DeeplyDepressed Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) So, Ive been secretly seeing this guy for 3 years now. It is a secret because we met at work and under certain circumstances it was best for both of us to keep our relationship private. When we first met, it was supposed to be a friends with benefits only relationship, but over time it developed into a strong emotional relationship as well. We can only see each other one a week and it has worked fine up until recently. When we are together we consider ourselves to be boyfriend/girlfriend. When around other people, it is strictly friendship. Although some people have started to wonder if we were more than friends, we always deny it. I found out the other day that he has been seeing someone else for the past two months. (Ironically I did ask him about a week ago if he's seeing someone else because he seemed a little distant and hasn't talked to me much lately, he denied it) He admitted to me that he has been intimate with other people since we've been "together" but that what I was just told is not true. I did some undercover snooping and I am believing that it is true even though he won't admit it. I am completely devastated and heartbroken. He tells me he has needs and only seeing me once a week isn't enough and that it shouldn't be wrong for him to talk to other girls if he wanted to. He thinks that because we are not in a real relationship that he can sleep with who ever he wants. I do understand where he is coming from, but I can't help how bad it hurts since I thought he was only intimate with me for the past 3 years. He treats me and talks to me like Im his girl only and thats how I see myself. He tells me he loves me and would never want to hurt me. Unfortunately we really can't have a future together and because of that he doesn't feel like he needs to be exclusively intimate with me. I can not imagine my life without him and this feels like cheating. After coming at him like a psycho and hysterically crying about the situation, I finally told him I would be willing to let it go if we could just continue to have the same relationship we've been having. Am I crazy? I can't bear the thought of him being with anyone else. I've cried nonstop for 2 straight days and I have no one to talk to about it. Thoughts please...? Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elisalynn Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 It seems pretty unhealthy and unfulfilling for both of you to have to have kept the relationship secret for 3 years. That alone should be enough to end it. He made it sound like he will continue to get his "needs met" with other women, which obviously breaks your heart. So, why would you keep seeing this guy? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Dear if you want a committed relationship, marriage, and children, you need to let him go completely. Being with him you are denying yourself being with the right person that wants the same things as you do. FWB isn't for people who want some kind of commitment. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Whoo boy, he's worked you over pretty good... He tells you the magic words you want to hear so that one day out of seven he can work your thaaang. What about the other 6 days in the week? Well, he probably has enough female 'friends' to fill those days up. So, how do you like being his girl Saturday? If you find this acceptable, you should contact the other 6 gals and form a fan club. You can exchange tips, favorite positions, what food he likes to eat, his favorite sayings, and generally keep him happy, happy, happy. Or, you can grow the hell up and dump this player and engage with a real man in an honest 7 day relationship out in the open. Your call. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bluewhitegreen Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I would seriously consider the option of becoming open BF/GF. if 2 people are in love it should not matter who knows! Its hardly against the law to love. Who cares what people think that goes for work colleagues as well. If he is unwilling to do that then I would question his true intentions. Friends with benefits always runs a risk of complex emotions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Arghhh! What's this guy got going for him? He's a liar- said he's not seeing anyone else- but you found out he is. He's a player, he's a commitment phobe and he's wanting to hide your relationship with him, he sounds pretty awful to me.....I had friend (with benefits) like that a while back.....when I told him I was now committing myself to another guy, his attitude changed pretty quickly and he offered me commitment- I still dumped him though, because the other guy adored me and treated me like a queen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 You need to either transition to a fully open, monogamous relationship with him, or let him go. By letting you think you were the only one, what he's done with the other women is cheating. He's lied to you from the moment you believed you were his only one. Honestly speaking, he sounds like a very unsavoury character. You could do better. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Three years is a long time to keep such a secret. From friends ans family even!? Some times the best thing to do is not the easiest. Time to stop being his dirty little secret - move on and find someone who will commit, their time and love to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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