Am i on the road to an affair...? In love with a married co-worker....

[shruti789]

So he told you he was having headaches and sleepless nights because you are angry?

 

Have all these multiple people he has told you two had an affair, told you personally that he said this?

 

I still think you have read too much into this. And he is trying to stay far away without setting you off.

 

 

As i said, he is not speaking with me, so it is apparent that he himself did not tell me this, right?

 

yes, multiple people told me he is going around saying we had an affair and HE stopped it and i am angry and it is making him sleepless blah blah. he has said so to them. while the truth is he stopped because the wife found out, not because he suddenly grew a consciousness.

[shruti789]

Don't say anything.

 

Smile and wave. Smile and wave .

 

Ignore him.

 

 

Thank you. i did not know what to do... and this guidance means a lot.

[shruti789]

Yeah, just ignore it.

 

But I will say that he is even more of a creep for doing that. I mean that is just way up there on the creep meter.

 

Stay strong...

 

 

I have been feeling this too. he said let's not talk, so we don't. it's all OVER. so why go on telling people these things NOW? confusing and creepy him saying these things are going to have serious consequences...

[Marc878]

Put this in your memory bank for future reference. You are probably dumbfounded by his actions. He's not the person you thought he was now is he?

 

You mad him mad because he didn't get in your pants. Now hes acting like a schoolboy.

 

Aren't you glad you took our advice and didn't go down that road?

 

He's a turd!!!!

[Fleur de Lis]

Have you considered that maybe him boasting about an affair that didn't happen was his way of punishing you for not having an affair with him?

 

Was he boasting to coworkers that the two of you had an affair? If so, I'd consider talking to HR and telling them that this guy is destroying your professional reputation by claiming the two of you had an affair that never happened.

[shruti789]

Put this in your memory bank for future reference. You are probably dumbfounded by his actions. He's not the person you thought he was now is he?

 

You mad him mad because he didn't get in your pants. Now hes acting like a schoolboy.

 

Aren't you glad you took our advice and didn't go down that road?

 

He's a turd!!!!

 

 

Yes, I am totally dumbfounded by his actions. and Yes, he is not the person i thought he was. I am so surprised... I don't know how he can spread lies like this....

 

 

 

and i found out even more.he has said i pursued him for the affair!!!!!!!

 

before coming to this forum, i thought i was just having a friendship. it's harmless.then i got to know that his actions are not normal friendship stuff... telling me i am beautiful and sexy, staring at me, helping me with whatever i wanted done, telling me about the wife's faults etc....

 

and i also honestly detailed why i fell for him.and even though i had feelings, i wanted to do the right thing, so i took the advice given and distanced myself. then his wife found out and he also said let's stop talking.

 

and then i just wanted to forget it and move past it and have a civil working relationship with him, just for work stuff.

 

when he was doing all of the "grooming for the affair" stuff, i did not say oh my god he is after me, I had doubts, but i did not decide myself, i came here, i read a lot, i asked questions and then only decided yes, maybe he wants an affair.even though he did the grooming for affair stuff i did not assume things in a hurry.

 

now it turns out that while doing those stuff, (i did not do things like he did, i did not give out signals indicating interest, yes, i talked, but that's it) he was telling others that i am chasing him!!!! and then last week when people asked why we are not talking anymore, he has said i chased him, so we had an affair, and he stopped it!!!!!

 

 

 

I am stunned.

 

I am so glad to you and all of the people who spent their valuable time advising me.THANK YOU. I can't explain how glad i am....

 

This topic saved me from heartache and loads of trouble. this thread and people who replied saved me!

 

 

Inever thought he is this type of man. telling something to me and something else to others....creating stories. he has not even been a good friend.good friends don't try to destroy the reputation of their friends...

[shruti789]

 

You made him mad because he didn't get in your pants. Now hes acting like a schoolboy.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe. you are probably right. I did tell him i don't like him, when he asked. I said that because i had read a lot in this forum and understood hardly any good will come out of an affair...

 

so maybe he was thinking he had a chance and got angry when he found out he does not have a chance.

[shruti789]

Have you considered that maybe him boasting about an affair that didn't happen was his way of punishing you for not having an affair with him?

 

Was he boasting to coworkers that the two of you had an affair? If so, I'd consider talking to HR and telling them that this guy is destroying your professional reputation by claiming the two of you had an affair that never happened.

 

 

yes, either he is on revenge mode or he is trying to cover his tracks because he is worried the wife will contact co workers and ask about this.. or maybe both.and i am sure his ego must have taken a beating when i said i don't like him.

 

 

yes, 4 co-workers told me, but they are not ready come out and tell what he said in front of others.

 

and i have been noticing one other co-worker giving me looks, winking at me, now i think he thinks he has a chance because of what this guy has been spreading.

[shruti789]

I am devastated, I did not expect this behavior from him. I would not mind it at all if he spoke the truth-that we were messaging after work hours- he was the one initiating it , he was the one grooming me, and he has said that i chased after him. what a twist. so if we had an affair everybody will be blaming me. wow.

[S2B]

But he is this type of man... and now you know who he is. Heidi the type who will cheat and he is the type who will lie.

 

Sorry for your pain. You dodged a bullet.

[shruti789]

But he is this type of man... and now you know who he is. Heidi the type who will cheat and he is the type who will lie.

 

Sorry for your pain. You dodged a bullet.

 

i sure did. wow. we talk with people thinking they are good.but they turn around and spread lies.... i fear when i think what the future might have been,if i started an affair and sent him love texts,photos etc. he would show them to everyone! he seems like that kind of person..

[shruti789]

the more i think of it i feel angry at myself for falling for this trap. he must have been getting a huge ego boost telling everyone im after him while i was thinking we were friends ... what type of a man would do this type of things. seems he is not a MAN.

[Fair]

You already knew the answer to this question, didn't you?

[shruti789]

it turns out that his wife did find the messages. i found out today. so that's why he ended the ego trip. i feel like asking him straight when did i chase after you? why did you create stories? but i guess that will only create more drama.

[shruti789]

You already knew the answer to this question, didn't you?

 

 

I am sorry, but which one? the topic or about what type of a man he is?

[NikkiSky]

Everything that you have just said makes it clear to me that you guys are already having an emotional affair.

[shruti789]

So... I had an emotional affair, I am not proud about it, It was with a co-worker... long story short, his wife found out and we stopped. the whole story is in this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/589692-am-i-road-affair-love-married-co-worker

 

now that it is over, i seem to be finding out new details about what type of a man he is.

 

3-4 co-workers told me that from the beginning, he has been telling them that i am after him and that i am pestering him to have an affair with me, WHILE telling me why shall we stop our friendship because of fear of others and actively pursuing me.

 

what shall i do about this? i was thinking i ll smile and let the storm pass but it seems the damage is great.

[MidnightBlue1980]

So... I had an emotional affair, I am not proud about it, It was with a co-worker... long story short, his wife found out and we stopped. the whole story is in this thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/589692-am-i-road-affair-love-married-co-worker

 

now that it is over, i seem to be finding out new details about what type of a man he is.

 

3-4 co-workers told me that from the beginning, he has been telling them that i am after him and that i am pestering him to have an affair with me, WHILE telling me why shall we stop our friendship because of fear of others and actively pursuing me.

 

what shall i do about this? i was thinking i ll smile and let the storm pass but it seems the damage is great.

 

While people on LS and spouses think an EA is a bad thing, the reality is the rest of the world does view it differently from a PA. I have been telling people enough of the truth to not sound like a victim but to protect myself in the event he twists it on me. Do the same. Own enough of it, yes we were texting and I got caught up with it, but say thank goodness nothing happened or whatever. Since you did not actually sleep with him, why not make sure people know that. If he is saying it is your pursuing him, show them some evidence to the contrary. Silence is not your friend here.

 

I personally told people a while ago mm had said he loved me and wanted something. I was honest that I had flirted back. I did not give details.

[JewelD]

Tell them to mind their business and go about your day. That's one of the crap side effects of ****ting where you eat, but what's done is done.

 

Why do you care what these people think? You're not going to 'redeem' yourself by telling them what really happened because at the end of the day, it was still an affair and it still makes you look bad and dishonest.

[shruti789]

While people on LS and spouses think an EA is a bad thing, the reality is the rest of the world does view it differently from a PA. I have been telling people enough of the truth to not sound like a victim but to protect myself in the event he twists it on me. Do the same. Own enough of it, yes we were texting and I got caught up with it, but say thank goodness nothing happened or whatever. Since you did not actually sleep with him, why not make sure people know that. If he is saying it is your pursuing him, show them some evidence to the contrary. Silence is not your friend here.

 

I personally told people a while ago mm had said he loved me and wanted something. I was honest that I had flirted back. I did not give details.

 

 

I don't have evidence to show except for the messages, and i think it is a terrible thing to show those messages to others, even though there isn't anything about sex or meeting up to do things or I love you etc... and even though they said he showed the messages to them. what other thing can i show them as evidence..... just telling them does not seem to work.even though i told them (the people who told me) that we were close friends and nothing happened, they keep talking about it saying no no he said you were after him, blah blah

[shruti789]

Tell them to mind their business and go about your day. That's one of the crap side effects of ****ting where you eat, but what's done is done.

 

Why do you care what these people think? You're not going to 'redeem' yourself by telling them what really happened because at the end of the day, it was still an affair and it still makes you look bad and dishonest.

 

I don't want to "redeem" myself. i just don't want him to tell lies. if he said yeah we were texting, i have no problem with that. but when it is said that i was after him, chasing him, that makes other men think i am an easy target. I have caught two others looking at me and trying to come closer.

[Patrice]

creep. If it were me, I would simply deny and tell people he is delusionsal. At least you got the chance to see what a disgusting slimeball he really is.

[Jersey born raised]

I think Midnight statement has a lot of truth to it. I still take a very dim view of EAs as they are a serious first step to adultery. They are terminal warning signs. And they can be avoided early on.

 

I recall fragments of a childhood prayer: "and help me avoid the near temptation of sin". I almost had two EAs while married. Both times very early on I suddenly realize I was more comfortable talking with her than my wife. For some reason it felt like the most nutural thing in the world to just hold their hand. Then my gut screamed at me, what are you doing so I gently and quickly disengaged. I focused on only speaking or being around them for a specific reason and only that reason.

[MJJean]

You could simply say "Why on Earth woud I want to get tangled up with some married guy who has a kid??? Eww! I thought we were friends, he was crossing lines into inappropriate territory, I ended the friendship, and he's just spewing sour grapes. Or maybe he just needs the attention, poor man."

[Sweetfish]

So here is my question.

 

You were on the edge of cheating because your feeling grew for this co-worker.

 

So do you love and respect your husband more or when another charming guy comes by are you going to cheat?