WB Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Here's the background on my sucky story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49110/ Anyway, I eventually did write to her last week... 18 months after we broke up. Yeah it took me that long to finally get to a point where I could calmly write. It wasn't a long letter, just a couple paragraphs, telling her I'm moving to a new city, and that I still care for her and wishing her well. I wasn't expecting a response, but a couple days later she wrote back. She said she's so happy that I finally wrote, that she's doing okay but not too great, that she still doesn't know what to think, but she'd "love to have meaningful contact". What does that mean? Does she want a second chance? (she broke up with me) Or is she just trying to relieve the guilt by turning me into a friend? I don't think we have a future, there are just too much baggage. On the other hand, I can't ignore my feelings -- this is the girl I thought I'd spend my life with. Should I ignore her, turn her down, or talk to her so to keep my options open? thanks, appreciate any suggestions. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 By "meaningful contact" I think she still wants you to tell her how much you mean to her (she needs to know she is still loved), although if it's not going to be reciprocated I don't think it's a good idea. Only you can decide whether you want to pursue something with her again, although I think you know already how it may end up. Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Look let me tell you something and I think im on the right track here. Men intimacy contact ie sex Women intimacy talking ie endless cutesy conversations "i saw a butterfly today" and soul bearing conversations.. whats that u say mr SL well my little boy toy friend basically u said it yourself " if she only knew my childhood was rougher. Guess what she would like you to share that with her. You want to have kids house lil doggy that goes poopsie all over the place with her u will have to learn to relate to on an intimate level and not S-E-X-U-A-L Meaning ful damn what do you think she means? She wishes your time to mean something.. like holding hands .. opening up etc.. Theres many books about this at the library. Link to post Share on other sites
yuki_person Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 From your post we all know you love her so much cuz you said"she is the one you wanna spend time with",sorry for I could not check ur story from the website you offered,so I do not have the entirely concept about her"meaningful contact",but to a gal,if she still wanna keep in touch with you(or try to be with you someday),she may say that. I think you can go on writing emails to her and tell her about ur thought or life,cuz communication is important to a good relationship if you do not want to lose her.Don't knowabout American way of showing love ya,well,what she likes you know right?Just try to do something to make up ur relationship with each other.(Seems that's nonsense hehehehe).... Good luck~! Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Meaning full contact means emails I guess... She can say that now that you are moving away. I guess if she'd said "lets catch up before you go" then that may be a different story. I think it just means that she'd like an email every now and then..... Which isn't so bad, if you feel you can do that. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 i think she means she wants to really stay in contact with you. not just say hi and goodbye once in a great while. i think she wants to talk to you. that might make a great start for a new start. i think you can ask her up fron what that means. but i think this will be your answer. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author WB Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 Zaira, I think you hit it right on. That's what I think too. Her life probably isn't what she wants so she needs some emotional support. And she's feeling guilty about the breakup and wants relief from me. I thought about it last night and I don't think I want to maintain contact. I've lost faith in her and there's just no future in that. Any "meaningful contact" will just drag me into the abyss again. I'm starting a new life (going back to school) the last thing I need is be emotionally crippled while trying to write a dissertation. I'll tell her it's best to go our separate ways. A quick firm cutoff is probably the best. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 IMHO, "meaningful contact" means to her, she just wants to maintain a "friendship" for now. I wouldn't go overboard or rush into anything right now. If you want to have a relationship with her, then you need to take it slow. Relearn each other and start from scratch. What's changed about you, her or the situation since you broke up? Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Listen Think of it this way. One day your 80 and do wish to look back and say what if?? Go hang out with her see what happens. Ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by WB Zaira, I think you hit it right on. That's what I think too. Her life probably isn't what she wants so she needs some emotional support. And she's feeling guilty about the breakup and wants relief from me. I thought about it last night and I don't think I want to maintain contact. I've lost faith in her and there's just no future in that. Any "meaningful contact" will just drag me into the abyss again. I'm starting a new life (going back to school) the last thing I need is be emotionally crippled while trying to write a dissertation. I'll tell her it's best to go our separate ways. A quick firm cutoff is probably the best. If you're over her and think you can maintain a friendship, that will benefit you both, by all means go for it. Just don't let yourself be used so she can make herself feel better. You deserve a chance to move on and find your own happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
NightsEcho Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Strangelove I disagree, People on here tend to fear the big "what if" question when there 80. Who are we to say how we will feel and such. My guess is that there will be enough things to look back on to really stress about one relationship. As long as the girl knows how you truly feel, there is no regret. Believe me, being one that was dumped I feel a clear mind coming. I am not confused anymore. She left him, she knows how he feels, if there is any true regret at 80 she will have it not him Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 tHE GUY DOES A POST , ok.. What does my ex want? well the only true way to find out what she wants and what will happen is to go meet her. No one really listens to me on here..wow Link to post Share on other sites
Author WB Posted July 6, 2005 Author Share Posted July 6, 2005 I know with 99% certainty that we have no future. I'd rather spend my time looking for someone whom I can have a future. The question in my head right now is not so much whether to resume contact with her, but how to end it permanently. What do you guys think -- ignore her email and let the matter die, or tell her directly that I don't want any contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by WB I know with 99% certainty that we have no future. I'd rather spend my time looking for someone whom I can have a future. The question in my head right now is not so much whether to resume contact with her, but how to end it permanently. What do you guys think -- ignore her email and let the matter die, or tell her directly that I don't want any contact? If you want to ease her down gently, then maybe write back just saying you think it's better if you had no contact, and she should move on with her life as you are doing. If you think because you've responded to her though, that she will think there is some chance, I'd ignore it. It is hard to say - only you would be able to gauge what it would mean to her. If you ignore it though, and the contact from her continues, then you will have to say something. It's all too hard, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 You seem pretty sure of a lot of things WB. So why are even asking for advice? Something stuck in my head yopur ex wants meaningful contact. You ever heard of the term MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP? I think what im trying to tell is from my perspective you have a chance to get back with her. But you seem 99% sure you have no future or is it 99% sure you have no chance? Seems like you need her to spell it out for you. Perhaps you should ask her to clarify meaningful.. Ultimately you have to make a decision. If you have problems doing so make a positive negative list. You keep commenting how hurt you were by the break up perhaps she was too and its hard for her to come begging back to you. My ex after 4 months of no contact kept showing up on msn until I MADE THE FIRST MOVE, but she had to work it that way. I wish you happiness in whatever decision you make and theres nothing stopping you from hanging out with her and hanging out with other women. Ciao Link to post Share on other sites
Author WB Posted July 6, 2005 Author Share Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by strange love I think what im trying to tell is from my perspective you have a chance to get back with her. But you seem 99% sure you have no future or is it 99% sure you have no chance? I'm 99% sure I have a chance, because she opened the door. But I'm also 99% sure we won't have a future because everything that has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 I see well at some point you have to leave the past in the past. But maybe you should try dating some other women and see how you feel. But you would be better off talking to her rather then us. Just like me Id rather put off doing the dirty work that I need to do to get my ex back.. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 You're playing guessing games with her choice of words. Forget it. "Meaningful contact" doesn't mean "I love you" or "I miss you." It's just a politically correct way of saying let's keep in touch. No reading between the lines, pal. She broke up with you, remember? Strange love said it best: the past is the past. Link to post Share on other sites
NightsEcho Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Just tell her you want some "meaningful time without her" You know 99% is a big number, Cut this off Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Wel this is like 12 angry men and im playing henry fondas role so, I will say adieu. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
millefiori Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I think strange love made some good points. She seems to be interested in getting closer to you again, but that also requires that you are able to let go of your baggage. I interpret 'meaningful contact' as trying to find a new common ground for a new relationship, a 'meaningful relationship' as strange love called it. Contact her, be open about yourself and see how it develops. Link to post Share on other sites
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