When love turns to hate…

[sandylee1]

You may wish to explore counselling.

 

It may clarify things and give you the strength to do the right thing .... whatever that may be.

[mrs.peel]

Thank you everyone.

 

MM and I are NC. It ended about two weeks ago. It's over now and time to move on. I need to take Satu's advice and get myself together. I don't like feeling so angry though and still fairly addicted. I'm overcome with revenge fantasies. I won't act on them, but man, for some reason I want everyone to know what a creep he is.

[ladydesigner]

Thank you everyone.

 

MM and I are NC. It ended about two weeks ago. It's over now and time to move on. I need to take Satu's advice and get myself together. I don't like feeling so angry though and still fairly addicted. I'm overcome with revenge fantasies. I won't act on them, but man, for some reason I want everyone to know what a creep he is.

 

You are grieving and following all the stages, anger is one of them. Hang in there!

[Satu]

Thank you everyone.

 

MM and I are NC. It ended about two weeks ago. It's over now and time to move on. I need to take Satu's advice and get myself together. I don't like feeling so angry though and still fairly addicted. I'm overcome with revenge fantasies. I won't act on them, but man, for some reason I want everyone to know what a creep he is.

 

It's ok to be angry. It's a perfectly normal reaction to events.

 

 

Take care.

[Josmatjes]

I’ve been reading here long enough to know that there’s nothing remarkable about my affair- except for maybe the length. An embarrassingly long time ago I fell in love with a MM. The beginning was like most affairs- fun and exciting and intensely passionate. Unfortunately it was also marred by lies, which set the foundation for a toxic, damaging relationship that I’m afraid I may never recover from. I wish so much that I had ended it the moment I realized his nature. It would have saved me years of heartache, and probably my life would not have been ruined.

 

After all this time every good memory feels tainted and I can’t even look at pictures of him without feeling a little sick. I can finally say I’m almost over him- mostly I think he’s gross and I hate him.

 

However, it’s still difficult to let go. And I feel consumed by anger. What is painful is the realization that the great “love of my life” was a massive fraud. That the person I loved is just a run-of-the-mill creep. But like I said, I discovered his nature very early on. So even though I was duped- and probably used, I was a willing participant. Wtf is that all about?

 

I’m not sure why I’m posting. I just feel really broken and broke down and could use some support or advice on how to put myself back together. I’ve never suffered from a bad break-up before, and honestly don’t know move forward…

 

I could of wrote this. I'm At an anger stage right now also. Angry at him and myself. I thought he was my soul mate and blah blah blah, and now when I see his car on the road it takes everything for me to not run him off the road or at the very least give him the finger. This man who I was so so in love with and adored. I don't know if I'll ever recover I'm still broken after all this time. It sucks.

I think the key is to refocus your life. Set goals and work towards them everyday. I want to try making a dream board. Filling it with images of who I want to be. A dream board is a visual tool that serves as a guide to your goals for the future. Some people even believe that a dream board activates the law of attraction that you can actually program your mindset to attract good things and situations in your life. I know it may sound silly but the past year I've been doing everything to get to indifference. Maybe this could help you also...good luck..

[Josmatjes]

Thank you everyone.

 

MM and I are NC. It ended about two weeks ago. It's over now and time to move on. I need to take Satu's advice and get myself together. I don't like feeling so angry though and still fairly addicted. I'm overcome with revenge fantasies. I won't act on them, but man, for some reason I want everyone to know what a creep he is.

 

I think of revenge too... I actually wrote an anonymous letter to his wife and carried it in my bag for two weeks then threw it out. Revenge would only be a temporary fix. I guess I'm pissed cause I'm separated almost a year and getting legally separated then who knows. My life went all tipsy turfy and his went on like nothing happened. I mean I'm sure she never gives him a moments peace but he is still there and they are playing happy family. I want to tell everyone what a POS he is... But like I said revenge is temporary, better to take the high road and work on bettering our own lives...

 

But if I see him walking and near him is a big ass muddy puddle....I'm putting my car in top speed baby!!! Lol

[mrs.peel]

It's funny and sad isn't it?

 

I'm so glad I can't run into him! Unfortunately it meant moving across the country and my support network, but it's probably worth it. I can't even look at pictures of him.

 

I hate it too that his life gets to go on like nothing happened, and that he's clearly on the prowl for a new OW. I feel bad for his wife, which prevents me from sending her any evidence that shows the kind of person he really is. She knows he had an affair, but doesn't know he's a creepy perv. I can't believed I love this person so deeply for so long. And trusted him with my heart.

 

How long have you been NC? How are you feeling about your divorce?

[azlightsout]

I can't believed I love this person so deeply for so long. And trusted him with my heart.

 

It not how many times u get knocked down but how many times u get back up --- the past is the past ---- Pick your self up and move on ---- indulge in NEW opportunity ----

[Josmatjes]

It's funny and sad isn't it?

 

I'm so glad I can't run into him! Unfortunately it meant moving across the country and my support network, but it's probably worth it. I can't even look at pictures of him.

 

I hate it too that his life gets to go on like nothing happened, and that he's clearly on the prowl for a new OW. I feel bad for his wife, which prevents me from sending her any evidence that shows the kind of person he really is. She knows he had an affair, but doesn't know he's a creepy perv. I can't believed I love this person so deeply for so long. And trusted him with my heart.

 

How long have you been NC? How are you feeling about your divorce?

 

My A ended two years ago but then the push pull started and it was nc for three months, then two weeks...etc he breaks it everytime. I think we were both trying to hold onto something, or recapture what we had. But it's like lightening in a bottle ya know. The past year he wasn't very nice and I saw a side of him that I'd never seen before. I now realize that it was the real him and I saw the phony. I'm no contact 23 days right now and for good hopefully this time.

 

My marraige had problems before him and they never went away. I've been unhappy for a few years. I'm sad about my separation but it's also freeing too. I need to find myself and I don't want anyone right now. Also my H and I are good friends and we get along well and we put our kids first so I have no worries there.

As far as xmm and his wife. I don't want to hurt her and she knows who she married. Best thing for me is to steal clear and stay no contact!

[Adoraxx]

It's funny and sad isn't it?

 

I'm so glad I can't run into him! Unfortunately it meant moving across the country and my support network, but it's probably worth it. I can't even look at pictures of him.

 

I hate it too that his life gets to go on like nothing happened, and that he's clearly on the prowl for a new OW. I feel bad for his wife, which prevents me from sending her any evidence that shows the kind of person he really is. She knows he had an affair, but doesn't know he's a creepy perv. I can't believed I love this person so deeply for so long. And trusted him with my heart.

 

How long have you been NC? How are you feeling about your divorce?

 

Hi mrspeel,

 

I'm glad you were able to move away from this creep. How did you stay in touch with him after you moved? Emails? Phone calls? or has he ever come to see you in person?

 

My A began 8 1/2 years ago , so many ups and downs - oh wait, a zillion downs and maybe just a few ups - he discarded me many many times even just as 'friends'. We'll be moving in Oct/ Nov and I'm planning not to have contact with him anymore although he said the other day that he'll email me (I don't believe him because he is not emailing me regularly now that I still live here PLUS all that he does is email me here and there, only to disappear again for however long he pleases).

 

Did you block him? What did you? Just curious...

 

Hugs,

Adoraxx

p.s. my relationship with H is pretty much the same as you described with your H

 

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[Adoraxx]

But if I see him walking and near him is a big ass muddy puddle....I'm putting my car in top speed baby!!! Lol

 

LOL That reminds me of that one time years ago... he was walking in front of me and it had been raining so there were big puddles everywhere, and I couldn't help myself and stomped very hard in one puddle - forward - and his pants got all wet...... haha! I said it happened accidentally but of course I did it on purpose. He was always playing mind games with me, telling me he loves me and then discarding me as if I'm nothing. To this date, I still feel like I'm nothing

[Josmatjes]

LOL That reminds me of that one time years ago... he was walking in front of me and it had been raining so there were big puddles everywhere, and I couldn't help myself and stomped very hard in one puddle - forward - and his pants got all wet...... haha! I said it happened accidentally but of course I did it on purpose. He was always playing mind games with me, telling me he loves me and then discarding me as if I'm nothing. To this date, I still feel like I'm nothing

 

You are not nothing! You are everything he isn't and he knows it. Your a good person who has a heart. You'll find yourself again. You will...baby steps... Oh and next time push him in really hard!! Lol

[MidnightBlue1980]

It's funny and sad isn't it?

 

I hate it too that his life gets to go on like nothing happened, and that he's clearly on the prowl for a new OW. I feel bad for his wife, which prevents me from sending her any evidence that shows the kind of person he really is. She knows he had an affair, but doesn't know he's a creepy perv. I can't believed I love this person so deeply for so long. And trusted him with my heart.

 

 

Mrs. Peel, I completely agree with you on this statement. It is one of my biggest issues holding me back from moving on. I see him so I know he is fine. He definitely went through some bad months with his W after it ended but it was not about me. Oh he missed me he said but generally, he seems better and happy. Whereas I am stuck.

 

I also have thought about telling his wife. She knows about the A but she does not know he came back in the spring, telling me he loved me, lying about still being in a roommate marriage. He came back right as they started counseling and he told me he lies to her, tells her what she wants to hear. I have it all in writing. I think about sending it all to her but what would be the point. Talk about bad karma on myself. He'd just twist it, she'd forgive him again.

 

So yes, xMM's life is actually better than before, thanks to me. And it absolutely kills me. Worse is he now pities me and wants me to feel better. How horrifying.

[DKT3]

My A ended two years ago but then the push pull started and it was nc for three months, then two weeks...etc he breaks it everytime. I think we were both trying to hold onto something, or recapture what we had. But it's like lightening in a bottle ya know. The past year he wasn't very nice and I saw a side of him that I'd never seen before. I now realize that it was the real him and I saw the phony. I'm no contact 23 days right now and for good hopefully this time.

 

My marraige had problems before him and they never went away. I've been unhappy for a few years. I'm sad about my separation but it's also freeing too. I need to find myself and I don't want anyone right now. Also my H and I are good friends and we get along well and we put our kids first so I have no worries there.

As far as xmm and his wife. I don't want to hurt her and she knows who she married. Best thing for me is to steal clear and stay no contact!

 

Jos it never ended...i tried to convince you that as long as you allowed mind space and desire it would never end, you could never work on your marriage you will never move on.

 

Sometimes in life you simply will never be satisfied with the answer or the obvious. But searching for what isn't there or can't be found leaves you stuck, like a hamster wheel.

 

Acceptance=indifference=moving on. Accept what it was isn't anymore, which will aide in healing and moving on follows.

[Adoraxx]

You are not nothing! You are everything he isn't and he knows it. Your a good person who has a heart. You'll find yourself again. You will...baby steps... Oh and next time push him in really hard!! Lol

 

Thank you so much Jos, that means a lot to me!!!

I don't think I'll be walking anywhere with him ever again but one other time (long time ago) I also secretly threw a few of those sticky berries at him... they didn't stick but well, just the fact that I did that, made me feel a tiny bit better

[mrs.peel]

Hi mrspeel,

 

I'm glad you were able to move away from this creep. How did you stay in touch with him after you moved? Emails? Phone calls? or has he ever come to see you in person?

 

My A began 8 1/2 years ago , so many ups and downs - oh wait, a zillion downs and maybe just a few ups - he discarded me many many times even just as 'friends'. We'll be moving in Oct/ Nov and I'm planning not to have contact with him anymore although he said the other day that he'll email me (I don't believe him because he is not emailing me regularly now that I still live here PLUS all that he does is email me here and there, only to disappear again for however long he pleases).

 

Did you block him? What did you? Just curious...

 

Hugs,

Adoraxx

p.s. my relationship with H is pretty much the same as you described with your H

 

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Hi Adoraxx,

 

Thanks for the hugs. I really need them today.

 

After I moved we kept in touch by texting and we talked a few times a week. I don't have him blocked because that feels unnatural and I know he won't be in touch anyway. We weren't FB friends, but he blocked me there. Presumably so I can't "spy" on him. Whatever.

 

I will say MM was good at keeping in touch and being there for me- at least when he wasn't upset with me. It doesn't sound like the case with your guy? Could he be pulling back because you are moving or has this always been the dynamic?

 

Will you be moving far away? Does your H know about the affair?

[MidnightBlue1980]

LOL That reminds me of that one time years ago... he was walking in front of me and it had been raining so there were big puddles everywhere, and I couldn't help myself and stomped very hard in one puddle - forward - and his pants got all wet...... haha! I said it happened accidentally but of course I did it on purpose. He was always playing mind games with me, telling me he loves me and then discarding me as if I'm nothing. To this date, I still feel like I'm nothing

 

You are not nothing but I understand. I'm right there with you.

 

I have fantasies of dumping a cup of coffee on him at our weekly meeting. If I can figure out a way to do it as an accident, I just may one day....He sits and I walk around. I could come up behind him, lean over his shoulder and dump a cup of coffee down the front of his shirt and on his pants!

 

Its my daydream.

[mrs.peel]

Mrs. Peel, I completely agree with you on this statement. It is one of my biggest issues holding me back from moving on. I see him so I know he is fine. He definitely went through some bad months with his W after it ended but it was not about me. Oh he missed me he said but generally, he seems better and happy. Whereas I am stuck.

 

I also have thought about telling his wife. She knows about the A but she does not know he came back in the spring, telling me he loved me, lying about still being in a roommate marriage. He came back right as they started counseling and he told me he lies to her, tells her what she wants to hear. I have it all in writing. I think about sending it all to her but what would be the point. Talk about bad karma on myself. He'd just twist it, she'd forgive him again.

 

So yes, xMM's life is actually better than before, thanks to me. And it absolutely kills me. Worse is he now pities me and wants me to feel better. How horrifying.

 

We love these guys so much and build them up while diminishing ourselves in the process. I guess it's true that the person who cares least has all the power, and that's generally the MM. Honestly before hitting my anger stage I would have loved to have been able to be MM's friend. But it's impossible when you are in-love with that person, and certainly when you hate them.

 

And yeah- I hear you on the karma thing. His wife is a good person who doesn't need more pain. Plus I know I'm seeing things through an angry lens and it's already subsiding- at least for now.

[Satu]

You are not nothing but I understand. I'm right there with you.

 

I have fantasies of dumping a cup of coffee on him at our weekly meeting. If I can figure out a way to do it as an accident, I just may one day....He sits and I walk around. I could come up behind him, lean over his shoulder and dump a cup of coffee down the front of his shirt and on his pants!

 

Its my daydream.

Keep it as a daydream. Revenge fantasies can be very therapeutic, but they don't often produce a good result when carried out in the real world.

[mrs.peel]

LOL That reminds me of that one time years ago... he was walking in front of me and it had been raining so there were big puddles everywhere, and I couldn't help myself and stomped very hard in one puddle - forward - and his pants got all wet...... haha! I said it happened accidentally but of course I did it on purpose. He was always playing mind games with me, telling me he loves me and then discarding me as if I'm nothing. To this date, I still feel like I'm nothing

 

You are not nothing but I understand. I'm right there with you.

 

I have fantasies of dumping a cup of coffee on him at our weekly meeting. If I can figure out a way to do it as an accident, I just may one day....He sits and I walk around. I could come up behind him, lean over his shoulder and dump a cup of coffee down the front of his shirt and on his pants!

 

Its my daydream.

 

Man- you guys have some pretty tame revenge fantasies! Haha

 

Adoraxx- you are not nothing. But I understand too. Our affairs had a similar timeframe and all those years do a number on you. My goal now is to try to figure out why I must have hated myself so much, and how to move forward..

[MidnightBlue1980]

Man- you guys have some pretty tame revenge fantasies! Haha

 

Adoraxx- you are not nothing. But I understand too. Our affairs had a similar timeframe and all those years do a number on you. My goal now is to try to figure out why I must have hated myself so much, and how to move forward..

 

I have others but I can't post them on the internet. They would find my identity in 5 seconds. haha

[Cephalopod]

I'm not trying to be flippant, but you have all but said you don't love your husband, and it would appear from the get-go that you never would promise him you would be faithful to him. I guess what I'm trying to understand is why you two are staying together?

 

From the way you describe it it almost sounds like your husband forced you into marriage. Is that the case? Is this marriage a business arrangement and nothing more? Does he even care? How has he dealt with all of this tumult and your infidelity?

 

Are you staying together for the kids and plan on divorcing after they are grown? Are their religious reasons why you cannot divorce?

 

Have you ever considered asking your husband if you and him can have an open marriage? Or maybe try swinging?

 

Maybe if you keep everything out in the open you wouldn't feel so bad about having these side relationships and keeping things hidden from him. Maybe that way you could explore having sexual relationships with others without ending the marriage. Please understand I'm not judging you, I'm just trying to understand the dynamics on the home front.

 

Maybe I'm not even supposed to be asking these questions on this forum. If I'm not then moderator please delete this post.

[Poppy47]

You are not nothing but I understand. I'm right there with you.

 

I have fantasies of dumping a cup of coffee on him at our weekly meeting. If I can figure out a way to do it as an accident, I just may one day....He sits and I walk around. I could come up behind him, lean over his shoulder and dump a cup of coffee down the front of his shirt and on his pants!

 

Its my daydream.[/quote

 

Can you stumble as you come up behind him and drop it in his crotch? Please make sure it it HOT! LOL

 

Poppy.

[MidnightBlue1980]

 

Can you stumble as you come up behind him and drop it in his crotch? Please make sure it it HOT! LOL

 

Poppy.

 

I would like to but I do feel bad. It barely works as it is.

[Adoraxx]

I will say MM was good at keeping in touch and being there for me- at least when he wasn't upset with me. It doesn't sound like the case with your guy? Could he be pulling back because you are moving or has this always been the dynamic?

 

Will you be moving far away? Does your H know about the affair?

 

No, he always pulls back... it has nothing to do with the fact that I'll be moving because he has done this many times before. I'll be moving 90 mins away from here and I know that he won't come to see me... heck, I live 2 seconds away from him now and he won't even come to see me yet he tries to string me along (when he is bored) by sending me emails that he'll come see me SOON. And then suddenly he stops emailing again and all that.

 

Yes, I've told H about the A (I already told him years ago) but I didn't tell him who it was. I might tell him though after we've moved :/

 

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