Some of my baby dad's issues.

[Iceshowers]

I am having some issues with my baby's dad and I'm getting conflicting advises from family and friends that I don't know what to do, so I figured to ask here for more advice. (sorry if this will be long)

 

Father and I have been separated for a while, and I have been in a relationship with my current bf for 8 months now. Baby's dad for the first few months with my bf's relationship, kept sending me love messages. How he misses me, loves me, to let him know when I stop looking for greener grass 'cuz he'll be around, about our past, sending memes about relationships, old pics of us, etc etc. I did tell baby's dad that I was seeing someone more than once, and told him that that person was my "boyfriend". After many attempts of ignoring him (only if it wasn't about our child), it finally hit him and he stopped with those messages.

 

He is now seeing someone (maybe within the past month, max 2 months.. or could be a week, not sure lol). Since our child is starting vpk in 2 weeks, he claims he can't drop off or pick up our child to/from school and will find someone to do so for him on his 2 days (not court ordered, we're trying to do it on our own). I told him I need to meet this person (and so does my child), so I know who they are, their name and number, and also so I could put them on the pick up list for the school (I do all the paperwork and the school is in my town).

 

So when we exchanged our child on Tuesday night, he brought someone. Said "this chick" will be helping him with the car ride for our child on his end. I questioned who this chick is (not to start trouble, I just didn't know who "this chick" was since she bolted out his car and went to the bathroom of the gas station we always meet up without saying anything). He says it's the girl he's seeing. So I meet her, shook hands, was friendly, no attitude.. I don't have issues with her and told them I need her name and number to add her to the list. (He didn't even tell me he was bringing her that day, so I was surprised).

 

I did tell the father that I added my bf to the list (have NOT submitted the registration packet since I was waiting for his info), and he got mad at me. I explained that I didn't know his pick up person was his gf, so if he wants to meet mine too, I have no issues and we could arrange it. He keeps ignoring me on this after I try to make it right.

 

Then, about a month ago, I found out my child's daycare school will be having a field trip, and if he doesn't attend, I will need to find an alternative care for that day (since a chaperone had to go with). I called his father twice to see if he wanted to keep him on a day it wasn't his or I would have to miss work instead; and both times he didn't pick up, and I had to make a choice soon. I spoke it over with bf after dad didn't pick up his phone and bf said he will take my child and his child to the trip and be the chaperone, so he took the day off (I don't have vacation days to take). I did tell the baby's dad that bf was going to take him, so I didn't keep this from him.

 

Baby's dad texted me last night asking when he could pick him up Friday since it's his weekend. I told him that the school trip won't be back until 2 the latest and bf will have him here at my house until I got home after 5. He got mad at me because he says that I am letting my bf have time with his child and that I made a big deal about meeting the person who was giving my child a car ride to/from school.

 

Now I want to also add that he just started dating this girl and my child told me that this girl, his father and him sleep in the same bed! I brought this up with the baby's dad and he denied it all, so he made me believe that my child lied to me twice when he told me on 2 separate times. And yes, I understand children do lie, but first time my child told me, he was embarrassed to say. Second time, he was more open with me after I told him he can trust me.

 

I have a hard time talking to his father because I feel he's taking it out on me for breaking us up and the fact I have a bf. To be clear, my bf is great with my child and this would be the 1st time in 8 months that he will be spending it alone with my child. I am not taking time form his father to give to my bf. The father has 2 weekdays and every other weekend, and I have 3 weekdays and every other weekend, so we have made it set. Bf does not live with us either.

 

Friend and family tell me that I keep my baby's dad updated too much for the fact he doesn't keep me updated and when I try to talk to him about our child, he ignores me or asks "are you done?". I still send him updates, pics, talk to him about our child issues. And he treats me like **** in a sense, not his child's mother. I don't know whether to stop updating him or to keep doing it. It's stressing me out honestly. He isn't an absent parent, and I don't tell him how to parent his child on his time, just reach out to him about our child.

[Miss Clavel]

i think you are doing great. just keep on doing what you are doing. sort of ignoring daddy's childish behavior.

 

if he doesn't answer the phone what are you supposed to do?

 

the real issue is daddy and his girlfriend sleeping with your child, in the same bed.

 

you might want to hint that while you **cough cough** don't believe he would ever do that, it's the appearance of impropriety you are worried about.

 

just chat casually and say, "just imagine if our kid tells his teacher, i mean, i know it's not true, but it could trigger a CPS call to your house to investigate where our child really does sleep". "maybe it's best to make sure he goes to sleep in his own bed/area".

 

that should fix him, and her.