How do you forgive yourself for losing someone you loved because you hurt them?

[Giggles666]

No never a good thing.

 

One exception being if you are going to reengage in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, then I believe you must get everything out in the open and resolved.

 

I'm an artist and musician, luckily for me I have learned my art and songs can help me "tell someone how much they hurt me" and "how much I hurt myself". It's great therapy and makes for great art IMO. The ability to express oneself outside of normal communications is the best therapy.

[kendahke]

After a six month LDR she blocked me after a stupid argument 5 months ago.

 

I tried taking all the blame even though she should have apologised too, and I begged her for another chance. She was not interested.

 

Now I can't help but be a bit frustrated that she got to walk away thinking she was blameless, that it was all my fault, and that I absolutely deserved all the hurt she caused.

 

I wish I had told her how badly she treated me, how I didn't deserve it, how upset and hurt I was buy the way she treated me, how she should apologise too.

 

Has anyone done that and it turn out well? Or is it a good thing I didn't do that? I feel like by not doing it I've let her walk all over me just a little bit extra for no reason.

 

Obviously it's too late to suddenly email her after 5 months with a list of reasons she was horrible to me and should be sorry for them, but I just wish she knew how hurtful her behaviour was

 

It might not be your role to dole out the punishment for what she did---that karma will land on her head through her dealings with someone else and it will cause her to think about how she treated with you.

 

You need to let this go and let karma work it out and land on her head. Get on with your life.

 

If she was interested in mending the fence, 5 months wouldn't have gone by with no word from her.

 

See what's in front of you, not what you wished was in front of you.

[Woggle]

It's a better idea for them to see how great you are doing without them and it has be genuine.

[preraph]

No never a good thing.

 

One exception being if you are going to reengage in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, then I believe you must get everything out in the open and resolved.

 

I'm an artist and musician, luckily for me I have learned my art and songs can help me "tell someone how much they hurt me" and "how much I hurt myself". It's great therapy and makes for great art IMO. The ability to express oneself outside of normal communications is the best therapy.

 

Funny you should mention songs. So I broke up with a guy who had been a friend before who I knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with right after my own bad breakup, but he was so insistent so I decided to try and see. It didn't work out and he was separated, not divorced, and still letting her pull his strings, which is normal, not unusual during separations. My heart wasn't in it anyway, so I just caught him on a technicality and ended it.

 

Well, he married another woman who'd been aggressively after him while he was still married. He moved her in almost immediately and then married her in about six months. They're still married 30-some years later. So he writes a new song a couple years ago and his bandmates make sure I notice it. It was titled "I Don't Care." I assume at least his bandmates think it was about me, though I thought it was probably about his ex. But either way, when someone writes a song 30-some years after the fact, no matter what the title is, they obviously DO care. So it sort of defeated the purpose of insulting whoever it was meant for, didn't it?

[Unscrewed]

I did, while we were in a relationship, then we broke up.

I don't think there's any benefit telling an ex how much they hurt you, that wouldn't change a thing. If they did respond, best it would be somewhat of a shallow apology

[asphyxis]

All I got was a "will you shut up" comment when I asked to talk a week after our break up. Similar situation. It's been almost a month since I've last heard from him. He doesn't deserve to know how terrible he treated me, especially the way he did at the end of our relationship. I wasn't perfect either, but he'll have to live with that while I'm healing and moving forward. I also have discovered that some of his previous issues in his relationship had crossed over. Sometimes people don't learn from previous relationships.

[Toodaloo]

but I just wish she knew how hurtful her behaviour was ?

 

Here is the thing... She does know and she still doesn't care because in her eyes you are that worthless.

 

So what you do is you get up and get going and you make something of yourself. You become the person you want to be and you look in the mirror and like who you are.

 

Genuine indifference is always far more powerful that any love, hurt or anger. It always has a far more dramatic effect.

[TheLawyer]

Posting this here or I'll send it to her.

 

It's been 5 months since I've been blocked from calling her after a really stupid argument. We both have reasons to be sorry, but I'm there only one who said it, feels it, and would do anything I possibly could to make it right.

 

I love her so much. Although it's been 5 months, I'm getting better but I'm still not there yet.

 

I really want to reach out and do something, anything. I won't though. I reached out three months ago on her birthday and was humiliated by her hanging up the phone when she heard it was me.

 

I've broken up with people before, but this is the first time where I've really been this bad. I can literally give myself a panic attack by thinking about her.

 

I love her so much, and would give absolutely anything to have her in my arms again.

 

Sorry for posting this. I just needed to get it out.

[preraph]

Sorry this is so hard on you. But at some point you must face the fact that you were not right for each other. It takes two. If she felt you weren't right, then no matter how right it felt to you, it wasn't right.

 

At times of heartache and stress, do maintain some physical activity and really sweat off the stress. I was very stressed once after a personal loss and I ended up in water aerobics, which are not very hard to do, but the instructor gave us milk bottles to box with underwater and boy, I really let those milk bottles have it -- and when I went home, my body felt so much better. That stress will build up, so get it out every day!

[TheLawyer]

We were long distance, and she ended things by ghosting me after an argument that was as much her fault as mine. I took all the blame though, I apologised, begged, and tried to reach out on her birthday after a month. She was BRUTAL in her harshness towards me, and so so angry at me still, and that was the last contact we had.

 

I loved her like you wouldn't believe

 

A month ago I received a message from her ---->

 

I ignored it because I had no idea what that meant. Did she want me back, or confirmation that I was still a broken man?

 

A few days ago I received another text ---->

 

This time I was too curious, I responded but in a neutral way, nice but careful not to tell her I loved her or missed her, or that I was in any way not completely ok. She was cold, said nothing, and gave one word answers to everything I said. What the ****?

 

A few days went by with no further contact (I was waiting for her to text me), when I suddenly asked her if there was more between us we needed to talk about? I needed to know what this was all about.

 

"no"

 

I asked her why she contacted me? Did she have a reason?

 

"no"

 

Did she need me to start or say anything?

 

"no"

 

So I told her she was being unfair in that case, and I accidentally called her babe like I used to.

 

"Don't EVER call me babe. I'm not your babe!"

 

I said I was sorry. It was an accident. That she obviously has a lot of anger still but that I don't. That she was important to me, that she has no idea how important, and that she did not need to do this because if she wanted revenge she had it, it took me a long time to get over her.

 

I was immediately blocked from everywhere with no response

 

I have no idea what she wanted, or whether I did anything wrong or looked weak in my response to it, but this was such a pointless hurtful episode

[DKT3]

Sounds like she was looking to have her ego stroked. If I were a betting man I would say she probably just had another relationship go south and was reaching out to you for a quick boost to her self esteem. By you not begging or being a wreck her plan backfired causing her to be angry.

 

If Im right, she will continue to reach out....block her and move on