amaysngrace Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Do what feels comfortable. If you want to work it out with him then remain cordial but if being around him and hearing from him daily is annoying or confusing to you then you should speak up. Do you want to get back together with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree33 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 lol, the storage unit idea. I think--pretty sure-- he's maximized getting stuff out. I can't even imagine something is still here of his. That said, yes, I still love him and would like to reconcile. But, I'm not going to beg and plead for him to come back either. Obviously, I 'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 You know the saying "can't have your cake and eat it too" if he's in you have to ask yourself, for how long. Will he be with you for 1yr,5yrs,forever??? Would you trade off anymore time of your future, not knowing if it might end or not, that's your call. I know one thing, if you tell him that your going to move on and live your life without him it should get him to get off his ass and make a decision, keeping you in limbo is not good for you. He made the choice to leave you, you had no control over that, so my question is how are you going to take back control of your life and not be dependent on him? To be or not to be, you know the rest 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree33 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 I guess that's it-- how long before you tell someone you are moving on? or do you just do it and leave them in the dust? It's been a week now of him getting apartment. Yeah, I wish I knew when a good time was to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Hey Bree, you can give him as much time as your comfortable with, you see when your in control you get to make that decision. In the mean time you have to make your plan, you can hope for the best, nothing wrong in preparing for the worst though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 I wish I knew when a good time was to move on. The time is now, no-one who wants to be in a continuing relationship especially a marriage, organises a separate apartment and leaves. He is moving on, but with you in tow, so that when he gets a bit down or feels a bit lonely good ole Bree is always there to fill in any gaps. He keeps you sweet by dropping in little sentences that make you think you have a future together. He just needs you there until he can find his feet. Clinical depression - Symptoms - NHS Choices - depressed people tend not to go partying and then make a huge life changing decisions to move to a new state, organise a new bachelor apartment and leave their marriage. So whilst I may concede he may have been unhappy and "depressed" in the relationship, I guess now he is free, his "depression" will lift surprisingly quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SaDee Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Probably because I'm cynical, but I say affair. My ex husband gave me the same story - he wasn't happy for a long time and needed space/to be alone etc. He was indeed having an affair - 4 months after we bought a house. Someone that "hasn't been happy for a long time" doesn't make huge life changing decisions in a short span of time like our guys did. I believe there's another factor involved. Again, just my opinion from my own experience. Sadly this is my reaction to this type of story all the time now. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Not that it matters, the guy just may want out. How many people just want out of a relationship so they start looking for someone else to connect with to cushion their fall? If I had the choice of being angry because my spouse cheated on me,or sad because they just didn't want to live with me anymore, I'd take anger any day, it's easier to deal with than the pain of sadness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree33 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 The hardest thing, I think, is the unprompted things he says (as he is moving out stuff). "When I get myself together we can go to counseling, but I need to work on me first." " I think we can work things out." "I want to go to MC and work out all of our issues." I just listen, I don't say anything back, but it comes up a lot. And offering all help under the sun for all sorts of things like repairs, etc. Oh, and wants us to do bike rides together too. Hates his apartment, hear about that, too, as he brings over some stuff he accidentally took. What a roller coaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Did you get to read the first or second post on this forum where it talks about the 180, further down in that reading a question is asked " What if my ex says they want to be my friend. This struck a chord with my situation, maybe he feels guilt and is offering his friendship to ease HIS guilt. Read it, it's good info. Stay tough Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bree33 Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Hi Lowrider, I did read that and do wonder about the guilt/friend thing. But being friends hasn't come up (yet). Lots of compliments for me too, like I've gotten in shape, lost weight, wearing new pretty dresses and outfits (all true). With that, a dollop of, oh, now you're looking good, why not before? What rings true here for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 When my ex first told me she wanted a divorce she slammed me for anything and everything, by the time I left she said she still wanted to be my friend. Thanks but no thanks. She even told me I was a good person, and to that I replied. Not a word. She wants to believe that she didn't hurt me, and by saying ok sure friends right, it would have eased her guilt. I picked up the pieces of my life and moved on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Hi Bree, tell us what is happening in your life, any changes? Link to post Share on other sites
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