Thinkalot Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 My husband and I have a good sex life. We just dont seem to have time for lovemaking very often lately! Neither of us especially misses it when we are very busy, but we both feel like we "should" have sex more often than we are. We share lots of physical affection, cuddles, kisses etc but we are often too tired or busy to actually make love lately. We both try creating romance, by cooking nice meals etc, or I might wear something sexy, but it doesnt overcome the tiredness problem. Anyone else who has been in this situation have any creative suggestions...ways you found more time? made a change? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 If there is nothing wrong with your relationship apart from this, then I wouldn't worry. However, you can get vitamin supplements that supposedly lift the libido - for both women and men Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 lol- we have other things wrong with us , but we know what they are and they are always getting better...overall we are happy right now, I just have been trying to think of a way we could create more time for sex, and shake things up a bit. I dont view this as a huge problem at all, have just been after some ideas , things I might not have thought of Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 You're married now, sorry to say. Might as well get used to it. After a while you'll kind of forget it was an issue, and you'll reach a steady state again. That isn't to say you won't be happy, but you'll just have to go outside the marriage in order to keep that particular flame glowing. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 The relationship books say you should schedule 'sex dates' for yourselves. Put 'em on the calendar! Block out some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme The relationship books say you should schedule 'sex dates' for yourselves. Put 'em on the calendar! Block out some time. I know this sounds regimented, but it IS a great idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by johan You're married now, sorry to say. Might as well get used to it. After a while you'll kind of forget it was an issue, and you'll reach a steady state again. That isn't to say you won't be happy, but you'll just have to go outside the marriage in order to keep that particular flame glowing. LOL I am all for sex dates. Sounds like fun to me and I am sure H will agree Link to post Share on other sites
friskywife Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Hubby and I have started taking a shower together when our son goes to bed and play around before doing our nighttime activities (dinner, tv, gaming..) and that has really improved our "fun time"! Even if one of us isn't much in a mood to play, after a shower together we both have a desire to just move to the bedroom Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 How about one night one of you catch a quick nap or break while the other one attends to the kids or house and then see if this helps your tiredness??? Keep the kids on a regular bedtime- that has always worked for me. They need their rest and you guys need your private time. Have things done so that when you get to that private time it's just about you and your mate. Link to post Share on other sites
binturong Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Not every session needs to last an hour. If you've got 10 spare minutes, just go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Wanting to make time for sex... that's a great problem to have. Lucky you. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Try this: Both of you call sick into work in the middle of the week and spend the day in bed playing peek a boo under the sheets. Or go with a nooner. It's fast, fun, and can be done in an hour! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks for all the suggestions! We dont have kids yet, which is part of the reason why we feel like we should have more time together! H is in a highly demanding job and working some long days during the week, and I am involved in quite a few activities outside work in the evenings (sports etc)... plus, i think we may have slipped into a comfortable rut. I think as many of you have said, the key is making sure we do make time to be together, and be intimate at least, which usually leads to other things... I think before dinner is a great idea... Lunchtime quickies are certainly great! Since moving out of town we arent able to get home for lunch which is a shame- we used to duck home and it was always great and made us feel like we had a little secret when we got back to work maybe we should occassionally sneak a longer lunch break and drive back home anyway Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 When my BF is too tired and falls asleep, I start playing with his penis. Then I start raping him and he wakes up, but never complains. How about making love instead of doing something else? You certainly have weekends left if you are busy during the working days. I know, you want to do it more often than twice a week, but how come you have energy for cooking but not for sex? Maybe the desire is not there and you're using the lack of time as an excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 how come you have energy for cooking but not for sex? Plenty of people have trouble managing to grab some time for themselves during the week, particularly when both work for a living. It doesn't mean people are 'making excuses' at all. And a lot of people get grumpy and out-of-sorts when unfed so cooking isn't a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 Finding time is hard sometimes also, as we only have one day off a week together, as I work every sunday, and H is also away for work 2 days of every week, which means are opportunities for sex are more limited than they otherwise would be, long work hours etc aside. As for having time to cook, instead of time for sex...well we you come home, and H has been working until 7-8 and I have been working, and then at dancing class or whatever, food is kinda important. I do think however, that the more you have sex the more you want it and vice versa, which is why I think that if we can get things happening a bit more often, we'll start wanting it more often again and making more of an effort to make time etc. even if we are tired. So I suppose it's a time/tiredness thing, and the desire...things seem linked to me. we just had a good weekend anyway Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Dancing class??? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Oh fergawdsakes, RP Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Oh fergawdsakes, RP You made me laugh, Moi! Thanks. I need it these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Dancing class??? Indeed. H likes watching me practice at home too..especially when I do the splits in the floor routine. lol Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 So you have energy for dancing, but not for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Get off the pot, RP. You're being a complete knob. You made me laugh, Moi! Thanks. I need it these days. I had no intention of making you laugh. I think you're being a pain in the ass. What is Thinkalot supposed to do - give up everything in her life, including fitness? How about you? Would you give up your music and recording? People are supposed to have lives, you know. Quit laughing and quit being ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Quit laughing and quit being ridiculous. Yes, please do. I know you are trying to make some point here, about us no longer wanting sex badly enough or something, and it not being a matter of time, but a matter of lack of desire. Things is, I have acknowledged that through not having much time, and being busy/tired etc, we have had less sex, and that as a result, tend to then want it less. A vicious cycle. When we have time, and energy we have more sex. Then we want it more etc. So I figure the place to start is first trying to make sure we make sex a higher priority, and carve out more time for it, and figure out how to overcome the issue of tiredness during the week (whether we make love before dinner instead of before bed, for example). Once we are in a more regular sexual pattern again, we'll both want it more, even if we are tired. Another tactic, is to make sex different, and try new things, to also increase desire. We are both looking forward to our 'sex dates' already. But, that does not mean we will stop cooking or exercising, or that the fact we currently have time for those things is further evidence that we dont want sex enough. Fact is, my husband and I both have things going on in our lives. Shared activities and things we do independently. It's good, and balanced that way, and for me especially, helps me stay grounded, and to avoid obsessing about god knows what, or worse, him, and his past. Physical activity (and no I dont mean sex) is one of the best releases for me, and best ways to focus my attention and stop a cycle of obsessive thoughts. The type of modern dance I do also requires that I focus and learn steps and routines, which is even better, because there is no space left for obsessing. So yes, I do certainly have time for exercise, and dont intend quitting it, to have sex at that time instead. Which is why I was asking for some creative solutions... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I am not saying that something is wrong with your marriage. I think it's normal. When I was married we had sex 3-4 times a week on average as opposed to once a day when we dated. I just think it's better to face the truth and accept that sex in marriage is not so exciting as when you're dating although we want to believe in life-lasting romance. I recently read an article of a doctor who said that patients who have survived a heart attack can have sex, but with their wives (obviously because it's less exciting). Many posts here were about sex life that was diminished right after marriage. Maybe the paper has this magical power to kill the "extra" desire. I personally never thought it was a problem. If you're not hungry then don't eat! I liked the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire between two intercourses no matter whether they were recent or not. The quality of our sex life was actually directly proportional with the problems we had in our marriage. I think if you both don't have the desire then don't do it. It's much better to have one great sex per week then a routine one every day. But if you feel the desire then just do it even if you're tired. Moi, your tone "from above" was the one that made me laugh and I thought it was cute. I wasn't being sarcastic or anything. I figured you thought I was a pain the tush and I thought your comment was funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thinkalot Posted July 4, 2005 Author Share Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer When I was married we had sex 3-4 times a week on average as opposed to once a day when we dated. I'd be very happy with 3-4 times a week! lol We have been in the same sexual funk for a while now...since before we married. We have discussed before, that fact we feel we should have more sex, but havent actually implemented any lasting changes. While it's not a case of mismatched libidos, and we are both content, we want to avoid falling into a trap of being too complacent, and letting things slide. Bad idea. Because one day one partner will suddenly feel unfulfilled. And yep, once a day, at least, was commonplace when we dated in the early days ...I never expected that to continue, obviously the initial lust and excitement wanes...but no need to stop trying to keep things more exciting. Link to post Share on other sites
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