paying bills every month when married

[Lmendel104]

Can anyone help on the subject of "paying the bills" when married.. I am having a terrible time with my husband when paying the bills. He would REALLY like for me to give him ALL my money once a month.

 

I will not do it!!!! I am disabled and so not much $$ to go around. I have my own credit cards as well as my own checking account. SSI gets deposited in my account every month. He is also disabled. But he gets more than I do.

 

He had given me joint credit cards when we got married (2001) and he now has taken them away. (he is a controll freak) Anyway, I now pay for things that on my credit cards that used to be paid "jointly". I was giving him 1,000.00 per month and that was suppose to be going torwards house expensess. He still thinks I should give him the 1,000.00. I can not. I would only have 500.00 left for my bills. He just gave me a list of utilities and food, gas, ect.... and told me that these have gone up since I moved in.

 

I am confused. I thought married people were suppose to do a 60/40 or 70/30 split, when one brings in more? I do not know how to get this through to him. Am I wasting my time trying to explain? Or am I missing something?

 

opened to sugestion..

Thanks

[Tony]

These are things that should have been negotiated in detail BEFORE you got married. Now, you'll either have to sit down as rational, sane people and negotiate amounts each of you will contribute to the marriage or you will have to get out of the marriage. It almost sounds like this union is one of convenience for both of you. If that's the case, there may not be much wiggle room.

 

You've latched onto a selfish man, it seems, and that's unfortunate. Use whatever psychological techniques you can muster up to get him to understand the total picture. If that doesn't work, see a financial consultant who can listen to both sides of this and settle the matter dispassionately and impartially. It's very sad that you might have to resort to a referee to resolve this...but that may be what is necessary.

[Lmendel104]

Tony,

Thanks for your reply.. I agree. And yes it is a marriage out of convenice. I needed health insurance. (The things you do to survive) And yes he is selfish. I will suggest a financial mediator. Maybe he will go for that. I know that it is not me being unreasonable. Thanks again.

[FolderWife]

my husband and I just put all of our money in one account, and pay all of the bills out of that account, and if anything is left over, then we will discuss what to do with it. It's team work.

 

Well, actually, my whole paycheck goes toward the house payments, and his goes for everything else. If his pay is higher one week, then we keep it for next weeks bills or we discuss what to do with it.

 

However, in my relationship, I'm the more selfish one. He works overtime once in a while, and says, "Because 'he's' selfish" But he never buys himself anything. i'll get myself new clothes, or makeup, or hair stuff...but he never gets himself anything extra. He only pays the bills.

 

So in my relationship, we have ONE account that ALL of OUR money goes into. We don't have a mine and his...we have ours.

[JPMorgan]

Originally posted by Lmendel104

I am confused. I thought married people were suppose to do a 60/40 or 70/30 split, when one brings in more? I do not know how to get this through to him. Am I wasting my time trying to explain? Or am I missing something?

 

I always thought marriage was 50/50 no matter who made more money.

 

Close all the credit accounts but one. Secure it at a certain amount. Assign a slush fund for each of you and put a certain % of money into your slush funds each month. Put all the rest of the money into a joint account to pay bills and living expenses from. Set up a budget and make sure and include things like razors and makeup and things that each of you need to live, but don't share. Those things can come out of the joint fund. Your slush funds are yours alone and you each manage them how you want. You can keep saving or you can buy whatever silly thing you (or he) may want from your own accounts.

 

Or, since yours is a marriage of convenience, put together a budget and keep all of your accounts separate. If you have charges on the joint cards then you pay off whatever you charged and when the cards are paid close them. If you have less money then you spend less money and not expect him to support you -- he already did that by marrying you so you would have insurance. Don't think of it as a marriage, but simply as two roommates. Keep everything separate financially.

[autumnbride]

The way our marriage works is that he has his accounts and I have mine. I pay all the bills, aside from the mortgage and insurances due to the fact that he owns his own business and dolls out enough money there taking care of those expenses. If, however, I'm running low or need some extra money for groceries or something, then I'll just ask him for it. It works great for us, but things will probably change when/if we have any kids.