Recent LDR Breakup - Is It My Fault?

[TheBlackSheep]

My long distance girlfriend of four years has broken up with me because apparently I was to blame for not being able to afford a plane ticket. But I have explained that 1) I am terrified and suffer anxiety attacks when it comes to heights, 2) I am on SSI, for anyone that's on it you'll understand where I'm coming from and 3) I never been out of state before so that further makes me anxious of it.

 

Even after I told her everything about it, she blamed me for it and expected me to walk 300 damn miles to the only airport I have in town (I have a small town where I live) and get a ticket then off I go to her. She was even blaming me for putting my family first before her when my mother ended up with a injured knee, my younger teenage sister showing signs of depression and much more, once she admitted to being on dating sites looking for men only instead of women nearby her and she manage to find one and now she told me she hadn't planned on meeting him yet but she wanted to, and of course I was upset that she wasn't telling me anything then she blows up on me quoting: "So it's okay for you to have friends to keep you busy but I can't have any, is that it?!" It was rather uncalled for especially she tone she used and I told her it isn't that at all and I told her what I was feeling and even literally POURED MY ENTIRE HEART OUT on how much I love her and how she impacted my life by being there for me when I needed her the most and how we both always just had this chemistry until now. Even after I gave her my entire heart she crushes it saying that she thinks it's best we break up and it shattered me, I was so broken and I literally had a nervous breakdown in front of my own family who were actually pretty angry and shocked at what she did. I am still shocked too, but is it really my fault that I can't just drop everything I have here and go directly to her? Is it my fault that I am terrified of heights? I just don't know what else to do or say to anything but I just don't want to think it is my fault but I know she's probably trying to make me feel guilty over it.

[ThinkMore]

I'm not seeing anyone being at fault here. You are both victims of circumstances. Not everyone is able to cope with the reality of actually living in a LDR. Many needs are not being met. And if there isn't a definite ending date to the separation they can look forward to, they just can't go on. Not your fault at all. She's obviously hurting. Just unfortunate the way she expressed her hurt.

[ExpatInItaly]

In those four years, how many times did you see each other in person? Who went to whom?

 

The reality is that if you have serious problems with the flying, and there were no plans to close the distance, this LDR wasn't really viable. That doesn't make it all your fault, but it's not a realistic proposition under these circumstances.

[Lois_Griffin]

So, you're basically a shut-in with various issues, lots of family drama and have conducted your entire 'romantic' life over the internet with people you've never met. It's a bit ludicrous to use your sister's slight depression as one of the many reasons why you can't travel. Stop borrowing drama.

 

You have 1,000 different excuses for why you can never get on a plane, so why did you get involved in a computer romance with someone you knew you could never travel to meet? Did you honestly expect this internet 'relationship' to last for life? Come on.

I am still shocked too, but is it really my fault that I can't just drop everything I have here and go directly to her?

Drop WHAT? You don't work, and you're on government assistance. I'm not sure what it is you claim you can't 'drop?'

 

Bottom line. Four years is far too long to be committed to a computer screen. And in the end, that's what you ARE to her. A face on a computer screen. Turn the computer off and live your life authentically, with people you can actually spend time with, doing things together and building a real relationship.

 

Stop and think a minute. The truth is you're NO farther along 4 years later than the day you started talking to her. In the end, you have nothing to show for 4 years. Nothing.

 

Let it go.

 

She's ready to do that and I can't blame her.

[justwhoiam]

Hi and welcome to LS.

 

You called yourself TheBlackSheep, and that's something already. I have no idea if you have low self esteem or if you're the cause of anyone's problems for the people around you, or if it was just ironical.

 

You didn't say if you ever met in 4 years.

As I don't think you're aged or blind, I assume you're disabled to be on SSI. What kind of disability do you have?

 

As she thought you could walk, I assume you have healthy legs and feet.

 

You can't get on a plane because it's too expensive?

You can travel by train or by bus (assuming you don't have a car or a driving license)

 

You can't get on a plane because you're too scared to fly?

You can attend a course to win your fears, many airlines organize them.

 

Remember. No matter what, chances are you will only live once. If you want to get old at home looking outside your window, or where your longest trip is to the local McDonald's, then stop dreaming of having a girlfriend in some other State/country. Work on your current situation to improve your lifestyle and how you manage your disability. Just think 20 years ahead and think where you see yourself then and how.

[Els]

My long distance girlfriend of four years has broken up with me because apparently I was to blame for not being able to afford a plane ticket. But I have explained that 1) I am terrified and suffer anxiety attacks when it comes to heights, 2) I am on SSI, for anyone that's on it you'll understand where I'm coming from and 3) I never been out of state before so that further makes me anxious of it.

 

Fear of flying can be overcome. I similarly suffer from anxiety attacks re: heights and I have gotten on a plane plenty of times nevertheless.

 

Regardless, if you absolutely are against flying and will never fly, then you really have no business being in a LDR. What did you expect would happen, she'd be happy to spend her entire life being with a guy whom she could never meet IRL? 4 years is an extremely long time to go without meeting. Most women would have cut you off after a year or less.

 

Even after I told her everything about it, she blamed me for it and expected me to walk 300 damn miles to the only airport I have in town (I have a small town where I live) and get a ticket then off I go to her.

Nobody is expecting you to WALK 300 miles to an airport, all airports have cabs and buses servicing them, or you can drive and park, or hire a rental car and park if you don't have a car and don't want to take a cab/bus. Melodramatic much?