gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) Hi all. I'm in College and moved down to my college town as a transfer a few months ago. Right after I got here, I met this girl who was AMAZING. The night she first invited me over, she initiated things and pretty soon, we ****ed a few times. I left the next day. However, the next morning we lied and cuddled. WE talked about relationships and she said she had no real interest in them. We clicked emotionally, on social views, sexually, and all that. I honestly feel more a connection to her than any ex. She invited me over several times over the next few months, and we got to know each other really well. Eventually, we had breakfast together in the morning and she asked me about my past relationships and what they were like. She responded with something like "I've never really had one..." and I gave a pretty neutral response out of uncertainty. I wanted to go for it and say I'd be willing to try it with her, but I remembered what she said about having no interest so I assumed it was just her trailing off. Eventually I left her home and went on with my business. That was a bit over a month ago. Also since this time she found out that her lease was ending early and I offered to say she could stay with me until her new place was available. She declined, but a couple weeks later, texted me to say she had changed her mind and offered to throw in money and food. I said she was more than welcome and she seemed excited. We hung out a few times since (last time was about two weeks ago). She was talking about what exactly we'd do living together, etc. I thought it was fairly normal. When we last hung out (I think July 14 or 15?) We didn't have sex but we cuddled and rubbed each others backs. She was telling me all about how her friend was coming down tomorrow and they'd be hanging out for a day or two. I hugged her bye and went along my business. We talked every day or two for the next week like normal, and the last really "us" conversation we had was about me trying shrooms and she said she wanted to try them with me sometime. I believe that was July 21. After that night, I started seeing snap stories of her with this other guy (hanging out, etc) I was upset because I actually wanted a relationship with this girl but didn't think she had an interest in one, but I chalked it up to her saying she wasn't into monogamy, so I thought "whatever, just another boy toy like me". Well curiosity got the best of me and tonight I asked her (on facebook) if she was mad at me and she was like "no of course not" and later I said "it's alright if you're in a relationship, people's minds change." and she said "yeah I am but also have been pretty busy but still want to be friends" etc. She also said she had found a different living arrangement. She left and I said I had a few general questions but I'd wait until she was prepared and had the time. Basically, I want to ask her if she ever wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was thinking about the past month and it seemed like she wanted me to go for it, contrary to what she said. She talked about us living together, going out to eat together, catching Pokemon together, etc. Was that what she wanted and I was too dumb to go for it? That's the main question I want answered. Should I ask? I also want to tell her that I was emotionally holding back recently because I really did want to ask her to go steady but was worried that it would end our whole current arrangement. It's a bad idea to tell her THAT, right? Or is it? I know there's a "new car smell" with new relationships, but I really love this girl and I want a chance with her, because I think she was trying to hint me that direction without telling me, but maybe I'm just biased. This relationship is less than two weeks old, and her and I had been seeing each other a few months. What advice could I have to try and put myself in a position to get in a relationship with her? I seriously click with her in an incredible way and I'll do anything to get myself there. I appreciate you for reading and I'll answer any questions you may have to clarify. Thanks. Edited August 2, 2016 by gtn Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 She wanted the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. You'll drive yourself mad trying to work out why, move on ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Nah. She's monogamous. Won't sleep with me or anything like that. I do honestly think she had some hidden thirst for a relationship. Just don't know if I was at all implicated in it directly. Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Nah. She's monogamous. Won't sleep with me or anything like that. I do honestly think she had some hidden thirst for a relationship. Just don't know if I was at all implicated in it directly. You said you did sleep together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Yes. Many times. She usually initiated things. We'd sleep together, cuddle, hang out, talk for hours, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 friendship with benefit and hangout can only work for her , for other things you are just plan B for her . If you can live with it fine , no harm in having a great time once in a while , but it seems you are a romantic guy , you will suffer , move asap ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Why did she bring up going shopping, playing Pokemon, seeing movies, etc if that's the case? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Im sorry this happened but i have to be honest ...when she said she wasnt into relationships to you.......she wasnt into having a relationship with you...she is now in one.....it just isnt with you....... she obviously likes you....but the sex also died down to cuddling and talking more than sex.....she probably always liked you as a friend......and she realized this......the moving in together and catching pokemon together....movies together or other things together was just talk...because she didnt move in.........as soon as something better came up she took it..... you seem like a really sweet guy...the back rubs give you away..dont waste time with a woman who isnt into you...the more time you waste not getting over her...the less time you are with someone who truly cares and possibly being with someone who has mad pokemon catching skills.those pokemon know it too..they await you and that special someone...dont do it..let her go and heal...i wish you peace and take care...ps never jump a fence with a rottweiler in the backyard in search of pokemon...they will lick you to death.......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 to be fair, she wasn't supposed to move in until 10 days from now. Thank you for the input though. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 she could still be interrested in having sex with him , yet she is not the type of girls who wants a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Sorry to say, but you were a placeholder. She liked hanging out with you, sleeping with you and talking but her saying she wasn't into relationships was a clear indication she wasn't looking for a relationship with you. Having a conversation about trying drugs together isn't an "us" conversation. I would just let this one go. She's already moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 2, 2016 Author Share Posted August 2, 2016 Sorry to say, but you were a placeholder. She liked hanging out with you, sleeping with you and talking but her saying she wasn't into relationships was a clear indication she wasn't looking for a relationship with you. Having a conversation about trying drugs together isn't an "us" conversation. I would just let this one go. She's already moved on. She only said that like a few hours after meeting me, which really makes me kick myself because I don't think it ever came up again. What a ****ing idiot. By "us" conversation, I mean it was the last conversation where she was normal and flirty with me. We mostly had deep conversations on our upbringings, life plans, the family structure, philosophy, all that. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) She only said that like a few hours after meeting me, which really makes me kick myself because I don't think it ever came up again. What a ****ing idiot. By "us" conversation, I mean it was the last conversation where she was normal and flirty with me. We mostly had deep conversations on our upbringings, life plans, the family structure, philosophy, all that. This doesn't change the bottom line, though. She's with someone else now. You can ask her if she ever wanted to be in a relationship, but I think that's going to be an awkward conversation. What if she says yes, she did? Obviously she doesn't feel that way anymore. Edited August 2, 2016 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 You already know the answer. Let's say you had a friend that you asked to go to the movies and that friend said he or she didn't feel like going to the movies. So you go to the movies and who do you see? That same friend with someone else. You would figure out in 2 seconds that they just didn't want to go to the movies "with you", and when they said they didn't want to go, they left that last part off to spare your feelings. When a girl is honestly interested, they won't say things like, "I don't want to date anyone right now", "I'm not interested in a relationship", "I want to stay single for now", "I'm so busy I don't have time to date anyone"...in front of someone they are really attracted to. Statements like that are 1 of 2 things; She is not interested in you or she wants FWB at most and does not deem you bf material. Those kind of statements are pre-emptive defenses. Think about yourself, you might have someone you like hanging out with and maybe wouldn't mind banging without commitment. You would tell her things like you want to keep it casual, want nothing serious, don't want a relationship...but if you met someone the next day that you fell for you would have no problem with starting something serious and you would never tell her right off, "I don't want a relationship". Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 I told her my feelings. She was appreciative and said she wasn't really sure about relationships. She apparently is even doubtful about this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gtn Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 I told her my feelings. She was appreciative and said she wasn't really sure about relationships. She apparently is even doubtful about this one. We are still friends on social media, and she started liking/sharing my FB posts. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 I told her my feelings. She was appreciative and said she wasn't really sure about relationships. She apparently is even doubtful about this one. We are still friends on social media, and she started liking/sharing my FB posts. So now you know she wasn't looking for a relationship with you, either. I wouldn't waste your time here, OP. She's not looking for the same thing you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts