No contact 5 weeks. Hope

[adelfue]

My boyfriend and I broke up around 2 weeks ago , our relationship was a little bit complicated he was always striving for healthy and wanted to take me on a healthy journey with him , it got controlling and he hated the fact that I couldn't get healthy and adapt as quickly as him ,

 

we broke up several times after I would drink because he didn't like some mannerism that I had or just simply couldn't accept the way that I was because he was always striving for perfection , even like that I would always give him all my love and care about his needs for him to be happy

 

around a month ago , we broke up and something in him shut down that night even though the next morning we got back together (I know I know sounds like a game we are both really stubborn) he left to Joshua tree for 3 days and when he came back I didn't notice anything different we had some date nights and it was all okay until 3 weeks ago when he started acting distant and just didn't show any interest in me , I asked him what was wrong and he said Joshua tree had changed him that he know felt hopeless about us that the feeling was not there anymore ,

 

we did have one night of closure he hugged me all night and begged for me to heal and come back into his life when I no longer felt love for him and that maybe then we would have another chance at this... he said that he also missed me and cared about me after that

 

I begged for around 4 days got drunk once my bad mistake but last Friday I understood I had to stop talking to him so that I could heal and feel better its almost been a week and hes all I think about ,

I think about the no contact rule and thing of him coming back sometime ,

 

I know our relationship was not perfect but I love him dearly and I always worked to make him happy , he did express to me that one time we slept together our last time , that if he thought that I was the right one he would already given me an engagement ring I forgot to say we had been dating for almost 2 years , and he did tell me that he didn't see me as the mother of his children anymore ,

 

please anyone who can advise me should I give up on him forever? or should I just give it time , before we broke up 3 days before he did ask me when I was going to move closer to him or with him since we live 1 hour away from each other , it took me by surprise when 5 days after that he decided to broke up with me , I wont talk to him anymore I just don't know if this is really over

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Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Poutrew]

It is. And, be grateful. Having a perfectionist for a partner is a losers game. As a parting gift for him, give him a copy of the book Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, and tell him Gaia the Earth Goddess gave it to you at Joshua Tree whilst he was contemplating his navel. Then go NC on his evolved ass and never look back... wrong direction and all that.

[Satu]

What we all need is people who love us for who we are now, not for some hypothetical improved versions of ourselves.

 

You have the right to be you.

 

This breakup is a blessing in disguise, because all that pressure to change has been withdrawn.

 

A lifetime of that pressure would be awful.

 

Relax. You can breathe now.

 

 

Take care.

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship was dysfunctional and very unhealthy for you.

 

So yes, you should absolutely be over for good this time. He is playing games with you and manipulating you. For him, it's about power and controlling you, not love. I hope you can see that.

[Buddhist]

Yes it's really over. Your lifestyles are incompatible. No you won't get over him in just 2 weeks. More like 2-6 months. Keep at it.

[adelfue]

Hi Everyone who is currently reading this , I really wanted to share my experience with you guys ,

 

the guy I was dating for almost two years left me around a month and a half ago 3 days before my birthday! he first asked for time to think things through and then of course left , because he said our paths were different and bla bla bla you know how it goes , I begged him a whoooleeee week in which he insisted that I go no contact on him in order to heal and then be friends and having a chance on going back together...

 

I didn't understand why I had to stop talking to him I wanted to keep on begging I wanted HIM BACK at that moment , ADDICTION? YEAH! BIG ONE! I stopped talking to him for 3 weeks and around a week and a half ago I had this big urge to talk to him , i now regret it but hey we need to mess up to learn.

 

he basically told me he didn't want out relationship anymore that he cared for me and that was love but not the one i was looking for and all that talk about not being healed yet and offering me just a small friendship when i am healed.

 

Well i was sooo depressed after breaking contact i knew right after the text that i had made a mistake I WAS ALLERGIC TO THIS DUDE TO THE FULLEST. he was causing anxiety depression to be worried to feel rejected! something that could get easily fixed if i really did no contact and just loved myself a lot!!! to understand that he was not in a pedestal during our relationship that my addiction came due to lack of self love. We both messed up and we both took our relationship to the end. I already forgave myself and Him.

 

The reason why im writing this is because there is hope guys there is hope to feel and be better , I now know that i don't want that relationship back not the old one anyway , I don't have hope anymore and im not expecting to show up at my porch like i did a couple of weeks ago.

 

It seems like a miracle to me that all my negative feelings left my mind , i am journaling everyday and i re-direct my mind whenever its going to the dark side , I've been excercising every day ! and that is helping too , I could of turned this post into a nasty negative one about him and all but NO. i will not touch his negatives anymore i will focus on the positive feelings and attracting better things , I cannot say I don't want a second chance with him , but i also know right now is not the right time no amount of begging or telling him i miss him will bring him back , I am alone now and i will enjoy it and be positive so life can bring me the greatest relationship i can call.

 

If there are spiritual people out there , the law of attraction and a youtube channel called mouth of the ape has helped me a lot as well as Abraham hicks. PLEASE do not give up on yourself you hold the key to feeling better focus on your goals and yourself do not accept bread crumbs , self respect when the time is right that person or someone even better will come by Have faith! but for now loose the HOPE and gain love for yourself!!!!

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Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Hamish57a]

Thank you, I am alone right now because I choose to be, I know when I'm ready I won't have any trouble finding some one, I never have. I've learned a lot from previous failures. I know that it is possible to be with my for ever love. But in saying that, I won't settle just because I'm lonely, I hope that I can take it slow. be friends first and build something wonderful. I'm not against meeting some one online. so yes there is happiness out there and it will happen in time.

[bummer]

I stopped talking to him for 3 weeks and around a week and a half ago I had this big urge to talk to him , i now regret it but hey we need to mess up to learn.

 

This is the Truth.

[juniorrocha]

You know, people often think that the only way to go is going full NC etc. But people work in different ways. You never know what triggers the "finally moving on" feeling in you.

 

Here's my usual wall of text, sharing how it's going for me, if anyone cares to read.

 

After my ex coming back and dumping me again in 5 days, I went 2 weeks feeling desperately alone. Everything reminded me of her and everything made me cry. The fact my birthday was near didn't help it either.

 

Then 2 days before my birthday this week, I messaged her to send a file she was looking for and I found it on my computer. She said she misses me, but I didn't take the breadcrumbs and said bye. Two days after that was my birthday. She called me at night to wish me a happy birthday. That was when I FINALLY felt free. I was expecting a call or a text, and when she did that, it just broke the cycle. It's been 3 days now and I have absolutely NO desire of contacting her, getting in touch, seeing her, stalking, ANYTHING! I feel so free right now, I want to run as fast as I can and far from her.

 

Am I going full NC? Nop, I don't need to. It doesn't work for me. Especially because even after all that we've been through, I'll still care for her during my whole life. I would love if in a few months from now we get in touch again and become friends.

 

And I went out to a first date last night with a very hot girl and it was awesome. I'm planning a trip in 2 weeks which I'll visit some cities of my country, then going to my hometown to see my family/closest friends and coming back to my normal routine. I also have a few parties planned for the weekend and other activities which I'm really looking forward.

 

So yes, there is HOPE. But you should keep your life going, doing your best, getting to your best, and especially, finding a way to finally realize that it's over AND better things are coming. There's a whole world out there which you'll love to see when the grieving is done.

[adelfue]

After my break up two months ago , I begged my boyfriend of almost two years for another chance for a whole week , I went no contact after he rejected me and told me he was already over me and that I needed to go no contact to heal and maybe in the future give it another try , but that right now he was not feeling it and we were on different paths ,

 

So I stopped talking to him for 3 weeks having faith that he might come back but he never did , and I talked to him and ofcourse I got the typical I care for you and that's love but not the one I want or I miss you but I know its over , and he also told me I was not ready to be his friend yet and that if we were ever friends we would need to start only by being a small part of our lives...

 

I don't know if im taking a step back by posting this here , but after that I was so mad , I erased all my social media , I erased his number I changed the way my room looks I haven't heard anything from him and his family and I don't want to , because I know he would only hurt me ,

 

today im starting my second month of no contact at all i know any little thing i know about him would destroy me , but why do i feel so emotional? i know he is doing fine , i already forgave him and myself , i have been reading a lot about spirituality and just learning to move on , but i just feel so sad , probably because all the good memories keep coming back to me

 

how did you guys cope with this stage of no contact? im already going to therapy , im at the gym , i work 8-5 everyday except weekends , ive been reading a ton and learning self love and respect and that's the reason why im letting him go , but why do i feel this way right now if i did so good the first month?

Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[runup]

A lot of times your emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. I'm still on it myself. Someday's I think to myself: "I'm great, I am finally over my ex leaving me and am happy to have learned from it...etc.." Other days it still hits me hard and I have trouble grasping that it has in fact happened. I am almost two months in. I did 25 days NC and tried to be friends but it didn't work out. MY ex girlfriend has been honest in that she is over me. Whether or not she is masking her feelings to persuade herself she's over is up for debate, but I have to realize it doesn't matter, I need to move on.

 

You'll be on this rollercoaster for a while. Accept it. The best way to minimize the drops of the ride is to get rid of the things that trigger it. Do you find when you talk to him or see things of his that you end up better or worse off? I'd imagine in your current state (as it is mine) you get some immediate gratification that instantly turns into regret and sadness. Love is a drug. You're addicted and he isn't. Stop the addiction. Only then can you consider being friends. You'll know you're over him when you can look at a picture of him and feel no emotion, just the recognition of a face. It seems far fetched in your current state but that along with self development and learning is the goal!

 

You can't have any contact with him. Even if it's his birthday! Even if he sends you a message, you can't respond. DONT RESPOND TO ANYTHING. It may seem rude, but you need to protect yourself. Would you rather be happy or suffer? That's a simple question with a difficult answer because the answer isn't so clear cut. It's good you deleted his number/ social media. That's a great step.

 

If you have anything that reminds you of him, put it in a shoebox or something. If there is anything on your phone, save it to your computer and make the folder password protected. Make it hard for yourself to think of the memories. You won't forget them, you're just putting them away until you will no longer suffer from their presence. Of course memories are in your head as well, and you shouldn't feel the need to suppress them. Accept the good and bad thoughts in your head and let yourself feel what needs to be felt. You'll grow tired of the thoughts and subconsciously will slowly get over him. BUT IF YOU SLIP UP, YOU HAVE TO START ALL OVER. Really, I slipped up and made contact a month in. Biggest regret so far, yet I did learn a valuable lesson; so everything take with a grain of salt.

[adelfue]

A lot of times your emotions are on a rollercoaster ride. I'm still on it myself. Someday's I think to myself: "I'm great, I am finally over my ex leaving me and am happy to have learned from it...etc.." Other days it still hits me hard and I have trouble grasping that it has in fact happened. I am almost two months in. I did 25 days NC and tried to be friends but it didn't work out. MY ex girlfriend has been honest in that she is over me. Whether or not she is masking her feelings to persuade herself she's over is up for debate, but I have to realize it doesn't matter, I need to move on.

 

You'll be on this rollercoaster for a while. Accept it. The best way to minimize the drops of the ride is to get rid of the things that trigger it. Do you find when you talk to him or see things of his that you end up better or worse off? I'd imagine in your current state (as it is mine) you get some immediate gratification that instantly turns into regret and sadness. Love is a drug. You're addicted and he isn't. Stop the addiction. Only then can you consider being friends. You'll know you're over him when you can look at a picture of him and feel no emotion, just the recognition of a face. It seems far fetched in your current state but that along with self development and learning is the goal!

 

You can't have any contact with him. Even if it's his birthday! Even if he sends you a message, you can't respond. DONT RESPOND TO ANYTHING. It may seem rude, but you need to protect yourself. Would you rather be happy or suffer? That's a simple question with a difficult answer because the answer isn't so clear cut. It's good you deleted his number/ social media. That's a great step.

 

If you have anything that reminds you of him, put it in a shoebox or something. If there is anything on your phone, save it to your computer and make the folder password protected. Make it hard for yourself to think of the memories. You won't forget them, you're just putting them away until you will no longer suffer from their presence. Of course memories are in your head as well, and you shouldn't feel the need to suppress them. Accept the good and bad thoughts in your head and let yourself feel what needs to be felt. You'll grow tired of the thoughts and subconsciously will slowly get over him. BUT IF YOU SLIP UP, YOU HAVE TO START ALL OVER. Really, I slipped up and made contact a month in. Biggest regret so far, yet I did learn a valuable lesson; so everything take with a grain of salt.

 

Thank you for your words , yes I don't have anything from him anymore no pictures nothing at all , I guess I was trying to help a friend going through a break up yesterday and I went back to mine to make her feel better I guess that brought all the emotions back. Thank you!

[JewelD]

It takes time. Some say it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the breakup, so in your case, 1 year. However, I dated a guy for 3 years and I was over it in about 3 months.

 

Everyone is different. Just bc you feel sad doesn't mean it's not working. But you can't rush the process, you just have to go through it and feel all of those emotions. It sucks, but you can always post on here.

 

Sometimes I found it helpful to write in my journal about it or try to help other people on here with their problems. Don't give up!

[runup]

Thank you for your words , yes I don't have anything from him anymore no pictures nothing at all , I guess I was trying to help a friend going through a break up yesterday and I went back to mine to make her feel better I guess that brought all the emotions back. Thank you!

 

It's good you talk about it. A lot of times, talking about it will bring back those emotions, but that's only because they are still there! You were just "dampening" them in a sense. By speaking about it, you brought up your feelings and 'let them free'. Talk about your relationship and feelings until you get bored of talking about it, that day will come!

[adelfue]

It takes time. Some say it takes half the time of the relationship to get over the breakup, so in your case, 1 year. However, I dated a guy for 3 years and I was over it in about 3 months.

 

Everyone is different. Just bc you feel sad doesn't mean it's not working. But you can't rush the process, you just have to go through it and feel all of those emotions. It sucks, but you can always post on here.

 

Sometimes I found it helpful to write in my journal about it or try to help other people on here with their problems. Don't give up!

 

 

yes no I wont , I know I would only hurt myself more if I attempted to contact again , I need to let go for good.

[adelfue]

It's good you talk about it. A lot of times, talking about it will bring back those emotions, but that's only because they are still there! You were just "dampening" them in a sense. By speaking about it, you brought up your feelings and 'let them free'. Talk about your relationship and feelings until you get bored of talking about it, that day will come!

 

yes you are right thank you! I will try to pay more attention to what im feeling!

[Pud]

I'm in very much the same boat as you, it's been 4 months with 1 month nc. Somedays I too feel like I'm actually ok, even tho she's in my head from when I wake up till I go sleep I feel ok with it.... But then one day (like today) I wake up having had a dream of her and all thoughts and feelings are back.

 

I also begged for her to come back for some time but she wouldn't. So many things remind me of her.

 

I cant even walk through tesco with out seeing the same flip flops she wore when we went on holiday and it all comes flooding back.

 

I really struggle on days like today, I just go to sleep hoping tomorrow will better.

 

Good luck, and remember your not alone

[adelfue]

I'm in very much the same boat as you, it's been 4 months with 1 month nc. Somedays I too feel like I'm actually ok, even tho she's in my head from when I wake up till I go sleep I feel ok with it.... But then one day (like today) I wake up having had a dream of her and all thoughts and feelings are back.

 

I also begged for her to come back for some time but she wouldn't. So many things remind me of her.

 

I cant even walk through tesco with out seeing the same flip flops she wore when we went on holiday and it all comes flooding back.

 

I really struggle on days like today, I just go to sleep hoping tomorrow will better.

 

Good luck, and remember your not alone

 

 

Hey , I hope you are feeling better this morning! it is hard to go no contact but we have to remember how strong we will be in a couple of months more best of luck in your recovery

[bummer]

Initially, you are pushing your ex away and out of your thoughts. You are trying to convince yourself it's over and to give up hope.

 

Later, the reality is sinking in. They really are gone. And you aren't. Then the self-loathing for still being stuck makes you feel insecure. Working through the acceptance is hard.

[adelfue]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago , he fell out of love and i did not see it coming , even though we both had flaws i had a feeling

we would make it i guess he did not see it like that , he said he was done trying that he had no more hope and that we were on different paths , the first week i was going crazy he has been my first real relationship , I am 25 at the moment I begged , i bargained i went to visit him , for a whole week I was just trying to bring him back to me but it was too late for us.

 

I learned about No contact in that week well he said that i needed to stop talking to him so that i could move on and heal , because he was already healed and he was ready to be my friend , then i found a ton of books about no contact and about guys coming back to you after 30 days , and for a lot of people that might be the case but i guess that when someone is truly over you no No contact will ever work. So I did no contact for three weeks for the wrong reasons and I failed , i talked to him he said that he cared for me and that was love but not the one that i wanted , that he didnt want our relationship anymore and that he missed the good times but it was over .

 

I must say that i am grateful because at least we was being honest and he never ignored me or stopped responding , he said i was not ready to be his friend yet and that if we start the friendship we would only have to be a small part of our lives and see where life takes us from there , he says that if we ever try it again it would be a year down the line when i am healed and see if thigs flow , i have a feeling he just said that for me to feel better for many weeks all those words where giving me hope. After those text and that rejection ,

 

I decided to go strict no contact it's my fifth week of full no contact , but it hurts because no contact was something introduced to me from him so that i could heal , Something in my heart tells me he will come back but I know its only the hope , and he told me i need to get rid of it , but today has been such an emotional day to me i am not planning on breaking my NC i dont want to be more hurt i erased all my social media , i am not speaking to his family anymore its been 5 weeks of full no real contact ,

 

I dont think of what hes doing or if hes happy or not i am focused on myself but the thing is he is always on my mind , not in a bad way but he is just there , if somebody has been through something like this and could help me with good words i would appreciate it thank you. I have also been going to the gym 5 days a week , working over time , i stopped drinking and going back to school in august

Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator