Emotional affair with married coworker

[Lilya4Ever]

I was thinking should I post this here or not. I am expecting to get a lot of replies about how bad and disgusting person I am.

 

I never planed anything like this to happen to me. I have heard stories of infidelity and I have always strongly looked down on those people and could not understand them.

 

I started a year ago in new company and first few months I did not pay attention at all to my married colleague. Later he started to text me about stuff related to work. We texted more and more daily.

 

Text turned into everyday lunch together but also other colleagues would join. Somehow us two always had jokes of our own and topics of our own to talk about. Soon it moved from work to private stuff.

 

I was really happy because I have thought I am building a new healthy friendship with him. We really got along perfectly as best friends.

 

One day during the meeting he sat next to me and he got his legs really close to me. I didn't feel like it is flirting I have thought nothing about it. But he was strangely close to me. Not like before. Then next day he went to business trip and he kept texting me this time a bit more than usual. Every morning he would send me good morning msg.

 

Suddenly one day while he was still on business trip I told him he is a great friend to me and I am glad I have him as a friend.That is when he told me: I grew pretty close to you too and you became really dear to me. Which again I did not take as flirting.

 

I have male friends who I care about and nothing ever happened. With some of them I even hugged.

 

When he got from business trip touching continued in a way that he would always find ways to be strangely close to me, touch my hand, lean on me while showing me something, then it continued with staring into my eyes those long stares...I've realized he is flirting so I have thought it is all in innocent fun so I played along in a way that I did not stop him.

 

Then somehow one day we spent working whole day on a project together and the whole day was filled with long gazes into each others eyes and spontaneous touching but it was obvious it is intentionally. We flirted a lot.

 

Texts after that day became more sexual and then we confessed each other we have this crazy attraction towards each other.

 

But then shock. He asked me have I ever been in situation like this and I said no never and I don't know what to do. He admitted to me he has been and wife found out but because at the same time wife also cheated they decided to leave it behind them and move on.

 

He said in his marriage everything is perfect and he just can separate emotion from sexual attraction.He told me at one point he has thought his marriage is dead and he was discussing separate bedrooms or even open marriage with wife but then they worked it out and now attraction and love is there. He asked me what do I think about just sex without any emotions involved. I was shocked and said I can not do that and that we should both cool down and that I am glad we talked about it openly. I admitted I already have feelings towards him as a friend and sex would only make me more attached.

 

He said I also have feelings and care for your so that's why I am being honest with you. We decided nothing happened and nothing will ever happen.

 

Yesterday we had perfect lunch together. We spoke about personal stuff, he fed me from his plate, he touched my hair. For a second I have thought the world does not exist outside that moment. Then he snapped me back to reality by saying to me ( he always brings this up suddenly out of the blue) I have to tell you there is no romantic feelings involved sorry.

 

 

Today in the morning when he came to work he txted me: the moment i saw you i was drawn by your beautiful eyes.

 

After that I jokingly replied I am glad you noticed the eyes I have thought you are only about ****ing. Then I moved conversation to work and we txted until lunch.

 

We went together for lunch and during conversation in which there was no flirting, he suddenly started to tell me about a friend who divorced and now lives with a new wife and how the divorce was a mess with a wife, financial problems, kids being confused where is dad now..and then he moved to saying we should stop all this because of me and he does not want me to get hurt so he thinks I should distance myself from him and stop talking to him and having lunch together. I have said okay but I did not realize where all this was coming from suddenly.

 

The whole day we did not flirt anymore but when I went home he told me. I wish you a wonderful weekend and I want only for those beautiful eyes to be happy and nothing else.

 

I was puzzled and did not know how to react. Is he playing games with me to try to lure me to bed on this emotional card?

 

Since we are both in our thirties and for few moments I have hoped there is possibility he really is unhappy in his marriage and he leaves his wife and we can be together. I do not feel proud of myself and of those thoughts.

 

I do not know what to do because possibility of quitting my job is not there and we work in the same office only glass door is separating us...

 

I am feeling like **** and I do not know how did I let myself get involved into all this mess.

 

Any thoughts on what should I do..how should I move on.

[MidnightBlue1980]

 

Today in the morning when he came to work he txted me: the moment i saw you i was drawn by your beautiful eyes.

 

I was puzzled and did not know how to react. Is he playing games with me to try to lure me to bed on this emotional card?

 

 

Your beautiful eyes? Yes, he is playing games to sleep with you. He came right out and told you he can separate love and sex. He wants sex and is using all the words to hook you. At least I will give it to him that he was honest. Most guys rope you in with the I Love Yous. Most likely if you slept with him, the flattery would stop, until he wanted sex again. He'd back off fast and you'd be destroyed.

 

Since you have not done anything yet, it should be somewhat easier to move on. Just stop. There are plenty of single guys your age to have fun with. This guy is bad news.

[Lilya4Ever]

Your beautiful eyes? Yes, he is playing games to sleep with you. He came right out and told you he can separate love and sex. He wants sex and is using all the words to hook you. At least I will give it to him that he was honest. Most guys rope you in with the I Love Yous. Most likely if you slept with him, the flattery would stop, until he wanted sex again. He'd back off fast and you'd be destroyed.

 

Since you have not done anything yet, it should be somewhat easier to move on. Just stop. There are plenty of single guys your age to have fun with. This guy is bad news.

 

Somehow this might sound funny but I feel a huge relief because for a second I have thought there is a chance he is really into me emotionally too..

 

I have thought he is having second thoughts about his marriage and there could something happen. I was even considering we should have a further talk about it and perhaps I should stick arround so he tells me his real emotion. I guess there is no real emotion..

 

It will be hard to get him out of my mind but i will do my best to do so...i do not need this mess...I already feel horrible. I cant sleep or eat or think properly.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Lilya4Ever

[MidnightBlue1980]

Somehow this might sound funny but I feel a huge relief because for a second I have thought there is a chance he is really into me emotionally too..

 

I have thought he is having second thoughts about his marriage and there could something happen. I was even considering we should have a further talk about it and perhaps I should stick arround so he tells me his real emotion. I guess there is no real emotion..

 

It will be hard to get him out of my mind but i will do my best to do so...i do not need this mess...I already feel horrible. I cant sleep or eat or think properly.

 

He is not having second thoughts about his marriage. They say that - it is a carrot. Mine did the same thing to get me to sleep with him. It's only a trick.

 

His real emotion is what he told you. He came right out and asked if you could have no strings attached sex with him.

 

The truth is right there. I'm not being harsh, just trying to get you to avoid the trap we all fell into.

[loveisanaction]

Girl, this man is being totally honest with you.

 

He is telling you straight up that there are no feelings for him involved in this. He is sexually attracted to you...nothing more.

 

Now, if you want you can disbelieve what he is telling you then run off and go paint some rainbows in the sky and convince yourself that this is some Gone with the Wind type love story.

 

He is not leaving his wife for you, he loves her, he wants to stay with her, he has cheated on her before. So, if you sleep with him don't expect anything more than a good time.

 

This man is making it known to you that if you are interested and are down with *it* he only wants to have a sexual relationship with you.

 

LISTEN to what he is telling you. Not what you WANT him to be telling you.

 

If anything, respect him for his honesty.

[Lilya4Ever]

He is not having second thoughts about his marriage. They say that - it is a carrot. Mine did the same thing to get me to sleep with him. It's only a trick.

 

His real emotion is what he told you. He came right out and asked if you could have no strings attached sex with him.

 

The truth is right there. I'm not being harsh, just trying to get you to avoid the trap we all fell into.

I appreciate your honesty I really needed someone to tell me this. I was also in doubt but hoped.

 

I was hoping he gets some emotion in the end and realizes how great we are for each other . Because he started to give me nice compliments that were not sexual..I am such an idiot

[Lilya4Ever]

Girl, this man is being totally honest with you.

 

He is telling you straight up that there are no feelings for him involved in this. He is sexually attracted to you...nothing more.

 

Now, if you want you can disbelieve what he is telling you then run off and go paint some rainbows in the sky and convince yourself that this is some Gone with the Wind type love story.

 

He is not leaving his wife for you, he loves her, he wants to stay with her, he has cheated on her before. So, if you sleep with him don't expect anything more than a good time.

 

This man is making it known to you that if you are interested and are down with *it* he only wants to have a sexual relationship with you.

 

LISTEN to what he is telling you. Not what you WANT him to be telling you.

 

If anything, respect him for his honesty.

 

I guess I was hoping someone will tell me ' yes he also has feelings but is afraid to open up about them' or I was hoping someone will tell me in the long run he could fall for me...

 

I needed to hear the truth..I was so close to texting him today...but today we agreed to not contact each other anymore and I am so glad instead of texting him I came to this forum.

[BuddyX]

There's no We. You chose to Not to text him. It's all you. You choose your path. NC from now on

[MidnightBlue1980]

I appreciate your honesty I really needed someone to tell me this. I was also in doubt but hoped.

 

I was hoping he gets some emotion in the end and realizes how great we are for each other . Because he started to give me nice compliments that were not sexual..I am such an idiot

 

If you are an idiot, I am your Queen.

 

You're not an idiot, you are just naive and gullible - as was I.

 

If a guy likes you, the emotion comes before the sex. Guys do not bond after sex like women do. They do not release Oxytocin like we do, it makes us bond to a guy. If a guy likes you, he likes you for you. If a guy likes you, you know it and it's really obvious. He also does not ask you for sex like that.

[Lilya4Ever]

If you are an idiot, I am your Queen.

 

You're not an idiot, you are just naive and gullible - as was I.

 

If a guy likes you, the emotion comes before the sex. Guys do not bond after sex like women do. They do not release Oxytocin like we do, it makes us bond to a guy. If a guy likes you, he likes you for you. If a guy likes you, you know it and it's really obvious. He also does not ask you for sex like that.

 

 

Midnight did something similar happen to you ? I would like to write to you privately but I do not see any private message button here. I am sorry if you are going through a lot of pain.

 

Somewhat I also feel hurt but I try to not think about it.Now I think what kind of person he has thought I am that I will agree on having sex without emotion. Does he really think so low of me?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Midnight did something similar happen to you ? I would like to write to you privately but I do not see any private message button here. I am sorry if you are going through a lot of pain.

 

Somewhat I also feel hurt but I try to not think about it.Now I think what kind of person he has thought I am that I will agree on having sex without emotion. Does he really think so low of me?

 

I think you have to be here a while to use the PM. You can ask me anything. You can click on my name and see my threads. But my story is not that different from others with a few differences.

 

We are both married, friends for 3 years. I was having trouble in my marriage and so was he. He was in sexless marriage, health issues, and roped me in emotionally telling me he was in love with me and needed my help with health issues (basically he was out of shape). He put massive pressure on me to sleep with him - his wife didn't want him, didn't love him, so lonely, same old - and I caved, fell in love, same old story. We were together 5 months. My H found out in the beginning, he had met someone, and we had an open marriage for the term of the affair.

 

In December I couldn't do it anymore, asked if xMM was going to leave her. He said no, he wanted an A with me long term. I ended it. It was bad. My H at that point was done with the open marriage thing, it was a disaster and decided xMM's wife should know the truth and he forced him to tell her. He blamed me (H defended me), said I pursued him, he was a victim, same old story. He ignored me for 5 months, I wanted to kill myself. It was bad.

 

Then he came back in May (we see each other weekly) and told me a pack of lies, said he was still in sexless marriage, no progress. Late June I find out he's in marriage counseling and sleeping with her. But for 6 weeks he was strongly after me. I was so angry when I found out. We did not talk much the last 4 weeks. Nothing had happened at least.

 

You probably wonder why do I talk to him at all? It is the same reason we all keep struggling here. These guys are good. Master manipulators. Push pull. I try, climb mostly out, get dragged back in.

 

He still contacts me. We play the push pull. I may write a thread for that.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Midnight did something similar happen to you ? I would like to write to you privately but I do not see any private message button here. I am sorry if you are going through a lot of pain.

 

Somewhat I also feel hurt but I try to not think about it.Now I think what kind of person he has thought I am that I will agree on having sex without emotion. Does he really think so low of me?

 

He doesn't think anything of you. There is a guy's expression - they throw sh*t against the wall to see what will stick. xMM hit on everything and anything. Eventually if you throw the rod enough times, something bites.

[13Hearts]

Leave it to a man to RUIN a perfectly good situation.

 

Stop texting him. Stop going to lunch with him. Stop accepting his compliments and allowing him to oggle you. He is not a good guy, he doesn't care what you want or need, he doesn't care about your feelings, he doesn't care about your career or your ability to support yourself financially. He is doing all of this for himSELF. He is grooming you to get you to have sex with him, no matter what he says or what seems rational to you.

 

You need to stop fawning over this guy immediately, focus your attention on YOU and your career, and stop messing around. The only good ending to this story is the one YOU create.

 

I was thinking should I post this here or not. I am expecting to get a lot of replies about how bad and disgusting person I am.

 

I never planed anything like this to happen to me. I have heard stories of infidelity and I have always strongly looked down on those people and could not understand them.

 

I started a year ago in new company and first few months I did not pay attention at all to my married colleague. Later he started to text me about stuff related to work. We texted more and more daily.

 

Text turned into everyday lunch together but also other colleagues would join. Somehow us two always had jokes of our own and topics of our own to talk about. Soon it moved from work to private stuff.

 

I was really happy because I have thought I am building a new healthy friendship with him. We really got along perfectly as best friends.

 

One day during the meeting he sat next to me and he got his legs really close to me. I didn't feel like it is flirting I have thought nothing about it. But he was strangely close to me. Not like before. Then next day he went to business trip and he kept texting me this time a bit more than usual. Every morning he would send me good morning msg.

 

Suddenly one day while he was still on business trip I told him he is a great friend to me and I am glad I have him as a friend.That is when he told me: I grew pretty close to you too and you became really dear to me. Which again I did not take as flirting.

 

I have male friends who I care about and nothing ever happened. With some of them I even hugged.

 

When he got from business trip touching continued in a way that he would always find ways to be strangely close to me, touch my hand, lean on me while showing me something, then it continued with staring into my eyes those long stares...I've realized he is flirting so I have thought it is all in innocent fun so I played along in a way that I did not stop him.

 

Then somehow one day we spent working whole day on a project together and the whole day was filled with long gazes into each others eyes and spontaneous touching but it was obvious it is intentionally. We flirted a lot.

 

Texts after that day became more sexual and then we confessed each other we have this crazy attraction towards each other.

 

But then shock. He asked me have I ever been in situation like this and I said no never and I don't know what to do. He admitted to me he has been and wife found out but because at the same time wife also cheated they decided to leave it behind them and move on.

 

He said in his marriage everything is perfect and he just can separate emotion from sexual attraction.He told me at one point he has thought his marriage is dead and he was discussing separate bedrooms or even open marriage with wife but then they worked it out and now attraction and love is there. He asked me what do I think about just sex without any emotions involved. I was shocked and said I can not do that and that we should both cool down and that I am glad we talked about it openly. I admitted I already have feelings towards him as a friend and sex would only make me more attached.

 

He said I also have feelings and care for your so that's why I am being honest with you. We decided nothing happened and nothing will ever happen.

 

Yesterday we had perfect lunch together. We spoke about personal stuff, he fed me from his plate, he touched my hair. For a second I have thought the world does not exist outside that moment. Then he snapped me back to reality by saying to me ( he always brings this up suddenly out of the blue) I have to tell you there is no romantic feelings involved sorry.

 

 

Today in the morning when he came to work he txted me: the moment i saw you i was drawn by your beautiful eyes.

 

After that I jokingly replied I am glad you noticed the eyes I have thought you are only about ****ing. Then I moved conversation to work and we txted until lunch.

 

We went together for lunch and during conversation in which there was no flirting, he suddenly started to tell me about a friend who divorced and now lives with a new wife and how the divorce was a mess with a wife, financial problems, kids being confused where is dad now..and then he moved to saying we should stop all this because of me and he does not want me to get hurt so he thinks I should distance myself from him and stop talking to him and having lunch together. I have said okay but I did not realize where all this was coming from suddenly.

 

The whole day we did not flirt anymore but when I went home he told me. I wish you a wonderful weekend and I want only for those beautiful eyes to be happy and nothing else.

 

I was puzzled and did not know how to react. Is he playing games with me to try to lure me to bed on this emotional card?

 

Since we are both in our thirties and for few moments I have hoped there is possibility he really is unhappy in his marriage and he leaves his wife and we can be together. I do not feel proud of myself and of those thoughts.

 

I do not know what to do because possibility of quitting my job is not there and we work in the same office only glass door is separating us...

 

I am feeling like **** and I do not know how did I let myself get involved into all this mess.

 

Any thoughts on what should I do..how should I move on.

[EdibleWoman]

Is he playing games with me to try to lure me to bed on this emotional card?

 

Since we are both in our thirties and for few moments I have hoped there is possibility he really is unhappy in his marriage and he leaves his wife and we can be together. I do not feel proud of myself and of those thoughts.

 

I do not know what to do because possibility of quitting my job is not there and we work in the same office only glass door is separating us...

 

I am feeling like **** and I do not

 

Any thoughts on what should I do..how should I move on.

 

Run. Yes, he is trying to get you into bed. He's not playing games with you - he told you straight up that he sees you as a booty call only. He is not emotionally attached to you at all - he told you that also. This is the moment you will look back on as life defining. And if you sleep with him, it will be life changing for the worse. Beware.

[Lilya4Ever]

MidnightBlue few weeks ago I would probably tell you why the hell you still talk to this guy but today I completely understand you and how you feel.

 

We didn't sleep together but during those few times when he would gaze into my eyes and tell me lies I really felt like there is something more going on and even tho I did believe I am strong and he didn't get to mess with my head now I can see he did damage.

 

I shouldn't be here thinking or talking about him.

[13Hearts]

I appreciate your honesty I really needed someone to tell me this. I was also in doubt but hoped.

 

I was hoping he gets some emotion in the end and realizes how great we are for each other . Because he started to give me nice compliments that were not sexual..I am such an idiot

 

You are NOT an idiot! Do not allow yourself to even think that.

 

These guys are slimy. They lie to us, tell all of these wonderful stories about how attractive they find us, how much they love us, and all these great ideas about our future together. And everything they say and do is to get us to give them what they want. It's how men are!

 

I'm just glad you have caught it in time, before you had sex with him. It's SO much more difficult to get out of this trap after you have already had sex with them!

 

Run for your life. Ignore this guy, ignore his advances, and stay away from him. He's a creep!

[whatever29]

I think we believe these lies from men because in our hearts we know we are beautiful, smart, funny and a soulmate (not to them). They describe their wives as some horrible person or they are in a sexless marriage. They can't leave because xyz, but they want you. They are confused because they know it's wrong but they can't help themselves because you are so attractive to them. These men are sharks circling in on your beautiful empathic heart.

 

You want to believe...this man is different. How could anyone look deep into my eyes and like like that? It's easy for them. Actors in a play with all the right lines. They don't care about you and how you feel is irrelevant. It's all just a game - a power play with your heart. Look she's falling for me.

 

Be very very thankful that you never slept with him. Who knows how long he might have strung you along.

 

Cut it off and go NC. Find a new job if need be. Tell him in no uncertain terms you are not interested. Only speak to him about work and do not let him touch you.

[Bufo]

Warning to LS vets: repeat posting.

 

If you have second thoughts, just read any randomly chosen OW posts and keep score on how many turned out happy versus how many turned out unhappy. Then ask yourself why you are different than nearly everybody else in an A relationship. And keep track of work-based A's and how the level,of complication multiplies.

 

Bailing was and is the right thing to do. Based on the math alone I've asked you to do.

[Adoraxx]

Hi Lilya , your story reminds me a lot of how it began with xMM and I. He went after me in the same way as the man in the office does with you. It's awful. You wrote about how you felt shocked when he suggested to have sex. I was just as shocked when my xMM suggested that years ago. I told him "no, we can't do that. We're married!" I never wanted an affair!!

 

But it was already too late by then because yes, I had fallen in love with him and when he expressed anger when I said "we can't do that...", I gave in. Yes, very stupid of me.

 

And my xMM also told me often how happy he is with w but then in the same breath he would tell me how happy I make him and he told me "I love you" and blah blah blah. And it all started with him making 'normal conversation' while throwing in a 'good morning beautiful!' here and there.

 

That was more than 8.5 years ago and I regret it so massively that I didn't walk away from him as soon as he yelled that 'good morning beautiful' the very first time. Please do everything you can to stay away from him... he is not the one who is going to get hurt, but YOU are. He is not going to stop here you know, eventually he is going to pretend that he is emotionally attached to you too but it's all with one goal in mind and that's to have sex with you.

 

Be careful and stay away from him!!!!

[anika99]

The other thing you should be concerned about is your work reputation. Your coworkers have noticed your relationship with this guy. You probably think they haven't and think you have been discreet but trust me, people notice these things and some may believe you are already having an affair with him. You don't want to have that reputation at work.

 

You say you want this married coworker to fall for you. Why? What is attractive about a man who cheats and lies? A man who is willing to hurt his wife and children (if he has children)? Why do you think this guy is a prize?

[Marc878]

How do you have an affair with a woman? First you establish an emotional connection. The rest is pretty easy. You just need a time and place to hook up.

 

He's fishing and you're hooked and almost ready to reel in.

 

One little problem. What if his wife finds out and you get confronted at work?

 

What would you do in this situation if you were his wife?

 

You'd better start using your brain here because your heart will betray you.

[winny]

Dont give him what he wants!!!

This is a devious player....!!! Stay away!!!

[Poppy47]

Lily,

 

You did entertain his attentions, knowing he is married. Married men will try especially if they see some sign of encouragement.

 

Cut him dead. He told you the truth and you know the score. He won't change his mind. Stop boosting his ego.

Bet he will be after somebody else in no time.

[ShatteredLady]

A friend of ours since late teenagers (he was our best man) is an encouragible womanizer. Ok, he was VERY good looking when he was young but he's still got the ego even with a receding hairline & gut!!

 

When we were early 20's I took him & other friends to my gay friends big yearly party. I was dating & there was ONE other straight woman there. Over the night I watch him realize this. He even flirted & took all the complements from the gay guys!!

 

This poor girl wasn't close to his type. Throw another woman into the party & he would of worked on her instead. Within a few hours he was cupping her face & staring long & deep into her soul.

 

In the morning I heard the 'love you's', door close & her walk away. He came in, throwing paper into the trash (clearly her number) & exclaimed "****! How am I going to get rid of that one!! Should of gone to her place!".

 

He's grown-up & changed a lot in the last 25 years but he's the man you are dealing with!

 

Why do women believe "he must be miserable to cheat on his wife!"?? Our friend was plunged into a deep depression for months when his gf dumped him. He loved her dearly. They had been together since they were 16. He must of cheated on her over 50 times!!

[Lilya4Ever]

I want to thank to all of you, because you probably have saved me with your stories and words of advice.

 

I also read some of the stories from this forum in past few days and I have realized how people in affairs most of the time only feel pain and emptiness and nothing more.

 

I am a bit in shock how he was straight forward with me and told me there is no romantic emotions involved, because from other stories I have read on this forum, I have realized they usually lie about emotions and being in love with OW. But good for me that he was at least about this part honest.

 

I am still sometimes struggling to not think about him but I can feel my emotions change from being crazy over this person into being a bit scared and disgusted how people can lie and live with themselves and play with someones head and emotion intentionally.

 

I was very afraid to post here to not receive a lot of hate because this is a MM but what I have also kept a secret is that I am not a single woman. Which brings me to a new story.

 

Yesterday I have found a thread on here about sexless marriage and I think my sexless marriage brought me where I am today.

 

I am in marriage for 2 yrs and I have been with my husband for 7 years. He is wonderful person and my marriage is wonderful. I have no complaint at all which makes me feel more like a bad person for even flirting with this sleazy coworker of mine.

 

But short after first few months of our young relationship attraction for my husband faded away but friendship and love was there. We became the best of friends, we have lots of fun together watching movies, talking into the night, laughing, being goofy and things that make a great friendship. But we are not intimate anymore.

 

I can see that I attract him because he is always very affectionate with me but I do not feel the need to touch him or kiss him on the lips. I do hug him because I do care for him but that is all. Since I do feel obligation we occasionally have sex.

 

I told to myself first that I have some issues with my self esteem, then I was doubting its all the stress and problems I have had in my life. I have been through some pretty tragic situations in my life which made a mark on my life. I blamed all this things for lack of attraction and drive for sex.

 

Then all this stopped, things in my life got back to normal and I have found a great job and finally in my life everything seemed peaceful and normal. But still sex drive wasn't back. I decided to not think about it because I have told once again to myself the sex is not important what is important is the supporting and loving man you have in your life who would do absolutely anything for you.

 

I have thought :okay this is normal in long term relationships and in marriages people don't have sex anymore and attraction is not there. I again started to have doubts something is wrong with me.

 

Also my self esteem was a bit off because I have thought I can't attract anyone anymore because I have not been so thin like before. I am not fat but I do not feel like I look my best.

 

I just decided to not think about all of this because it is not the most important aspect of life.

 

Then suddenly I have realized this MM touching my leg, my hand, looking at me in different way. I felt crazy spark and it boosted my ego. I felt sexy again and I have realized there is actually nothing wrong with me and I can feel attraction.

 

For a couple of last days since I have realized I am dealing with a really sleazy MM I tried to think of ways how to spark a flame in my marriage again. I do not know can it be fixed but I am afraid it can not.

 

Again I decided to not think about it and just stay like this. I got my ego booster and now I can go back to my daily normal life.

 

Sorry this was long..I just had to vent.