A question about your child's surname

[Shepp]

I made a thread on very similar to this when my (now) wife was pregnant.

 

She was pregnant with twin boys and we weren't married at the time (nor was i the biological father but thats a whole different story).

We decided to double barrel, with a hyphen. HerName-MyName just because it rolls off your Tongue better that way.

When we got married she double barrelled her surname rather than take mine because then she matches the kids and when our daughter was born we gave her the same surname.

 

Obviously there friends will shorten it as they get older but of all the people i know with hyphenated surnames its a real mix of people who tend to go by the first surname or the second.

 

It's funny that historically the surname makes the man invest etc.

My family means the world to me and i'm fond of my surname in a way, it does mean something to me ...hell most people even call me Shepp which is an abbreviation of my surname!

But I also feel a ton of affection for her name simply because its hers! I love her and i love everything that reminds me of her and her surname is one of those things! So it doesnt really bother me that much!

[ASG]

Where I'm from kids *always* get surnames from both the mom and the dad. Sometimes 2 surnames from both.

 

Not hyphenated, just 2 surnames. So I intend on keeping that tradition. And my kids will have my surname and hopefully their father's surname (whatever that may be!)

[ASG]

Yes indeed. You have made major changes to be in their lives, but I guess to be hands on you both needed to be in the same city somehow.

 

Surnames are interesting with non married parents. Lots of combinations.

 

But would your child know the surname as as Doe Smith? Would it appear this way on the school register for example?

 

Why would they not know?? And yes, both names would be used as surname. I only use my last surname usually, but had to change a few air mile memberships, as my passport obvious lists TWO surnames and the check in people would have trouble finding my reservation, as they would be looking for 2 surnames when I'd only used one.

If I'm asked for my surname, I give both, but if I'm asked for my LAST name... that's the name I give!

 

It's really not confusing at all though...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Guys .....

 

Would you expect the child to have your surname?

 

Would you be happy for the child to have your GFs/partner's surname if that's what she wanted, because you weren't married?

 

I would expect, and fight, for my child to carry my name,

In the way that I was raised, this is how it's been, always the same,

I would NOT be happy for the child to carry her name instead,

I would feel incredibly insulted every time I heard the name read.

[compulsivedancer]

I recently finalized my divorce and changed my name back to my maiden name. If I could do it again, I never would have changed my name in the first place. I told my boyfriend I'm never changing my name again, even if we get married.

 

When our baby is born, we will hyphenate his name. That way he gets both of our names, so we both get to have that name connection, and he'll still share a name in common with his brothers. If we were married, I'd do the same thing.

 

I am not worried about us breaking up. My boyfriend will still be his dad if we don't make it, and he is a great father, so I am not worried about him losing touch with his child. Our son deserves to have a connection with both of his parents if he can.

[OneLov]

Interesting views.

 

I guess if the dad is so invested in the child, he should invest in the child's mother too by making it legal.

 

Yes. As long as there are no personal beliefs against marriage.

 

New Neighbors - Video Clip | South Park Studios

 

Would anyone go ultra progressive like the Broflovski's new neighbors?

[dichotomy]

Names can change - later as well.

 

One thing I thought was interesting was that I know one divorced couple - they were married for 15 years with kids. Bad divorce. Later after the divorce - the girls (18 yrs old) changed to their mothers maiden name.

 

Later these daughters married - and hyphenated to their mothers maiden and new husbands last name. That must of hit their dad hard to have his name removed. The one male child kept his fathers last name.

 

My point is - in special situations the children at a certain age can be told they have choices.

[sandylee1]

Why would they not know?? And yes, both names would be used as surname. I only use my last surname usually, but had to change a few air mile memberships, as my passport obvious lists TWO surnames and the check in people would have trouble finding my reservation, as they would be looking for 2 surnames when I'd only used one.

If I'm asked for my surname, I give both, but if I'm asked for my LAST name... that's the name I give!

 

It's really not confusing at all though...

 

I guess it's a lot to do with culture as well.

 

In the UK if it isn't double barrelled, it doesn't read like a surname. It just looks like a middle name. So it would be confusing here.

[sandylee1]

I have never been in this situation, so I had to think about it.

 

If I had a kid out of wedlock that kid would have MY last name. If he wants the child to have his last name, he can make a commitment to me through marriage.

 

If he isn't willing to do that after finding out I'm having his baby, then there's a good chance that I will end up marrying someone ELSE someday. When I marry that person, and have custody of my child....both of us would change our last names to the new husband's last name.

 

I just think kids feel it's confusing and embarrassing to have different last names from their parent (that they live with), they don't want to have to explain it, etc.

 

I also feel if I were ever to get divorced I would still keep my married name so that it was the same as my children's (unless I remarried).

 

I agree with this.

 

I've come across so many women who regret not giving the child their surname, especially when the father buggers off.

 

Then there are those who would want marriage, but change their surname by deed poll. I just would not want to do that.

 

In fact there was a woman who did that, as they had 2 kids and she hated the different surname, so she changed it by deed poll. Then she got lucky and won the national lottery..... and he proposed quick sharp then. I think I'd have declined the proposal at that point to be honest.

 

It just wouldn't seem genuine to me.