Still around.... What now?

[Privatelover01]

It's been a year since my affair ended and yet he's still a very big part of my life. For sometime MM and I had no contact but that changed. I don't understand his logic if we have no 1-1 time, we rarely speak and it's been a year. Without getting too in depth I can say he's still around in a sense.

 

I have never told him that I love him, and I don't think he deserves to hear those words from me until he's no longer married. I don't have expectations for him to leave his family. However, him being around in some capacity makes me question alot.

 

I have since (6-8mons) started to date and enjoy life. Although I haven't found the right one, I'm hoping that one day someone can come into life that doesn't belong to another woman. It is hard to feel this way towards a man who has already built a life with someone else.

 

What's next ?

[ChickiePops]

It makes him feel good to think that you're still pining for him even though he's perfectly happy in his current situation.

 

Why is anything next? Why are you still bothering with someone who doesn't give a rats butt about you?

[imperfectangel]

It makes him feel good to think that you're still pining for him even though he's perfectly happy in his current situation.

 

Why is anything next? Why are you still bothering with someone who doesn't give a rats butt about you?

 

You don't know that he doesn't care but if you aren't together then why keep him around?

[Poppy47]

Your affair hasn't ended.

 

You will never find anybody while you are pining for MM. You still have an attachment there.

 

Poppy.

[anika99]

Why are still letting him be around you?

[ChickiePops]

You don't know that he doesn't care but if you aren't together then why keep him around?

 

People who care don't treat others this way.

[ladydesigner]

When I was fMOW I kept in contact with my xOM (who had a long-term gf) after our A ended. You know what that did for me? It kept the thoughts of him active and present in my mind, therefore I was not REALLY getting over my A kwim?

 

I don't believe that those who stay in contact with their MM are actually doing so with the intent of having a friendship. I think there is always hope that by keeping a thread of connection makes them feel better and maybe might reignite the R again.

[What_Did_I_Do]

Your affair hasn't ended.

 

You will never find anybody while you are pining for MM. You still have an attachment there.

 

Poppy.

 

^^^This. So very true. Lord knows I've tried dating and all I do is compare these gentlemen to MM. No one even comes close. Ugh.

[burnt]

I have since (6-8mons) started to date and enjoy life. Although I haven't found the right one, I'm hoping that one day someone can come into life that doesn't belong to another woman.

Now imagine that right person comes along in your life tomorrow. Care to guess what will happen? You will ruin that potentially wonderful relationship because you still are pining for a man who is clearly not yours to have. EVER.

 

What's next ?

 

NC. NC. NC.

 

NO CONTACT. Not half way, not half baked, not kinda-sorta, but fully committed No Contact for the rest of your life.

 

It doesn't matter what you feel; it doesn't matter what you want; it doesn't matter how much you may love him. The reality is this man is not yours to have.

 

I don't recommend that you start dating. Spend some time "finding yourself". Any relationship you enter now into will be unfair to the other person, simply because you are not ready to fully love another at this point, as long as this MM is still in your life.

 

Let Go of Him. Nobody said it would be easy. But it's the only way.

[Poppy47]

^^^This. So very true. Lord knows I've tried dating and all I do is compare these gentlemen to MM. No one even comes close. Ugh.

 

They are hopefully single and honest.... that's a head start in my books!

 

Poppy.

[whichwayisup]

^^^This. So very true. Lord knows I've tried dating and all I do is compare these gentlemen to MM. No one even comes close. Ugh.

 

Because you still have hope. You have NOT let him go, you think some day he'll divorce and come find you. He isn't going to do that. He's living life with his wife, not thinking of you. You're pining for him and therefore far from over him. Seems you've not really grieved the loss, nor detached yourself from him.

 

Dating is pointless as your heart isn't in it and you're comparing others to him and they never measure up.

 

If you want happiness, get counseling, learn how to grieve in a healthy way with the help of a therapist so you can finally rid of him from your heart and head. Then you're really ready and open to someone else, that's when you date and exMM (you refer to him as MM still and he's NOT your MM anymore) won't be a factor at all in your head or life.

 

Please move on and forget him. You're wasting YOUR life for someone who isn't into you at all anymore.

[Satu]

He is where he wants to be, with the person he wants to be with.

 

Obviously, you're not that person.

 

I'm going to say that again, for emphasis:

 

He doesn't want to be with you.

 

It would be wise to completely erase this exMM from your life, so that you can have a great relationship with someone yourself, but that won't happen if you keep that candle burning in your window.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.