Thinking of leaving my wife... !

[mmmike]

Look you either draw a line in the sand and let her know that either she gets a change in attitude and start being more of a wife and partner then a slob taking up space or your lawyer will be in touch with her and her lawyer and say it in a way that she knows your dead serious about it.

 

If she offers lip service and promises you the moon then tell her that actions speak louder then words and hold her feet to the fire and if she goes back to her old ways then end it. It's not a marriage anyhow. Your nothing but her butler and house keeper.

 

Um, how did she get HPV if you two were monogamous? That's supposed to clear out of the system after a couple years. Did you have a high number of sexual partners or did she? Regardless, if your needs aren't being met try to work it out but if you can't then consider moving on in a respectful way.

[markindoubt]

Thanks for all the comments and advice. I really appreciate them.

 

First I'd like to say to saveyourheart, your situation sounds horrible. I certainly don't treat my wife like that and no one deserves to be bullied. I hope you can find a solution to your dilemma.

 

To clear a few of your queries, we both had a full std check before marriage and nothing showed up, although there is no way to check for hpv's on men, so it's quite possible she got it from me. Im just not sure. I doubt she was out cheating.

 

She has 2 days off a week and she likes to go to coffee shops and study. As our days off are quite often different I guess she gets up late and likes to spend time there until 8pm or so studying for work or reading.

 

A few weeks ago I got the papers and filled them out and explained to her I was moving out and the reasons for wanting to divorce. A Day later she told me she would try her best to change, clean more, Cook and have sex.

 

The next day we went on a one week vacation and got along OK, witwia few typical arguments here and there. I know she can't have sex now, but I asked her if she wouldnt mind helping me out with her hand in the nicest possible way. I asked 3 timeson three different days and didn't get a single thing. And this is after she wrote how she'd try to change. Im horny, and I really need sometjing like that from her. My hand is worn out!

 

The thing is that I've heard it before and yes, while she has made some small changes fundamentally she is who she is and I'm tired of asking her to do things that normal adults would do. It makes me feel as if I'm taking care of a child. In the beginnbegiypu wouldnt believe the grief I got from her about something as simple as making the bed. She just refused to do it, got angry if I asked or just made excuses such as its better to let the bed breathe. Perhaps true but please!

 

Anyway, again last night I told her that nothing has changed for me. I will be moving out.

 

Then this morning I woke up and she was doing the laundry and I also got a text saying she'll be cooking dinner. It too little too late but I guess at the very least she is trying.

 

Should I give it more time?

[NTV]

I wouldn't give her false hope. Even if she makes temporary changes there's no definitive answer for you that they'll be permanent. Is that a risk you're willing to take?

[Ontos]

I wouldn't give her false hope. Even if she makes temporary changes there's no definitive answer for you that they'll be permanent. Is that a risk you're willing to take?

 

BEWARE of bait and switch. She may just be acting right for a while until you ease up and then she will go back. Only time will tell, but I'd bet the ranch - if she is going to backslide it won't take long.

 

Give it a chance, but tell her part of the deal is taking care of you sexually - and if she is "in the shop" right now, then she can get creative with her hands or her mouth... or how about between her breasts! That is so under appreciated - pearl necklace! (and requires no work from her).

 

Be on your toes! If she reverts to her old ways then hit the door. Life is too short (take it from someone who knows)

 

Keep us posted.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Thanks for all the comments and advice. I really appreciate them.

 

First I'd like to say to saveyourheart, your situation sounds horrible. I certainly don't treat my wife like that and no one deserves to be bullied. I hope you can find a solution to your dilemma.

 

To clear a few of your queries, we both had a full std check before marriage and nothing showed up, although there is no way to check for hpv's on men, so it's quite possible she got it from me. Im just not sure. I doubt she was out cheating.

 

She has 2 days off a week and she likes to go to coffee shops and study. As our days off are quite often different I guess she gets up late and likes to spend time there until 8pm or so studying for work or reading.

 

A few weeks ago I got the papers and filled them out and explained to her I was moving out and the reasons for wanting to divorce. A Day later she told me she would try her best to change, clean more, Cook and have sex.

 

The next day we went on a one week vacation and got along OK, witwia few typical arguments here and there. I know she can't have sex now, but I asked her if she wouldnt mind helping me out with her hand in the nicest possible way. I asked 3 timeson three different days and didn't get a single thing. And this is after she wrote how she'd try to change. Im horny, and I really need sometjing like that from her. My hand is worn out!

 

The thing is that I've heard it before and yes, while she has made some small changes fundamentally she is who she is and I'm tired of asking her to do things that normal adults would do. It makes me feel as if I'm taking care of a child. In the beginnbegiypu wouldnt believe the grief I got from her about something as simple as making the bed. She just refused to do it, got angry if I asked or just made excuses such as its better to let the bed breathe. Perhaps true but please!

 

Anyway, again last night I told her that nothing has changed for me. I will be moving out.

 

Then this morning I woke up and she was doing the laundry and I also got a text saying she'll be cooking dinner. It too little too late but I guess at the very least she is trying.

 

Should I give it more time?

 

 

I change my mind. If she can't even hook you up with a handy while on vacation, it's a lost cause.

[SevenCity]

I change my mind. If she can't even hook you up with a handy while on vacation, it's a lost cause.

 

Agreed. Unless she's got carpel tunnel syndrome that is a sure sign she is selfish and has no desire to change.

[salparadise]

The thing is that I've heard it before and yes, while she has made some small changes fundamentally she is who she is and I'm tired of asking her to do things that normal adults would do. It makes me feel as if I'm taking care of a child.

 

Should I give it more time?

 

This is the big picture reality. Even if she wishes she could change, the motivation is simply not there... the motivation to be a fully functional, fully engaged adult partner. She isn't going to become someone she's not to appease you. There has already been time for that. She is who she is.

 

If I were you I'd not slow down the process just because she makes a show of putting forth some effort on one day. The fact that you've filled out the papers already indicates that you are at the end of your rope, already checked out, and you know nothing is actually going to change.

 

It's a shame, but it would be a bigger shame to waste a bunch of time wishing for something that can't happen.

[anika99]

You say she had the abnormal cells removed from her cervix a few months ago. How long was she told to abstain from sex after the procedure? Many years ago I also had to have pre-cancer cells removed and as far as I can recall I wasn't told to abstain for months afterwards, maybe a few weeks at most.

 

Your wife is lacking sexual attraction for you and I think that's your biggest problem. I feel that if she was romantically in love with you then she would be motivated to do the things you ask of her.

[stillafool]

Your wife is not going to change. She is who she is. I agree not to give her false hope of reconciliation. She is lazy and lazy people need someone to lean on and that's what you are for to her. Your sex life is going to get even worse as she ages. She's only cooking and cleaning to keep you around and soon she will fall back into her old pattern. Divorce her. More than likely you won't.

[bluefeather]

I change my mind. If she can't even hook you up with a handy while on vacation, it's a lost cause.

 

totally agreed.. not even a freakin hj? gone.

[loveboid]

Unfortunately, she won't change. I would get out now and don't fall for the "I'll change" bait. The only change you're ever likely to see is a change for the worse.

 

She is stuck in child mode. She might cry and try to guilt trip you into staying. Don't fall for that either.