JustAGirl Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 Hi I just talked to my dance partner about my bf... The thing is , my bf dumped his gf this summer b/c of her insecurity... (he can to literally tell her "don't worry, i'm not leaving u" every day in order to keep her sane) He is telling me that insecurity is horrible & all... I agree ... I really bothers me that my bf acts icky every time i go to a club or some place w/out him generally... my dance partner thinks it's incurable... is it??? I really love my bf, but it's true that he's limiting my life... he's just so ... i don't know - all we do together is movies, talking, eating, and making out.. i enjoy it all... but he's definitely not enough to FILL my life... i still need others, a lot, incl. my dance partner ... My mom thinks i'm staying w/ my bf for this long b/c i get attached to ppl easily, and also b/c he's my first one ... she's right.... the thing is - i feel guilty every time i yell at him for being icky about he going to clubs, cuz he ends up saying 'sorry, it's just that i really love u, and i worry about u' ... Now we were basically broken up in march... and i cried for two days straight ... until we made up... is it just something i'll have to go thru anyway?... also scares me that he's always so sure that he wants to be w/ me forever, and bugs me b/c i dont say the same to him (i just say "we'll see, i'm young and not ready to make any serious decisions, etc")... I'm also so afraid of breaking up b/c I know how much it will upset him... and it just rlly hurts me to know he's down... and i get physically sick if i lose communication with him... AAhhh! wth do i do?? I want a normal young life, but i also love him any comments? PLZ... thanks in advance... PS my mom says i shd simply go out w/ others and do what i want, and if my bf ends up dumping me - oh well, but simply do both if i can .... etc i dunna if that's right; i'd hate it if he did that to me i think... i just wish he'd be more outgoing and more willing to try new things and all... thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 oops!! correction: my dance partner dumped his gf in the summer, not my bf. sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 If you were really madly in love with your boyfriend and didn't have lots of doubts, you wouldn't be posting here. Keep your dance partner and your mother out of this. This is strictly your decision. It's doubtful you'll ever find a guy who enjoys doing everything you like to do and vice versa. But I do think you'll find a guy you'll have more in common with than "movies, talking, eating and making out." Take your time. Yes, of course you will be sad if and/or when you break up with your boyfriend. Break-ups aren't fun at all but they're a hell of a lot easier than getting divorced...and much cheaper too. You can't stay with this guy forever just because you're afraid of hurting him. That's pretty nuts. Your guy at least deserves a lady who truly loves him and wants to be with him more than anything in the world. I don't think you do. Look out FOR YOURSELF here. Forget about how your mama feels, your boyfriend feels and your dance partner feels. Yes, it's nice to be considerate of others' thoughts and feelings but you don't need to spend the rest of your life unhappy because of what other people want you to do. Go where your heart leads you. You're very young. You may date a number of guys before you find Mr. Right. Just a note. I don't really think it would be wise to take up with your dance partner unless you give it a tremendous amount of thought. Your love of dancing could cloud your head and make you oblivious to many other incompatibilities with him. I have never understood why certain women just start long term dating the first guy who asks them out rather than waiting on one who sort of looks like a keeper. Oh, well. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 Thanks Tony... I know i'll date way more in my life... the problem is my bf doesn't think so - i think he's serious when he says he wants to marry me & all - i never said the same in return, only said it's a possiblity....... my question is should I explain it to him & free myself and HIM ... or just live however i want until he dumps me? (I don't WANT to dump him at all. The problem is his seeming incompatibility with the life i want to have right now ... ) Thanks a lot... I know it's MY decision and all, but guilt is always there... Cya Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 You need to be honest with him and let him know the possibility of marriage with him is not good. If you have to explain all this to him, he's pretty dense and doesn't deserve you anyway. The problem here is you are just wanting to have someone to date and, at this point, it seems he is looking for somebody to marry. You need to make it very clear that marriage or finding a partner at this point in your life is not on your agenda. I still don't see this as a happening thing. Obviously you are getting something out of it. If the good stuff outweights the hassles, remain in there and have fun. When that stops happening, hit the road. But by all means always be very clear and honest with him about exactly how you feel and where you are in life. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 19, 2001 Share Posted April 19, 2001 Thanks so much Tony! I will stay, and be honest, and do whatever i want... perfect...! One more LAST Qn: the issue of me not necessarily wanting to be with him for the rest of my life has been brought up a few times already. i give the same response. and it gets brought up again. is there anything i can say to make him "get it"? That it doesn't mean i don't want him NOW, it means i'm simply too young to plan my future? THANKS Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 I ask you how old you are? I am just curious. I remember you posted before. Do not let him limit you or your life. I was w/a possessive and jealous guy for two years. He had more control over my life than I realized at the time. Now that I have not been w/him for about five years, I can see the situation differently. Do what you want to do, as long as you aren't cheating on him. If he can't handle it, maybe it is time to move on. If you start giving into him, he will keep doing it. If you end up staying w/him for a long time, he is going to take more of your life away. Once your youth is gone, you can't get it back. This is the time of life where you should be enjoying and exploring. You don't have any children or anything so you are not bound to him in any way. I have no regrets about ending the relationship w/my possessive ex. My only regret is that I did not end the relationship sooner. Hi I just talked to my dance partner about my bf... The thing is , my bf dumped his gf this summer b/c of her insecurity... (he can to literally tell her "don't worry, i'm not leaving u" every day in order to keep her sane) He is telling me that insecurity is horrible & all... I agree ... I really bothers me that my bf acts icky every time i go to a club or some place w/out him generally... my dance partner thinks it's incurable... is it??? I really love my bf, but it's true that he's limiting my life... he's just so ... i don't know - all we do together is movies, talking, eating, and making out.. i enjoy it all... but he's definitely not enough to FILL my life... i still need others, a lot, incl. my dance partner ... My mom thinks i'm staying w/ my bf for this long b/c i get attached to ppl easily, and also b/c he's my first one ... she's right.... the thing is - i feel guilty every time i yell at him for being icky about he going to clubs, cuz he ends up saying 'sorry, it's just that i really love u, and i worry about u' ... Now we were basically broken up in march... and i cried for two days straight ... until we made up... is it just something i'll have to go thru anyway?... also scares me that he's always so sure that he wants to be w/ me forever, and bugs me b/c i dont say the same to him (i just say "we'll see, i'm young and not ready to make any serious decisions, etc")... I'm also so afraid of breaking up b/c I know how much it will upset him... and it just rlly hurts me to know he's down... and i get physically sick if i lose communication with him... AAhhh! wth do i do?? I want a normal young life, but i also love him any comments? PLZ... thanks in advance... PS my mom says i shd simply go out w/ others and do what i want, and if my bf ends up dumping me - oh well, but simply do both if i can .... etc i dunna if that's right; i'd hate it if he did that to me i think... i just wish he'd be more outgoing and more willing to try new things and all... thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
JustAGirl Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 We're both 19. =) thanks for yr response. I ask you how old you are? I am just curious. I remember you posted before. Do not let him limit you or your life. I was w/a possessive and jealous guy for two years. He had more control over my life than I realized at the time. Now that I have not been w/him for about five years, I can see the situation differently. Do what you want to do, as long as you aren't cheating on him. If he can't handle it, maybe it is time to move on. If you start giving into him, he will keep doing it. If you end up staying w/him for a long time, he is going to take more of your life away. Once your youth is gone, you can't get it back. This is the time of life where you should be enjoying and exploring. You don't have any children or anything so you are not bound to him in any way. I have no regrets about ending the relationship w/my possessive ex. My only regret is that I did not end the relationship sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
WGirl Posted April 21, 2001 Share Posted April 21, 2001 You're just a young chick! I wish I was your age again. Definitely don't get tied down by a relationship. You are much too young and the world is yours right now. You have an endless amount of opportunities. I know you love your boyfriend but seriously think about it. Don't ever give up something you love. Best of luck to you! We're both 19. =) thanks for yr response. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts