Hooked up with a co-worker who has a boyfriend. Things are crappy now.

[regdent]

I moved to a new city and started a new chapter a month ago. I just finished professional school, and I am doing 1-year residency. I have a female co-resident I have found attractive since the day we started. She is from the French-speaking part of Canada. She has good looks, but it's really her demeanor that I find very attractive. She's very feminine and coy. She is very polite to everyone. We've hung out alone a few times. I enjoy being around her because we sort of think alike.

 

I don't remember how it was brought up, but I found out just a few days ago about the existence of her boyfriend. At that point, I decided I would try my best to suppress any feelings for her. Interestingly though, she suggested that we go paddle boarding several days later. I agreed to it. Then the night before we were gonna spend time together, she texted me, "Hey, I am out with some friends tonight. Wanna come?" So I met up with her, and she was unusually flirtatious and touchy with me all night. We ended up making out pretty passionately.

 

Then after we got out of the venue she goes, "Hey, I'm not sure if you're aware, but I actually have a boyfriend. We met in Canada, became serious in May, and he lives two hours away from here. I know you get lots of tinder matches, so I know you're dating a lot of girls. We're both guilty." I let her know that I am actually not dating anyone. She goes, "Did you think we would ever kiss like this the day we met?" I said, "Actually yes, I think chemistry and attraction have always been there." Then she goes, "I found you really cute the day we met." Anyway, we ended up at her place and went down on each other. She's a very quiet, shy girl, but I was able to make her scream like crazy.

 

She didn't let me penetrate, but she would "deep throat" and stuff. It was really passionate and intense. We got too tired to go paddle boarding next day, but we went out for dinner later. She became sort of distant and didn't even let me hold her hand. Once we left the restaurant, she said, "I don't think we should do this. I feel guilty for cheating on my boyfriend. Also, us being co-workers makes it a bad idea to be more than friends." I said, "well, you're not married to him." Then she goes, "yeah, but it's not right that I was unfaithful.

 

Girls can be stupid." I said, "well, do what makes you happy, and I'll respect that." I admit I haven't been able to get my mind off of the situation since Sunday. It's pathetic that I am letting a girl affect me like this. But I can't help it. We try to act like nothing happened, but we both sense tension.

 

I feel very conflicted. Of course the "right" course of action is to meet other girls and distract myself with other things, but it's not easy for me right now... Best solution is?

Edited July 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Darren Steez]

A bit confused. This seems like the same story you posted in October last year, yet you've moved to the city only a month ago?

[whichwayisup]

You know she has a boyfriend, so you are setting yourself up for that hurt. stay away from her, there's plenty of (single) women out there. the more you talk to her and spend time with her, the more your feelings are going to grow. your only option is to stop seeing her completely.

[regdent]

I see her everyday at work. I try to play it cool, but it's really tough...

[regdent]

Moved to a new town a month ago for a new job. The female co-worker is also from elsewhere, and we started working on the same day. I've found her really attractive since the day we met for orientation. I'd describe her as a coy, pretty/cute, very feminine girl. We interact every day because our workplace is pretty small. We've hung out together several times going hiking and rollerblading. We kinda think alike, and I like spending time with her. I found out last week about the existence of her boyfriend. I never asked her about it, but it was brought up somehow. At that point, I decided I would not pursue her romantically. I mean, what's the point of pursuing someone who's involved with someone?

 

Interestingly, she suggested that we go paddle boarding several days later. I agreed to it. Then the night before we were gonna go paddle boarding, she texted, "hey, I am out with some friends tonight. Wanna come?" So I met up with her, and she was unsually flirtatious and touchy all night. We ended up making out pretty passionately. Then she goes, "hey, in case you don't know, I gotta let you know that I actually have a boyfriend. We met right before I left to come here, became serious in May, and he lives two hours away. I know you get lots of tinder matches, so I know you're dating a lot of girls. We're both guilty." I let her know that I am actually not dating anyone. She goes, "Did you think we would ever kiss like this the day we met?" I said, "Actually yes, I felt a spark the moment we met." Then she goes, "I found you really cute the day we met." Long story short, we ended up at her place and went down on each other. She's a very quiet, shy girl, but man she screamed like crazy. She didn't let me penetrate, but it was an intense, sensual experience.

 

We got too tired to go paddle boarding next day, but we went out for dinner later. She became sort of distant after the dinner and didn't even let me hold her hand. She goes, "I don't think we should do this. I feel so bad for cheating on my boyfriend. Also, us being co-workers makes it a bad idea to be more than friends." I said, "well, you're not married to him." Then she goes, "yeah, but it's not right that I was unfaithful. Girls can be stupid." I said, "well, do what makes you happy, and I'll respect that." I said that to her, but I gotta admit I can't stop thinking about this situation. It's pathetic that I am letting a girl affect me like this. But I can't help it. I feel a lot of anger and disappointment. I try to distract myself by keeping myself busy, but it's still on my mind.

 

The dynamic between us has changed. We used to enjoy talking about random things during down time, but now our interaction is pretty minimal. Definitely no communication outside of work setting now. I think both of us try to hide the discomfort being around each other, but tension is always there.

 

What's the best solution to get over this situation quickly?

[Space Ritual]

What's the best solution to get over this situation quickly?

 

 

Get another job.

 

You crapped where you eat. Major blunder.

For the remainder of your employment there, you two will be the 800 pound elephants in the room. It's about as good as it's gonna get.

 

And by the way, do I understand she has only been in a "committed" relationship since May? LOL...dude if she will cheat with you she'll sure as hell cheat on you.

 

There is no getting around it. Get a different job or prepare for workplace drama you never dreamed of. It can only go downhill from here.

[smackie9]

meh you are only what a few days in after the incident......keep busy you will get over it.

[Redhead14]

What's to get over? You had a one-night stand with a girl who told you she had a boyfriend . . . you're hung up on a cheater/woman who is selfish has no self-control and acts on sexual impulses??? She had a "fling" with you and she's done wid it. I don't think you should spend another minute thinking about it. Let's not mention the fact that you knew she had a boyfriend, slept with her anyway and dissed the "bro code".

 

When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences -- she cheated, you helped her cheat, she's feeling guilty, you're confused and feeling crappy. And, sure, things are crappy between you now -- there's an "elephant in the room". You play with elephants, you get squashed.

[Omei]

Who cares she's a cheater and a liar so by default not a very good person.

 

Don't quit your job you don't have to do anything but remain professional let her own guilt rack up she will become increasingly uncomfortable and perhaps leave herself and it's not like she's gonna share the secret.

[lolablue17]

My guess that it's not done and She will turn to you again. What are you going to do when it happens?