Found emails

[PegNosePete]

why would someone who got caught cheating not have anything to say for themselves?

You've got that the wrong way around. Why would someone who got caught cheating, have anything to say? You know the truth, he knows the truth, what does he have to gain by talking about it? He's just going to get an ear full of lectures and telling off from you so why would he bother?

[elaine567]

YOU were in an unhappy situation long before you caught him cheating, this relationship has been skating on thin ice for a long time.

I guess this time he can't see much point in trying to save it, especially as he was already seeking solace elsewhere.

It needs a very strong commitment from both partners to recover and reconcile from cheating, and regain the trust.

Your relationship such as it was, is not worth the saving.

[ksol9]

There is a common theme in the answers I am getting. Actions do speak louder than words and right now his actions are speaking loud and clear. He does not care and that is how I have felt for a long time. This is how he handles any sort of conflict with anyone, whether it be his children, work, relationship. This behavior is so typical of him. It is laziness and complete fear. I was in a serious relationship with him. He owes me nothing and I don't need him to beg, plea or anything like this. I am trying to understand to come to terms with this within myself. No one lives a mistake free life but when you create a storm and then you are unwilling to deal with the storm you created, it says something about your character. It says he lacks key qualities that inspire trust. He lacks couraage and strength.

[stillafool]

Darling his cheating says everything you need to know about his character. I don't think it's laziness nor fear but a general lack of concern for you. His cheating was not a mistake it was a choice. It's time for you to move on the way he has.

[empirestate87]

They say God works in mysterious ways...

 

Bf used my laptop a few days ago. Somehow, his gmail account was still logged in when I used it last night. I went through his emails. Early July he went out of town for work. I was at home with his children. Taking care of his children.

He sent a woman, who he was involved with before he met me 1.5 years ago, an email stating...I'm staying at the Marriott in Tampa for the night, wyd?? She replied asking him to text her. They exchanged numbers and the emails stopped, obviously because they were now texting. I can only imagine what happened after that.

 

I didn't want to talk to him about it. He knew something was wrong. He kept prying. Inconsolable and in tears, I told him I knew everything about that night. I read the emails. His attitude immediately switched..you don't know sh*t, you don't have proof, you're a liar! I remained silent. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to pack my things and move out. Before we went to sleep, he knew he was caught, he was a coward...he says...I can't live like this, you need to pack your things. Again I was silent, nothing mattered. I was leaving.

 

And that is what I did. I packed everything this morning. I left without crossing his path. He was at work. Not a single call or text from him. I'm broken and in pieces. I love him so much, but I know I have to have some self worth. He was careless with our love. We had broken up for 2 months in February. Now here were are in pieces again...like its February again. The first breakup was not over infidelity. Just different life goals. We missed eachother terribly and promised eachother a better future. We were madly in love or so I thought. Until last night..my world shattered. He watched me cry in pain. He doesn't care. I know I don't need an explanation. Any excuse or reason is not acceptable, but I guess I just want honesty. Strange how we were living together and inseparable..on the phone when apart and right now, we are not speaking. Haven't spoken to him all day. This is going to be a long road...

 

You did the right thing! Not many people would have the courage to leave someone they love when they've hurt them so badly.

[ksol9]

You all right. It doesn't matter how many years we were together or how long we lived together, I should be treating this exactly how he is treating it. Like it never mattered.

 

Having a really hard day today. I need to sleep on all these things everyone has been telling for my own good

[anika99]

You all right. It doesn't matter how many years we were together or how long we lived together, I should be treating this exactly how he is treating it. Like it never mattered.

 

Having a really hard day today. I need to sleep on all these things everyone has been telling for my own good

 

 

It hurts to lose someone you love. Doesn't matter if you know they didn't really care or if you know that they are unworthy, it still hurts and for that you have my sympathy. You just have to grieve and accept all the feelings that go along with that. It will get better and brighter days are coming for you.

[dreamingoftigers]

There is a common theme in the answers I am getting. Actions do speak louder than words and right now his actions are speaking loud and clear. He does not care and that is how I have felt for a long time. This is how he handles any sort of conflict with anyone, whether it be his children, work, relationship. This behavior is so typical of him. It is laziness and complete fear. I was in a serious relationship with him. He owes me nothing and I don't need him to beg, plea or anything like this. I am trying to understand to come to terms with this within myself. No one lives a mistake free life but when you create a storm and then you are unwilling to deal with the storm you created, it says something about your character. It says he lacks key qualities that inspire trust. He lacks couraage and strength.

 

Honestly, my experience with cheaters is this:

 

They want you when you are of use to them and ONLY if you don't see behind the mask.

 

You saw behind the mask. He can't convince you otherwise (or assumes he can't) so he's out of there and he will get into every vagina in a six mile radius that he can to "Get over" the loss of yet another relationship.

 

Some people never stop running.

 

Sorry if that triggers you. I know it's super-hard.

 

It also WAS NOT you. It wasn't. Cheating makes as much sense as drug addiction. You didn't drive him to meth. You didn't drive him to cheating. You didn't drive him to anything. He drove himself to cheat all on his own.

[preraph]

Well, God, why blame yourself? He was a cheater. He cheated because that's what he likes to do, and he did it until he got caught and then vanished because he is not at all sorry he did it and isn't going to stick around and deal with any consequences. He'll just go cheat on some other women now. Go wash your hands and stop putting any blame on yourself. A cheater is a cheater. They act as nice as they can muster to keep it going and then move on to another.

[Dis]

Hun, just wanted to say I caught be bf red handed cheating on me tonight...I started a thread about it....so I understand where you're coming from

 

I'm just glad I didnt waste alot of time on him

 

No tears need to be shed over these men....when I walked in on my bf....I refused to shed a tear...he doesnt deserve that from me...your bf doesnt deserve that from you

 

We're all here for you hun...you keep being strong!

[ksol9]

Disillusionment373, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I just went over to your thread. You've been very kind to me as I am going through this dark time in my life.

[ksol9]

Honestly, my experience with cheaters is this:

 

They want you when you are of use to them and ONLY if you don't see behind the mask.

 

You saw behind the mask. He can't convince you otherwise (or assumes he can't) so he's out of there and he will get into every vagina in a six mile radius that he can to "Get over" the loss of yet another relationship.

 

Some people never stop running.

 

Sorry if that triggers you. I know it's super-hard.

 

It also WAS NOT you. It wasn't. Cheating makes as much sense as drug addiction. You didn't drive him to meth. You didn't drive him to cheating. You didn't drive him to anything. He drove himself to cheat all on his own.

 

 

You're right. He doesn't care about what he has destroyed. I'm left to deal with wreckage and he is probably doing what he has always been doing except now he doesn't have to hide it from anyone.

 

He knows he can't convince me and I knew he would go running when I sent that email. I started feeling very depressed. Im starting to shut down from others. I don't want to talk to family or friends. Just want to sleep. This isn't a good feeling at all. I managed well since it happened until today. My life is in shambles. I know there is nothing anyone can do to help me. I can barely help myself right now, just going with all these stages I guess. I'm just trying to accept this situation for what it is....just as you stated.

[Densel]

Take your time to grieve. Go through the pain and you will bounce back again.

 

My break up is a life changing event that has changed me.

 

Every one goes through break up differently.

[ksol9]

Take your time to grieve. Go through the pain and you will bounce back again.

 

My break up is a life changing event that has changed me.

 

Every one goes through break up differently.

 

 

Yes, same here...this is definitely life changing for me. I will not be the same. I'm not the same and a lot of things are already changing.

 

I know it's a process and I'm trying to go through it fearlessly.

[AT15]

I was (and still have feelings for) a serial cheater. I gave him many chances...he never changed. In fact he got worse. In the beginning he was all love and I'm sorry, but as time revealed he was still the same cheater and deceiver.

 

I know you love him. Of course you do. But, Love is an emotion. Cheating and lies are the living Reality.

 

You have to find your completeness without him. Once you find your completeness on your own, it will get better. I'm speaking from experience. I too made horrible choices with men. I was attracted to insecure men. Men who are serial cheaters and abusers are insecure.

 

But, I have discovered that I am insecure as well. My insecurities manifest in trying to make someone love me. I'm learning to truly love myself. I'm 37, with a daughter. I don't want her to repeat the cycle. As I have repeated the cycle of my mother.

 

Dig deep. Heal, pray, meditate. You are already a step ahead. You walked out. You took your life back. I'm so proud of you for doing that. Sometimes the most amazing things come out of pain. Have faith in yourself.

[ksol9]

I was (and still have feelings for) a serial cheater. I gave him many chances...he never changed. In fact he got worse. In the beginning he was all love and I'm sorry, but as time revealed he was still the same cheater and deceiver.

 

I know you love him. Of course you do. But, Love is an emotion. Cheating and lies are the living Reality.

 

You have to find your completeness without him. Once you find your completeness on your own, it will get better. I'm speaking from experience. I too made horrible choices with men. I was attracted to insecure men. Men who are serial cheaters and abusers are insecure.

 

But, I have discovered that I am insecure as well. My insecurities manifest in trying to make someone love me. I'm learning to truly love myself. I'm 37, with a daughter. I don't want her to repeat the cycle. As I have repeated the cycle of my mother.

 

Dig deep. Heal, pray, meditate. You are already a step ahead. You walked out. You took your life back. I'm so proud of you for doing that. Sometimes the most amazing things come out of pain. Have faith in yourself.

 

 

Thank you.

 

Everything you said is true. Everything you said is reality. I'm searching for ways to move on from this and I know nothing is going to make this feeling go away. I do love him still, but I have thought about it over and over what my life would be like if I was to stay. As you said, they don't change. He is not going to change. I know that this is how things are supposed to be. I don't regret my decision and I don't see us reconciling. He took off running the minute I laid everything on the table and I haven't heard from him since. He won't be back. If he was calling or apologizing, I would not be able to think as clearly as I am thinking now and as each day goes by, I am solidifying my decision more and more. I believe he was deceiving me for a very long time.

[Dis]

Disillusionment373, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I just went over to your thread. You've been very kind to me as I am going through this dark time in my life.

 

Thank you for that and its no problem hun. Keep us posted on how you're doing! Xoxo

[Sunkissedpatio]

As I read about your story and the insanity of them flipping the script to make it out like you are paranoid and your questioning is out of line, it brings back all the feelings of how crazy making it all is even when you are there with the proof smacking them in the face with it.

 

I am so sorry for your loss, I commend you for your strength in packing and going. No one deserves to be treated that way. I wish you strength. It won't be easy but eventually we do heal an we will look back with indifference.

 

One of the biggest questions that plagued me was "why is he so angry with me and doing things to further stab me in the back when he is the one that was caught cheating?" I came to realize that it is because it's the only way they can move on without guilt. By blaming us they feel entitled and justified to what they did.

 

No matter how you look at it, they will never understand how deeply they hurt you until they suffer the same level of pain themselves. Karma will take of that, it always does.

 

Stay strong.

[ksol9]

I do feel like it's just crazy making. You can't argue with crazy.

 

The past couple of days have been really difficult for me. Today even worse. My mind is playing tricks on me and all I want to do is run away somewhere far. I find myself asking if it really was that bad???

 

I need to realize someway, somehow...that this is what it is. He was looking for other women. When a man is in search of companionship in other women, there is no need to stay in that relationship. All this pain Im feeling..I can't explain what I'm going through right now. I'm really struggling.