rmg Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Hello this is my first time posting, i'm not sure if this is the right place to post so sorry if it's not! Anyway here's my story... I've known this woman for 2 years at work and recently we've been seeing each other alot and it was getting very personal... And obviously the problem is she has a boyfriend already and has had him for a few years. Today I finally told her we needed to talk and I explained how I felt about her and that we should stop, because I can't have her since she's with someone (and he knows about me too and obviously doesn't like what's going on). Turns out she felt the same way about me too but was just confused and didn't know what she wanted and she was worried that it wouldn't be an intelligent decision for the future. Anyway now I feel good for getting that off my chest but I also feel terrible because I'm afraid I might have lost her for good now for opening my big mouth. Just to give you a background of me I have had girlfriends but never loved any of them... but I feel different about this one I don;t know if this is love but I feel pretty sad right now. I guess I'm just looking for people with experience in this matter to tell me if I screwed myself out of ever having her or that she might maybe come around sometime? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 She has a boyfriend. That's how you should feel. She's going home to him. Having sex with him. Kissing him. Telling him she loves him. Get the eff over it and find a single chick. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rmg Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 Actually she told me she's never had sex with him, and they don't live together. That's the only reason I'm even bothering to hold on to any kind of hope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Actually she told me she's never had sex with him, and they don't live together. That's the only reason I'm even bothering to hold on to any kind of hope. So sex and living arrangements are the only things that matter? She. Has. A. Boyfriend. Move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rmg Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 Allright thanks for the tip, I'll try to get over her as best as I can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 If she dumps her boyfriend, feel free to make a move! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rmg Posted August 4, 2016 Author Share Posted August 4, 2016 Yup I already told her that, but I'm not going to wait on it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Good! Congrats, you're doing the right thing by not chasing a woman who's in a relationship. So what's the question here? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rmg Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 My ''question'' was basically if anyone has experience in this kind of thing and if I should even bother to stay hopeful but you basically answered it by saying to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 My ''question'' was basically if anyone has experience in this kind of thing and if I should even bother to stay hopeful but you basically answered it by saying to move on. Read the stories of others here who followed their gonads (ovaries are just lady balls) instead of their brains and you'll quickly see that no good comes from being the fallback/backup/OM. Be grateful you are dodging a bullet and congratulations. Time to go NC and find nice single girl who has nothing but time and attention for YOU. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I have two men from my past who very likely could be "the one that got away." If you really think she could be someone you care about, I'd keep in touch with her. I know this sounds incredibly old fashioned and may not work at all for you, but if I had been sending those guys Christmas cards and birthday cards and kept our contact info current, it could have been different. In the X number of years that I wasn't in contact with them, we were single and healthy at the same time. I'm not saying to quit living your life and pine for her. You've told her how you feel, don't make it impossible for her to find you. One of the men hired a private investigator to find me after he was divorced. When he found out I had a different last name,mhe chose not to contact me. What he didn't know was that I was 2-3 months into getting a divorce (it took ten months). Eventually I found him. Less than two weeks after I tracked him down, his girlfriend announced they were pregnant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I think if something is meant to be it will be. I also believe in treating others as you would want them to treat you. The lady has a boyfriend, respect her relationship with him and stay away. If she was your girlfriend and another guy was hanging around her hoping that one day she'll break up with you and be with him, how would that make you feel? By keeping in contact with her you are doing something that you wouldn't have liked if the tables were turned. If your relationship with her is meant to be, she will break up with him and start a relationship with you. I don't believe in 'the one that got away' because if they were meant to be with you they wouldn't have gotten away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 I have two men from my past who very likely could be "the one that got away." If you really think she could be someone you care about, I'd keep in touch with her. I know this sounds incredibly old fashioned and may not work at all for you, but if I had been sending those guys Christmas cards and birthday cards and kept our contact info current, it could have been different. In the X number of years that I wasn't in contact with them, we were single and healthy at the same time. I'm not saying to quit living your life and pine for her. You've told her how you feel, don't make it impossible for her to find you. One of the men hired a private investigator to find me after he was divorced. When he found out I had a different last name,mhe chose not to contact me. What he didn't know was that I was 2-3 months into getting a divorce (it took ten months). Eventually I found him. Less than two weeks after I tracked him down, his girlfriend announced they were pregnant. The problem with this is you can never fully commit to any relationship while you're holding on to the past. No to mention it seems really unhealthy to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Hello this is my first time posting, i'm not sure if this is the right place to post so sorry if it's not! Anyway here's my story... I've known this woman for 2 years at work and recently we've been seeing each other alot and it was getting very personal... And obviously the problem is she has a boyfriend already and has had him for a few years. Today I finally told her we needed to talk and I explained how I felt about her and that we should stop, because I can't have her since she's with someone (and he knows about me too and obviously doesn't like what's going on). Turns out she felt the same way about me too but was just confused and didn't know what she wanted and she was worried that it wouldn't be an intelligent decision for the future. Anyway now I feel good for getting that off my chest but I also feel terrible because I'm afraid I might have lost her for good now for opening my big mouth. Just to give you a background of me I have had girlfriends but never loved any of them... but I feel different about this one I don;t know if this is love but I feel pretty sad right now. I guess I'm just looking for people with experience in this matter to tell me if I screwed myself out of ever having her or that she might maybe come around sometime? First off good for you for speaking up about it, there is no harm in that! What is detrimental is how she is leading YOU on while knowingly in a R with someone else. Really what is there to lose with a known cheater? I think you win no matter how this turns out as long as you don't move your line in the sand 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 You haven't *lost* her, because you never *had* her. Out of fairness to yourself, don't get involved with people who are already attached to someone else. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 The problem with this is you can never fully commit to any relationship while you're holding on to the past. No to mention it seems really unhealthy to me. It depends on personality and common interests. Are you REALLY able to be platonic friends with this woman or is it an all or nothing sort of thing? I had some commonality in and out of the bedroom with the two men I mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 A "boyfriend" for a number(?) of years, don't live together and are not and never been intimate? Why? If you read other threads especially in the infidelity section you will see a consisted discussion of Red Flags that warn of trouble yet where ignored. Her current relationship is a red flag. Red flags DO NOT MEAN there is an issue only that there may be an issue relationship then find out why behind this red flag. Be well Link to post Share on other sites
Author rmg Posted August 6, 2016 Author Share Posted August 6, 2016 Thanks for all the answers guys. I did leave myself open we both have each others numbers and all. Why they never did it well your guess is as good as mine, however she was certainly coming on to me every now and then, and knowing how shy and reserved she is I was pretty surprised myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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