typo2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 I think Liswel's view fits closest with my own experience, although I don't think that men automatically label a woman one or the other right away, as perhaps my experience will illustrate. "They'll be friends with women who they aren't attracted to--those who they never will have any romantic interest in. Or they'll be friends with women who they are attracted to and want to be more than friends with, but act like they're ok with just being friends with her, hoping things will change (whether they admit this to themselves or not)." I am married and work in an office that is probably 70% women and I've ended up with a lot of very good women friends as a result. All but one of these friends fit the first category, and include several very physically attractive ones (though I'd still consider them 'not my type' even if I was single). However, the exception was a charming woman who I initially found very attractive. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, which would deflate my attraction to her, even as our friendship grew, but nothing really did - curses. Anyways, the only way to get around this was for us (I think she may have been experiencing something similar with me) to start avoiding each other, and we stepped back from our initial friendship, which has since been awkward at times, but was undoubtably the right thing to do... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by billybadass36 Even if there's nothing extra-curricular going on in a M-F friendship, if one or the other is in a relationship, there's always the problem of at the very least an "appearance" of impropriety and perhaps unease on the other person in the relationship's part. This is compounded if the significant other has had a relationship fail because of an interloping "friend" of the opposite sex. Very true. It's hard to successfully work through any relationship problems if a lonesome "friend" is hanging around on the periphery, eagerly waiting to lend your significant other a sympathetic ear. Link to post Share on other sites
CHAZ87 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by billybadass36 Also, I've got to wonder about a single dude that's just "got" to be friends with another guy's girlfriend, fiancee, wife, whatever. These situations generally lead to the interloping "friend" being the crying towel for the woman to whine about every little bad thing that's happened in her current relationship, and then this "friend" ends up being the landing pad that she flops onto that he not so subtlely has been suggesting all along. Hey Billy, have you been reading my other post. This is exactly what I am going through right now. She is having an affair with her "Marathon trainer" I knew what was going on before she did. I wish my wife was reading this RIGHT NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 If you are in a LTR or married, I think it is ok to have friends that are of the same sex. But there are a couple of rules to follow. 1. Don't spend time with this friend alone. 2. Don't be friends with someone you slept with. 3. Don't make it a secret friend. Include your significant other in the friendship. 4. Preferable if this friend is already married or in a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
CHAZ87 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Amen to all those. I just can't see men being friends with women without some alterior motive. Women can be friends with men because they are oblivious to what men really want for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
sammi_jay Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 it is possible for men and women to be just friends, even if there is a sexual attraction there on either part, that doesnt mean anythin will happen as most people want a more deeper relationship than that with the oposite sex. That said, you have to be careful in your friendships with men/women if you are in a relationship. Must be fair to say that alot of friendships with the oposite sex prob come from initially dating but realising they were more suited as mates. Shouldnt really make a different how the friendship came about but for those in relationships with other people, you have to understand it may matter to their partner. Somethin i have recently found out the hard way.I have a male friend who i once dated for 2 weeks nearly 3 yrs ago, we lot touch for quite sometime but then bumped into him again on a dating site. We chatted on there and kept intouch ever since,,,only every now and again. Recently he came to the town i live in and called me up, and i told my boyf about him, and how i knew him, lookin back i guess i shouldnt really have called him an x as the trouble i have had over it is unbearable. The friend popped over one eve to say hi while he was in my town, it was late but as he was a friend i saw no harm, he literally passed out on my sofa as was pretty drunk, then when i awoke the following morn, he was lying in my bed in his undies, lo and behold, my boyf walked in and that was that. Decided i cheated on him and dont blame him cos thats wot it mut have looked like. I dont know if this guy was still interested in me or just plain drunk and stupid for thinkin he could just get into my bed while i slept, maybe he was tryin to break up me and my boyf, which was certainly the outcome and has left me devestated as i know i've not done anythin wrong. Regardless of that, my boyf doesnt believe a guy and girl who once dated can be just friends and had i known that prior to this i would have accepted his wishes for me not to see him, although i would have kept in contact via mail or somethin. unfortunately didnt get the chance, so i guess wot i'm tryin to say is, you have to set boundaries when it comes to male/female friendship, or you could be stuck in the exact same position i found my self in, losing the man i love in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear That being said, I can say that if a women just wants to be my friend and I have other feelings for her the friendship will end. I can be a acquaintance with her but not a friend. This happens to me all the time. I meet people I am supposed to work with, they hit on me, get rejected by me, and then don't even want to work with me. I lose money because of this crap. Same with friendships. I want to be friends with a guy and he immediately starts making advances without even waiting for any signals on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 For me, there is an emotional or sexual barrier that prevents me from being romantically attracted to my male friends. I either don't find them sexually attractive (no, they're not ogres) or we connect about music or books, but they don't share some stronger beliefs or ideas with me. There is just a deeper overall connection missing in my relationship with them that I find in abundance with my boyfriend. I mostly hang out with my guy friends now with my boyfriend at shows. I do agree with Virginia Bob in that you shouldn't hide your friends from your SO, or not attempt to get your SO to get better acquainted with your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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