Better paying child support than stuck with her preggers or not right?

[darkbrooke]

I met my spanish wife while on vacation.

 

A year later she tried living with me for a couple months and became pregnant. We got married in 2011 but 6 weeks later she went crazy angry due to the stress of living without her family and blamed me. Then she bought a ticket home the next day and ensured our son would be born in her country, not in the US. It took 2 years just to get her visa for immigration and try living together.

 

After another 8 weeks here with my now 2 year old (I missed his first 2 years) son she got stressed out and aggressively angry and threatened to take my son away and live with her relatives 2000 miles away and that I would never see my son again. I tried stopping her with a restraining order and divorce lawyer that cost me 10 grand but she went anyway and got away with it through a legal loophole.

 

I knew I'd never see my son again unless I got her to move back and convinced myself and her that the problems were due to her stress and new living arrangement, not with our relationship.

 

She returned and finally found a job. Until 6 months later one night she became jealous because I had dinner with a high school male buddy. And started punching and kicking me when I walked in the door. Then she demanded I leave or she would call the police and tell them I tried to kill her. Terrified of her craziness and her threats I left to stay in a hotel and let her cool down but the next day found out she completed a police report saying I tried to throw her off the balcony and held her down which was a complete fabrication. Nobody came to arrest me but I got mail 4 weeks later saying the prosecutor charged me with DV4 which I would have to fight in court. After another $10,000 in legal fees the prosecutor agreed to an administrative dismissal if I gave up the right to firearms and take anger management and having no guns anyway I agreed.

 

A year later she has been in her own apartment and doing fine. When we argue we can retreat to our own places and cool off far away. Our relationship is good sometimes and bad other times but never very emotionally intimate. I have really focused on her needs and can steer clear of her extreme temper. Now she is pregnant again and says she wants the baby and doesnt care what I do.

 

Our combined rent is $2400 which is the cheapest two apartments we can find so I'm considering buying a house with her and actually spending less on mortgage. I'm afraid she will resort to her BS and call the police again. I am equally afraid to keep renting in this hell hole and not giving the kids what they need like a garden and neighbor kids to play with.

 

She is a great mother to our son although at times completely unaware and uncaring of my needs for communication and emotional intimacy, much less hopes and dreams for my future. Physical intimacy has never been a problem.

 

Another issue is that prices have doubled in this area since she started this craziness and she stopped us from buying with her insanity 2 times before prices went AWOL. Now my engineering salary with her minimum wage barely gets us anything and just visiting the real estate listings makes me sick and renews my bitterness towards her. Since we started home shopping I'm actually considering divorcing her again preggers or not. Better paying child support than stuck with her right?

 

Aside from the negatives of going crazy, having an extreme temper, acting in spite, and not being too bright, she is a great mom, has a huge heart, is physically gorgeous (when not going crazy or depressed) and youthful. For some weird reason I actually feel very safe and confident around her.. just a bit ignored regarding my own needs in our relationship. Keep feeling that if I make her happy she will reciprocate.

 

If your dear friend was in this situation what would you say to him? I really need a fresh perspective.

 

Thanks

[heartfeltlove]

I would say he needs his head examining. Getting her pregnant again was not a wise move. You are now doubly tied to her and committed to seeing her for the next 23 years or so. Are you really happy to commit to that kind of crazy? I don't really know what to advise, but I think this whole thing is an absolutely crazy mess. Why does she have to be with you? Why can't you find a job you could do in Spain (although I know the employment situation is very bad there)...?

You are the victim of your own very poor choices. You are now reaping the consequences. Wait until she has her child on US soil. It will be harder for her to remove the child, after it is born in the US....