failed with the ex

[mixeypixey]

hey all, i hope everyone is doing great.

 

so i got in touch w my ex a few weeks back. it really was one of those intense loves and it was just really magical. we broke up 3 years ago and the way it ended was so... unconventional and sudden.

 

im bipolar and i kinda freaked out on her one time. and things kept on getting worse from there.. and yeah we just cut off. but during the time we dated it really was pretty magical.

 

anyways i got in touch w her again. and yeah the love was still there. we met up and kissed etc. and we were getting close again. and it seemed like it was going pretty well.

 

but then i freaked out again, did the whole bipolar thing again. and yeah holy crap it was pretty much like deja vu. she forgave me this time.. but then we still talked but it just pretty much ruined the dynamic of what was going on.. and yeah she just dissapeared.

 

im feeling okay about it, sort of. she changed a lot over the past 3 years, became very religious, stopped enjoying the nightlife (which is the reason why we got so close in the first place). so i was bit doubtful anyways...

 

but i dunno. the past few years ive kinda just been fine in being not so serious just casual (i wld say sex based) relationships. just cuz i still wanted to mess around. but something felt missing so thats why i got in touch w her again.

 

when i was hanging out w her, its like the world just seemed different and even music sounded better for some reason. like i was wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket. so its a shame. its like a feeling i had when i was much younger.

 

anyways i dunno i just felt like getting this off my chest. maybe it was for the best. but yeah some things are really just not meant to be.

[preraph]

I'm sorry your disease is making it hard to stay in a relationship. I can only ask you to be sure you continue treatment and take your meds always as directed and don't sabotage yourself because you want the highs.

[GemmaUK]

Are you having and sticking with treatment?

Is the treatment working for you outside of this particular relationship?

[mixeypixey]

i dont really take meds anymore, cuz i felt it made me worse. its been 5 years since i think. anyways thats the thing i usually go to therapy every 2 weeks, it really helps. but yeah before i met up w her for the second time, i hadnt gone to therapy in 3 months (cuz work is too busy) so i think thats why i freaked out on her again, which i really regret.

 

yeah everytime i fall in love and get into a serious relationship, i always freak out or get really angry at around the 3 month mark. and they always leave me for it lol

 

the worst part is this time she just dissapeared. we were to supposed to meet up again but she never replied me about it, called she just hung up. at least she shld say something u know lol

[Aloha808808]

MixeyPixey,

I’m sorry to hear that your Bipolar is making it difficult for you to find and keep relationships. You said you stopped taking your meds some time ago because you thought they were making you worse, have you been back to the doctor about it? Maybe there is a different dosage or medication they can give you?

 

I think the most important thing is that you focus on you for right now and learning which ways work best for you in being able to manage and control this disease. Plenty of people with bipolar have successful relationships because both them and their partners are aware of triggers, medications, and various other things that make it manageable. There’s no reason you can’t find someone to have a relationship that lasts longer then 3 months with, whether it’s your ex or someone else, but you need to get yourself to a place where you’re able to maintain it. I’d encourage you to go back to the doctors and discuss any concerns you have with the medication you were on, and see what other recommendations the doctor has for medication/treatments. Also, keep going to your counseling sessions as these can be invaluable to getting people back on track.

Hope this was helpful!