Ex from a few years ago wanted me back but I screwed it up

[CatDog80]

An Ex from years ago got back into contact with me. We hadn't talked in a few years. I was angry at her for some things. I was really disappointed in her from the last time I saw her. I just dealt with that by being angry about it and never let that go. It wasn't cheating and or anything abusive. Just behavior that I was disappointed about and lead me to give up on her. Also, it would have been too difficult for us to be together at that time and there was nothing we could do to change that.

 

We started talking again. Conversations were very good and it was like when we first me. But I never let go of the anger from the past and picked some fights. She got tired of that and said we shouldn't talk. I agreed and didn't contact her for a couple weeks.

 

I was just reflecting on what happened and why I could like her so much and also not let go of the anger and pick fights. I realized that it was way too long to be angry and I was using anger to not feel worse about the past.

 

I stopped feeling angry and was able to have no bad feelings. After a few days I messaged her to tell her that have no bad feelings towards her anymore and I was angry to cover up feeling hurt. I said I have more I want to say, but I'd get back to her another time.

 

I know what I want to tell her, but I want to give some space and time to think more and let her think.

 

I would like to be able to talk to her if or when she is ready and see if we can figure out if we can get to know each other again and see if we want to get back together.

 

When I messaged her a couple weeks ago, she didn't even read it. This time she read it right away, but I haven't heard anything back, which is fine. I didn't ask her anything that would prompt a reply. I mostly wanted her to know that I knew I was wrong for still being angry and I don't feel that way anymore.

 

I know she still had feelings for me years after we were apart and I am the same. It seems we are the same that way that so much time can go by but we don't lose feelings.

 

I think I'm doing this the right way, trying to figure out the source of the problems from my side and trying to change. And I have changed my perspective about it enough to let bad feelings go.

 

If anyone has had a similar experience or any advice that would be appreciated.

[Gloria25]

Well, reading from your other posts I have an answer for you...

 

Visa + American =

 

Ah, maybe this hits home with me cuz the guy I was seeing, his ex is from the country I'm from. Those women run a pretty good game when it comes to playing guys for a green card and whatever else they can get out of them (even $10.00, gloves, an Igloo cooler).

 

So, she was here on a visa and you two just had this "magical" connection?

 

Ok, yeah, get back with her and good luck.

 

I figure she's reaching out to my friend again cuz he just passed his exam, so time for her to $$cash in$$. And, obviously she's gotten under his skin cuz he's blowing me off. Well, he's saying a "guy" came to visit him. So, I figure he's not ready to blow my off again and is probably trying to meet up with her to see what she wants. Well, knowing the women from my country, in the week she's visiting, she's gonna lay it on pretty thick and probably an "oops" pregnancy is also in the works.

 

I don't know why guys fall for chicks like this and their games. I have no game; hence, why I'm single.

 

P.S. No cheating? Yea, ok. Umm, and I bet she has a lot of "friends" of the male gender too. I remember the guy who left me for the town H, who BTW, was also from my country. She was here on a visa too. And, upon expiration of her visa she was very busy making a lot of "friends". He was dumb enough for him to accept her telling him not to tell anyone they were dating cuz people gossip. Really? For real? Only thing she'd fear is if her male "friends" found out about each other, her game was up. A Puerto Rican sergeant we worked with (tall, handsome, wanted to get with me) was telling me he approached her too, but he said he had no time for H's like her.

Edited August 1, 2016 by Gloria25

[CatDog80]

Well, reading from your other posts I have an answer for you...

 

Visa + American =

 

Ah, maybe this hits home with me cuz the guy I was seeing, his ex is from the country I'm from. Those women run a pretty good game when it comes to playing guys for a green card and whatever else they can get out of them (even $10.00, gloves, an Igloo cooler).

 

So, she was here on a visa and you two just had this "magical" connection?

 

Ok, yeah, get back with her and good luck.

 

I figure she's reaching out to my friend again cuz he just passed his exam, so time for her to $$cash in$$. And, obviously she's gotten under his skin cuz he's blowing me off. Well, he's saying a "guy" came to visit him. So, I figure he's not ready to blow my off again and is probably trying to meet up with her to see what she wants. Well, knowing the women from my country, in the week she's visiting, she's gonna lay it on pretty thick and probably an "oops" pregnancy is also in the works.

 

I don't know why guys fall for chicks like this and their games. I have no game; hence, why I'm single.

 

She likes where she lives now. She asked me to visit and said she'd visit next. I can't read her mind to know if she would be with me in order to move to the US. She already has an American lifestyle that she can support on her own, with her own place, car, money to travel, go out to eat, etc. If she moved to the US, she'd be sacrificing her friends and family. I know there are lots of poor people who will marry an American for money, but she has a good lifestyle already.

[CatDog80]

 

P.S. No cheating? Yea, ok. Umm, and I bet she has a lot of "friends" of the male gender too. I remember the guy who left me for the town H, who BTW, was also from my country. She was here on a visa too. And, upon expiration of her visa she was very busy making a lot of "friends". He was dumb enough for him to accept her telling him not to tell anyone they were dating cuz people gossip. Really? For real? Only thing she'd fear is if her male "friends" found out about each other, her game was up. A Puerto Rican sergeant we worked with (tall, handsome, wanted to get with me) was telling me he approached her too, but he said he had no time for H's like her.

 

We haven't been together for years. She's had relationships and dated since me and so have I.

[Gloria25]

She likes where she lives now. She asked me to visit and said she'd visit next. I can't read her mind to know if she would be with me in order to move to the US. She already has an American lifestyle that she can support on her own, with her own place, car, money to travel, go out to eat, etc. If she moved to the US, she'd be sacrificing her friends and family. I know there are lots of poor people who will marry an American for money, but she has a good lifestyle already.

 

Well, I know many foreigners who have friends, family, jobs and lives where they're from - yet they still want that green card. She may have a good lifestyle there, but she knows she could do better here. Shoot Salma Hayek was like in a star in Mexico or something. She came to the US with fame already on her shoulders, but the US offered more. Don't kid yourself. You probably would take a blow to your self-esteem if you accept/realize that she is trying to use you, but hey, if you wanna put on blinders to feel better, that's normal, people are defensive.

 

Dude, you have no idea. I have tons of stories. The guy who left me for the town H? His ex wife was also from my country. When they came here, she automatically demanded he send for her relatives - and yea, she came here and got a job, and all that too, and they even had two kids - but he was her ticket to a green card here.

 

Another one? She was so greedy. She had a job, drove a BMW here, and was married to an American soldier, but was messing around all the time. One day this old guy came to the office asking for her. He could barely walk and said he brought her lunch. I was walking down the hall one day, and she was kissing a guy from my country who was in the military. OH, and, she kept on asking me to go into the city with her - but I knew she was trying to use me so she could lie to her husband and go clubbing. She was greedy and nasty.

 

I know tons of women from my country who sacrificed family and friends to come here. My country may have modernized, but it's still a struggle to make ends meet and people know that they have better opportunities in the US. And yes, many people in my country now live like Americans. Last time I went home, they got Cinnabons, and all that too. People from my country always liked the American dollar and have adopted Western lifestyle.

 

Even though I was born here and raised till a certain age, when I returned to the US it was hard for me too. But, we all know that we have a better chance here than over there. I also had a job over there and was getting ready to go to college but needed money and opportunity.

 

I know some peeps from Venezuela. They had good lives too. They were professionals in their country. But, they weren't stupid, they knew they had to get out. Venezuela is a mess now. One of them, (this 42 year old who now is bunking with a 23 yr old here), she came here and married this young white guy with no job who lived with his parents. Then, she turned around and got her green card, food stamps, etc. cuz she claimed he was abusing her. Now, she's working, put her son through college, etc.

 

But hey, good luck with her. I'm sure she'll make you happy.

[Gloria25]

She likes where she lives now. She asked me to visit and said she'd visit next. I can't read her mind to know if she would be with me in order to move to the US. She already has an American lifestyle that she can support on her own, with her own place, car, money to travel, go out to eat, etc. If she moved to the US, she'd be sacrificing her friends and family. I know there are lots of poor people who will marry an American for money, but she has a good lifestyle already.

 

Wanna read her head to see if she's not using you for a green card?

 

Don't ever have sex with her and tell her that you realized that you will never, ever get married with anyone. Also, start telling her that you like how her country is more Westernized and want to come and stay with her.

 

Or better yet, stop having sex, tell her you won't have sex until you are married and that you wanna come and live in her country since she has family, friends, etc. there and you like that it's like the US.

 

Cuz you see, if you marry her over there, she can't get residency - much less citizenship until she hits American soil. See how content she will be that you want to leave the U.S. and not inconvenience her by expecting her to leave her country. And use protection with her if you're having sex. Don't trust her - and see how far this goes.

 

Guaranteed when you tell her you wanna move over there and you two need to start making plans, she'll have the biggest frown EVER.

[basil67]

You sent this "Just letting you know that you won't hear from me again. Even though it didn't go well, I'm glad we talked. It helped me make some decisions I put off. I know you are doing well and I'm happy here too. I think a part of me was trying to make conflicts so I wouldn't have to take any risk. Maybe that was for the best. I'm not sure. But I agree with you that it's best if we don't talk anymore." to her in mid July.

 

I can't imagine her giving you another chance after such a final contact

[CatDog80]

You sent this "Just letting you know that you won't hear from me again. Even though it didn't go well, I'm glad we talked. It helped me make some decisions I put off. I know you are doing well and I'm happy here too. I think a part of me was trying to make conflicts so I wouldn't have to take any risk. Maybe that was for the best. I'm not sure. But I agree with you that it's best if we don't talk anymore." to her in mid July.

 

I can't imagine her giving you another chance after such a final contact

 

I wanted to give her space since we were arguing and she was tired of that. It was the best thing for both of us. I wasn't able to think clearly.

 

I'm still giving her space. I'm not asking for another chance today.

 

My first goal is to improve myself for my own good. I would also like to talk to her again at some point if she is open to that. That may mean that we will try to work something out. It may mean that she isn't interested in talking and there isn't anything I can do about that. Or it may mean that we will talk and we will figure out that we don't want to pursue anything.