Push-Pull

[Adoraxx]

It's like he throws me these bones. I know he likes me chasing him. It started with him chasing me. How did this happen, you know?

 

8.5 years is a long time. You said your husband does know. Do you talk about it? I feel like we talk about all this here all the time. I want to be completely out of it. I feel like I'm ready because I am not the type to feed some guy's ego, I feel stupid and I don't like the way he makes me feel about myself - like an idiot.

 

Exactly. That's how I feel too... Like he is throwing me these bones and even though I try to stay distant, he still knows how to lure me in and to make me start asking questions about it all.

 

I barely talk about the A with my husband. Sometimes I mention it but he doesn't ask much about it. And I have never told him with whom it was. Recently I found out that H has been chatting with lots of women online, professing them his love etc etc so I guess his mind is preoccupied with that. But even before that, he was pretty aloof and just laughed about it as if it amused him.

 

I also hate feeding xMM's ego and I know I'm doing exactly that when I go to him to ask questions (for example: "why won't you just tell me that you don't want contact anymore?" ) but sometimes the urge becomes too strong and then I don't care about my own ego anymore and then I just want answers. Which I'm never going to get.

 

I'm glad that you won't be sending him any messages! He makes it sound like he is doing 'charity work' when he says he will email you. Very annoying!!

[MidnightBlue1980]

Exactly. That's how I feel too... Like he is throwing me these bones and even though I try to stay distant, he still knows how to lure me in and to make me start asking questions about it all.

 

I barely talk about the A with my husband. Sometimes I mention it but he doesn't ask much about it. And I have never told him with whom it was. Recently I found out that H has been chatting with lots of women online, professing them his love etc etc so I guess his mind is preoccupied with that. But even before that, he was pretty aloof and just laughed about it as if it amused him.

 

I also hate feeding xMM's ego and I know I'm doing exactly that when I go to him to ask questions (for example: "why won't you just tell me that you don't want contact anymore?" ) but sometimes the urge becomes too strong and then I don't care about my own ego anymore and then I just want answers. Which I'm never going to get.

 

I'm glad that you won't be sending him any messages! He makes it sound like he is doing 'charity work' when he says he will email you. Very annoying!!

 

How do you feel about your H chatting online with women? Do you have an open marriage? He may be doing that because of this thing with xMM. Be careful, unless you don't care what he does.

 

I've said that - why won't you just tell me you don't want contact or just tell me you don't love me. He now does not respond to the love thing either way, just says he is being good for both of us. He tells me I can contact him and he will respond when its safe. Again, that is affair talk. None of my guy friends talk like that with me.

 

He's away this week so I have a break from him. I honestly think he is busy with his own life though. If he comes back around, it will be because he is having issues with his W or just bored.

 

I am going to try to move on. Again. This sound so stupid to say but I debate in my head how to react if he contacts me. Do I just ignore him? I know he will just think I am being emotional again, that does not seem to work. Or there is this guy on the other board and his xOW will not contact him but will reply to him but only in very specific, brief responses. It is driving him crazy. I like the idea of driving him crazy. It is making this guy think she is moving on. Ignoring makes it see like you still care.

 

I don't know. I want to not care.

[Adoraxx]

How do you feel about your H chatting online with women? Do you have an open marriage? He may be doing that because of this thing with xMM. Be careful, unless you don't care what he does.

 

I've said that - why won't you just tell me you don't want contact or just tell me you don't love me. He now does not respond to the love thing either way, just says he is being good for both of us. He tells me I can contact him and he will respond when its safe. Again, that is affair talk. None of my guy friends talk like that with me.

 

He's away this week so I have a break from him. I honestly think he is busy with his own life though. If he comes back around, it will be because he is having issues with his W or just bored.

 

I am going to try to move on. Again. This sound so stupid to say but I debate in my head how to react if he contacts me. Do I just ignore him? I know he will just think I am being emotional again, that does not seem to work. Or there is this guy on the other board and his xOW will not contact him but will reply to him but only in very specific, brief responses. It is driving him crazy. I like the idea of driving him crazy. It is making this guy think she is moving on. Ignoring makes it see like you still care.

 

I don't know. I want to not care.

 

No, H and I don't have an open marriage and I don't like it that he has been chatting with all these women online. I just wish he would at least have told me because I've often asked him but he always said he would never do something like that. I don't think he has been doing this because of xMM, but it could be a result from it because I don't feel attracted to H at all (I got married very young), our sex life is truly non existent, H never made an effort to make it any better (I tried before I met xMM) and now I don't even want it anymore with H. Oh well.... I can't be too upset about it at the moment because for now I will focus on getting away from xMM. One thing at the time... Dealing with that is already too much for me now ;/

 

I agree with you, they only contact us when they're feeling bored or when they have issues with W... Ugh I have been trying to get out of this whole mess for so long now and still I'm hung up on him! yes I've done that too what you mentioned about the OW (can you pm me the thread?) giving only very specific brief responses... Can't say that it worked with my xMM because he truly doesn't care at all I think. He knows that he's not ever going to be able again to persuade me into having sex with him again so I think that's why he keeps disappearing

Edited August 2, 2016 by Adoraxx

[redbaron007]

I'm neither an MM or OM, but often lurk here since I get some pretty awesome insights into the female mind that I can use in my quest for a GF (btw, no, I don't pursue married women, so please don't flame me for posting here)....

 

I always associated push-pull to be part of a pickup artist's playbook and assumed intelligent, self-confident women with high self-esteem will see through it. However, it is hard for me to believe that every single one of you here has issues: bad marriage/low self-esteem/low self-confidence/need for validation, etc.

 

But yet I sense that almost all of you OWs posting in this thread actually love this push-pull behavior. You may bash the MM, but I can sense an undercurrent of excitement (even glee) in your posts as you describe your MM's behavior. This thread sounds more upbeat than the others in the OW/OM section.

 

Does this mean that ALL women, OW or not, love emotional roller-coasters? Would you have enjoyed it if both of you were single? If so, there must be some truth in those pickup artist bibles after all. Takeaway for me: I should be toning down my compliments (pull) and start working on "negging" (push) techniques..

[SweetiePi]

No, most of us don't enjoy the push regardless if we are single or not. I love the pull, but was always unhappy with the pushing away part. If you are serious about implementing the push and pull technique into your next relationship, that makes you manipulative. No woman will respect you for that nor will you be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

 

 

 

Does this mean that ALL women, OW or not, love emotional roller-coasters? Would you have enjoyed it if both of you were single? If so, there must be some truth in those pickup artist bibles after all. Takeaway for me: I should be toning down my compliments (pull) and start working on "negging" (push) techniques..

[lemondrop21]

The last time that xMM got really angry with me, he told me to stop pushing and pulling him in and out of my life, then told me to never contact him again and hung up on me.

 

I was stunned, since I've always perceived the push-pull as coming from him. But if I think about it, I learned to do it too as a defense mechanism. He would push and pull out of guilt over his marriage, I would push and pull out of frustration and wanting a real relationship. It's a dance that both APs often play with one another.

[DKT3]

I'm neither an MM or OM, but often lurk here since I get some pretty awesome insights into the female mind that I can use in my quest for a GF (btw, no, I don't pursue married women, so please don't flame me for posting here)....

 

I always associated push-pull to be part of a pickup artist's playbook and assumed intelligent, self-confident women with high self-esteem will see through it. However, it is hard for me to believe that every single one of you here has issues: bad marriage/low self-esteem/low self-confidence/need for validation, etc.

 

But yet I sense that almost all of you OWs posting in this thread actually love this push-pull behavior. You may bash the MM, but I can sense an undercurrent of excitement (even glee) in your posts as you describe your MM's behavior. This thread sounds more upbeat than the others in the OW/OM section.

 

Does this mean that ALL women, OW or not, love emotional roller-coasters? Would you have enjoyed it if both of you were single? If so, there must be some truth in those pickup artist bibles after all. Takeaway for me: I should be toning down my compliments (pull) and start working on "negging" (push) techniques..

 

Women are emotionally driven...alot of times emotions subside after being married for a while....this push pull thing runs the whole spectrum of emotions and I believe many women are more addicted to that then they are the mm.

[MidnightBlue1980]

The last time that xMM got really angry with me, he told me to stop pushing and pulling him in and out of my life, then told me to never contact him again and hung up on me.

 

I was stunned, since I've always perceived the push-pull as coming from him. But if I think about it, I learned to do it too as a defense mechanism. He would push and pull out of guilt over his marriage, I would push and pull out of frustration and wanting a real relationship. It's a dance that both APs often play with one another.

 

I guess I do it as well. I never thought about it like that. I was pretty clear when it ended what I wanted but I have been consistently inconsistent with what I want since then. So has he. It's hard for me to see things clearly when I am in the middle of the situation.

 

Case in point - last week I asked him if he still loved me (on the destabilization thread) and he said he had to be good and would not say it, only that he cared about me but was clear we could only be friends. I did not respond. But then he said how he would check in with me on his vacation and I could contact him. He go back and forth between ignoring me and contact. I was surprised to receive an email from him last night. It was a friendly email but I do not understand what he is thinking or the point. He asked me to reply and tell him how todays meeting went.

 

So now I am put in the position where I either act like an adult and once again, try to play this game of friends, which hurts me, or I ignore his email, contradicting what I have said here and there about how I hate when he ignores me - in short, I act like exactly what I say I hate in him. Push pull.

 

I'm going to ignore it because (1) everything I read here points to him pulling the friends card as a way to alleviate his own guilt (2) I know as soon as I reply I will spend my day waiting to see if he replies and that always sucks (3) I wanted a relationship with him, not a friendship, so being friends causes me pain and (4) several people on here and IRL have started to express concern that I am going to basically destroy my life over this guy - someone playing with me.

 

I guess one of us has to pull the plug. I am going to make that person me.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Women are emotionally driven...alot of times emotions subside after being married for a while....this push pull thing runs the whole spectrum of emotions and I believe many women are more addicted to that then they are the mm.

 

We are addicted - it's called intermittent reinforcement. I read a lot about it. However, we do not enjoy it at all. It is very painful.

 

DKT3, I got your PM and responded but you are set to not receive PMs, which I actually do get since you are a guy. It would be like going to a going to a Sex Addicts group and trying to make friends. Anyway, thank you for your comments. I've heard them this weekend from two friends IRL and you are right. I just replied to LemonDrop and I just need to stop before I lose everything for someone who has zero intention of being with me.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I'm neither an MM or OM, but often lurk here since I get some pretty awesome insights into the female mind that I can use in my quest for a GF (btw, no, I don't pursue married women, so please don't flame me for posting here)....

 

I always associated push-pull to be part of a pickup artist's playbook and assumed intelligent, self-confident women with high self-esteem will see through it. However, it is hard for me to believe that every single one of you here has issues: bad marriage/low self-esteem/low self-confidence/need for validation, etc.

 

But yet I sense that almost all of you OWs posting in this thread actually love this push-pull behavior. You may bash the MM, but I can sense an undercurrent of excitement (even glee) in your posts as you describe your MM's behavior. This thread sounds more upbeat than the others in the OW/OM section.

 

Does this mean that ALL women, OW or not, love emotional roller-coasters? Would you have enjoyed it if both of you were single? If so, there must be some truth in those pickup artist bibles after all. Takeaway for me: I should be toning down my compliments (pull) and start working on "negging" (push) techniques..

 

No one loves emotional roller coasters but there is something to be said for both men and women liking a bit of a challenge in a relationship. I'm not talking about the other person being married, I'm talking about the other person having a life which keeps them busy and interesting. You shouldn't purposely confuse and mislead another person but you also should not be a doormat or always available.

 

As for this thread, I think you are misreading. No one is happy here or full of glee. People posting here are full of pain.

[Adoraxx]

I always associated push-pull to be part of a pickup artist's playbook and assumed intelligent, self-confident women with high self-esteem will see through it. However, it is hard for me to believe that every single one of you here has issues: bad marriage/low self-esteem/low self-confidence/need for validation, etc.

 

But yet I sense that almost all of you OWs posting in this thread actually love this push-pull behavior. You may bash the MM, but I can sense an undercurrent of excitement (even glee) in your posts as you describe your MM's behavior. This thread sounds more upbeat than the others in the OW/OM section.

 

Does this mean that ALL women, OW or not, love emotional roller-coasters? Would you have enjoyed it if both of you were single? If so, there must be some truth in those pickup artist bibles after all. Takeaway for me: I should be toning down my compliments (pull) and start working on "negging" (push) techniques..

 

Are you kidding me?? No, I HATE the push/pull behavior and there is no sense of excitement at all to be found on my behalf. It's the biggest TURN OFF there is and if my xMM would be single, I wouldn't even want him. I guess I just wanted him to like me for who I am as a person instead of him just wanting me with one goal in mind and that's sex.

 

Perhaps the thread sounds upbeat to you because you can't actually look through the screen? You don't want to know how many tears I've cried about it all. Do you like it when a woman cries? Is that funny to you perhaps? I despise emotional roller coasters and it's absolutely cruel to treat a woman that you supposedly love in that way.

 

Pretty weird that you're considering to work on your negging techniques... Good thing is that I would look right through it now!!! Thanks to xMM I'm no longer as naive/ gullible as before. Oh and btw, my xMM never once negged me in the beginning, instead he was overloading me with nice words.. but words are words and if they're not matching with the actions, it says enough............ Hard lesson learned.

 

Save

Edited August 2, 2016 by Adoraxx

[DKT3]

Has anyone every wondered why mw rarely have single om?

[OneLov]

Has anyone every wondered why mw rarely have single om?

 

 

Science tells us that, on average, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are ambiguous; whereas, men are more attracted to women whose feelings are clear.

 

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-women-are-more-attracted-to-men-whose-feelings-are-unclear.html

 

Being that emotional unavailability is common in both mm/mw, men are more likely to lose interest if they feel the mw is blowing hot & cold.

Edited August 2, 2016 by OneLov

[MidnightBlue1980]

Has anyone every wondered why mw rarely have single om?

 

I've had several single men like me during my whole messed up year of my marriage. This sounds strange but I feel it's really wrong to mess with a single person. They don't understand what it is like to be married, the whole kids angle, they would fall hard and want you to leave and you can waste years of their lives. A single person deserves the same chance at happiness that we have. Time is their most valuable resource. We should not rob them of that innocence.

 

I guess I feel like two married people, the playing field is even.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Science tells us that, on average, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are ambiguous; whereas, men are more attracted to women whose feelings are clear.

 

'+windowtitle+'

 

Being that emotional unavailability is common in both mm/mw, men are more likely to lose interest if they feel the mw is blowing hot & cold.

 

I checked, and you are a guy. That makes sense. Yes, women like a bit of a challenge but not ambiguous men. You must have read the threads, a lot of pain here by guys back and forth.

 

Its been my opinion a guy loses interest if you show them attention, that you are a sure bet. I feel its men who like the games. They want to chase.

[OneLov]

I checked, and you are a guy. That makes sense. Yes, women like a bit of a challenge but not ambiguous men. You must have read the threads, a lot of pain here by guys back and forth.

 

Its been my opinion a guy loses interest if you show them attention, that you are a sure bet. I feel its men who like the games. They want to chase.

 

It's not about gamesmanship. To me, the research suggests women, IN GENERAL, are more emotionally mature and can handle more emotionally complex, and often, ambiguous situations.

 

I think also men who don't understand emotionally complex situations compensate by labeling every interaction that does not fit their prescripted notions of courting rituals as, "games." In my experience, sometimes it really is complicated.

 

My intent was not cause a gender debate but just have neutral conversation supported by scientific data. That data can be interpreted negatively or positively. It's late and I did a poor job at explaining myself, but suffice it to say I interpret the data positively.

Edited August 3, 2016 by OneLov

[redbaron007]

Are you kidding me?? No, I HATE the push/pull behavior and there is no sense of excitement at all to be found on my behalf. It's the biggest TURN OFF there is and if my xMM would be single, I wouldn't even want him. I guess I just wanted him to like me for who I am as a person instead of him just wanting me with one goal in mind and that's sex.

 

To be honest, excitement/anticipation is precisely the drug that you all are addicted to (MidnightBlue1980 was honest enough to admit this), and precisely what keeps your MMs "in business"...think about it: would drug-dealers be in business if there were no drug-addicts?

 

 

Pretty weird that you're considering to work on your negging techniques...

By "negging", I meant using using bold teasing to keep women guessing...manipulative behavior will attract only manipulative women, which I want to avoid at all cost. OneLov has nailed it in his posts above by articulating it very succinctly and backed it up by some interesting research.

Edited August 3, 2016 by redbaron007

[Adoraxx]

To be honest, excitement/anticipation is precisely the drug that you all are addicted to (MidnightBlue1980 was honest enough to admit this), and precisely what keeps your MMs "in business"...think about it: would drug-dealers be in business if there were no drug-addicts?

 

Well, I wouldn't call it excitement exactly but it's more that it feels like some kind of 'relief' when the xMM ends the silent treatment. It's hurtful to be ignored especially when you have no idea why.

 

By "negging", I meant using using bold teasing to keep women guessing...manipulative behavior will attract only manipulative women, which I want to avoid at all cost. OneLov has nailed it in his posts above by articulating it very succinctly and backed it up by some interesting research.

 

I figured that since you mentioned the word 'negging', that you're possibly one of those PUA's (pick up artists)

 

This is what I've read about negging (and before I read this article, I never heard about negging) :

 

 

Neg, Negging – A backhanded compliment meant to insult the woman. Stunts similar to the ole’ “who is this” response from a woman’s communication attempt, where the man pretends he’s deleted the woman’s number but knows full well who’s contacting him.

 

And I've read this too:

 

There’s a phenomenon that’s taken place ever since the book, “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists” was first published in 2005. The Game was written by Neil Strauss and is a book about his journey of transformation into his Pick Up Artist (PUA) alter-ego "Style," as guided under the tutelage of “Mystery” – also a self-proclaimed Pick Up Artist.

 

You can now find hundreds of forums and websites dedicated to PUA teachings; teachings that advocate sociopathic behavior and thinking processes in men. And The Game itself goes a little something like this. . .

 

The Game advises men to approach a group of women and lead/lean on every woman there by telling them a previously rehearsed exciting story (Phase One: Attract) - every woman that is, except the one that the man is truly interested in. That woman, yea he’s supposed to ignore her and insult her with what is called throwing a “neg.” And this is after he goes waltzing in there “peacocking.” (And if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you’d be correct. The man is supposed to dress like a kook in some way or to wear/carry a “prop” so as to garner your attention. And if you’ve ever seen the cartoon character that is Mystery, then you know I’m being kind by only applying the word kook.)

 

You see, in this Pick Up Artist process, the man is basically instructed to emotionally manipulate the woman and walk her, like a dog, through a roller coaster of three stages that are all designed to weaken the woman by undermining her value in order to make her more vulnerable - to sex. Because naturally, after the man swoops in there looking like a circus side-show act and pays more attention to all of the other women in the group and then insults and ignores the girl he’s really interested in – he then moves into Phase Two: the “Comfort” phase – where he provides the neglected, insulted woman a shoulder to cry on and attempts to lift her back up so that he looks good. (Awe, how chivalrous of him.)

 

Once he’s undermined his intended target’s self-esteem and self-confidence, he is then instructed to move into Phase Three: Seduction. This phase basically involves charming the woman with a bunch of bull**** so that he comes off looking like some kind of savior and the woman is so grateful to finally receive the man’s withheld attention that she just can’t help herself and she jumps right into bed with him.

 

It’s basically a roller coaster process of “deconstruction” – tearing a woman down (negs), then lifting her up (comfort) and then pouncing when she's in this confused, weakened state (seduction).

 

Is that what you want to do, redbaron? Tear a woman down - then lift her up (which is probably why I always felt 'relief' when xMM ended his silent treatment of me, and also why it's best that I block him in any way possible once I've moved to a town 90 mins away from here. And yes, I'm moving because I see it as my only way out - call me weak but it's the truth)

 

Btw, combined with the 'relief', I always felt 'dread' too because I know what he's capable of.

 

And this comment of yours

manipulative behavior will attract only manipulative women

....... really??? I think you will attract the more vulnerable women with manipulative behavior.

[Whoknew30]

Has anyone every wondered why mw rarely have single om?

 

My OM was single (just dating a girl) & I thought it was better bc I didn't have to worry about a BW. We also played the back & fourth game but mainly bc of me. He was extremely good looking (better looking than my H) & in abouslute perfect shape. We defiantly got emotional & when we stopped & I picked to be with my H...we had NC a long time before he found I was pregnant again (him engaged to be married) he broke NC to ask me what made me want another baby & asked to see me while pregnant...I said no of course.

 

My point is, there isn't a actual standard to A & not all are the exact same. I think men pull away when they know they see the change they really have to make. When kids are involved it not that easy to just leave. Some people were raised that no matter what happenes, divorce isn't really an option. My family always says divorce is not an option, you made your bed you lie in it...I don't know if I believe that but it's how I & many people I know were raised...so many factors, it's not back & white.

[DKT3]

No one enjoys being mistreated, however the range of emotions is a result of this. Mm are less available then husbands, so mw tend to chase. Just like heroin, when it good it's awesome, when it's bad they want good so they chase it. Putting all the focus and energy into making it good again. Husband can't compare to that at this point, any pull back from him would be used to farther justify the affair, any good treatment will be deemed as too late inauthentic, or simply go unnoticed.

 

Yes the push pull is the vehicle used to transport the affair, the ride may suck but the destination is what's desired.. problem is your running people over and its unlikely you will ever get there.

[ladydesigner]

Fantastic thread!!! I am now 8 years out of my A with xOM and I can honestly say I was addicted to the push-pull more than the OM himself. I can remember at the beginning of the A it was take it or leave it, but as soon as the push-pull dynamic started I went insane literally I was hooked and then the xOM ended it and I was crushed

[DKT3]

Fantastic thread!!! I am now 8 years out of my A with xOM and I can honestly say I was addicted to the push-pull more than the OM himself. I can remember at the beginning of the A it was take it or leave it, but as soon as the push-pull dynamic started I went insane literally I was hooked and then the xOM ended it and I was crushed

But I'm sure it took time and distance to understand that. Like the saying around here goes, you can't see the horns if your head is shoved up the bulls butt.

[Lobe]

":laugh:Hot N Cold"

 

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes.

Yeah, you, PMS

Like a bitch

I would know

And you over think

Always speak

Cryptically

 

I should know

That you're no good for me

 

[Chorus:]

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

(You) You don't really wanna stay, no

(You) But you don't really wanna go-o

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

 

We used to be

Just like twins

So in sync

The same energy

Now's a dead battery

Used to laugh 'bout nothing

Now you're plain boring

 

I should know that

You're not gonna change

 

[Chorus]

 

Someone call the doctor

Got a case of a love bipolar

Stuck on a roller coaster

And I can't get off this ride

 

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

 

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

 

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

(You) You don't really wanna stay, no

(You) But you don't really wanna go-o

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down, down...

[Sabella]

Has anyone every wondered why mw rarely have single om?

 

I think in my case, it was because it started as an EA. We had similar things to discuss, like parenting and then eventually marriages. I don't think I'd have much in common with a single man or a man that wasn't a father.

 

I imagine though, if I were planning on having an A, like if it was just for sex, that might have been different. IDK

 

I absolutely hated the push/pull. It was very hurtful and just confusing. I was addicted to the adoration.

Edited August 4, 2016 by Sabella

[Grey Cloud]

I think in my case, it was because it started as an EA. We had similar things to discuss, like parenting and then eventually marriages. I don't think I'd have much in common with a single man or a man that wasn't a father.

 

I imagine though, if I were planning on having an A, like if it was just for sex, that might have been different. IDK

 

I absolutely hated the push/pull. It was very hurtful and just confusing. I was addicted to the adoration.

 

This is EXACTLY how it was for me too. Started as EA, lots in common, both had kids the same age. Hated the push/pull but addicted to the adoration/ego boosts.

 

 

Totally toxic.