MilitaryMan Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 35 y/o Male, already been divorced once after I got home from Iraq in 2003. One son in that marriage. Remarried in 2009. 2 sons in current Marriage. Now the issue....been deployed for 3 months currently. Wife just graduated LPN school. Meet a few guy friends (Who are supposedly Married too) and been hanging around them since I been gone. I come back home in 6 months but I am up for orders now, and I relocate 3 months after coming home. She is now telling me that if she gets accepted she wants to stay there for 2 years, regardless where I have orders. Plus recently she has been going out with these friends while I been gone. Now we been bickering back and forth for the past month and divorce has been thrown out there ALOT. I personally feel it's disrespectful hanging out with other men regardless of status. I also feel she could apply for a school wherever else I go, because I will be there for 3 years or more. I feel being gone 9 months for deployment and her wanting to leave me to stay in school for 2 years is going to deteriorate this marriage. I don't think I can handle that, plus our marriage is not strong and she's been hanging out with men. What do you all feel I should do? I'm almost ready to end it. I feel all love and romance is gone. It's the loneliest I ever felt probably in my life. Any opinions are welcomed Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Military Man, I can't tell you have bad I feel for you. I get what you're saying about the disrespectful nature of her hanging out with other guys, even if they're married. I would be on the slueth trail....do you "think" she is already involved with them or do you simply feel the threat / potential of additional stress? Do you have the names of the OM that she's hanging out with...look at her friends list on FB and see what you can there. Do you have any friends or family where she and the kids are that could add some details to the situation? Is there a possibility to take leave to meet with her to discuss face to face? The real heartbreak will be for the kids, at some point she'll be known as the one who broke up the family. You say that you have one child from a prior relationship, is she keeping that child as well as your two? If so, as much as I hate to say it, it might be best to take one for the family and find a new career for the sake of the kids. Some people are not cut out for the life of a military spouse. Do you think that you can move forward after all this and rebuild a life with her regardless of where it is? One last ditch effort might be to tell her that you've reconsidered and will find a new career where she is to let her finish her education...this is only to see how she responds....if she's checking out, she'll find another reason to jump, if she's still in, she'll be relieved and happy....just watch and let her show her hand on this, as a last ditch... Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I personally feel it's disrespectful hanging out with other men regardless of status. I also feel she could apply for a school wherever else I go, because I will be there for 3 years or more. I feel being gone 9 months for deployment and her wanting to leave me to stay in school for 2 years is going to deteriorate this marriage. I don't think I can handle that, plus our marriage is not strong and she's been hanging out with men. What do you all feel I should do? I'm almost ready to end it. I feel all love and romance is gone. It's the loneliest I ever felt probably in my life. Any opinions are welcomed Couldn't agree with you more. Men and women of reproductive age are seldom "friends only" unless they're related. Hanging out with those guys is inappropriate and will be the downfall of most marriages. It is red alert time and you need to step up lay down your status and draw a line in the sand. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I have not been through what you are going through but many of my squad mates back when I was in the Marines went through the same thing. If you have over 10 or 12 years in it is hard to give up that 20 year retirement when you are so close. If you have not been married for 10 she can't get half your retirement. Depending on your MOS jobs are hard to come by in this economy. If you are a grunt there are few options. Getting that 20 year retirement gives you a lot of options. Medical and cash coming in while you start your new life. I agree her hanging out with men while your are on deployment is BS Link to post Share on other sites
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