confusedmandi Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I'm divorced and have been dating a great guy for over a year. We do not live together because he has a teenage daughter who will be in college in a year and I have two toddlers. He does not want any more children but he's very good with my kids. Once in casual conversation he told me he never wants to get married again because he was married for 10 years and worked two jobs to support his wife and kids.. One not his.. And she cheated on him and got pregnant with her lovers child. I rather enjoy having my own home so I never thought much about getting married again. Until his ex wife started dating a new guy and three months later they r planning to get married. Suddenly I feel like my boyfriend doesn't really love me because in over a year we don't even live together or have any plans at all for the future and his ex is already getting married! It's been six years since their divorce and I guess maybe I'm jealous that she found a guy who's crazy about her and I've realized I haven't.. I thought I was content living separately and not really having any plans for the future but now I'm not. I want to move forward or break up. Is that normal? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I'm not sure it's healthy to compare your relationship with your bf to his exwife's relationship with her new bf. For one thing his ex is moving way too fast in her relationship. I wouldn't be jealous of her, I'd be worried for her. Secondly it sounds like you were content with your bf until you caught wind of his exwife's engagement, now suddenly you want that too, so it's like this new feeling was borne of jealousy about someone else's life. That's not good. Since you both have kids you and your bf are wise to take things very slowly. It's much easier to like each other's kids while you are dating yet maintaining seperate households. The kids will are more likely to like each other and their parents new partners when keeping their own living arrangements as well. Moving a family in with another family is extremely stressful and there can be problems that you never imagined. That's why I think his exwife is being very foolish and careless with her children by rushing into this marriage. By all means talk to your bf again and see if he has softened his stance on marriage and cohabitation over the past year. If by telling you that he never wanted more kids he meant that he never wanted to deal with raising someone else's kids then I'm not sure why you even kept dating him. I think it's normal to want to move forward so discuss your feelings with your bf and accept what he says as the truth. If you really want marriage and he is adamant that he does not then you need to believe him and make your next decision accordingly. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I thought I was content living separately and not really having any plans for the future but now I'm not. I want to move forward or break up. Is that normal? Sure it's normal to want to move ahead and progress in life, relationships included. Just don't expect your goals to be necessarily shared by someone you're involved with. As anika99 said, you'll most likely have some decisions to make... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I can relate OP. When I met my last BF I wasn't sure if I would want to get married again and found someone who would never want that. Living together would be as much as I would ever get in that relationship. He had some emotional baggage about letting people get close so what I had was what I was going to get and I wanted more emotionally. As I got farther and farther out of my divorce, I liked the idea again and knew I needed to let the relationship go because it would never meet my needs. Having said that, I would wait a little to see if it's legitimate or is just a reaction to the news. BF and I have always discussed getting married at some point in the future. I have an ex who is getting married. I know BF has at least thought about that but I am wanting more lately too. I'm not sure right now if it's a reaction to something BF told me (about wanting to pull away) or my ex's news. Though when I look at it logically I would be at least another year from wanting to get married I still feel I am missing something but I'm not sure if it's BF's behavior or the news. I'm in wait and observe mode right now until I can make more sense of my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 It doesn't sound like you're the one that's gonna end up footing the bill if the marriage falls apart. Two jobs, and stuck paying child support for some other guy's kid? I'd never get married again either. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Wow, I totally was trying to open up the other side of this conversation, not kill it lol Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts