A critical moment. My 10 year story with her.

[dogsandcats]

Hi everyone.

 

I'll tell you the full story, if you don't want to read it, just go to the TLDR section.

 

I first saw this girl on first highschool grade, just being a 13 year-old boy. That was the first moment my mind thought about "liking someone".

 

I have always been very unconfident, that's why I didn't talk to her until one day several months before, when we had to do some work together, chosen by luck. We chatted for an hour and I was ****ing sweating and embarrassed like never before. We talked a few times before summer arrived, and the first time we started dating was next year on second grade. We were doing it for like 1 or 2 months, when we broke up for many things: I didn't like how she flirted to other guys, I was very unconfident and nervous, I lived on a small village a little far from her, the 14-year-old ego and immaturity... That didn't end very well.

 

After that, she found another guy after 2 weeks and I found very difficult to leave my house (apart from going to highschool) for the next year and a half, when another girl helped me to step over. I started dating this new girl for the next 10 months, till we broke up.

 

Some months later, I started talking again with the first girl. We started dating again on our best time as a couple, for almost a year. During that time, she was meeting a boy very frequently, but I tried to trust her and didn't give it much importance. So, one day she told me that she cheated on me last night with that guy. She cried a lot asking me to forgive her, while I said nothing for like an hour, I was really dissapointed. Finally, I forgave her. After all everyone should have a 2nd chance, we are humans, and she had balls to told me by herself. Everything went good again but, 1 month later, she broke up with me because she had to "put her mind in order". I asked her several times "why?" but she never answered anything convincing.

 

After that, some months passed and we tried again. This time she started studying at the university, so she was far away from me. One day I wanted to visit her there, but she made a lot of excuses. Anyway, the plan to visit her was still ongoing, but one day before, she told me she was very ill. I said "OK then". But next day I discovered she went to a disco-party, so I broke up with her cause of her lies and cause a party was more important than meet me after weeks far from each other. She didn't really complain too much about the break up.

 

Again, some time passed and we tried one last time. But this time I was aware of one guy who met a lot with her did actually like her, so this plus past things made me to not trust her very much. At a time when we were dating, she gave me a letter I shouldn't read (never did) and said I had to deliver it two years from then, that is: this month. Few weeks after that, she broke up with me arguing that I didn't like her to meet that guy who liked her, saying that I didn't trust her. Some time later I found out that she was cheating on me with that boy (they actually started dating like 1 week after me and her broke up, how unnoticeable right?).

 

Too long didn't read: Every day since I was 12 years old, I have thought about her every single day. She cheated on me 3 times, but before the last she gave me a letter to herself, which I shouldn't read (and never did) and had to deliver it two years from then, that is: this month.

 

The question is: What the **** do I do? Obviously we didn't end very well. We saw each other 2 or 3 times, but didn't talk during this 2 years. The thing is I promised to give her the letter back, and it could finally be the oportunity to close a chapter in a good way. But what if it opens again and hurts someone? Am I an idiot for, in the end, wanting to try again; for, after all, missing her?