30 and never had a girlfriend

[C.J.]

Hi,

 

Here is my problem. I'm a 30 year old guy and never been in a real relationship. I've never had a girlfriend. I have gone out on dates but not very many. The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 2 weeks and it wasn't even anything serious.

 

I'm a little concern about this. I'm not a great looking guy but I don't consider myself ugly either. I'm not a geek or anything like that. I go out and try to meet people. I just can't figure out why this is not happening for me. I don't think it's my personality because more than once I had girls telling me I'm a really nice person.

 

Several times when I had met someone I really liked, things didn't work out between us because of something out of our control, i.e., she accepted a new job and was moving soon, etc. To make a long story short, the dating game was never in my favor.

 

This problem is really bothering me and sometimes it's making me depressed. I know things happen in our lives for certain reasons, but I don't want to sit around and not do anything about it.

 

What can I do?? Help me please...

[Tony T]

My guess is that this all started when you were pretty young. Either you came from a family that was not encouraging in the dating department or your self esteem was pushed below ground. Perhaps social encounters with the opposite sex were discouraged.

 

In any case, you took a very early stand in terms of social situations with women and you've got to think way back and see just where this started. Then you've got to change it. The subconscious mind is a very powerful thing. You've got to get in there and reprogram it. This is the part of the mind that manifests your reality. If you program yourself for failure mentally, you are doomed in reality.

 

There is no good reason for any man, no matter how unattractive (I'm assuming you don't have body odor of bad breath), not to have all the dates he can handle.

 

So, are you too picky? Are you shy? Do you fear rejection? Are you wearing some decent clothes? Are you reasonably groomed? Perhaps you feel awkward about being 30 with little experience...that's not really a big deal. However, I wouldn't tell women you date how inexperienced you are. Just go with the flow.

 

Perhaps a counsellor can help you get to the root of the problem.

 

I suggest you make some good lady friends, females you just hang out with but don't date. Get comfortable around them, do things with them. In that process, they will introduce you to their female friends and pretty soon you will have more ladies to date than you'll know what to do with.

[Miss Mojo]

hi cj,

 

have you tried dating services or internet dating services?

 

you tell them what you are specifically after, and you will be matched with someone who has the same interests, wants the same things etc...and if it doesn't work out, you have ample opportunity to try with heaps more people....and if it doesn't work out with one person, you can have a lot of fun finding someone who is suitable for you.

 

...just a thought.

 

[Miss Mojo]

I suggest you make some good lady friends, females you just hang out with but don't date. Get comfortable around them, do things with them. In that process, they will introduce you to their female friends and pretty soon you will have more ladies to date than you'll know what to do with.

 

it's so much easier to attract the opposite sex when you are comfortable enough to just be yourself. we are usually like this around our friends, so when a female friend invites her friends around.....there's a better opportunity of being relaxed, approachable, genuinely liked.

 

....it certainly beats the idea of a dating service, and is a lot more practical in the whole scheme of things (especially if he is shy around women)

[Dragonflys]

..and that is the reason why you are continually frustrated.

 

Everyone has their share of bad luck with women, I have moving out stories of my own, and I have had a million turn me down..but I promise you that the reason they turned me down was not because of the way I looked, what I said, what I wore, or what I had (or didn't)..most of them turned me down because I piles all the failures on top of each other and became the victim.

 

You must start with afresh, with a new attitude and glow in your eye. Love every single women out there regardless of the nonsense they come up with ...so that when the right one comes along you will have the right attitude. A lot of women and men base a lot of how they feel about someone on that first impression. No matter how much you warm up after that, it will make little difference. That first impression is what the person thinks about themselves.

 

It's up to you...

 

Good luck

 

Oliver

[WGirl]

Why don't you ask out the women who think you are a nice person? Have you tried that? Where do you go to try and meet women? I hate to say this but men still need to be the aggressors for the most part in dating relationships. Most women were brought up to think men are supposed to do the asking and chasing and most women won't ask you for a date if they are interested.

Hi, Here is my problem. I'm a 30 year old guy and never been in a real relationship. I've never had a girlfriend. I have gone out on dates but not very many. The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 2 weeks and it wasn't even anything serious. I'm a little concern about this. I'm not a great looking guy but I don't consider myself ugly either. I'm not a geek or anything like that. I go out and try to meet people. I just can't figure out why this is not happening for me. I don't think it's my personality because more than once I had girls telling me I'm a really nice person. Several times when I had met someone I really liked, things didn't work out between us because of something out of our control, i.e., she accepted a new job and was moving soon, etc. To make a long story short, the dating game was never in my favor. This problem is really bothering me and sometimes it's making me depressed. I know things happen in our lives for certain reasons, but I don't want to sit around and not do anything about it.

 

What can I do?? Help me please...

[C.J.]

Thanks for your message.

 

Yes, I do ask women out, from different type of places, like from work, at bookstores, at the park etc. The answer is usually no.

 

The ones who thinks I'm nice won't date me and just wanted to be friends. I have even tried asking one of them to set me up with her friend and she just avoided the subject. I don't know what happened there.

 

I asked one of my guy friends to set me up with someone he knows, he said I'm too nice for most of the women he knows.

 

I don't think I am not aggressive enough. I do ask and the few who said yes, I tried my best. We went out and had fun, but nothing serious ever happened. And some of them just wanted to go out as friends from the beginning.

 

I don't want to sound negative but this is driving me crazy. Sometimes I ask myself, why can't I live my life like everyone else?

 

Why don't you ask out the women who think you are a nice person? Have you tried that? Where do you go to try and meet women? I hate to say this but men still need to be the aggressors for the most part in dating relationships. Most women were brought up to think men are supposed to do the asking and chasing and most women won't ask you for a date if they are interested.

[WGirl]

The reason why I asked that question is because there have been some men on the boards who complain that they don't have a girlfriend but they don't ask anyone out.

 

Did you ever try a dating service? I have never tried one

 

but maybe you would have luck w/something like that. What about joining a club like a gym? If you go on a regular basis, you may be able to get to know some of the women who go there.

Thanks for your message. Yes, I do ask women out, from different type of places, like from work, at bookstores, at the park etc. The answer is usually no. The ones who thinks I'm nice won't date me and just wanted to be friends. I have even tried asking one of them to set me up with her friend and she just avoided the subject. I don't know what happened there. I asked one of my guy friends to set me up with someone he knows, he said I'm too nice for most of the women he knows. I don't think I am not aggressive enough. I do ask and the few who said yes, I tried my best. We went out and had fun, but nothing serious ever happened. And some of them just wanted to go out as friends from the beginning. I don't want to sound negative but this is driving me crazy. Sometimes I ask myself, why can't I live my life like everyone else?