I tried to save my mom, and I'm failing.

[S2B]

S2B you don't really seem to understand where I'm coming from. I think your advice is a little harsh and selfish. How do you know whether or not my efforts have or haven't helped? From the posts I wrote? Maybe something I've said to my dad will click next week or next month. Maybe if I go talk to him today I can wake him up and shake him out of it.

Maybe I can't.

 

Seriously when would you pull the plug on your own parents? When do you decide to give up? I agree that family means different things to different people. You may not be as close to your parents as I am to mine. I have a friend who never even speaks to her parents. And I don't know why, they're good people who supported her through college, helped pay her rent while she waited for a dream job in a big city, and love her unconditionally. She just doesn't like them so she never calls or visits them. It makes me sad, I'd love to have healthy functioning parents as an adult.

 

Anyway, what I'll never understand about people who say to just walk away from all of this- is how do you deal with the regret of NOT doing something? How do you live with that guilt of knowing that you should have tried harder?

 

 

 

Maybe al anon would help you...?

 

I have first hand experience - being 8-1/2 years sober now and sponsoring nearly 140 people.

 

Many times the person gets well when everyone else stops making the effort they should be making themselves.

 

Why should he make effort when everyone he loves is still there fixing all the problems he's created and continues to create?

 

It IS for HIM to do. Not you and not your Mom. If he realized that everyone he loves disappeared because of his bad behavior then maybe he would start to change and help himself.

 

Has your Mom gone to al anon?

 

I'm not being harsh - I just have seen what works over the years.

[JanenotPlain]

To predict a future - most will continue the way their history has been. You an assume that your Mom has this life based on her decisions. And her decisions are based on your Dad - who is not in his right mind.

 

You can't help ANYONE if they won't help themself first.

 

The pattern between them will repeat (or so history shows).

 

You can't have Dad committed if he doesn't verbally or physically show harm to self or others in front of authorities.

 

It is best to only help yourself at this point. Make decisions that help yourself.

 

What did YOU learn about YOURSELF in therapy and al anon?

 

Do you carry the knight in shining armor/rescuer temperament into other areas of your life?

 

What have I learned about myself? My emotional needs weren't met or neglected as a child so I don't trust anyone else to handle them. That's really what every other issue boils down to. I've vacillated between being the child who runs away when there's trouble or the child who tries to save everyone and fix everything. My brother is the child who caused other problems to take the focus off mom and dad. I've read all those books.

 

Maybe al anon would help you...?

 

I have first hand experience - being 8-1/2 years sober now and sponsoring nearly 140 people.

 

Many times the person gets well when everyone else stops making the effort they should be making themselves.

 

Why should he make effort when everyone he loves is still there fixing all the problems he's created and continues to create?

 

It IS for HIM to do. Not you and not your Mom. If he realized that everyone he loves disappeared because of his bad behavior then maybe he would start to change and help himself.

 

Has your Mom gone to al anon?

 

I'm not being harsh - I just have seen what works over the years.

 

My mom went to al-anon for about half a year. It gave her strength and peace, comfort knowing she wasn't alone. But ultimately those wives all want to stay with their husbands. And my mom does not, no- cannot- stay with my dad. He's extremely destructive. They do not have the foundation of a relationship that can survive his addiction. They were already broken and he just made it worse.

 

Al-anon made me angry. We all have the same stories, but they are talking about a person who chose to get sober. My dad doesn't want to stop drinking. He wants to die. He's lived in so much pain his whole life and it's all crashing down on him now. He's caused all of us a tremendous amount of pain, but he's still my dad. He took me to batting cages and taught me how to throw a softball, how to drive a car, and changed my oil and helped me move into my dorm room. He did the best he knew how. I don't hate him, I don't want to live my life that way, full of anger.

 

Congratulations on your 8.5 years sober. Did you do it all by yourself, or did anyone help you realize you needed to get sober?

[JanenotPlain]

Today he called my mom crying, she said he sounded five minutes away from death. He said he was going into a 30 day rehab about an hour away. His brother was supposed to drive him. He can't drive himself since he just crashed his car getting a DUI and has been drunk for several days. Earlier tonight he called and said his brother refused to drive him. My mom said she'd take him. She wasn't able to deal with traffic and that drive so I went with her. We got to the house and he was passed out drunk. He was able to make a phone call 20 minutes earlier but was completely passed out, and nonresponsive. We found lots of empty vodka bottles in the trash. We called the rehab and they were waiting for him. I guess they told him to come tonight. I wish they had told him to come in the morning when he was still somewhat able to function. Instead he apparently just drank all day waiting for his turn to go. Neither of us can lift him out of bed to get into the car, his brother won't come and help. So we left him there.

 

My mom sent him this angry long text message. I sent him a nicer one, letting him know if he's ready to go to rehab I will drive him. His court date is next week. He still has his job on the condition that he go to rehab. This is all just really, really sad. Its like watching someone commit suicide in slow motion. And I can't stop it.

[S2B]

His brother has the right idea.

 

Tell him to take a cab. This is HIS to handle.

 

Step away and see if he takes action.

 

My suggestion is from experience and love for the drinker... Less chance that loved ones get even more angry at him.

Edited August 13, 2016 by S2B

[JanenotPlain]

A $200 cab ride. Wow. Look I know he needs to do this himself but if he needs a ride to a hospital I will take him. He's half dead. i'd never live with myself if I told him to take a taxi.

 

His brother has the right idea? His brother is ALSO a drunk. In fact that's probably why he bailed on driving him. He's probably laid up in bed, too drunk to drive too. His brother is a #$%tbag.

[S2B]

Does your Mom work? I'm just hoping she does it can. Best if she is capable of supporting herself - it would give her some sense of security in case your Dad is in rehab for a time.

 

It may seem harsh having him do for himself - but I assure you - it's best for the long term goal...which for him to take better care of himself. If needed, he could go to the hospital for the evening to start the detox process.

 

 

Have any of you been to al anon meetings? It could really help all of you a bunch if you work that program. It would also help to understand what your Dad will go through a bit better.

[S2B]

Sorry I missed your previous post that described the al anon experience :-/

 

 

Many in those meetings aren't counting on their loved ones to get or stay sober. Best way is to understand it's hard to stay sober and odds aren't great. It's designed to help the codependent nature of the loved ones.

 

I drank until I had a stroke. I detoxed in the hospital and went to rehab after that. I worked all the steps and continue to do that... It's saved my life and I'm a big believer in doing things straight from the book.

 

I became willing to do anything. That included telling my very large family to step away and give me space to do it myself! They wanted to "DO it FOR me". It just doesn't work that way.

[S2B]

It's a bummer but your Mom may not know what to do when she doesn't have your Dad to be mad at anymore. Old patterns are tough to break - and your Dad getting better is going to require that everything changes.

 

Do you think your Mom will file for divorce soon?

[JanenotPlain]

My mom was forced into early retirement last year. Basically they were going to lay her off anyway. Neither of my parents went to college. My dad's made an okay living, she really just earned enough to help out. She is mentally in no place to have a job right now. She can't even cook in the kitchen anymore, seriously. She breaks things or burns things or just does the weirdest odd things to food, her mind is pretty much gone. And my dad probably won't survive a stroke. You must have been in really good health otherwise when you had yours?

He is a heart attack waiting to happen. Has worked in construction for almost 50 years, just very very worn down and unhealthy. He gets winded going up a flight of stairs. He smokes, has smoked most of his life. I want to get him a life alert button for when he does have a heart attack or stroke. Today he didn't even have his phone next to him when he passed out, it was downstairs.

 

She filed for divorce. He is totally preoccupied with his own mess to care. He woke up from his booze nap and just called her to say he's going to rehab tomorrow. His brother is driving him. I'm sure that's a lie too. Maybe not. Even if he goes to rehab he won't stay. He's not strong enough.

 

Yep she's taken her anger out on me plenty of times. More times than I can count. Especially this past year. I know she never means it. The therapist said she has PTSD from his abuse. I think we all do.

 

They're going to be okay financially. My brother and I are helping her with rent and other bills right now. If he makes it through all of this, he will have to live a much much lower income lifestyle than he is used to. And that's really sad in itself....he's worked so hard his whole life, and basically threw it all away. She's been mourning the loss of that life too. They'll be okay financially but he needs to stop making all of these really bad decisions that are costing thousands and thousands of dollars. He needs to let us sell the house, and we can't do that when he's holed up in there drunk all day.

 

I'm a strong person, I've been through a lot.

Edited August 13, 2016 by JanenotPlain

[S2B]

I'm sorry things are such a mess.

 

I hope you all can focus on your own happiness - which you deserve each and every day.

 

I can honestly say - the ones I sponsored did amazing when family and spouses stayed away for a long while - so the one needing help could find their way - and focus on doing the work without distractions it trying to manipulate the family to do things for them. Old habits are hard to break - easier to break when family isn't there to lean on... They learn faster to swim, not sink.

 

 

My stroke was a result of my drinking. I enter the emergency room with a .40 blood alcohol level... I know those blackouts well...the ones your Dad is having.

 

He probably won't remember who took him to the rehab - trust me on that one... Not much is remembered in a blackout.

 

I drank to get numb. I didn't intend to "feel" what I wanted to avoid. Facing those fears sober is daunting - and so worth it.

 

He's got wo to do - I hope you will find a way to be ok whether he does well or not.

 

It's good to get busy living and being happy - YOU deserve that each and every day!

 

Hugs and thanks for caring enough to worry about him. I'll say extra prayers he can find his way.

[S2B]

For what it's worth - you are not failing.

 

It's only your job to take care of you/yourself.

 

It's your Moms job to take care of herself.

 

It's your Dads job to take care of himself.

 

Do your best each day to look after your best interest.

 

There's a great book that changed my life - it's called the four agreements by Ruiz. I highly recommend it! I think you will love it!

[JanenotPlain]

I'll check out that book, thank you. Also thank you for prayers and your other advice.

 

He texted me today and said he went to the rehab place. I guess his brother did drive him. Let's see if he finished the full program...

 

I'm doing better. I do need to switch my focus back to my own life, my own happiness. I suppose I've done enough, by getting my mom out of the house, away from him.

[JanenotPlain]

He lost his job. He's still in rehab. They can't get his heart rate or blood pressure in check. I guess he also broke a few ribs and his collarbone falling down some stairs because he was drunk. My mom went to see him today, she says he looks like he's about to die. He has a court date tomorrow for his first arrest. I guess his lawyer can go for him, since he's in the hospital. I'm still so numb to everything, haven't really processed it yet.

[S2B]

He lost his job. He's still in rehab. They can't get his heart rate or blood pressure in check. I guess he also broke a few ribs and his collarbone falling down some stairs because he was drunk. My mom went to see him today, she says he looks like he's about to die. He has a court date tomorrow for his first arrest. I guess his lawyer can go for him, since he's in the hospital. I'm still so numb to everything, haven't really processed it yet.

 

The first week is always difficult. Think about it - he's been toxic - poisoning himself for a long time and now they need to get him back to a balanced state to be stabilized.

 

Never is a heavy drinker supposed to detox alone... It's risky.

 

And it's not recommended for any family to visit... It's best for your Mom to stay far away. It triggers the drinker! Makes them feel even MORE guilty and triggers the drinker to want to drink again. They already feel guilty when they start to become coherent enough to realize they've made things bad.

 

Can you encourage your Mom not to visit him? Seriously, it's not a good idea.

 

Your mom should start focusing on making HER life better each day - at least for now and for a long while to come. Can she stay busy with a hobby? Anything creative? A creative outlet is a very good thing for someone like your Mom. Does she have a counselor she can see? Do you realize how codependent she is? That's VERY unhealthy for HER...

[JanenotPlain]

I'll talk to her about staying away. I'm his favorite, not just saying that, it's the truth. Everyone in the family has been telling me all year, since I moved home, that "if anyone can get him to stop drinking it's you". So I know I need to stay away. I think it would kill him to see me, seeing him in this condition.

 

She should focus on making her life better....well for now they have a lot of business to sort out. She needs to get the house in order to sell it, I'm guiding her through that. She needs to figure out how to get both of them health insurance because his is ending in two weeks and he now needs surgery for the broken bones on top of the cost of rehab...in addition to both of their lists of prescriptions and health conditions since neither of them are healthy. She won't be able to figure that out either so I'm sure i'll end up enrolling them both into a plan.

 

She won't start a hobby, no. I don't think she will find peace until the divorce is final, the house is sold, and he is living somewhere else. Even then I'm sure it will be nearly impossible for her to relax or find a hobby. I've tried to convince her to talk to a therapist and she won't go. I've even forced her to go to a therapist a few times. I can't go with her all the time.

 

Do I realize how codependent she is? I'm the one, just little me, all by myself, who spent months- day in and day out- last year, arguing with her that she needed to move out! That she was spinning her wheels and sinking with him, trying to take care of him and sober him up, and walk on eggshells so not to set him off or make him angry. I was the one who dragged her to look at apartments, talk to lawyers, talk to therapists, go to al-anon. I was the one who spent days and days helping her sort out finances so she could see that yes she can leave him. She is the most stubborn person I know and she's fought me every single step of the way, and I'm exhausted. I got her this far.

 

This is pretty much as far as I can take her. She's out, she filed for divorce. Her leaving him caused him to hit rock bottom.

 

She left, his life spiraled out of control. A man who has never once been arrested in his entire life has been arrested twice in three months. A man who has never once been reprimanded at work let alone lost a job just lost his job. A man who felt like the ONLY thing that he could use to measure his success was his home and his job. He lost his job, and he's about to lose his home. A home that he built, personally built himself. His blood sweat and tears literally are all over that house. He's a broken old man sitting alone in a hospital room. And on top of all that he may go to jail.

 

Today she came home crying, because of how bad he looked. All I could think was- mom you don't look any better. You may as well be laying right next to him in the hospital.

Edited August 16, 2016 by JanenotPlain

[S2B]

He has a much better chance of getting well if everyone stays far away from him for a very long time.

 

I say that with compassion for all of you. This disease is so damn hard on all loved ones.

 

Have you ever read info regarding adult children of alcoholics? It may help you have some insight into why you play the role as the parent - yet you are their child.

 

Character traits are very consistent in adult children of alcoholics... Check it out! This could be a good opportunity for you to personally grow as well. Finding/getting solid info regarding the disease/active drinking/recovery and failed recovery/family dynamics - as well as family of origin and patterns within the family was really helpful to me as I recovered.

 

I wanted to break the cycle/pattern for my boys as they were close to being adults. I wanted every single thing in our lives to change.

 

Change brings hope! For any person to recover change must happen. It can't happen if things remain the same.

 

Change is hard for most people - it's good to have the goal for the drinker to become comfortable being UNCOMFORTABLENE - that means they are attempting to make change happen.

 

Try and play a completely opposite role than you ever have - that will be sure that things don't remain the same. Practice ways to tell him no when he calls asking for anything. Maybe you could say "that's for you to handle - and I'm going to allow you to figure that out".

 

You will run into manipulation - just keep tossing the responsibility back into him. It's his to do - it's the ONLY way for him to get proud OF HIMSELF. Progress may be slow but that isn't the concern - as long as it's progress for him, BY HIM.

 

Anything you guys may do for him is like taking away his ability to recover - this is ONLY for HIM to do.

 

You can be encouraging and supportive - just do it without YOUR ACTION - the action part is his to do.

 

Does that even make sense? It's hard to explain by typing. I hope I'm explaining it well enough.

[JanenotPlain]

Actually he's not asking for any help. He never really has asked me for anything. My mom is the one who needs all the help. From figuring out how to reset her passwords on her bank account to figuring out things on her phone to the big stuff like whether or not to go forward with painting the house and replastering the pool while he's in rehab...because he could get super pissed if she does it the wrong way. Or she needs help realizing that no, we can't hire lawyers to fight his company for firing him. They had absolutely every right to terminate him. Furthermore he is in no condition to even keep his job, he's holding onto his life by a thread and needs to focus on getting healthy. AND don't we already have enough legal issues to pay for that we can't afford at the moment?? His not one but TWO arrests and now the divorce? She's stopped fighting me about things like that....that's new. She used to argue with me, now I can just explain to her that she's not making any sense and she actually listens to me.

 

I've read a few books about codependency and adult children of alcoholics. I know that I shouldn't be taking on this role. But I also can't walk away. Not until things settle down. I told myself I'd give my parents one or two years of my effort. See I was always living far away, not dealing with any of this.

 

They say no one is able to get better until they hit rock bottom, I'd say he's there. My mom was the enabler. I knew I had to remove her from the picture or else she'd continue to enable. So in that sense, even though he hit rock bottom when she left, I think it was his best shot at realizing he needed to change. I've read all of these things and understand how it works...but it's much easier said than done. It's pretty difficult to stay away from my dad who could be dying in a hospital right now. I haven't seen him in months because he wouldn't see me.

[JanenotPlain]

I re-read what I wrote and realize how sad it is that my two parents and their mental issues are consuming my life. I'm actually doing okay at preserving my own life in spite of all this, but it's definitely taking a back seat. Every once in awhile she'll ask me a question about my life. My job, or my friends or something. I look at her and know that she feels guilty for dumping all of this on me. So she tries to make up for it by pretending to care about things in my life which to her aren't at all important. She tries to act like she thinks it's important but my mom is a terrible liar. And I know when she's faking it.

 

Actually that's what I think is most sad to me. That I give so, so, so much and get very little, usually nothing in return. I've never felt like there was space for me or my concerns in this family. I mean, how could there be space?! I've always felt like a burden. So, I think a lot of me taking on this role of trying to fix things is just a way to matter to them. Show them I have value.

 

One of my therapists told me I needed to make peace and let go of the fact that I'll never have the mother I wish I had. She's not able to nurture. Again that's one of those things that I understand, but easier said than done.

[S2B]

Best to wait until he asks to see you. Even then, you need to ask what the value of seeing him would bring.

 

He should be able to explain that answer to you - for you to even consider it. If he can't - then delay the visit for a time.

 

The mind is mushy for a long while after drinking to excess like he has. It may be a while (months) before his mind starts clearing enough to process thought patterns well or at all.

 

Hope fully he stays with this - you wouldn't believe what I've seen - that should be - rock bottom... But it wasn't THEIR rock bottom, yet. It is a disease of insanity. Nothing makes sense... It ONLY makes insanity sense to an alcoholic.

 

I hope he can get well... Be patient...that helps everyone involved. Know where your boundary is - that helps YOU to take care of YOURSELF.

 

I hope your Mom can learn to change too...she seems as sick as he is.

[S2B]

I re-read what I wrote and realize how sad it is that my two parents and their mental issues are consuming my life. I'm actually doing okay at preserving my own life in spite of all this, but it's definitely taking a back seat. Every once in awhile she'll ask me a question about my life. My job, or my friends or something. I look at her and know that she feels guilty for dumping all of this on me. So she tries to make up for it by pretending to care about things in my life which to her aren't at all important. She tries to act like she thinks it's important but my mom is a terrible liar. And I know when she's faking it.

 

Actually that's what I think is most sad to me. That I give so, so, so much and get very little, usually nothing in return. I've never felt like there was space for me or my concerns in this family. I mean, how could there be space?! I've always felt like a burden. So, I think a lot of me taking on this role of trying to fix things is just a way to matter to them. Show them I have value.

 

One of my therapists told me I needed to make peace and let go of the fact that I'll never have the mother I wish I had. She's not able to nurture. Again that's one of those things that I understand, but easier said than done.

 

 

How can she worry about you when he consumes her every thought? It's not possible.

 

You play the leader role - the role as parent.

 

It's completely ass backwards! Sad - but it's 'normal' in these dynamics within families.

 

I want to give you a big hug! It's not right! You shouldn't HAVE TO be their parent!

 

So do what seems right for now...and know when it needs to end - or when to wean your Mom off of your good will.

 

It is your job to look after your best interest FIRST! That's the best rule of thumb... We aren't good for anyone if we don't care/tend to ourselves FIRST.

 

Each day do something really nice FOR yourself!

 

Self care is critical for a healthy life! Heck, maybe your Mom will learn by your example.

 

Also, keep in mind to try getting your Mom to make those decisions independently. Baby steps to get her to start doing for herself...gently but with progress so she learns to do for herself too throughout this transition period.

[S2B]

And be aware - your Mom played a very important role in all this - she is NOT innocent (the victim) - she had choices but she chose to stay. Make no mistake - the people behind the drinker may not be actively drinking like the alcoholic is - but the role they played helped them to stay sick.

 

So don't "help her too much". She needs serious help too - to break out of that victim/controlling role she's played that "looks like" she can blame him! She is the ONLY one to blame for HER participation.

 

She will deny that forever if you allow her to play victim for any length of time now. Make no mistake - she is the victim of herself. I'm sure she's thinking "who can I blame when I can no longer blame HIM?" She will blame you if she can/if you stay involved too long...

 

Sad to say - but it true...

 

These dynamics are twisted. It takes moving mountains to untangle it.

[JanenotPlain]

She IS just as sick as he is. She medicates with alcohol too. Also sugar. Which is driving me nuts since I'm trying to lose weight and over here, counting calories, working really hard in the gym 5-6x week...and she brings home chocolate pie, cupcakes, cookies. I kind of want to scream and throw her chocolate pie in the trash.

 

You are absolutely right about her looking for other people to blame. His job, the hospital, anyone. I guess the rehab program isn't covered under his insurance, he finished the three days of detox and is being discharged with broken bones. My mom wants to bring him here- because she thinks he can't take care of himself. I told her that was the worst possible place for him, we need to find another inpatient rehab that will accept his insurance. Then she says she'll just go back home with him to take care of him. I told her everything will fall apart again if she does that, he'll just go right back to drinking.

 

So she's making the hour drive to pick him up and I'm calling rehabs to see if they take his insurance. But these are 30 day programs and he loses this insurance in two weeks. And like I knew, she's also asking me to help enroll them both into a new insurance plan.

 

Thank you STB for the hug, I do really appreciate it.

 

He's probably lying to her about getting kicked out of the program right now. He probably just wants to come home and drink. That's what he did last time. This is f-ing crazy. I don't know if I can stick around for this circus much longer. I sort of regret getting involved but I couldn't sit back and watch them all drown without trying to help. That didn't feel right either. It's like there is no right answer.

[turnera]

A $200 cab ride. Wow. Look I know he needs to do this himself but if he needs a ride to a hospital I will take him. He's half dead. i'd never live with myself if I told him to take a taxi.

 

His brother has the right idea? His brother is ALSO a drunk. In fact that's probably why he bailed on driving him. He's probably laid up in bed, too drunk to drive too. His brother is a #$%tbag.

 

You are a classic enabler. Are you going to therapy? Are you going to Alanon? If not, you don't know what you should be doing.

 

Your father needs to do this himself. Every single thing you do for him KEEPS HIM from getting better. A cab ride is the least of their worries.

[turnera]

I re-read what I wrote and realize how sad it is that my two parents and their mental issues are consuming my life.

That's because you're not following the 'rules' of alcoholism. You're not doing what Alanon tells you to do to make it better. You're not fixing things, you're staying involved and giving them buoyancy to help them avoid the hard work ahead.

[JanenotPlain]

I've been to so much therapy in the past. I live in a smallish town and honestly can't get an appointment. I found one therapist but really didn't click with her. I've been to al-anon, didn't have a great experience. I know not all meetings are the same. But you know, this is what is so contradictory about advice from al-anon- you're telling me to stay out of my dad's mess, live my life. But at the same time, go to al-anon. Which to me is digging myself deeper into all of it.

 

You know if I were a statistic, if I followed the pattern of people who come from backgrounds like mine, my life would also be a mess. I'd not have accomplished all of the things I have, on my own. I don't need any crap from anyone who has no idea who I am, what I've been through, and what I've done with my life.

 

I'm so f-ing exhausted right now, trying to keep my family afloat and my own career moving forward, and maintaining a social life, and exercising to stay healthy in spite the sh%t storm I live in, the last, and I mean the absolute LAST thing I want to do with any free time is go sit somewhere and cry about my dad with a bunch of other people who are just as miserable.

 

A $200 cab ride is NOT the least of their worries, thanks. When finances are a struggle and we are pinching pennies to buy groceries and pay bills, and are faced with a mountain of bills in two households and my dad just lost his job- sorry did you even read my story??? christ.

Yes, every single dollar matters to my family right now. How fortunate to be a person who can disregard things like a $200 cab ride.

 

I'm not following the rules. How the F am I the enabler when I'm the one who took his enabler away? I'm the one who's lived 600 miles away for the past 4 years, and for years before that I was 3K miles away. He's been an alcoholic for an entire decade, Turnera. All of that time guess what I did?

 

Absolutely nothing to help him. I stayed far, far away. I lived my life. So now, yes I am doing something. I pulled the cord on his enabler, she left, his life fell apart, and I get to feel guilty for that.

 

His lawyer said the prosecution wants to send him to jail for 6 months. Three weeks ago is when he fell and broke ribs and his collarbone. He never bothered to go to a doctor. He actually was suicidal a week ago. He'd admitted that he was trying to drink himself to death. That's how his brother convinced him to go to detox.

Edited August 17, 2016 by JanenotPlain