

 

It's bothering him, yes. This is why the decision is so hard. He can't be happy because he misses his kids. His wife sends him websites about how divorce affects kids and about how to rebuild marriages and how relationships like ours with age difference and how we started outside the marriage never work. It has him all confused.

 

In one sense he feels like he's totally in love with me and not in love with her anymore, but he can't imagine her not in his life and she's threatened to just stop talking to him completely if he's going to be with me. I don't really care,I'd be glad if she'd just go away, but He's know her since they were kids and he doesn't want that. In another sense she sends him these articles and it makes him think maybe he hasn't done enough to try to save his marriage....but it doesn't change the fact that I'm what he wants.

 

So we are just talking things through. He's a mess all the time, I'm a mess. His wife is a disaster and she's not helping the kids.

 

I just want to be with him. That's all. why does it have to be so hard?

 

Look, he can't have it both ways. He is either going to be with you or divorce and co-parent with her. He's a lunatic! Where does he work and why doesn't he make enough money to at least have a hotel room?

[HHewett]

If he's the CEO of a company he makes enough money to get a hotel room or buy gas. If he doesn't have gas money how is he going to his high power CEO job? There are quite a bit of holes in your story but this one is ridiculous.

 

Does he have his own car? If he did why aren't you living in that one? With him being a CEO I'm sure it's a much nicer car than a 21 year old can afford.

 

So you think when he's divorced that his kids will HAVE to see him? Nope they are teenagers & if his kids don't want to visit with him it would be really difficult to make them. If for some way they're made to those kids will resent their dad & you even more than they already do.

 

If he wanted to be with you then he would be with you. The excuses he's giving you about his wife's threats & mental state are just that, an EXCUSE. This man has mad you homeless & cut off from you family. This isn't what love looks like.

 

His wife isn't the annoyance in this triangle. YOU are, plain & simple. You have inserted yourself (with the help of MM) into a family you have no business being part of.

 

Most of your replies seem like you are young, living in a fantasy world & entitled to something you have no right to whatsoever!

 

Stop this nonsense & get your life together & make amends with you family. They are the ones that love you, care about you & want only the best for you. Relationships shouldn't be this difficult, twisted or drama filled.

 

I'm not really sure why you've even posted this. You obviously not going to take the advice that so many that have taken their time to reply to you post.

 

You won't be riding off in the sunset with MM & this is not your happily ever after! Especially since he doesn't have gas money!

[RecentChange]

Honestly"CEO" doesn't mean anything.

 

I could incorporate in the state of Delaware in a week, and name myself the CEO of my corporation.

 

A failing business made up of two partners can have a "CEO".

 

What is he the CEO of? A furniture store chain? A fortune 500 company? A failed family business?

[anika99]

Not if we are still together and happily married. I don't think anyone understands the intense connection we have. We both have never felt like this about anyone. He completes me and I complete him. We can talk about about anything, the good the bad and the ugly. I've told him several times if he cant do this then it's ok but he is still with me. We talk or text all day long and never run out of things to say. Age and money doesn't matter we are soul mates. We are one.

 

Yes we do understand the intense connection, the fated by the universe love, the soulmates, you complete me nonsense. Girl do you think you invented that? LOL...pretty sure most of us have been there done that. "waaah you don't understand...it's truuuue love!" lol...Sorry I don't mean to make fun. I really do understand, I fell blindly in love at a very young age too and not one single person could reason with me or make me open up my eyes and see the truth. It was when I reached the age of about 24 that I went "waaait a minute, this is guy IS kind of a loser. How did I not notice this before?" lol...it makes me cringe when I think of how much of a pedestal I had that guy on but at least he wasn't married and living in a car! I had to learn my lessons the hard way and I guess you will too. That's a shame because the longer this goes on the more of your time and your life you are wasting. You can't get time back.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Abby,

Has anyone at all told you that this was a good idea. Chances are this many people (here on the forum for sure) agreeing that this is a no win situation for you. You need to move to your aunts house and finish school and cut all contact with this guy. This man should be strung up for putting you in this position. I can't believe your father didn't threaten him with his life. Do the right thing. At 21, you should be working hard and having the time of your life. Not living in a car with some looser. Can you count how many people's lives this man child is ruining. And HE doesn't care. Move on and take control of your life, let some water pass under the bridge then re establish contact with your family. You're an adult now, adults don't have the privilege of just doing what they want, they are responsible for their own wellbeing and that of others too.

[BettyDraper]

Nothing you say makes this sound less ridiculous. He doesn't want to lose his house, that's why he is still paying for it. She isn't going to have to deal with it when they get divorced because they aren't getting divorced. It sounds like your MM is having a serious mid-life crisis and has temporarily taken leave of his senses. You will see him in a different light someday and that light won't be flattering. I suspect he knows this as well. He knows it's highly unlikely you will still want him 10 yrs from now. One day you're going to look back at this and feel nothing but shame and contempt. When you are 30 or 40, remembering how you were shacked up in your car with an old married dude will feel embarrassing.

 

This. Though I never did anything as foolish as the OP did when I was in my early 20s, I was with a couple of men that make me shake my head when I think of them now. How naive and insecure I was back then...I allowed myself to be treated terribly.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Not if we are still together and happily married. I don't think anyone understands the intense connection we have. We both have never felt like this about anyone. He completes me and I complete him. We can talk about about anything, the good the bad and the ugly. I've told him several times if he cant do this then it's ok but he is still with me. We talk or text all day long and never run out of things to say. Age and money doesn't matter we are soul mates. We are one.

 

Oh boy, if I had a nickel each time AP's thought or said this in the beginning of their A - I'd be a rich woman! Fast forward a few months (or years) and the shine wears off, his guilt sets in and he will completely abandon you. But not before lying like a mo-fo as to why he has suddenly 'pulled away'.

[wmacbride]

Thanks for the advice

 

You all make it sound like I'm nothing to him.

 

He doesn't just want me for sex. I do have my own wants and desires and I'm a very sttrong woman. We connect on every level, not just sex. And it's hard to have sex all the time in a car anyway. It's not about sex. I don't work with Him anymore, I went to school and got a good job. I let my apartment go when my lease was up because if was a studio and we were going to move in together to a better place with room for his kids. We looked at apartments. He lived with me at a friends for two months but the guilt was too much for him, so he went back to his wife. Then he couldn't stand being away from me so he told his wife he wanted a divorce. She agreed, he left her and came back to me....by again the guilt came and he went back to her a few hours later. Told me he wanted to cut off all contact. We tried, it's just too hard and we fell back into it. His wife has been a constant annoyance this whole time, she doesn't leave him alone and she's a complete psycho. She holds the kids over him telling him that she isn't going to force them to visit us if they don't want to because of me. That she woulsnt keep them from him but if they didn't want to be around ME they don't have to. If we are living together she doesn't have a choice right? (The kids found out when one of their friends saw us together). I don't know why she holds on when he obviously loves me.

 

We talk about EVERYTHING. We are so open with each other that there is no confusion about what we want. We want to be together. He's just cry entangled in his life and guilt and missing his kids and the details. But the love we know is there

 

He wants me. I want him. But he feels guilty for leaving his wife who he's been with since high school and his children. But he wants my love. I want his.

 

I'm in my car now because my parents don't approve of the situation so I can't go to them, I've exhausted all my friend options, and have nowhere else to go.

 

I am hoping that he will leave his wife and we can get an apartment together. He's been out for two weeks with limited wife contact and only texting the kids. We are really focusing on things, getting to the bottom of this. Pro and con lists.

He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't want to lose his life. He suggested a polygamy situation but neither his wife or me want that.

 

I would appreciate replies that don't focus on him only wanting me for sex because I know 100% that is not the case.

 

I am going to cut you some slack because you are young, but being honest about what you say, it's not his wife that comes off as being , as you put it "psycho".

First off, depending on how old his kids are, they can't be forced into contact with you, especially if you are in an unstable situation and living in a car. forget about that.

To be quite frank, I don't blame her one bit. Put yourself in her place. Would you want your children meeting with your wayward spouse and his other woman who are living ut of her car or at friend's places? I can't imagine any court that would enforce that type of situation.

 

Secondly, you say you have a good job. You are 21 and living in a car, after spending weeks living with friends. Why is your good job not enough to pay for a small apartment? If mm loves you, he won't care how small your living space is. As the saying goes " a couple in love can make their bed on the blade of a sword".

 

Third, no man who loves you would ask you to give up so much. He would not ask you to give up your home, your family, your religious beliefs and more just to pursue a drama soaked relationship with him. a mature man, who loved a woman but knew his love was hurting her, would walk away. there would be none of this pitching and mooning on and on and failed attempts at no contact because "he loves you so much":sick:

 

Fourth...you are nowhere as mature as you believe yourself to be, as a mature and well grounded woman would never allow herself to be used in this way, and if she did happen to trip up, she would realize that and instead of asking questions about how to keep "her man", she would be asking questions about how to get him out of her life.

 

Fifth...you, my dear, are in no position to judge his wife in any way, shape or form. You take jabs at her mental health, yet you are the one who has been excommunicated from your faith, kicked out by her parents, gave up her large apartment, has been couch surfing with friends and is now living in her car all because some fop of a man knows he can use you and then walk away and you will still keep coming back, practically begging him to keep on treating you like dirt?

 

Come on, if you are half the smart young woman you say you are, you will see through this. I have a daughter not much younger than you, and I know how easy it is for someone with an honest heart to not see how she is being used. That what you are...someone who has an honest heart and you assume he does as well.

 

He doesn't, and I highly doubt you are his first dalliance.

[wmacbride]

My old car had problems, my "new' car isn't new it's used. I needed something better to get to my job, how is that a bad decision?

 

I know adultery is a sin but i also know Jehovah forgives.

 

 

I am no expert in your faith, as I am an agnostic, but I have to ask you if you still believe the teachings of your religion?

 

if you do, then you would know that Jehova forgives those who repent, not those who just keep on engaging in the activity that he forbids.

 

So it would seem that, to be with mm, you have to even potentially give up your eternal soul, that is if you are still a believer. Is he really worth that, and what kind of a man would ever ask a woman to do that in the first place?

[wmacbride]

His company isn't doing well, he got a pay cut. His wife doesn't work. ALL his money goes to her except like $120 a month. So there's nothing. She doesn't even give him any of the money HE earns because she had to go and quit her job and hasn't got off her fat ass to get another one yet.

 

So he pays for gas, food, a gym membership we can shower and that's about it. I pay for my stuff and also gas and food for us both.

 

He won't take any money away from her because he doesn't want his kids to have to move out of their house. But she's going to have to deal with that when they get divorced anyway because he can't live on $120 a month

 

Madam, I highly suggest you look up alimony and child support laws. you are in for a very rude awakening. the judge who determines the outcome will not be interested in making sure your mm has enough to live on with you. He will be expected to pay child support and spousal support, and et a second or third job if need be to pay it.

 

How can you not know this?

[wmacbride]

Not if we are still together and happily married. I don't think anyone understands the intense connection we have. We both have never felt like this about anyone. He completes me and I complete him. We can talk about about anything, the good the bad and the ugly. I've told him several times if he cant do this then it's ok but he is still with me. We talk or text all day long and never run out of things to say. Age and money doesn't matter we are soul mates. We are one.

 

This sounds like something a young teenage girl would say about her latest crush....which is to be expected, given your age.

 

I know I am giving you a hard time, but it's because this man is using you, and you don't even see it. You only et one shot in life, and is this really how you want to waste your best years? Living in a car with a man who is old enough to be your dad and treating you very, very badly?

[aliveagain]

Girl, why are you ruining your life that is really just starting for some POS that is intent on destroying his? Seriously, his children will never like you because you are the reason that their family was destroyed, your the woman that hurt their mother. Your parents will never like him because he's the sick fu*k that is ruining their daughters life. Like all parents they want you to be happy but with someone young enough to be the father of their grandchildren, they don't want to be the mother and father-in-law to some guy that is probably older then them. Think of the shame you are putting on them with their friends, business associates and their religious congregation. They must be in a lot of pain in order to remove you from their home because it goes against the nature of a parent which is to protect their young.

 

You need to get away from this guy at least long enough to get some professional help. You have to find out why you keep going for older men that are married. That is not normal behaviour for someone looking for a life long mate. Take it from someone that is old enough to be your father, this guy has serious problems. Don't be the reason for his marriage breakup because you will never get the respect you need from his family or from yours for it to be successful. Why handicap yourself, life is hard enough. Do yourself a huge favour and break it off with him for at least a few months while you get the help you need to decide the right path for you. He's already fu*ked up his family and life, don't let him do the same to you.

Edited August 2, 2016 by aliveagain

[Lobe]

You all make it sound like I'm nothing to him.

His wife has been a constant annoyance this whole time, she doesn't leave him alone and she's a complete psycho. She holds the kids over him telling him that she isn't going to force them to visit us if they don't want to because of me. If we are living together she doesn't have a choice right? I don't know why she holds on when he obviously loves me. But he feels guilty for leaving his wife who he's been with since high school and his children. But he wants my love. I want his.

 

I'm in my car now because my parents don't approve of the situation so I can't go to them, I've exhausted all my friend options, and have nowhere else to go.

 

I am hoping that he will leave his wife and we can get an apartment together. He's been out for two weeks with limited wife contact and only texting the kids. We are really focusing on things, getting to the bottom of this. Pro and con lists.

 

He doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't want to lose his life. He suggested a polygamy situation but neither his wife or me want that.

 

I would appreciate replies that don't focus on him only wanting me for sex because I know 100% that is not the case.

 

tl;dr: Have a little self-respect - kick him out of your car and stop communicating with him until and unless he shows you his divorce papers.

 

"There's nothing more irresistible to a man than a woman who's in love with him." ~the Baroness engaged to Captain von Trapp to Maria in "The Sound of Music"

 

He is using you. For ego kibbles, to feel youthful, for purely selfish reasons. You're right - sex is only a part of all the wonderful things he gets to feel when he's with you - admired, respected, adored, exalted, and in fact worth leaving everyone and everything for, including your parents, church and God.

 

He is using his wife, to clean his clothes, raise his children, and protect and maintain the investment they have made in a home and a family. She holds on because she has invested 24 years into a man who is clearly so smitten with a young annoying admirer that he has lost his ability to make mature, adult decisions that protect the best interests of his children and the woman he vowed to love cherish and forsake all others for.

 

Why is the BS a "psycho?" The fact he offered you polygamy clearly shows that he is not done being married to his wife so the REAL question is... why do YOU continue to chase after this MM when he clearly still loves and values his wife and children more than whatever he has with you? She fights because a man she has known and loved and built a life with for 24 years is thinking with his pathetic little juvenile ego and not his big grown up brain. Because she is willing to fight for her marriage and overlook the transgressions of a man picking his own selfish desires over the rights of his children to grow up feeling secure and loved. Because she stands to lose everything over some barely legal little girl trying to play house with an old married man. HER old married man. Ask yourself if he was YOUR husband, would you want him to follow his penis heart to another woman when he gets bored or upset with you, then ask yourself again why his betrayed wife (emphasis on "betrayed") is being such an "annoying psycho." You don't know you would behave any different in her shoes.

 

Call it a midlife crisis, call it whatever you want, but your MM has not left his wife and got an apartment with you because (here's the kicker) he doesn't have to. Worse yet, it's highly unlikely that he ever will shack up with you. He has everything and everyone he wants right now - he will continue juggling both of you because you're both doing the "pick me" dance and it makes his little manbaby ego squeal with joy. He will ride the situation out as long as possible and when his wife finally lays down divorce papers and he faces losing everything, you will get hurt. He will either push you further underground and keep you as his dirty little secret or he will dump you.

 

But you're pretty convinced that this is special and unique and not like every other textbook affair so I'll humour you. You want to play make-believe, let's say that he does in fact leave his wife for you. Statistically, 2nd marriages are twice as likely to fail as first marriages, and relationships that start as affairs typically run their course in under 2 years with a whopping average of 6 months after they leave the marriage when the affair bubble pops and a harsh reality check slaps the WS in the face. Let's say though that your relationship falls in the less than 1% of successful marriages that started as an affair, your prize is: a man who discarded a woman he once loved enough to marry and start a family with for a younger fresher model. What happens when you are no longer the shiny new plaything and instead of making him feel like a big important man he just feels bored and upset being married to you, too? If he gave a flying rat's arse about you he would never have put you in a situation where you have no home and no family. How else could you see him as a hero, if not through the rosy glasses of delusion?

 

On a side note, there's a part of me that is angry with how flip you are about his wife having no choice whether the kids visit you if you're living together, clearly a sign of your lack of age and experience - whether there's legal grounds to force his kids to be in your presence or not shows that you have absolutely zero respect for his children or their mother and she is well within her "psychotic" mind to keep you as far away from them as possible until and unless the divorce is finalized. Until and unless he is legally divorced from her and legally married to you, you are less than nothing to those kids and she is 100% within her rights to demand (if nothing else) visitation in a supervised public environment to ensure that her children are not sleeping in a godd*mned car or a studio suite with his barely legal girlfriend when they visit their Dad.

 

As far as your family goes, well - religious differences aside, your parents are choosing not to support you as most parents would likewise do if they were watching their child make what they feel are monumentally horrible life choices. You are unfortunately well aware of the fact they cannot associate with you or they too will be shunned so you've already burned that bridge and ought to look for a new support system outside of the Kingdom. I do feel deeply sad for you - I have other friends who have also be disfellowshipped and they struggle with the lack of connection to their family and community for a lifetime. You know exactly what you'd have to do in order to reverse the situation, but you are clearly unrepentant - even if you do not wish to follow the religion, without showing genuine remorse for your sins, the church will never allow your parents to welcome you back.

 

Quite the bed you've made to lay in with this man. I hope you're using birth control - conceiving a baby in a car is one thing, trying to raise one in there will be a whole new ball game. PS the "psycho wife" would have access to your kid if you got knocked up. Food for thought.

 

"But we love each other..." Pffft. He loves himself. And how you make him feel. What do you honestly think you have in common with this man? Similar age? Similar income potential? Similar life goals? Similar religious backgrounds and beliefs? Look. You're a young woman with a long life ahead of you. What you're so hellbent betting all your pennies on a ready-to-retire racehorse with a known track record for poor performance is beyond me, but I can say this much: You have a lot more to LOSE than you do to WIN by pursuing this relationship. When he proves that he's ready to start with you he will show up with the keys to your new apartment, and a copy of his finalized divorce. Until and unless that happens, this is all make-believe.

[Survivedtothriving]

I say go for it. Stay with him. Keep living in your car and destroy the relationship you have with your family.

 

 

 

 

This is going to end badly for you, then maybe you will see how much you really aren't in love with him.

 

 

Live and learn. Hopefully you will be able to mend the relationship with your family after he leaves you. Your family will always be there. This man will not. You are really willing to throw away your family for a cheater that can't commit to you?? After all, he cheated on his wife for you. What makes you think that he won't leave you for the next younger girl that comes around?

[Lobe]

PS Abby? I think you need a big hug. I think you have a lot of soul-searching to do about your future. I have a kid about your age and I hate to think of any one of my children being caught up in a mess like this.

 

((((((Abby))))))

[wmacbride]

PS Abby? I think you need a big hug. I think you have a lot of soul-searching to do about your future. I have a kid about your age and I hate to think of any one of my children being caught up in a mess like this.

 

((((((Abby))))))

 

 

Agreed.

 

Op, I remember being your age and sure that the abusive man I was seeing really loved me. the worse he treated e, the more I was convinced I loved him and he loved me. My parents did what your did, and in the end, they were right. Fortunately, I was able to mend my rleationship with them after I saw what the guy I had been seeing really was. he wasn't older but he was very versed in how to manipulate others.

 

I don't know why so many young women and men fall into that trap. The reason so many on here are chastising you isn't to give you a hard time but because we see a young woman who is throwing her life away for a man who is using her. Those of us who are parents see a young woman who could be our daughter and we want to help her.

 

I hope you can keep an open mind and try to picture yourself as a mom to a daughter about your age who was in your situation. what would you tell her? What advice would you give?

[ShatteredLady]

I know that you haven't answered my questions but I truly hope that you are giving some thought to why, at 21 years old, you are already onto your SECOND long term affair with a much older man with children.

 

You had a front row seat to your fathers adultery & the ramifications for your family. Wanting your parents to divorce & having resentment for your mother is a very unusual response to your family being dumped by your Dad for another woman. Is it because your Mum took him back?

 

Were you even legal when you started having sex with your last MM? Is he still in your life?

 

Oh what are you doing with your life & WHY?

 

I agree with others who have stated that you're so very young & so very messed-up. I however don't see it as an excuse for destroying families. You need to be dealing with your Daddy issues in therapy & NOT in the back seat of a car with a middle aged, screwed-up, married man with children.

 

Please get professional help!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Abby, having read your OP and some of the subsequent posts including those of the good people who have responded to you all I can say is that your situation is one of the most incongruous ones I have seen on LS. You seem to have a fascination for forty plus married men and you go after them till you bed them. Let me tell you lady, this MSN is NOT going to make you his wife and is only using you for an ego boost and SEX. He is having a mid life crisis and when he gets over it he will go back to his family while dumping you like a used piece of tissue paper. He has been with you intermittently for a year or so whereas he has been with wife for twenty four years. One does not trash a marriage that long for something akin to an ice cream cone. He and his wife have history together and baggage together which they have dealt with successfully. They have children together and as you know, he is missing his children. Do you think he HSS stopped loving his wife? Sorry you got it wrong if you think that. He is infatuated with you because you are young and crash but he loves his wife who has stood by his side for twenty four years.

You would be deluding yourself if you think he would dump her and marry you. An infatuation is something intense but ephemeral. After some time the infatuation will evaporate and he will leave you high and dry. You say you are a Jehovah's witness and yet you are an adulterous young woman who does not have any compunction in destroying the lives of a family. Do you think you will be able to earn the forgiveness of Jehovah's or any other God figure? I don't think so. May be the Devil would but then you would have be a Devil's disciple. Think about what you are doing. Also in the unlikely event that your beau does settle for you do you think he would not cheat on you? If he can cheat on his current wife with whom he has spent a lifetime, that he won't cheat on you with whom he has little or no history? Just think about it. Warm wishes.

[Ana-Iva]

I have not read everything but here is something that you might have not heard, judging from the first page alone:

 

Everyone is set on telling you what kind of man would allow you to live in the car because of him (and they are right)... But what kind of parents would let you live in the car, because you fell in love with a wrong man? They chose to abandon you at the time you needed them to be your friends and show you some concern and support, and offer you friendly guidance. Sad. Sorry you are being treated this way. Religion or not, you are their child. You made a mistake. Should you really be punished this way for it? I would understand some things regarding religion etc, but they could have at least rented out a small flat for you until you get a job.

 

A part of me wants to cheer for you two and tell you to go for it, hell with what everyone else says, but he is not being very good to you as he lets you do all that to yourself and your life because of him.

He does not seem financially secure and even though I am not materialistic, I have to say that it is kind of important to have someone who can take care of their own life. Living in a car with you at the age of 40 is not very responsible.

[RecentChange]

They chose to abandon you at the time you needed them to be your friends and show you some concern and support, and offer you friendly guidance. Sad. Sorry you are being treated this way. Religion or not, you are their child. You made a mistake. Should you really be punished this way for it? I would understand some things regarding religion etc, but they could have at least rented out a small flat for you until you get a job.

 

While I agree abandonment is harsh, renting a flat for her so she can take up this dirt bag full time would be enabling. If she was homelessness due to a heroin addiction, do you think getting her a flat so that she could keep her addiction would be beneficial.

 

Maybe the OP can correct us, but I was under the impression that if she gave up chasing this married loser her parents would accept her back .

 

And she has a job, just isn't able to provide for herself due to the married boy friend telling her to give up her apartment, and then changing his mind, thus leaving her homeless.