Bowery Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I have a 33 year old sister with 3 kids all under the age of 10 who is separated from her husband for over a year now (nasty divorce). After a year long previous relationship, she immediately started dating a guy her age that lives over an hour away. They have been dating for a month now. He is well established in his job and makes good money. He works 8-4pm. She works 4 on 3 off from 6pm to 6am with an hour long commute to work one way. 2 hours total. She lives in the small town she grew up in with all of her family nearby. Her kids go to a typical small town school in a town of 2,500 population. He lives in a town of 50,000. He drives up and sees her at least once per week and they text frequently. In essence including commute, she works a total of 12 hours per day. If he commuted from where she lived it would be a 10 hour work day for him. How the heck could they make it work. By the time she got home from work he would be leaving for work and by the time she left for work he would just be getting home. I just don't see that option working. The second option is her moving to him which would cut her commute time down to 20 minutes at the least, but her kids would have to leave all their friends behind and go to a much larger school, and she would be an hour away from all her family. Right now they are all happy and content, but I suspect the commute will start killing him, seeing each other once maybe twice per week will kill each other, and eventually they will have to make a decision about their future. I have been divorced and had to take a mandatory class about how it affects children. The instructors stated a new person in a divorced persons life should not introduce the kids for at least 6 months, and that second marriages have a 67% failure rate, and I would hate to tack on it them living together but having to commute so much. My family doesn't want to see her hurt and we have bitten our tongues about it, but statistically what are the chances of the relationship working? She's a big girl, but honestly I think she should end it before it really gets serious. I'm keeping my opinion to myself though. Any opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 (edited) You sure have given a lot of thought to the logistics of this relationship. And to be blunt, I think your use of the word "nightmare" in the title of the thread is over-dramatizing. It might not be the most convenient commute - but LDR nightmare? Not by a long shot. Though I agree it's far too early for her children to have met this man, ultimately, she is their parent and makes those decisions. Live and let live. It's not your place to share your opinion on whether she should end this relationship. If she asks what you think, by all means go ahead, but it doesn't seem she has. MYOB, in short. Are you envious that she seems happy or something? Edited July 27, 2016 by ExpatInItaly 4 Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I agree with ExpatInItaly. I understand that she's your sister, but ultimately, she's an adult with her own life, capable of making her own decisions. They may not be the decisions you or I would make, but unless you have legitimate reason to worry about the safety of your sister and/or her kids, you need to stay out of it. If the relationship is not meant to be, it'll end in its own time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 When two people really care for each other, they find a way to make it work. I think biting your tongue is a good idea as people tend to do whatever they want anyway. I understand your concern as a sister, as I would be concerned for my sister if I thought she might get hurt, but sometimes you just have to let things play out for themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 I don't have kids - but an hour is hardly the stuff of nightmares. I work commute 12-13 hours a day, 5 days a week. Plus I have time consuming hobbies, an active social life, a husband, and I cook the nightly meals. It can be done. Takes planning and organization - but an hour? That is a distance that can be breached. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 28, 2016 Share Posted July 28, 2016 Why are you people so obsessed with what your grown, 33 YEAR OLD sister is doing? Jesus, you're all acting like she's a 17 year old teenage kid who needs to be 'protected' by the clan because she's too stupid to handle her own personal affairs. I do think your sister is a bit foolish bringing some stranger around her kids only a few weeks into this new relationship. That's not a smart move at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 First of all, a one-hour drive doesn't qualify as long distance anywhere on this planet. And this is just to start off, as you want to come across as the sage one. Secondly, in detail: A) You didn't mention the reason for the nasty divorce, and I assume she really loved her husband, because she has 3 small children with him, right? B) Is the separated husband living in town? C) If things go well for your sister, she might want to consider a less time-consuming job in the future, where she has more time to take care of her children without having to count on relatives's support too much, instead of dropping a potentially good relatioship that can make her life and the life of her children better. D) Your sister is living in a small town of 2,500 people, what are the chances that she meets her soulmate there? I'm telling you, there's a much greater chance for her to just settle down with some mediocre man living a few blocks away than for her to lead a happy life considering the limited supply of men there. E) "After a year long previous relationship, she immediately started dating a guy" = So, are you saying that as soon as she got separated she started dating some man for a year? Then they broke it off? And a month ago she started dating this new guy? If that's the case: did she introduce the other man to the children? Why didn't it work out? Was she serious about it? Do you even talk to your sister? Have you asked the children how they feel? F) If she moved to a bigger town, it could be good for the children too. Growing up, they will want to go out at night and might drive long distances here and there just to have fun in different places. A bigger town has more to offer and nightlife that the current town won't be able to offer. G) Either way, it might work out for her and her family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 You may want to protect her but I think your best course of action is to mind your own bees wax. Link to post Share on other sites
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