Averyy Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) I am from Califorina and was studying abroad in England when I met him. We only had about 3 weeks together but every second was breathtaking. We agreed we had something really special going but due to the short amount of time we actually had together before i went home, we didn't know what to do about 'us' and just agreed to stay in contact. As the past two months have gone by we have realized we truly love each other. We haven't put a label on it(but if we were together we would defiantly be exclusive). We've acknowledged we love each other and both miss each other incredibly. I have already put serious thought and effort into going back to visit him; maybe even all next summer, but i don't think he would do the same for me. He tells me how much he misses me every. single. day. and I always respond, "THEN COME FREAKING VISIT ME", but every time i bring it up he changes the subject or finds a way around it which makes me feel like he's not serious about this relationship. Everything besides this is going pretty well, he is head over heels for me but has no future plan to visit me. Isn't that the point of a LDR? To end the LDR, have a conclusion, and be together? Am I asking to much of him to soon? i really really love him and want this to work out but don't want to waste my time and love someone who isn't going to put in equal effort. PLEASE HELP! Edited July 30, 2016 by Averyy Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 Have asked him if there are financial constraints? England to the California isn't exactly a cheap journey and perhaps he can't afford it right now. I think you need to sit back and see what happens over the next couple months. I understand you really like him, but you are still in the "getting-to-know-you" phase. In total, you've known each other, what - 2.5 months? That's too soon to know if this will become something more serious, particularly when you haven't even decided that you are in a relationship. Do you know if he is dating other girls? Link to post Share on other sites
ThinkMore Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 What you are experiencing is called limerence. Please look it up and study it. You will find your answer there if you can somehow keep your mind open enough to process and understand it. Limerence is a powerful emotion and it's incredibly difficult to step outside of yourself enough to view the situation objectively. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 He tells me how much he misses me every. single. day. and I always respond, "THEN COME FREAKING VISIT ME", but every time i bring it up he changes the subject or finds a way around it which makes me feel like he's not serious about this relationship. What you had was a fling. Happens all the time. You knew each other for 3 weeks so it's a bit unrealistic to be proclaiming your love for each other. You're both just still caught up in the chemical rush from your whirlwind romance, is all. It will dissipate eventually and just become a fond memory. He's not committing to visiting because deep down, he knows it was a fling. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 30, 2016 Share Posted July 30, 2016 He's not serious about you - if you want anything more than a casual FWB-when-we're-in-town thing you need to cut your losses and leave. People who are invested in a R want to see their partner, period. Sometimes for reasons beyond their control they can't see each other as often as they'd like, but they still always try to the best of their ability. If they can't make it, they talk about the factors preventing them and try to find a way around them. Not change the topic whenever it's brought up. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Welcome to the LoveShack LDR forum, Averyy (though you don't have a LDR yet). We haven't put a label on it(but if we were together we would defiantly be exclusive). Does this mean you're both dating other people? If that's the case, what you both have is just some mutual attraction that can be somehow overshadowed by going out with other people. We've acknowledged we love each other and both miss each other incredibly. Who came up with the "I love you" first? I have already put serious thought and effort into going back to visit him; maybe even all next summer, but i don't think he would do the same for me. [...] I always respond, "THEN COME FREAKING VISIT ME", but every time i bring it up he changes the subject or finds a way around it which makes me feel like he's not serious about this relationship. My first thought was just like ExpatInItaly's: have you ever asked him if he could afford the trip? Do you know his financial situation? Does he work? Does he study? We don't know anything about his situation. Does he live at home with his family? What's their situation? If they struggle to pay the rent, chances are flying to California won't be in any plan unless he wins the lottery. Are you two in the same financial situation? Are you parents well off? What about his parents? What did you do during those 3 weeks? Where did he take you to (dining out)? What did he show you about his country? he is head over heels for me Based on what? Saying I miss you is a romantic thing to do and something any guy would say without too much effort, in general. I'll leave you with just one final note: when it looks like a movie, it sometimes is (like a movie). For better or for worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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