winny Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Feeling lonely n pathetic... Don't want to talk to any friends so just thought of writing it down here. Fell for some married guy and still trying to get over it.... I see him every day and talk to him like normal but inside it hurts... Other guy friends... well... I really dont feel like trusting anyone of them it seems like each one of them has a new game to play... sick and tired of it all. Try my best to concentrate on work and studies and have started to do some painting but I dunno maybe today is one of those off days.... I dont want to shed any tears for any stupid guys .. but I am just hurting today... and it feels like there is not a single soul who knows how I feel or can help me.... I hope this phase to get over soon.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Couldnt sleep more than 3 hrs last night. Having this weird feeling in my heart. Hands r feeling numb. Not sure if this is an anxiety attack or what. Talking to best friend regularly n feel good when i talk to her. But otherwise feeling really crappy. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I feel for you, it's not a good place to be in. On the positive side at least you can 'feel' and emotionally you're firing on all four cylinders. All these emotional reactions are coming in through your senses and hitting your Amygdala via the Thalamus in the Brain. You can read about it here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala "Buddhist Monks who do Compassion Meditation have been shown to modulate their amygdala,[url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala#cite_note-36][/url]" You can read about Compassion Meditation here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mett%C4%81 I am not a practising Buddhist but I tried this not long back when I was having a crappy time and it worked for me. I calmed myself, took a loving view on the World and set to meditating. I picked a simple phrase "May all things be happy and secure" I guess it should have been 'Beings' in stead of 'things' but things suited me, meaning everything lol Trees, Insects, Rocks, Mountains, Fish the whole kit and caboodle in the Universe. I repeated it over and over in my mind, and still do when the need arises. I don't have to sit in the lotus position burning incense, can if I want, or I can be driving, working, swimming, it's all good. I hope you surmount this feeling soon and get on with being the best you, you are the best 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 I feel for you, it's not a good place to be in. I hope you surmount this feeling soon and get on with being the best you, you are the best Thanks Nowty. Link to post Share on other sites
Darien 76 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Hi Winny, I hope that you feel better soon too. I think you made the right decision to end things because I think it would have only wound up causing you much more pain by continuing. Affairs involve a lot of hurt feelings, lies, and tearing apart families. So I think you dodged a bullet and you will feel better as time passes and the raw feelings fade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 So well... started the day with a weird feeling.... heavy heart... feeling like crying... was sick... didn't go to work.. slept almost all day... felt like painting but had to study instead... so hard to concentrate on studies... But felt better towards the evening... calmer... Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Good Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. Robert H. Schuller 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 I just went ahead and blocked the married guy and all our common friends from my office instant messenger. Deleted whatsapp and Facebook apps from my phone. And I have these angry tears in my eyes while I am typing this. But I was so so so so fed up... fed up of hurting myself... fed up of seeing him happy and laughing and making jokes and plans for the weekend while I am hurting inside... not eating n sleeping properly... sometimes neglecting my work n my studies... getting diverted from my career goals which I worked so hard at in the past... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I just went ahead and blocked the married guy and all our common friends from my office instant messenger. Deleted whatsapp and Facebook apps from my phone. And I have these angry tears in my eyes while I am typing this. But I was so so so so fed up... fed up of hurting myself... fed up of seeing him happy and laughing and making jokes and plans for the weekend while I am hurting inside... not eating n sleeping properly... sometimes neglecting my work n my studies... getting diverted from my career goals which I worked so hard at in the past... You are doing the right thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 I just wanna sleep right now... I feel exhausted... and when I wake up I want to start anew.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I just wanna sleep right now... I feel exhausted... and when I wake up I want to start anew.... It's like anything else you are quitting. You just have to take it one day at a time. I promise you each day you will feel a little stronger. And believe me, I was suicidal over this guy. If I can do it, so can you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 I want to get out of this. I really do. I will be posting here every day and with all your support and kindness I know I can. I owe it to myself. I am just so scared to ruin my life and career for nothing. My parents trust me... my best friends love me... They will be devastated if they know about this. I dont want to be that woman.... And I dont want to run into the arms of another guy at this time when I am so vulnerable so I will do it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 So I woke up this morning... Its a beautiful rainy weather. My heart is feeling heavy. I didnt do my study assignments. I must do them today... I will go to office in a while. Planning to keep phone in airplane mode for most of the day. Dont want anyone disturbing me..... But will be checking here once in a while... While I am hurt about the fact that I love someone who will never love me back and in a way I had made my peace with it but I just felt constantly manipulated by him. Initially I thought I am overthinking but I dont think so anymore. He was my friend even before his marriage and I thought he cared for me and respected me as a friend but some of things he did it felt as if he did those to hurt me only... Why I dont know. I conceal my feelings and be there for him always but he is so selfish.... Its like he deliberately says things to hurt me.... I wasnt able to take it anymore..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author winny Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 I just wanted to post here and let people know that after a lot of struggle I finally let go of all the toxic friends in the beginning of Oct. It was very lonely but I survived and feel stronger. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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