brother and his in-laws visiting

[lity444]

My brother wants to visit me this summer with his in-laws and his new wife. I have spent time with his in-laws and I must say that I do not really like them -they are the religious conservatives type from a different religion than our, so any reference to our religion is frowned upon and while I am rather secular, it is a matter of freedom to express one's religious views without judgment. They are also rather double-faced, so while they won't make a big deal out of it with my brother, because they are quite patriarchical or with their daughter, because they believe she needs to obey her husband... they will disapprove of my own behavior as a single, independent woman though, so they'd just hint at stuff and try to push my feminist buttons, so to say.

 

Also, I do not get to see my brother often, as he lives in another country and while his wife lives in another than her native country too, her parents just left a couple of months ago after a 6-month visit with them and this visit should be about us getting to know his wife better (they are relatively newly wed) without much distraction, instead of having to deal with 6 more guests -she plans to invite her siblings too.

 

I am all for family time, but this is just too much and he won't get it. He told me I am being unfair, since he won't visit her own country for safety reasons, they should be able to come here every time my brother and his wife visit. I told him that perhaps at a later time, but now, it's been a while since my parents have seen him and I think her parents already have seen her enough lately... this is creating a big rift between the two of us, since he is actually telling me that every visit of his from now on would be accompanied by all his in-law family... 6-8 more people... or not at all.

 

Am I wrong here? I did not sign up for this... I don't want to have to spend every family vacation from now on with this many people I do not like invading my own space for two or three weeks at a time -I live alone in a big house and between this many house guests, I probably will get a couple, since my brother and I are very close otherwise. How to deal with this? I know that it's difficult for him to tell his wife that her family is not that welcome, but on the other hand... I don't like that she just assumed in the first place.

[Cherryz]

Whats the point here?

 

Your brother wants to come and stay with them at your place?

Or just visit and see you alot while being in your city so you can get to know them?

 

I understand that you may not be into being with many strangers in your house.

If thats the case he should understand and since its a big group they will get

discount also if they choose certain accommodation.

 

If its just that he wants to meet you and see you and them alot while he is there

you can plan certain days and meet with them.

Also doing activity's is a way of getting to know each-other, break the ice and also helps not to

have to sit all day talk and maybe get into uncomfortable convos.

And on the last day make a bbq for them at your place with all the other family's.

 

I dont see why you dont like them. Doesn't sound like they did you wrong.

But just you guys believe different. You can also see what both of you agree on in your believes

and talk about that. But more try not to get into religion debates with them.

aND remember they are your in-laws. so soon you will have to sit with them either-way.

[GunslingerRoland]

That is highly inappropriate for your brother to bring his wife's whole family to stay at your place without even asking, heck I can't even imagine asking that, I wouldn't consider it unless it was explicitly offered.

 

 

If I misunderstood and they are just coming into town at the same time as your brother, I don't see the issue.

[lity444]

Thank you for the responses. Cherryz, actually, they not only expect to stay at my place, but they want my financial proof and visa invitation.

 

The reason why I don't like them -and religion is a big issue here -is an incident when they made a big deal out of me wanting to pray at a religious holiday dinner -one which we were spending together but where I was not their guest. There was yelling and pointing as soon as I crossed my fingers to pray, followed by coldness, and even though the yelling was in their native tongue, nobody translated and they refused to answer my questions about what was going on. Considering that I had observed only days before a holiday of theirs and took part in their prayer, I felt that this was unfair.

 

As I said, I am rather secular, and more spiritual than religious and would not bring up religion in a conversation without acknowledging foremost that I respect all religions and faiths. Because of that, some things are important to me and being able to pray at a holiday dinner is one of them as is the person next to me being able to do the same, regardless of whether they share my faith. Am I wrong here?