New to Long Distance, need

[GlobeTrotter9]

Hey,

 

I'm an English guy but have been working as a dive instructor out in the Dominican Republic for the last 5 months. While out there, I met an incredible Canadian girl and we hit if off like I've never hit if off with a girl before. We began seeing each other out there and it was genuinely living the dream. But as with all good things, sure enough the real world has caught up and unfortunately we've both had to return home. But we decided to attempt a long distance relationship (neither of us have done it before).

 

So heres the low down. We're currently living with a 6 hour time difference between us and no experience on how to go about tackling this. I'd love to keep this going as she's definitely worth the commitment, I'd just like so advice from others in a similiar position or who are also going through long distance right now. I think the most difficult thing so far has been finding proper times to talk, 6 hours is a big difference and doesn't fall well on either side of ours days.

 

Any advice would be great, thank you!

[G_adinfinitum]

Hey!

7 first weeks behind me and my worse half, and we are going stronger than ever.

There is a lot of planning and sacrifices involved there. Get ready for frustration, lack of physical contact, misunderstandings, etc.etc.

I'm in UK, my man in AU, so there's 9 hours difference there. I work, I care for my son, I plan masters, and I get up at 4am every morning to talk to him.

First question you need to think about is 'what do I expect from this relationship'. If you love the girl, start contemplating getting together eventually and work towards it. Everything you do counts, every step you take matters.

If you are certain this is IT, do not look back and make a plan.

It is vital you both establish your communication pathway; without it nothing will survive and nothing is possible. Communication is what hold you at bay. SKYPE, pictures, messages, etc. That is our way of coping with distance.

It is not easy of course, there's plenty of obstacles on your way. Talk as much as your schedule allows you, yet at the same time keep yourself as busy as possible. It's the only coping mechanism I know at the minute (oh! Wine can be of help at times too!!). Jokes aside, establish with your other long distance side when and how you talk. Secondly, establish a target you aim at (date of another meeting shall keep you motivated enough). Thirdly, be always honest and open about everything you feel (it's your substitute of face to face contact; by sharing your fears, aims, feelings you will feel closer to your other side of the world).

Be prepared! There will be many hiccups, misunderstandings, potential eruptions. It's all natural, as you are both so far away from each other. No matter what it is, never stop communicating. Once you both stop talking it's over.

Skype is my salvation every time I want to give up! If you see them you get this feeling of tranquility and all doubts disappear.

Hmm what else?

Oh yes! It's the vital one! TRUST! you have to let go of all your insecurities and simply trust the other side within every aspect.

And!!! Do not get by any means upset if you will get quiet for a brief moment. We all get tired at times, it's natural. Space is significant in LGR.

But the most important is to think about future. Unlike regular relationships, LDR aims for more mature and precise decisions (at least that is my point of view!). Meet up, talk, plan, work hard on ahieving your ultimate goal, which should be getting together on permanent basis. And! When you get intimate, keep it up in every possible way (imagination aspect is crucial in LGR).

Perhaps a little bit incoherent, yet hope it helps at least a little bit!

[justwhoiam]

You've got some good advice already...

 

I do have a 6-hour difference most of the year with my man in the US, while I'm in Europe.

 

I think Summer time is more hectic, because we both tend to be out every weekend, then we have holidays with our families (we both have kids, so things get more complicated).

 

We just started out a Penzu diary, where we can write anything, how the day went, what happened, etc. It's like a blog, except you can keep it hidden, so just you and her can see it. It's free and you can add stuff from online too (links, videos, pictures, etc)

I guess that would make up for not being able to be online at the same time and still keep in touch. Emails work the same way, but with Penzu, you still keep a sure memory of everything, have the perks of background choice and font colors etc.

If you go for something like that, you'll both have something to look forward to. But don't rely on it too much, which means you'll still have to agree some time together. At least once a week. If that's not possible, try not to go past 2 weeks not talking to her on the phone (Skype) or at least chat in real time.

 

Start planning the next meeting right away. It doesn't matter if it's a year away, or in 2 months or 3 weeks. You both have things to look forward to, figure out what you want to do and what you wouldn't want to miss out. I always want it to be memorable. So we both plan ahead. Plus, I get the cheapest flights and usually the best hotel deals. I try to never pay the hotel stays in advance, because at times some new deal comes up and I can still switch. If you stay at each other's home, then you have not to worry about that at all.

[Lois_Griffin]

You want to keep it going because...?

 

It was an enjoyable summer fling?

 

If neither one of you can truly picture yourselves moving to the others' country sometime in the future, you're really only committing to an online Skype 'relationship.'

[GreyKitten87]

The 6 hr time difference really shouldn't be a problem (I did it for a year when I moved to the US and my boyfriend was still in Europe). There's emails, online journals, txts, fb messaging, phone calls; main thing is to make sure you have trust and understand each other's schedules. The long distance was never a problem for us (usually not the norm); the problem was we didn't agree on where to live in the future and this is why the otherwise great relationship ended, not because of the actual distance between us.

 

Your relationship is still new, but you need to find out where you see the future going. The relationship cannot continue to be long distance (a few years at the most maybe, but not forever). If you do not agree on a common plan for the future then the relationship is doomed, no easier way of saying it. It's different if someone just moved away for school or an internship for a while because the person is coming back, in your case you already started on a separate playing field so there is no "home" for both of you to return to and this may be the biggest obstacle in your way.

 

If you have a common goal in the end and know what and WHERE you are working towards in the relationship then you are on the right track. Your main concern cannot be how to communicate if you don't know what you are working towards. First thing, I cannot emphasize this enough!!!!, you need to be on the same page towards living arrangements for the future.

 

Good luck to you!!