[26/M] I have a [22/F] Is now Mad because I didn't feel comfortable giving her money.

[quicky124]

This woman and I have talked for 2 years facetime skyping everything deep conversation everything talking everyday but never met until this year its kinda have been and off and on thing she stop talking to me for a month and we picked back up in May she is in college.

 

 

When we started back talking she had a so-called bf I really didn't care because I felt as if she was giving me so much attention she really didn't care for him much and she admitted she didn't like him. She asked me would I like to finally meet her I was like sure. In our 2 years of talking I never really heard anything about her parents or family other than her sister and she hates me.

 

 

But she told me to buy the plane ticket and I did 22-year-old female she's grown enough to make her own decisions I thought but her parents wasn't with it they did everything to stop her even lied and said they looked me up and seen I had a record which was a lie I never done anything in my life. They gave me hell I never gave these people any reason to hate me so much I even face time them and showed them a copy of my ID just to show I'm who I say I was I called the family did everything I could to make them comfortable.

 

 

They still wasn't with it they didn't even pay for her trip to the airport I paid for the uber she stays in a small town so it was very expensive ill say 100 dollars to the airport she couldn't find a job this summer so I had to pay for pretty much everything. She stayed with me for a week everything went great between us it was a wonderful trip Ill have to admit it was expensive but I felt like it was worth it but when she got back her parents was pretty pissed but they got over it.

 

 

Anyway she would say everyday how much she misses and want to be with me and she would like to come back and see me so I ask when would she like to come back to see me? would you like to before the end of this summer? she said no she has to get her license and that she would like to 2 weeks after school starts I tried to explain to her that wasn't a good idea with class and everything just starting she needs to at least try this summer instead I also tried to explain to her that getting her license would be pretty hard since her parents wont even let go around the block so she's kinda not missing out on anything coming back and her father is mad at her they are showing favoritism to the sister she said shell think about it and get back to me. She got back to me and told me that it wouldn't be a good idea because her sister said it wouldn't be a good idea because her parents would be piss and put her out etc so fine I just forgot about it and agreed.

 

 

This is where things got rough she said her sister is going out-of-town just like she did. The parents were cool with it even buying her food the sister basically lied and said the guys paying for things like I did .The sister doesn't have a ride so she ask her to talk back to her ex so he can take her out-of-town and she told me she disagreed. I said that's fine I left it alone but things started to change between me and her she started acting differently I found out the ex her sister told her to talk to she started back to talking to him and was riding around with him not sure what she was doing with him so I told her if she's going to be with him leave me alone and I ask her did they have sex she told me she might. She finally came out and said she only talk back to him because her sister desperately needed a ride and that she no longer wants to be held down by me I'm just a phone to her etc i said fine I agree with whatever you want to.

 

 

She text me out nowhere telling me a story about how her parents now wont teach her how to drive and that I was right I was like fine you can come here ill show you how to drive my brother and I share a vehicle. Before I agreed to let her come down I asked my brother could I hold the vehicle for a week he agreed but when she got here he decided he wasn't so that put me in a bit of a bind so i asked a friend to hold his car i showed her how to drive etc I really didn't have to do this but I did anyway I have a stay at home job so I have a lot of time on my hands anyway.

 

 

Her family told her since she's going to see me that I need to pay her dorm fees also just to be spiteful I didn't totally agree to pay them for her I told her lets wait and see what her parents are really going to do before we have that talk because that's not my responsibility and are you sure you want to come down here since they are acting like that she told me yes buy the ticket. While she was here she said that her mom paid her dorm fees and that she just need about 30,40, dollars I was like sure that's nothing we had a pretty good time 40 dollars not really bad. As she got home she said her sister was being spiteful and that she told her mom that I was going to pay for her whole dorm fees and she only paid half that I should pay for them since she keep coming down to see me.

 

 

 

I explained to her I feel like her family is trying to exploit me because they think I have money she agreed about this and she really needs the money can I pay the whole dorm fees I told her I just don't feel comfortable we aren't together even though you telling people you are you told me you don't want to be with me or have a long distance relationship with me I just don't feel comfortable with giving you that much money.

She then went to ask them they then went on this whole spill about that's what she get she shouldn't have trusted me in the first place and that now she see im not worth anything and that now they can't pay their bills because they figured i was going to pay her dorm fees.

 

 

Now she's angry with me calling me a mistake and its all my fault she was depending on me I put her future on the line because I said I Would pay her dorm fees. All this is all my fault she has to walk around her house doing whatever they say shall never depend on me for anything I let her down etc. I know I shouldn't feel bad but I do right now any advice.

Edited August 2, 2016 by quicky124

[fiskadoro]

Sorry my answer is so brief, but don't think I didn't read your post all the way through.

 

 

You are getting played, by her and by her family as well. Stop and cut her off now, wash your hands of her and move on. I am all for love but this isn't love or anything similar. Man my heart breaks for you, I have been played before in the past but never to that extent.

 

 

The painful part will be letting her go, but the instructive part will be to find out why you are willing to put up with that sort of abuse. Think about if one of your friends was going through a situation like that, what would you tell them?

[justwhoiam]

Hi quicky124,

 

Welcome to LS.

 

I think you did the right thing by being clear with her.

You were creating a bad dynamic of "I'll do whatever you want". She thought she could wrap you around her finger. You taught her a lesson.

 

It looks like it's not the only one she will need.

She was blunt telling you she could have sex with someone she barely knows, apparently. She lied to you regarding her parents, saying they'd cover the dorm fees, when they clearly told her they wouldn't. That was probably their way to try and make her responsible for her action. Instead of taking responsibility, she's trying to get advantage of anyone (the sister ex, parents, you...).

 

That's her current lifestyle. Taking advantage any way she can, wherever she can, not taking into account the consequences.

 

I guess you should just let her go and move on. But I foresee it'll be hard for you while being single. Try to shift your interest to someone more deserving of your attention.

Edited August 3, 2016 by justwhoiam