Found emails

[ksol9]

I'm back home now with my parents and I'm overcome with sadness. I can't even describe how I feel. I've thought of every possible scenario and no matter which road I take from this point forward, it will be a challenge. I feel like I've gotten through the worst part which was leaving and confronting him. I was only met with more lies. I haven't heard from him since I sent my last email.

 

I don't think I've ever had to deal with a breakup due to infidelity. There is nothing left as far as dealing with him. I've already moved all my belongings out and we have no other ties to handle. There is no other communication that I forsee with him. I guess it is just dealing with myself emotionally. What can I expect? How do I get over being betrayed? Does it just take time and self care? I feel like I'm going to go through the stages of grief again. Just don't even know where to start picking up the pieces.

[Chuff]

Just don't even know where to start picking up the pieces.

 

You pick them up one at a time.

 

You've gotten through heartache before. You will again. And you will be even stronger!

 

You kept your dignity and your self respect. Good on you. That's the perfect foundation to rebuild your life upon.

 

We're here for you.

[CarrieT]

What can I expect?

You can expect good days and bad days. There will be times when you just want to sit and eat an entire quart of ice cream and cry. There may be weeks of having turned a corner and thinking everything is fine but then having a trigger turn you into a puddle of tears.

 

How do I get over being betrayed? Does it just take time and self care?

Yes. And don't feel like you need to put a calendar on your healing process. It is a one-day-at-a-time process.

 

I feel like I'm going to go through the stages of grief again.

You are very cognizant of the process. That is a good step.

 

Just don't even know where to start picking up the pieces.

As you stated before: Self care. Surround yourself with loving people and don't be ashamed to share your story or your grief. Start creating new memories of things that make you happy.

[ksol9]

Trying my best to keep my head above water. I haven't heard a word from him as expected. I'm just not in peace.

 

In order to have peace I have to forgive. Forgive him, myself, the whole ordeal. And in order to forgive I need to understand. I keep replaying and questioning all areas of this and I can't find answers or understanding. He is the only one who can offer me answers. I will never get that. Not honest ones anyhow. I just need to make peace with myself. There are things I may never understand and I guess that is ok. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and tell myself that this is how the world works. It's a cold world out there. People hurt the ones they love and don't have a care in the world.

[Eighty_nine]

Trying my best to keep my head above water. I haven't heard a word from him as expected. I'm just not in peace.

 

In order to have peace I have to forgive. Forgive him, myself, the whole ordeal. And in order to forgive I need to understand. I keep replaying and questioning all areas of this and I can't find answers or understanding. He is the only one who can offer me answers. I will never get that. Not honest ones anyhow. I just need to make peace with myself. There are things I may never understand and I guess that is ok. I just have to put one foot in front of the other and tell myself that this is how the world works. It's a cold world out there. People hurt the ones they love and don't have a care in the world.

 

So much of it is just time. It's hard to hear this, because we can't make time speed up. But with time you will heal.

[ksol9]

I know I need to be patient with myself, but this is so hard. This pain is so hard to deal with.

[Omei]

Stop loving him deerly and get to hes an *******

A good tip to stay away is to remind yourself of his wrong doings whenever you find yourself slipping into those happy moment thoughts correct yourself and think about why those are now not as meaningful anymore.

 

You actually don't have to forgive him for yourself you just have to make sure you don't fall into his trap again. He doesn't need to be forgiven.

[ksol9]

Stop loving him deerly and get to hes an *******

A good tip to stay away is to remind yourself of his wrong doings whenever you find yourself slipping into those happy moment thoughts correct yourself and think about why those are now not as meaningful anymore.

 

You actually don't have to forgive him for yourself you just have to make sure you don't fall into his trap again. He doesn't need to be forgiven.

 

You are right. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. All these decisions I've made in leaving and ending the relationship were because I felt it was right for me. I knew he wouldn't be honest. It was the only way to protect myself. My health is of utmost importance and it was only going to cause a lot of fighting had I stayed. I didn't want that for the children. He hurt me in infinite ways because as you said, the good moments are no longer treasured moments. They were based on lies. He destroyed the relationship.

 

My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm sad, the next angry. It's all over now. We haven't spoken since that day. I have to focus on myself. Self care.

[Lois_Griffin]

Ksol, everyone has ONE chance to disrespect you. He had his chance - probably more than one. He's run out of chances.

 

I often see betrayed spouses wracking their brains and trying desperately to find an acceptable "why" for what their cheating spouses did. Some go to ridiculous lengths and try to ascribe all kinds of nonsensical reasons so they can accept what their cheater did - that he's NPD, or he's 'broken,' or he was depressed, or he was neglected as a child because mommy didn't breastfeed him, or he's a 'sex addict,' or a 'porn addict,' or porn was his 'gateway drug' to making him cheat, and the nonsense excuses just go on and on.

 

God forbid anyone can simply make the guy own his sh*t without trying to find a million excuses from 30 years ago for why he did it. Most cheaters cheat because they WANT to. It's exciting for them. It gives them sexual variety. They enjoy the 'new' feeling of romance that they don't get anymore from an established relationship. They enjoy the attention and the ego strokes they get from someone acting as though they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Some enjoy the taboo nature and secrecy of cheating and get off on the fact that they're actually getting away with it.

 

Most are just thoroughly selfish, self-absorbed jackasses who think they DESERVE to have more than the average person.

 

Stop banging your head against the wall trying to come up with an acceptable reason for his sh*t behavior. Chances are high he did it exactly for the reasons stated above.

[Lois_Griffin]

You are right. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. All these decisions I've made in leaving and ending the relationship were because I felt it was right for me. I knew he wouldn't be honest. It was the only way to protect myself. My health is of utmost importance and it was only going to cause a lot of fighting had I stayed. I didn't want that for the children. He hurt me in infinite ways because as you said, the good moments are no longer treasured moments. They were based on lies. He destroyed the relationship.

 

My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm sad, the next angry. It's all over now. We haven't spoken since that day. I have to focus on myself. Self care.

Don't be surprised when he starts trying to lure you back. He still needs a babysitter for his kids and someone to wipe his ass for him. Let his Gmail girlfriend do that for him. You were made for MUCH better things.

[ksol9]

Ksol, everyone has ONE chance to disrespect you. He had his chance - probably more than one. He's run out of chances.

 

I often see betrayed spouses wracking their brains and trying desperately to find an acceptable "why" for what their cheating spouses did. Some go to ridiculous lengths and try to ascribe all kinds of nonsensical reasons so they can accept what their cheater did - that he's NPD, or he's 'broken,' or he was depressed, or he was neglected as a child because mommy didn't breastfeed him, or he's a 'sex addict,' or a 'porn addict,' or porn was his 'gateway drug' to making him cheat, and the nonsense excuses just go on and on.

 

God forbid anyone can simply make the guy own his sh*t without trying to find a million excuses from 30 years ago for why he did it. Most cheaters cheat because they WANT to. It's exciting for them. It gives them sexual variety. They enjoy the 'new' feeling of romance that they don't get anymore from an established relationship. They enjoy the attention and the ego strokes they get from someone acting as though they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Some enjoy the taboo nature and secrecy of cheating and get off on the fact that they're actually getting away with it.

 

Most are just thoroughly selfish, self-absorbed jackasses who think they DESERVE to have more than the average person.

 

Stop banging your head against the wall trying to come up with an acceptable reason for his sh*t behavior. Chances are high he did it exactly for the reasons stated above.

 

 

I read your comments early this morning and it resonated with me all day. i have been wracking my brain trying to make sense of this and you are absolutely correct, there is no making sense of this. Someone with good values and morals, regardless of where they are from, how they are raised, or what happened to them in the past, would not do something like this. Sadly this is the world we live in. Infidelity is so prominent. He is selfish. It's really unfortunate for me. I can take responsibility for my part in the conflict and problems we were having within the relationship, but once he stepped outside with someone else, that was his wrongdoing. I stand by my decision and everything that happened up until this point. I am comfortable in the way I handled myself. I hope all the entertainment and sexual variety he was getting was worth it. There were red flags. When I questioned them, he gas lighted. I let it slide and waited. The emails fell right in my face. Given to me. I had proof and that is why I was finally able to walk away. I had enough and he bold faced lied. I am almost certain he won't return to try to lure me back in. He knows he messed up. If he was honest, I would have been able to listen. The lies I can't take. As you said, he needs a babysitter and that is the reality of the situation. He has nothing to offer me but instability. I treated him like a king. He had nothing to worry about when he came home from work. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of those children. Silly me. Gosh, it's a cold world out there.

[Dis]

I read your comments early this morning and it resonated with me all day. i have been wracking my brain trying to make sense of this and you are absolutely correct, there is no making sense of this. Someone with good values and morals, regardless of where they are from, how they are raised, or what happened to them in the past, would not do something like this. Sadly this is the world we live in. Infidelity is so prominent. He is selfish. It's really unfortunate for me. I can take responsibility for my part in the conflict and problems we were having within the relationship, but once he stepped outside with someone else, that was his wrongdoing. I stand by my decision and everything that happened up until this point. I am comfortable in the way I handled myself. I hope all the entertainment and sexual variety he was getting was worth it. There were red flags. When I questioned them, he gas lighted. I let it slide and waited. The emails fell right in my face. Given to me. I had proof and that is why I was finally able to walk away. I had enough and he bold faced lied. I am almost certain he won't return to try to lure me back in. He knows he messed up. If he was honest, I would have been able to listen. The lies I can't take. As you said, he needs a babysitter and that is the reality of the situation. He has nothing to offer me but instability. I treated him like a king. He had nothing to worry about when he came home from work. I cooked, cleaned, and took care of those children. Silly me. Gosh, it's a cold world out there.

 

Hi hun...I know you're very hurt and understandably so...I'm so sorry you're going through this...you're doing a great job getting through this...never forget there is a light at the end of this tunnel

 

I know what its like to be cheated on...my ex gaslighted me all the time...tried to shift the blame from him to me...I know how much that can mess with a person's mind. I finally had enough and ended it...I realized after that he was cheating...good for you for leaving hun...you deserve so much better

 

I went over one of your other threads...the one you started in Feburary. I think he was cheating the whole time...the lack of sex drive is pretty telling. Pls dont beat yourself up though...sometimes its really difficult to realize our SO is stepping out of the relationship...even if all the signs are crystal clear

 

This is all a process hun...it takes time...keep being the strong person you are... I promise all this pain will be worth it down the road when you find the right guy and have the family you dream of...hold onto that hope....no matter how dim it may seem right now

 

Reading your previous thread...you were pretty adamant about not going back to him...but you did. I'm not judging you for that at all...I just hope you continue to be strong and never look back. I think you'll have no problem doing that now...sometimes we just need to get fed up entirely before we leave for good

 

Pls take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve...be patient and kind to yourself girly

 

We're here for you!!! Xoxo :bunny:

[Rainah]

From personal experience anyone who gets defensive is usually a lier. They get defensive because they are caught out so they try place the blame onto someone else.

[ksol9]

Yes I had always suspected cheating from the lack of sex in our relationship. I have no idea where he'd find the time to cheat but I still suspected. That was a telling sign in my mind. We were always together. We have flexible work schedules and when we weren't together he would be on the phone with me. He was always at home with us. We were such great friends. I just don't get it.

 

All that strength you are hearing in my posts, I don't know where it is right now. Right now I am about to curl up in a ball and beg for my life back. Everyone has been so gentle with me. Gentle in supporting me and my decision to leave, to stand up for myself. But who has really lost here? I feel like I am the only one who is suffering. He has shown zero remorse. Has not even tried to make amends. Has left me alone to suffer alone. To fill in the blanks on my own. I am broken in a million pieces.

 

When we split up before, it was under completely different circumstances. We were having problems before...come to think about it, I don't even remember what it was about. I had never caught him cheating because I never looked this deep. He broke up with me and I was in agony for 2 months. I felt extremely guilt. I blamed myself for our relationship troubles. When he contacted me, I was so willing. Willing to work so hard to fix our relationship. Almost immediately upon returning, I found little red flags here and there that showed something wasn't right. I looked through his Facebook messages, there were women asking him out for drinks, sending half naked photos....making advances. He didn't accept the advanced but he didn't turn them down either. One giving a thumbs up, the other making an excuse about having to work. He never said, I'm in a relationship now I'm sorry. We talked about it, I let it slide. Then a little while after that I look at his Facebook search bar, he was searching names of women who work at local stores. I made a huge deal of that. The arguments carried on for days and that was when he had to go out of town for work. I wasn't speaking to him that day, just minimal conversation to let him know the children were ok. That was when he sent a different woman the emails when he was in the hotel. Fight or no fight, it's all wrong. I had proof in my hands that he did blatant wrong with the emails and that is why I left. I have no way of knowing if they slept together and I never will, but I felt as though I let enough slide. I felt he was taking me granted. He saw how willing I was to stay no matter what. I loved him endlessly. All of they came to end and I warned him it would because I knew he was playing games. He made me doubt myself, made me feel I had insecurities, self doubt. Now I know why. He had a lot to hide. He destroyed our relationship. He was so careless.

 

I know there is a possibility he may return to try to convince me. Although I'm doubtful of that happening, I've still considered the possibility. I am a very weak person. My track records shows this. I've gone back to him before and it didn't take much work. This time is different in many ways. I'm not eager to go back. I've taken a good look at this situation. I have my head on right. Most cheaters lie immediately upon getting caught. I didn't tell him right away, I told him very minimal info before I left. He knew what I was talking about. He had time to think about an excuse because I didn't actually confront or send proof until the next day. He still lied. He still sounded so foolish. Most people will lie initially, but afterward, if....IF they truly don't want to lose what they have taken for granted, they will show extreme remorse, they will do whatever they have to do to save the relationship, to stop this person from walking away. He said he was sorry for "whatever he did" I had to send him proof of something he knew he already did. Not once after the emails of me confronting him did he put a halt to the destruction of our relationship. He let me walk away. He let everything burn to the ground. And still he has been in silence. He knows what he has done. He knows what he has been doing all along. No remorse. No intention to make his wrongs right. I took a look at his Facebook last night, just in curiosity. All of my pictures are up still, but he has added a new female friend. A friend who he has repeatedly tried to take out on a date before meeting me. Someone he was interested in dating. I know I shouldn't be looking at his Facebook, it's not the best idea especially when I should want nothing to do with him, but that told me one thing. He is not worried about what he has destroyed...the damage he has done. He is thinking about other women and how to occupy his time. He's not thinking of the father he should be. He has custody of his children. Why not spend extra time and care on them. Why not sit and reflect on all that has happened between him and I. Think about what the underlying reasons were for doing what he has done. I'm glad I looked at his Facebook. It shows me, yet again, his intentions are not good at all. He does not care about what he has done. He doesn't care to change, certainly not for me or for himself. He walked away as a coward would because he knows he has gotten caught. Being honest is not an option for him, so he is looking for potential female options instead. I will be prepared if he decides to try to give me more excuses. My anger has died off since the initial confrontation, but im still seeing clear as day. This man is up to no good. He has not shown me once that he is trying to do the right thing, to change, to grow, to be honest..so I will not listen and I will no change my mind. My decision still stand because I have not seen otherwise. I'm taking my control and power back. I won't give him the opportunity to lie and hurt me anymore.

 

Sorry for the long post

Edited August 7, 2016 by ksol9

[Omei]

You are right. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. All these decisions I've made in leaving and ending the relationship were because I felt it was right for me. I knew he wouldn't be honest. It was the only way to protect myself. My health is of utmost importance and it was only going to cause a lot of fighting had I stayed. I didn't want that for the children. He hurt me in infinite ways because as you said, the good moments are no longer treasured moments. They were based on lies. He destroyed the relationship.

 

My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm sad, the next angry. It's all over now. We haven't spoken since that day. I have to focus on myself. Self care.

 

That's normal and bravo for leaving it's hard a lot of people stay for really meaningless reasons and it's time wasted and they don't realize that till they're so worn.

 

Go find your happiness it may be alone it may be with another but you can do it.

[Dis]

Yes I had always suspected cheating from the lack of sex in our relationship. I have no idea where he'd find the time to cheat but I still suspected. That was a telling sign in my mind. We were always together. We have flexible work schedules and when we weren't together he would be on the phone with me. He was always at home with us. We were such great friends. I just don't get it.

 

All that strength you are hearing in my posts, I don't know where it is right now. Right now I am about to curl up in a ball and beg for my life back. Everyone has been so gentle with me. Gentle in supporting me and my decision to leave, to stand up for myself. But who has really lost here? I feel like I am the only one who is suffering. He has shown zero remorse. Has not even tried to make amends. Has left me alone to suffer alone. To fill in the blanks on my own. I am broken in a million pieces.

 

When we split up before, it was under completely different circumstances. We were having problems before...come to think about it, I don't even remember what it was about. I had never caught him cheating because I never looked this deep. He broke up with me and I was in agony for 2 months. I felt extremely guilt. I blamed myself for our relationship troubles. When he contacted me, I was so willing. Willing to work so hard to fix our relationship. Almost immediately upon returning, I found little red flags here and there that showed something wasn't right. I looked through his Facebook messages, there were women asking him out for drinks, sending half naked photos....making advances. He didn't accept the advanced but he didn't turn them down either. One giving a thumbs up, the other making an excuse about having to work. He never said, I'm in a relationship now I'm sorry. We talked about it, I let it slide. Then a little while after that I look at his Facebook search bar, he was searching names of women who work at local stores. I made a huge deal of that. The arguments carried on for days and that was when he had to go out of town for work. I wasn't speaking to him that day, just minimal conversation to let him know the children were ok. That was when he sent a different woman the emails when he was in the hotel. Fight or no fight, it's all wrong. I had proof in my hands that he did blatant wrong with the emails and that is why I left. I have no way of knowing if they slept together and I never will, but I felt as though I let enough slide. I felt he was taking me granted. He saw how willing I was to stay no matter what. I loved him endlessly. All of they came to end and I warned him it would because I knew he was playing games. He made me doubt myself, made me feel I had insecurities, self doubt. Now I know why. He had a lot to hide. He destroyed our relationship. He was so careless.

 

I know there is a possibility he may return to try to convince me. Although I'm doubtful of that happening, I've still considered the possibility. I am a very weak person. My track records shows this. I've gone back to him before and it didn't take much work. This time is different in many ways. I'm not eager to go back. I've taken a good look at this situation. I have my head on right. Most cheaters lie immediately upon getting caught. I didn't tell him right away, I told him very minimal info before I left. He knew what I was talking about. He had time to think about an excuse because I didn't actually confront or send proof until the next day. He still lied. He still sounded so foolish. Most people will lie initially, but afterward, if....IF they truly don't want to lose what they have taken for granted, they will show extreme remorse, they will do whatever they have to do to save the relationship, to stop this person from walking away. He said he was sorry for "whatever he did" I had to send him proof of something he knew he already did. Not once after the emails of me confronting him did he put a halt to the destruction of our relationship. He let me walk away. He let everything burn to the ground. And still he has been in silence. He knows what he has done. He knows what he has been doing all along. No remorse. No intention to make his wrongs right. I took a look at his Facebook last night, just in curiosity. All of my pictures are up still, but he has added a new female friend. A friend who he has repeatedly tried to take out on a date before meeting me. Someone he was interested in dating. I know I shouldn't be looking at his Facebook, it's not the best idea especially when I should want nothing to do with him, but that told me one thing. He is not worried about what he has destroyed...the damage he has done. He is thinking about other women and how to occupy his time. He's not thinking of the father he should be. He has custody of his children. Why not spend extra time and care on them. Why not sit and reflect on all that has happened between him and I. Think about what the underlying reasons were for doing what he has done. I'm glad I looked at his Facebook. It shows me, yet again, his intentions are not good at all. He does not care about what he has done. He doesn't care to change, certainly not for me or for himself. He walked away as a coward would because he knows he has gotten caught. Being honest is not an option for him, so he is looking for potential female options instead. I will be prepared if he decides to try to give me more excuses. My anger has died off since the initial confrontation, but im still seeing clear as day. This man is up to no good. He has not shown me once that he is trying to do the right thing, to change, to grow, to be honest..so I will not listen and I will no change my mind. My decision still stand because I have not seen otherwise. I'm taking my control and power back. I won't give him the opportunity to lie and hurt me anymore.

 

Sorry for the long post

 

Hun you are strong...I can hear your strength in your words. You have courage of conviction...you have self-respect...and you have a great perspective.

 

You're seeing everything so clearly now. I know its all a jumbled mess until you get out...hold onto this healthy anger just in case he comes back...but it would be best for you to go on assuming he never will...that way you can move on 100%

 

You have a right to be angry hun...he was so careless and reckless with your heart. You deserve so much better...never...ever forget that

 

I know you want him to give you closure...but that closure is going to have to come from within you. He's too much of a coward to ever give you any honest answers or show remorse...sometimes we will never know the truth...but the knowledge you already have is all you needed to walk away knowing you did the right thing...dont doubt yourself one bit

 

Whether you realize it or not...you are being strong. You're taking this day by day...minute by minute...and you're processing the pain. Thats all you can do hun

 

Keep us updated girly Sending love and strength! Xoxo :bunny:

[biker23]

I agree you are strong. You are now backing away enough to see the red flags from before and how obvious they look now. This does not mean it doesn't hurt but I find it easier to turn it to anger. You deserve so much better and will find better how dare this guy play with your heart. If you are in a relationship and have to snoop, it's over. He may come back but he will not change. Heal and find someone better

[ksol9]

Disillusionment373, you are right. I am seeing everything clearly now. He is not filling my head up with lies or clouding my judgment. He is doing me favor by staying away. If he comes around, which I'm doubtful of, he better think long and hard before doing so. He knows I'm intelligent and I'm strong enough to make him turn right around and go back to where he came from. I've come a long way. I have so much going for me. My biggest downfall in life has been the men I choose to be in relationships with. That is something I continue and investigate further. There is a reason why I have made such poor choices. Every day that goes by, I am gaining more and more insight on my situation about the type of relationship I was in. You are totally correct when you said the knowledge that I do have is enough for me to decide if I wanted to stay or not. The bad outweighed the good and it is no longer worth me staying. He is not worthy enough to be in my life. I love those children, but they aren't mine and that is the last thing on my mind. There is no room to think about them anymore. I did what I thought was best for them up til the very end. Let him go find someone else who will have their best interest at heart....closest thing to their biological mom. I want to give all my time, energy, and love to someone who deserves it and in time I will. I caught myself yesterday, why in the world am I hurt that he hasn't shown any remorse? Why in the world am I upset that he hasn't tried to make amends? That is not the type of man I want by my side. He is not worthy. I don't ask for much. I don't need a thing from a man. I am educated and I am financially stable, I don't need a man for anything other than companionship. I want to spend my life with someone who will honor, respect, and be loyal to me. That's all. He has never been that and in the current situation we are in, he will never step up to the plate.

 

Biker23, you said something in your response that stood out to me. If you are in a relationship and have to snoop, it's over. That statement alone is key. He has only offered me instability. He should have uplifted me as a woman and held me so high that I should never have to question. There has obviously been things that have happened that warranted me to feel I need to search for answers. Answers to why I had an instinct that something wasn't right. If he can not offer me stability and security in knowing he is a loyal man, he has no business being in my life. And I believe you are completely right...he will not change. This is something that is ingrained in him.

Edited August 8, 2016 by ksol9

[ksol9]

. I came home from work. Showered and left my phone upstairs on the charger. I went downstairs to watch tv. I can back upstairs about an hour later. I saw I had 5 missed calls and 3 text messages. The 5 calls were family and business related. The 3 text messages were from him. When I opened them, it wasn't actually him. It was his daughter. She was asking if I could text her dad with the password for her laptop. The laptop has a parental control where they aren't allowed to go on certain sites not suitable for children. She would need an admin password to have access to any site that is restricted. I didn't respond.

 

I'm not ready to deal with them right now and that includes the children. I guess I feel this way because nothing was said after what happened. I keep thinking about the emails he sent that woman while he was out of town. They had to have slept together. That is the reason why he contacted her in the first place. For her to come see him at the hotel. He has lied to me so many times and made me feel like I was crazy for questioning him.

[Chuff]

Good for you!!!!

[Dis]

. I came home from work. Showered and left my phone upstairs on the charger. I went downstairs to watch tv. I can back upstairs about an hour later. I saw I had 5 missed calls and 3 text messages. The 5 calls were family and business related. The 3 text messages were from him. When I opened them, it wasn't actually him. It was his daughter. She was asking if I could text her dad with the password for her laptop. The laptop has a parental control where they aren't allowed to go on certain sites not suitable for children. She would need an admin password to have access to any site that is restricted. I didn't respond.

 

I'm not ready to deal with them right now and that includes the children. I guess I feel this way because nothing was said after what happened. I keep thinking about the emails he sent that woman while he was out of town. They had to have slept together. That is the reason why he contacted her in the first place. For her to come see him at the hotel. He has lied to me so many times and made me feel like I was crazy for questioning him.

 

Ya hun, I agree with you here. His kids are his kids...they're not your responsiblity...I know you grew to care about them alot but staying in contact with them will only keep you from moving on from him.

 

I actually think you should block his number. That way you wont get upset if you see a text from his kids...or wonder if he's ever going to text you...I would really consider that hun...I mean, its over right? The bridge has been burned...no sense in keeping the lines of communication open

 

I'm so proud of you for setting clear boundaries...keep that up hun

 

For what its worth...I bet he's missing the free babysitting like h*ll...as self absorbed as he was...he's probably missing all the things you did for him. Let him miss that...its doesnt change anything...at the end of the day he's still toxic for you and is incapable of changing

 

Keep up the good work hun! Xoxo

[ksol9]

I know eventually I'll have to give him all the children's computer info. I also have some furniture stored at my parents house that belongs to him, as well as a transponder to get in the security gate of the community. I can block him and just say to heck with everything or just deal with it when I feel comfortable. Regardless, I don't believe they are going to continue to contact me. It's only normal at first because I used to handle everything in the house and children. It wasn't a big deal for me to just give them the password but I guess I don't feel right just acting as though nothing happened when he hasn't said a word to me since everything happened. I would have considered had he said something, anything after being confronted. Now they they see I'm not responding, I doubt I'll hear from them again.

 

In the first place, if it were me...if I know I had an altercation with my significant other, I would not allow my daughter to say anything. I would not allow her to text him anything...especially from my phone. I would tell her she needs to wait. As an adult, if I felt it was that important, I would email or text asking for the info myself. Instead he is letting his 13 year daughter play middle man.

 

The more I think about it, he is so prideful, so concerned with himself and what the ramifications of this could mean for him that he isn't going to put anything aside to speak to me openly and honestly. He rather not say anything in order to not show any guilt. Most likely, in his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong. He is probably angry with me for accusing him and he feels he doesn't have to put up with that.

Edited August 9, 2016 by ksol9

[ksol9]

I've been trying to make sense of this for a week now.

 

I know I've made the best decision for myself in leaving, but why would someone who got caught cheating not have anything to say for themselves? It's been a week since I found emails he sent a woman while he was out of town. He said he was in a hotel. They exchanged numbers and I can only imagine what happened after that. I packed and left. Haven't spoken to or heard from him since the confrontation. It's been a week. When i confronted he lied of course. Since then, nothing..not a word. This is the mark of a coward. He knows he messed up and hasn't shown any remorse. I am hurt and I'm not looking for answers. I know all I need to know he's a cheater and a liar. I just haven't come to terms with why he wouldn't say anything to me or try to talk? Is this normal when people get caught? We were such a big part of eachothers lives. We lived together and now he is dead to me. I don't even know why he would do something like this to me...what did I do to deserve it.

[stillafool]

why he wouldn't say anything to me or try to talk? Is this normal when people get caught? We were such a big part of eachothers lives. We lived together and now he is dead to me. I don't even know why he would do something like this to me...what did I do to deserve it.

 

It depends on whether they want to continue the relationship or not. If he still wanted you he would be calling, texting, apologizing and begging. Since he is doing none of this I think he has accepted that the relationship is over. He may have wanted to break it off anyway to be with the person he cheated on you with. At this point just be glad you found out and it's over. No one wants to be with a cheater.

[JewelD]

It's better that he is leaving you alone. You know that he's cheating and he's a liar. If he were calling and texting, he would be telling you more lies to get you to come back so he could continue his cheating.

 

It's somewhat of an ego boost when someone begs for us back, but if that person is unworthy, you don't need the temptation. Him not trying to get you back shows his true colors and that he does not truly care for you. Believe this statement and act accordingly.