kumar123 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I casually dated a guy for 2 months who I was starting to develop real feelings for. I thought it was mutual. We never got intimate but things were moving in that direction. Our last date ended badly. The date overall was good but ended badly and I got the vibe that he wasn't interested. He apologized for the poor ending of the date as he realized it was mostly his behaviors that were adding to that. We had a nice text conversation after that and things seemed positive. I left the ball in his court as I had initiated and planned the last date and wanted to know if he was interested. Anyway he didn't text or contact me for 2 weeks exactly. The first week of silence I was pretty disappointed but kept arranging dates with other guys and going out with friends. After 2 weeks of silence he texts me randomly saying how great I looked the last time he saw me and describing the dress I wore. That's all he said to me! I replied back with a friendly response. I asked him how he was and how I haven't heard from him in a bit but I hoped he was doing well. No reply after that. I'm not taking this guy seriously anymore but why would he text me in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Did you meet online? What day and time did he text you last? Sounds like a drunk text... Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He's checking you're still there to use as a back up, keeping you at arms length until he gets bored of his current hook up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kumar123 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Did you meet online? What day and time did he text you last? Sounds like a drunk text... We met at a bar so we met in person. He texted me at 730PM so I doubt it was a drunk text. The text was odd as all he did was compliment the way I looked the last time he saw me. Yes I would find that poor taste if he's using me as a back up plan. We didn't even get intimate and I'm not emotionally attached to him. Yes feelings were starting to develop but I wasn't crazy about him or falling in love or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 We met at a bar so we met in person. He texted me at 730PM so I doubt it was a drunk text. The text was odd as all he did was compliment the way I looked the last time he saw me. Yes I would find that poor taste if he's using me as a back up plan. We didn't even get intimate and I'm not emotionally attached to him. Yes feelings were starting to develop but I wasn't crazy about him or falling in love or anything like that. Well you met at a bar and it sounds like a drunk text. I can't really think of any logical explanation for why he texted you that out of the blue and silence a week before and a week after. If you aren't crazy about him, move on. It's not really worth dwelling on because it doesn't make any sense... Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He's checking you're still there to use as a back up, keeping you at arms length until he gets bored of his current hook up. That's possible. If so though, it was a really weak attempt... Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 At a guess, I would say this guy is possibly involved with someone else at the moment, and is using you as a backup plan. I suspect the reason he sent you a text two weeks later was to find out if you are still interested enough to respond, nothing more. He just wants to keep his options open in case things don't work out with the other person. The fact that he would go so long without contacting you gives you a clear indication of his level of interest, or at the very least that his interest has been focused on someone else. Some people feel the need to have other options at once so I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him again. Just be mindful of his intentions and don't settle for less than you want or deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I think he's just testing if you'll still indulge him and reply to him even though he ignored you. He wrote you a text that was complimenting you to butter you up - you actually replied to him despite the fact that he hadn't bothered getting in touch with you for 2 weeks. I think that kinda shows him what you'll put up with. So you replied and he is gonna ignore you a little again, but I'm betting his gonna reach out to you again at some point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 That's possible. If so though, it was a really weak attempt... No it wasn't, it was a successful attempt as you replied. He knows you'll be there the next time he messages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 No it wasn't, it was a successful attempt as you replied. He knows you'll be there the next time he messages. Except I'm not the OP... Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Next time he messages you, don't reply anything, simply ignore him! Have the mindset that he's not impressing you. Sending some stupid lame text 2 weeks later is not impressive, and he's not acting like he's a prize worth having. When he actually puts forth real effort, like calling you and asking you out on a date, then you'll give him positive attention, otherwise, ignore!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
azlightsout Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Anyway he didn't text or contact me for 2 weeks exactly. The first week of silence I was pretty disappointed but kept arranging dates with other guys and going out with friends. After 2 weeks of silence he texts me randomly saying how great I looked the last time he saw me and describing the dress I wore. That's all he said to me! I replied back with a friendly response. I asked him how he was and how I haven't heard from him in a bit but I hoped he was doing well. No reply after that. I'm not taking this guy seriously anymore but why would he text me in the first place? He gave u a nice compliment . What more do u want ? Do u want him all tangled up in your WEB? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) He gave u a nice compliment . What more do u want ? Do u want him all tangled up in your WEB? I agree and also wondering why *you* didn't contact him during that two week period? And when he did contact you, what did your response say exactly? Did it have an accusatory tone to it? Albeit unintentionally? Could he have interpreted it that way? That, in your eyes, he did something *wrong* by not contacting you even though you didn't contact him either? I don't know just playing devil's advocate. We are just hearing your side.... would love to hear HIS side. Remember, things are often NOT what they *appear* to be. Communicate ! Edited July 31, 2016 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He gave u a nice compliment . What more do u want ? Do u want him all tangled up in your WEB? Eh, I'm not feeling that. I'm thinking he's playing games, otherwise, why would he not return he text when she asked how he was. Sounds like 2 guys that I've known who were bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 In a bar or online...makes little difference now. The OP and this guy may have met at a bar, but there is a pretty good chance he is online. He didn't contact you b/c he flubbed up the last date that YOU PLANNED AND INITIATED. Not him AND b/c he is searching for someone better. I don't see any evidence that this guy needs another chance at getting into your pants (that's what he wants, btw). He contacts you after 2-weeks of silence. You respond (was a turn-off response?). And he's silent again....he's not seriously interested in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Next time respond with : K 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kumar123 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 In a bar or online...makes little difference now. The OP and this guy may have met at a bar, but there is a pretty good chance he is online. He didn't contact you b/c he flubbed up the last date that YOU PLANNED AND INITIATED. Not him AND b/c he is searching for someone better. I don't see any evidence that this guy needs another chance at getting into your pants (that's what he wants, btw). He contacts you after 2-weeks of silence. You respond (was a turn-off response?). And he's silent again....he's not seriously interested in you. Honestly all I'm laughing a bit at the responses that said "he knows I'll be around if he texts me again." And all these comments about power. 1. We didn't get intimate at all 2. I'm not emotionally attached. I responded because it was a text and takes less than 30 seconds to reply. My reply was "Thank you. How have you been? It's been awhile since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well." If the guy thinks I'm all crazy about him from me responding to a text, then he's a weird dude that is a bit of a narcissist. He knows that I'm a really sweet person, who likes to treat people the same way they'd treat me. I'm hoping he knows I responded because I don't ignore people's texts ever. There's nothing more to it. He's actually in my friend territory if that (we had a nice time, I thought he was a good person, but he's not dating/relationship material). I don't want to go on another date with this guy and now he's even further from getting into pants. If he'd been calling and scheduling dates the last couple of weeks that'd be a different story, but that's not what happened. Yeah I know he's not all that interested, might be seeing someone and the first poster might be right about him. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Honestly all I'm laughing a bit at the responses that said "he knows I'll be around if he texts me again." And all these comments about power. 1. We didn't get intimate at all 2. I'm not emotionally attached. I responded because it was a text and takes less than 30 seconds to reply. My reply was "Thank you. How have you been? It's been awhile since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well." If the guy thinks I'm all crazy about him from me responding to a text, then he's a weird dude that is a bit of a narcissist. He knows that I'm a really sweet person, who likes to treat people the same way they'd treat me. I'm hoping he knows I responded because I don't ignore people's texts ever. There's nothing more to it. He's actually in my friend territory if that (we had a nice time, I thought he was a good person, but he's not dating/relationship material). I don't want to go on another date with this guy and now he's even further from getting into pants. If he'd been calling and scheduling dates the last couple of weeks that'd be a different story, but that's not what happened. Yeah I know he's not all that interested, might be seeing someone and the first poster might be right about him. Oh come on... who are you kidding... you are interested enough to come post here and ask us... else you wouldn't bother... Link to post Share on other sites
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 He's a time waster. He is likely dating other women and you are just a distraction. A few years ago I met a guy online we met and had a pretty decent first meeting and he texted me that night he enjoyed himself etc. Then he disappeared for two weeks and out of the blue he texted me "hey what's up, what have you been up to?" To which I responded: "I got called away by the Peace Corps and you?" He got the hint. I never responded to him beyond that. The point being, these guys are time wasters. If they are contacting you 2 weeks out of the blue after a date then they are bored and not all that interested, that is what I like to think and I don't really care how close to the truth that is. I just don't waste my time with people who show mild interest, they distract me from the ones that are fully interested, as it should be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 You asked why he text, I told you. Chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kumar123 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 He's a time waster. He is likely dating other women and you are just a distraction. A few years ago I met a guy online we met and had a pretty decent first meeting and he texted me that night he enjoyed himself etc. Then he disappeared for two weeks and out of the blue he texted me "hey what's up, what have you been up to?" To which I responded: "I got called away by the Peace Corps and you?" He got the hint. I never responded to him beyond that. The point being, these guys are time wasters. If they are contacting you 2 weeks out of the blue after a date then they are bored and not all that interested, that is what I like to think and I don't really care how close to the truth that is. I just don't waste my time with people who show mild interest, they distract me from the ones that are fully interested, as it should be. Thanks for this. Yeah that makes sense. I just find the whole thing odd as I don't see the point in reaching out to someone if you are uninterested and if you are bored. But I guess that's why this guy is a time waster. You are right about it being on a distraction. I was on a good first date with a guy when he texted me and it's been a minor distraction. this happened last night so I won't be mulling on it further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kumar123 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Oh come on... who are you kidding... you are interested enough to come post here and ask us... else you wouldn't bother... I don't have tons if dating experience and never dealt with this before. I've always loved the advice in this forum to help clear up any oddity I encounter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teddius Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 A drunk text? I seriously doubt it, considering the concise manner in which he laid out the specifics of their last date together? As others have said, it sounds like he was merely testing her interest in him and her tolerance. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Honestly all I'm laughing a bit at the responses that said "he knows I'll be around if he texts me again." And all these comments about power. 1. We didn't get intimate at all 2. I'm not emotionally attached. I responded because it was a text and takes less than 30 seconds to reply. My reply was "Thank you. How have you been? It's been awhile since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well." If the guy thinks I'm all crazy about him from me responding to a text, then he's a weird dude that is a bit of a narcissist. He knows that I'm a really sweet person, who likes to treat people the same way they'd treat me. I'm hoping he knows I responded because I don't ignore people's texts ever. There's nothing more to it. He's actually in my friend territory if that (we had a nice time, I thought he was a good person, but he's not dating/relationship material). I don't want to go on another date with this guy and now he's even further from getting into pants. If he'd been calling and scheduling dates the last couple of weeks that'd be a different story, but that's not what happened. Yeah I know he's not all that interested, might be seeing someone and the first poster might be right about him. I totally understand where you're coming from. I used to be more like you when I was in my 20s. I always thought that no one should be ignored and it's better to be nice and all that - and I'm not saying that that line of thinking is wrong, but over the years and over the time spent dealing with one jackass after the next, I started to think more along of the lines of what I bolded in your post - your own words 'treat people same way they'd treat me' - this guy although maybe he never ignored a text from you, he did ignore you after the initial going out part - so now that I'm in my 30s I'm more inclined to ignore them. Actually funny thing - when I'm done with someone and it's ended and I don't see it happening I delete their number and it has happened on more than 1 occasion where someone will text me - and I don't even recognize who it is and I have to ask and it turns out to be some rando that's trying to get in touch again - it's awkward but funny too. I am still nice and it is a good quality to be nice, but overtime, I feel it's also important to know what is worth the time. It's great that you're nice - don't lose that. And writing back to that guy isn't a horrible thing, but he honestly doesn't seem like he deserves the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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