Lost insight

[Orchids_07]

Long story short, I met this man on a dating site. It was an instant connection between the two of us. He told me his story from the start that he was going through a divorce in which I verified to be true. I seen him almost everyday and things heated up quickly between the two of us. We were both on a dating website and I'm not sure if it was lack of communication between us or what, but I had noticed he was still active and I put him to the curb. This is a man that was coming out of a 19 year marriage. A month later, I find out that I am pregnant. I'm scared to death, panicking. I had just recently lost my parents and I was facing this alone. I reached out to him only to find out that he was trying to make a go of his relationship with his ex wife for the sake of his kids, so he says. I went through the entire pregnancy alone. I reached out to his sister in which lead to his parents only because I thought it was fair that they had the opportunity to say if they wanted to be a part of her life. He finally met our daughter when she was 5 months old. By this time child support had kicked in. On the day he met her, his first words to me where I had to go back because of my kids. Which by this point, I was fine with it. What was done was done. He pursued me for an entire year. Taking any chance he had to come over to spend time with us, sometimes hours at a time.. In which o was oblivious to the fact of what his intentions were. One evening 4 months ago, he asked if we could see each other, fwb, so to speak. We had an 8 hour conversation regarding all the risks that were involved.. Mainly the kids. Myself being a single mom with no support, I don't have a life and I finally gave in. I thought I could use this to my advantage. Joke is on me. We text and talk nonstop while he is working. I have let my crazy out one to many times and he has done the same to me. This affair has been far from fun!!! But yet we always come back to one and another. It is very emotionally charged. He has opened up to me a lot in which I'm sure that is very hard for him to do. I'm totally in love with this man. I have gave him and my daughter every ounce of my being. He tells me that things are no good at home, at all. He screen shot a text that his ex sent after spending the weekend together that was supposed to be a fun family time.. And she had said that she is not leaving because of her kids and if she did that everything would be fuc**d up. That she would be nice and not miserable and that he could do whatever he needed to do to be happy. Of course this upset him because they have spent their adult life together. I understand that. Well he had a vacation planned for a year for 4 days out west. He said that this is his last ditch effort to see if he wanted her for a partner. And of course I understood. I told him that vacations were just an escape from reality and we set a date to the 15th. Kinda an ultimatum because I can't keep doing this. He agreed. Well tonight he text and said he made it and that he hoped our daughter was doing well. I responded short and to the point. He then says ttyl?. Really? You are supposed to be trying to decide what you want and need to do in your life and we are on break! Please someone anyone give me insight!

[dpass]

What kind of fatherly role does he play to your daughter?

 

IMO, ditch him. He is never going to leave his wife. Staying for the kids? What about YOUR kid. Or does that one not count?

 

(PS. Screen shots don't mean squat, they can easily be manipulated to say whatever you want them to say. )

[BuddyX]

99% of your post is about you or him. Me me me me.

How about your daughter? She's the victim here.

 

Ditch him now. He's a player. You think you and his wife the only ones?

He made his intentions clear. FWB, and you said Yes. That's all you are to him. You have no leverage. You can get some of your dignity back by bailing.

 

I'll leave you with a quote from another LS member that I have posted way too many times

 

"They all say its guilt, kids, blah blah.

 

Translation: I don't want everyone to know what a selfish ass I am. I want to keep my money and maintain the status quo.

 

If they felt guilty about their affairs and their kids, why are they spending time away from their kids in bed with an OW?"

[Orchids_07]

That's why I set a date, because of the well being of my daughter and myself. This is not healthy to no one involved and I'm not an evil vendictive person. I know we deserve better. I'm sticking to the date, he can do what he feels like he needs to do. Either I'm here or I'm gone. He will be the one that has to live with the decision he makes, to be apart of our lives or not. If he thinks he has it in him to be a dad to our little girl once every 2 weeks, then his loss. I'm sure there will be another man that wouldn't mind being a part of her everyday life.

[dpass]

I'm sure there will be another man that wouldn't mind being a part of her everyday life.

 

Hopefully one that's not already married.

[ShatteredLady]

Orchids, come-on!! You say, "I have gave him and my daughter every ounce of my being.". Absolutely not!!!

 

You should be giving YOU & your DAUGHTER every ounce of your being! He donated some sperm whilst telling lies to you & his WIFE. He waited 5 months to even look at his child!

 

He isn't your husband. He is not your family. He's a cheat who has offered you an opportunity to have sex with him while he's telling his poor wife that he's visiting his adultery child.

 

 

I know I sound mean but your are a MOTHER! Wake-up & please do the right thing. You're already complicit in destroying one family please don't wreck your own family...you & your daughter! Don't teach her that her value is a side peace to a married guy with kids. Isn't she worth more than that?

[Orchids_07]

That's why I gave him the ultimatum because I am not this person. I am not one that would let something like this continue for years as other women have. My daughter will know what a happy healthy relationship is from me. She is the reason why I've taking the actions that I have.