Tired of husband being petty

[GreyKitten87]

Hello,

 

First post for me on here, I've been reading the different posts on here over the last week and reading other people's posts have made me feel better (but obviously hasn't solved my own problems). I don't really have an outlet and just want to get some things off my shoulders.

 

Some background info, I'm in my late 20's, 8 months pregnant and recently married. I believe we got married for the wrong reason (i.e. the baby) but that's besides the point and I really do not need anyone's opinion on not getting married for a baby, thanks! I've had a difficult pregnancy, this is our first baby, and I resigned from my job due to health issues and stress. So I'm home now and I'm very upset with my life with him.

 

My main issues would be the lack of communication, lack of support and empathy from him for anything, and no sex or intimacy. I've been contemplating divorce and even talked to him about it, but those conversation haven't brought about any changes from him. What really set me over the edge tonight is how petty and cheap he is. I have savings that I've been using for both mine and the baby's things since I resigned from my job and his job pays ok, so we are not starving and I haven't really spent any of his money (even though we are married and it should be OUR money, I even paid off both his credit cards to put us in a better financial situation together). I am very cost concious so generally when we go out to eat (just basic restaurants like TGi Fridays and Applebee's) I order something that's around $10 and he will order something that's between $15-20 and get a soda on top, I always get water. This is every single time we eat out. This might seem like a small deal but we have a baby on the way and live on one income so I would rather spend less money eating out. So we ate out yesterday and today, again yesterday mine was $9 and his was $17, and today my sandwich was $8, but he needed literally the biggest burger on the menu and a milkshake. So I say something again (I have pointed it out before to no avail) and he throws in my face that I have gotten several mcflurries from McDonald's while I have been pregnant and I had dared get extra m&m's too. We are talking $3.5 dollars a few times here. I am completely disgusted with his level of pettiness. I don't ask for anything extra or special to eat while pregnant, I don't wake him up to go get me ice cream and pickles at night etc, but I have gotten a couple of mcflurries that he has paid for while pregnant, we are talking 3 maybe 4 of them in 8 months of pregnancy and this he throws in my face. By now we are back in the truck and go return some items to a store, and then go home (even though we were supposed to go buy some items for the baby room, but I'm so disgusted by his comments that I don't even want to be in the store with him so we go home). On the ride home he explains to me that the allocation of food money should be equal (except groceries are spent 2/3 on him already and same when we go out to eat) but if I get something then he should too?! So I asked "well we just spent $22 plus tax on nursing tank tops, does that mean he needs to spend $22 on himself too even though he won't be nursing?" He did not appreciate that comment, but he clearly didn't see my point. Arrrggghhh I'm so frustrated and disappointed in him. Every day (no exaggeration) there is something like this that just pushes me further away and honestly makes me despise life with him.

 

I don't expect any advice or resolution to this (I've talked to him about these issues, I've sent him articles and bought books, nothing works). I just needed to get this off my chest because it's a daily thing and I just can't live like this anymore, I'm so unhappy, disappointed, and angry with him. Since talking to him leads no where I was hoping to talk about this online instead to get some relief.

 

Thanks for reading (I know it was long)!!!

[DKT3]

I don't have any actual advice on how the topic, but I will tell you this, relax, give him time to adjust to going from single to married with a baby. Sometimes it takes us men longer to catch on.

[Tiger Lily]

I imagine that you are very stressed out right now with the marriage, the difficult pregnancy, and the arrival of your little one. Let me know if you need any prayers! Do you have a church group, or other outlet in your life (mom's group, exercise group etc) where you can find support?

 

I really want to let you know that you, as a woman, have a lot of power if you use positive reinforcement. Please try it! Over the next week, don't nag your husband on anything. But when you see him do any little good thing, let him know how much you appreciate it.

 

If you do this, come back here and post results. Then, progress to step two: asking him for certain things!

 

This works...trust me!

[basil67]

GreyKitten, it sounds like you have a whole heap of underlying issues. However 2/3 of this post is about how the two of you argue over $10 spent here and there by each of you. It sounds as though the to of you have started letting resentment from some of the bigger issues impact things which should be non issues.

 

Just a quick word on the fast food. The two of you are arguing over $3 here and $10 there. If you can't afford to go out and eat what you want, then you probably should be going out less. Isn't it better to go out half as often and enjoy what you want without arguing over it?

 

Have you tried calling a truce and making a new start? When I say call a truce, I'm talking about stating that both of you are behaving badly and to leave it in the past and make a new start. A blame game or "you started it" is to be avoided at all costs.

 

Thing is, lack of intimacy and support is frequently the result of fighting. I mean, who wants intimacy with a partner who they are fighting with? If both of you try really hard to not sweat the small stuff and work on rebuilding, perhaps you can recover.

[elaine567]

What really set me over the edge tonight is how petty and cheap he is.

 

I have savings that I've been using for both mine and the baby's things since I resigned from my job and his job pays ok, so we are not starving and

 

I haven't really spent any of his money (even though we are married and it should be OUR money,

 

I even paid off both his credit cards to put us in a better financial situation together).

 

YOU need to stop using your money as all it is doing is causing you to resent him.

DO NOT pay off his credit cards with your money, pool your resources and make him pay for you and the baby too. You are married, he needs to step up to the plate financially.

Get a joint account, one that you both pay into, (as you are not earning then atm you just put in a small amount), and use that money for bills and any joint expenses.

Once you do not feel he is a overgrown baby that needs looking after financially by you, then you may feel differently about him.