Bluewhitegreen Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Ive now been with my BF for over a year now, and although he has been in therapy he still has not changed with regards to my exes. I was dated 2 people after I got divorced one for 3 months the other for 8 months, and my current boyfriend still obsesses over them. He regularly brings them up in arguments, or is moody and distant, I even caught him looking at my ex on Facebook. I love him but his jealousy of my past is just killing me and I can't handle his mood swings. He is always making me feel guilty for my exes. I really do not know what to do and I am at the end of my tether. he says I was easy and I slept with them too easy. Maybe I did? I just don't know any more? Help....... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I would end it. Seriously. These are his problems and he is being a creep. Therapy evidently isn't working and he's rudely blaming you by calling you "easy"? Sorry, no boyfriend of mine would speak to me that way more than once. Because he wouldn't be my boyfriend after that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heartfeltlove Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Why are you with someone who erodes your happiness, self-esteem and personal soul-security in this way? he is still like this because that's how he wants to be. It's a form of control it keeps you in fear. No relationship should bind you in such an oppressive and suffocating way. A good relationship should be liberating and exhilarating. This just makes you walk on egg-shells and afraid to think say or do anything, in case it triggers further suspicion and jealousy. Think on this: He accuses you of being 'easy' but I would bet he still wants sex with you. I don't know about you, but anyone who attempts to insult my libido by implying promiscuity, doesn't get anything from me. You have stuck this awful, painful situation for a year. Do you see yourself standing the insults and suspicion, jealousy and control, for another year? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 How can you love someone that thinks so low of you? You need to work on your self esteem/self worth because his behavior is abusive, and no human being should tolerate it. he is broken, you cannot fix. please leave him. You so deserve happiness, and RESPECT for who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Are you in any sort of contact with your ex's? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
heartfeltlove Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I don't think ^^this^^ should matter. His behaviour attitude and aggression is unacceptable, whether the response is affirmative or negative. I have a cousin who has been divorced twice, and has had 3 previous BF's in addition. She is in touch and (eventually) on good terms with all her exes. Her husband has no problem with that. In fact, she gets together with them on special occasions, sometimes. She has no children, so has no legal connection to them.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I don't think ^^this^^ should matter. His behaviour attitude and aggression is unacceptable, whether the response is affirmative or negative. I have a cousin who has been divorced twice, and has had 3 previous BF's in addition. She is in touch and (eventually) on good terms with all her exes. Her husband has no problem with that. In fact, she gets together with them on special occasions, sometimes. She has no children, so has no legal connection to them.... May be why she is on her third marriage....joking, slightly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I don't think ^^this^^ should matter. His behaviour attitude and aggression is unacceptable, whether the response is affirmative or negative. I have a cousin who has been divorced twice, and has had 3 previous BF's in addition. She is in touch and (eventually) on good terms with all her exes. Her husband has no problem with that. In fact, she gets together with them on special occasions, sometimes. She has no children, so has no legal connection to them.... It maybe shouldn't matter, but maybe it is. I don't know, i am just trying to find reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heartfeltlove Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 she has given reasons. he is insanely jealous and even underwent therapy, but obviously either the jealousy is too heavily ingrained, or he doesn't want to move on. Moving on might seem to him to be an abdication of control. If he moves on and abandons this destructive dysfunction, it means he can no longer manifest any form of manipulation. That's my view on the matter. I'm just putting forward my theory, I may very well be entirely wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
gorf Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I second the other guy. What kind of contact do you have with your ex's now? What has your guy seen? Are they out of the picture, are they still "just friends" what is he jealous about and why does he call you an easy bed if they are blocked out of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Some of the others are questioning how often you contact your exes. I agree that if you're in frequent contact, there could be grounds for him feeling insecure. However, nothing can justify him calling you 'easy'. If a guy called me that, he'd be gone before the door hit his rear end. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Is there ANYTHING more fun than dealing with a guy and his retroactive jealousy? I'm here to tell you, no. It's the epitome of fun - honest! Why, there's NOTHING more enjoyable than the constant ridiculous accusations they dream up and ascribe to you because you MUST be cheating on them since you have so much 'past experience,' right? Or the sheer fun of being 'punished' for having a past when you SHOULD have been waiting in your dark house for the last 10 years - and keeping yourself chaste - because you knew you'd meet him one day, didn't you? And it's always such fun when they love to rewrite your past and try to tell you how things REALLY went in those past relationships, isn't it? And let's not forget the sheer joy of hearing about how you don't nearly do for THEM the sexual things they imagine you did with the guys in your past. Yes, it's a veritable cornucopia of pure joy. Take it from me. If you're smart, you'll run. Like the wind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 If he can't accept your past then he can't accept you, because your past is part of what you are. You have done nothing wrong! Don't allow him to treat you as you did. I am going to give you an advise from a male perspective, ditch the looser and look for someone who cares about who you are now and not who you were in your past... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Did you ever kept bring your exes up before yourself? Or compare him to them? If so that may have make him insecure and mad. But either-way this is not healthy. Maybe a break up is the better thing to do and learn form it. Take time single and work on your self esteem so you can know your worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Bichunmoo Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I think we're being too harsh on the bloke. It's obvious he cares about you ALOT if he's getting jealous like that. Help him. Instead of leaving him. I went out with a girl like this for a year. After bout a month of doing cute little things for her. She trusted me completely. I really liked her so that's why I put up the effort to continue trying. I think you need to decide if this guy is worth all that effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluewhitegreen Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Thanks for the replies guys. As for my exes I do not keep in touch with any of them. In fact the only time their names crop up is when hr mentions them. Its just he makes me feel guilty. I mean my ex husband had an affair and I ended up seeing the husband of the women who ran off with my husband. We were simply there for each other and I really liked him however he was honest and said he wasnt prepared to take on 2 small children, which I respected his honesty for. Yes I slept with him but im starting to feel guilty for it. Then I dated someone for 8 months but just didnt love him. Now my BF just always brings them up like Ive done something wrong. Im just so tired of walking on egg shells. help!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluewhitegreen Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 I do love him tho Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 I do love him tho How can you love someone who has no respect for you? Who is him to judge you for decisions you took when he was not even in the picture? Honestly, if you stay with this guy prepare yourself for the drama, he is a manipulative control freak that is trying to manipulate you to the point of making you feel bad about decisions you took that didn't have anything to do with him and that were taken when he was not even in the picture so he can have the higher moral ground. Or he changes dramatically or be prepared for a lot of hurting if you decide to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluewhitegreen Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 After everything he,s said and promised, he went down my text messages from 3 years ago.Unbelievable. Then got nasty about it. I didn't even know him then. Link to post Share on other sites
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