Wish me luck [updated from 'not sure what's going on']

[OneLov]

OP,

 

The 180 is about demands not suggestions. He's learned he can sleep in the van, and you'll still serve him pancakes.

 

I usually don't say this but this guy is a mess. He's incapable of being honest with himself. Wether he ends up in the van down by the river or back in your home--proceed with caution. The rides not over.

 

I know you love him, but he needs serious professional help. Don't make yourself so available.

[anika99]

I don't see what's different. Haven't you been telling him he has to make a choice and stick with it for weeks now? Hasn't he been waffling back and forth for longer than you have been posting here, while you keep pretending to put your foot down and insist he make a choice? Whatever conversation you had with him today just sounds like the same ole' same ole'.

 

 

I'm not picking on you. I think you should handle this however you want but basically you are just letting him play games and cake eat. I presume that when he left your house he went running to the OW to lay some false hope on her just like he does with you. He sends you articles about abused children and watches affair recovery videos at your house so that you will keep hanging on and hoping while he continues to string both you and his OW along for as long as he wants.

 

 

Have you taken anytime at all to look into doing the 180 and why it's good for you regardless if you reconcile or not? Right now you are just assisting and enabling his affair.

[anika99]

As a former OW the idea of a man doing this moving out, back and forth thing to ANY woman disgusts me. I feel for both you and the OW in this situation and I can see how it would be SO hard for either of you to do NC out of fear that he will then default to the other one. Although I think the reality is that he's more likely to pine for, and chase, the one who does NC - it's just basic human psychology.

 

The thing is that you don't really want to "win" out of psychological manipulation, do you? If you have to resort to that, he seems like no prize. That's what I find so troubling about the 180 when used purely as a manipulation tactic, and same with NC. If either of those "tricks" affect him so much, I think it points to deeper issues that he needs to go and sort out ALONE. Not with you, not with her. With a therapist if possible. Good luck and hang in there and remember that you're fabulous no matter what and no man can take that from you.

 

But she is not doing the 180, she is doing the opposite of the 180. and the 180 is about taking back control of her own life and future, it's shouldn't ever be used as a ploy to manipulate and I'm not sure how one could use the 180 to manipulate anyways as it involves stepping out of the spouse's life and letting them to make their own decisions without input or influence from the BS. If the 180 is being executed correctly then it's actually the opposite of manipulation.

Edited August 13, 2016 by anika99

[ShatteredLady]

This is one of the very few cases I've ever read that's just....different! I know that affairs & adulterers do (to a certain extent) follow a script. I've read many OW threads & feel desperately sorry for many. I'm a bs & read the infidelity forum & it often makes me very sad.

 

Infidelity is such a nightmare!

 

 

The thing here is we don't have a 'usual' OW. It's an incredibly manipulative young woman/girl who's dealing with extremely messed-up daddy/mummy issues & lacks all empathy. From all evidence she's made it her ambition in life to be her Daddy's OW but win! She's got 2 middle aged screwed-up MM with kids to play with.

 

We don't have a 'usual' MM despite the commonalities. He suffered brutal, religious abuse that he's never dealt with & looses his mind & 'rescues' barely legal, screwed-up little girls when the press, legal etc gangs pressure him to recall his childhood.

He's living in his truck/her car but even the OW says that he spends a lot of time in silence clearly having mental issues.

 

The truth is I'm bias. My father had the most terrible of childhoods. This MM was 'lucky' by comparison & yet my Dad has always been an incredibly well balanced, dedicated family man.

 

I do believe that this MM is being childish, self indulgent & incredibly selfish. He is entirely responsible for starting the affair with this girl but she has created a highly manipulative situation....she's sleeping in a car in very vulnerable places. The MM is convinced that she will be raped or worse alone. Of course she has options but she won't take them.

 

Part of me understands the OP's predicament. I've spent my whole adult life with my H. We grew together & shared our demons. I thought that I knew him. He was consistently the same person for a decade. Then suddenly he was an alien. I never believed it was even remotely possible for him to say & do the things that he did to me. I believed it was mental illness. How do you leave your love, the man you made vows to for being sick?

 

Now that I've been through the whole merry-go-around again. Normal decade. Alien, abusive tosser. Ugh!! I don't know but I haven't filed for divorce so I'm not one to judge.

 

Ugh! I don't know! I wish the OP would just file & go NC so he knows that he needs to grow-up. I do think that she's enabling. I can't swear that I'd do anything different. I wish I would but I swore I would NEVER take this again but I did!

 

Life is so far from black & white. This story is a psychedelic rainbow of a multitude of agonizing issues.

 

 

I'll say it again, I wish that I could slap some sense into him!! He seems to like articles that explain/excuse his choices. I'd be sending him back information on how horrifically, devastating his actions are to his wife & children. He feels so sorry for himself but he's damaging his family so much.

[Mr. Lucky]

You need to talk to her and you both need to come to an agreement on this so that she agrees to the no contact (because in the past--he has kept NC but she's been relentless until he (weak) gives in).

 

aileD, on some level even you know this doesn't make sense.

 

Why do both of them need to come to an agreement? Why do you need her consent to resume your marriage? I have an attractive, single next-door neighbor - my wife doesn't need her buy-in to secure our marriage because she knows I'm committed to her, our family and our relationship.

 

Your H could go NC, be transparent, remorseful and start winning your trust back tomorrow were he willing.

 

He's not. And all the wishing, hoping and wanting in the world won't get him there.

 

At some point, you're going to have to stop pretending he's something he's not, at least as presently configured.

 

Time to think about you and the kids...

 

Mr. Lucky

[aileD]

He wanted to stay, I basically told him no because he can't go back and forth. He needs to end it with her. I don't care about her closure, I don't need her permission to resume my marriage, she can go **** herself for all I care.

 

Hey it would be great if he just stopped talking to her and ran back to me. But that doesn't work because he's RUNNING instead of DEALING. And running makes people chase you. She chases. He needs to end it and she needs to know its ended that's just the way it is.

 

If I had let him come stay like this he wouldn't have stayed long.

 

I truly want ton save my marriage. He didn't at first, when all this started. But he kept me in his life, he included me in things he was doing independently, we have made new friends and imagined new goals. In some ways they this we have still managed to work on things and that's made him see that we still have a chance. We both have been reading stuff, learning about marriage and infidelity.

 

I'm not using an 180 tactics or whatever as manipulation. I don't want to manipulate him into anything, that's not the type of marriage we want.

 

Yes she's still in the picture. But I know in my heart that she won't be forever.

[MuddyFootprints]

Okay, so let's say she won't be in the picture. Are you prepared to deal with the next one that comes along?

[ShatteredLady]

When I discovered that my H was having an EA with his coworker mistress from 12 years before I snapped "I don't want you to ever have anything to do with her again!".

 

About 15 minutes later I very clearly took that back. It became "You can do anything you want. Keep talking to her". Very calmly. Very clearly. I was in complete shock. I'd do EVERYTHING differently now. I didn't want to HAVE TO tell him not to do something that was so absolutely, obviously so very very wrong in the first place!

 

I get that! I really do.

 

Weeks later when I found a message that he had written to a friend stating that he told me that he had stopped talking to her but he hadn't & had no intention of ever stopping.....I asked for a divorce!

 

It had been 9 months since he started disrespecting me & doing cruel passive aggressive things. Looking at me with utter contempt. Hurting me all the time. Being cold & cruel. 9 months of me loosing my mind. The very worst time of my life. 9 months, everyday & it took 1 simple statement to change everything immediately....

 

"Ok. Go to her. I want a divorce!"

 

Cry, cry "Why do I not know what I'm doing, what I'm going to loose before it gets to this? I was going to kill myself!! Blah blah blah.

 

Him reading my private journal where I talked about wanting to die, questioning how he could just leave our children & drop off the grid, worrying about his sanity, expressing my utter devastation just gave him fodder to woo the OW.

 

Bursting the bubble. Smacking him over the head with reality changed everything!

 

 

I asked before, are you now waiting for her to move into her apartment Sept 1st for him to stop sleeping nights with her to protect her? Has he promised this?

[Jersey born raised]

Have you exposed to family and children?

 

You are doing the plan A and plan B marriage Buiders proposes for a person who will not divorce. The problem is most people do not do both. Instead the try to just nice them back. The proposed program does have a huge 2x4 in the begining and without using it the attempt will fail and result in years of pain.

[Whoknew30]

You don't seem to really want advice...you're going to what you want & it's your business BUT next time he does it (which he will bc why wouldn't he, he knows you'll take him back) you'll know you're very much part of you're own misery. You know what your H is about & no more prentending

 

You're both being horrible examples to your kids...all your kids are seeing, is worth is based on wether or not you can keep a unhealthy marriage...I feel sorry for them that they're stuck in a situation with two parents that need a tremendous amount of IC...you both need to fix yourselves as individuals before your marriage ever had a prayer...may god be with your kids.

[understand50]

He wanted to stay, I basically told him no because he can't go back and forth. He needs to end it with her. I don't care about her closure, I don't need her permission to resume my marriage, she can go **** herself for all I care.

 

Hey it would be great if he just stopped talking to her and ran back to me. But that doesn't work because he's RUNNING instead of DEALING. And running makes people chase you. She chases. He needs to end it and she needs to know its ended that's just the way it is.

 

If I had let him come stay like this he wouldn't have stayed long.

 

I truly want ton save my marriage. He didn't at first, when all this started. But he kept me in his life, he included me in things he was doing independently, we have made new friends and imagined new goals. In some ways they this we have still managed to work on things and that's made him see that we still have a chance. We both have been reading stuff, learning about marriage and infidelity.

 

I'm not using an 180 tactics or whatever as manipulation. I don't want to manipulate him into anything, that's not the type of marriage we want.

 

Yes she's still in the picture. But I know in my heart that she won't be forever.

 

aileD,

 

I am going to say, you did this right. You have decided to try and save your marriage, and the first thing to do is get the AP out of the picture. He is going to have to step up to the plate to do this. You married a weak man. He will needs to do the honorable thing and end it with her. Yes, letting her down as easy as he can is a good thing. Let's remember, your husband is to blame for the issues with the affair, and who knows what he has done with her or said to her.

 

In the long run, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of hard work, and your own self worth, will be under assault for a time, but as you want your marriage back, this is the only path to take. Weak people, let thing happen top them, or do not stop what they know will be a bad thing. Your husband is in this group. He will stop, when the pain of losing you and his kids become grater then the pleasure of is AP. Hopefully, the love he has for you will also weight in on his decision. Let's us hope that he finds true remorse, repentance, and works to try repair all that he has damaged.

 

For yourself, keep working towards your goals, as long as you think it is your best interest, and it is what you want.

 

Hang in there, and I wish you luck.

[aileD]

Have you exposed to family and children?

 

You are doing the plan A and plan B marriage Buiders proposes for a person who will not divorce. The problem is most people do not do both. Instead the try to just nice them back. The proposed program does have a huge 2x4 in the begining and without using it the attempt will fail and result in years of pain.

 

Can you please send me a link to what you are talking about.

[aileD]

aileD,

 

I am going to say, you did this right. You have decided to try and save your marriage, and the first thing to do is get the AP out of the picture. He is going to have to step up to the plate to do this. You married a weak man. He will needs to do the honorable thing and end it with her. Yes, letting her down as easy as he can is a good thing. Let's remember, your husband is to blame for the issues with the affair, and who knows what he has done with her or said to her.

 

In the long run, I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of hard work, and your own self worth, will be under assault for a time, but as you want your marriage back, this is the only path to take. Weak people, let thing happen top them, or do not stop what they know will be a bad thing. Your husband is in this group. He will stop, when the pain of losing you and his kids become grater then the pleasure of is AP. Hopefully, the love he has for you will also weight in on his decision. Let's us hope that he finds true remorse, repentance, and works to try repair all that he has damaged.

 

For yourself, keep working towards your goals, as long as you think it is your best interest, and it is what you want.

 

Hang in there, and I wish you luck.

 

Thank you.

 

Yes, he is weak and he needs to find the strength to end things right so that its final. This morning he said he needed help, he needed a ride. I went and picked him up. (Something I don't want to mention here made it a situation that I couldn't just leave him there).

 

It was at one of the places she goes to work (home health stuff?). He was down the street when I asked what was going on, he said he had tried to talk to her last night and it didn't go well, she was pissed at him for spending the day here yesterday and he had told her he was just going to sit in his truck and think while she went to work, she convinced him to go to her appointments with her and just sit and think in her car.

 

he again, runs. Left her car while she WS in an appt and I got him (found this out after). Dropped him off to get his truck, she was texting and calling him the entire time, turns out she got to where he parks his truck five minutes after we left.

 

I asked him if he had any of her stuf. He said yes. That in the past has been an excuse to reconnect. I asked him what his intent was because he just ran again. said again we want him home, but he needs to deal with her first. He can't just disappear on her without making it clear its over, he's going back to family and please don't contact him, and here Is your stuff.

 

I also was worried about her showing up at the house so I wouldn't let him come here. We parted ways and that's what's going on. He's got to deal with her like a man instead of just running away.

 

And **** her for getting pissed at him spending the day with his children. You have no idea how much my son NEEDED that day.

[aileD]

Okay, so let's say she won't be in the picture. Are you prepared to deal with the next one that comes along?

 

That's the point of doing counseling and marriage retreats and all that stuff so we don't get to a place where it could happen again.

[heartwhole]

I think it's good that you are changing how you respond in this cycle. But I think it's not good that you are still participating at all. You're still saying, "The door is wide open if you can x, y, and z . . . " You need to slam the door shut and let him figure out how to find his way back and knock and ask re-entry the right way. You're still doing 99% and saying, "Here, honey, please just do this 1% and then everything will be OK." He can't do the bare minimum to even be a candidate for reconciliation. You've set the bar slightly higher, but you're pretty much still playing the same game.

 

Anyway, practically speaking, I guess you've got this September 1 date looming. Chances are he will move in with her on that date and begin the ping-ponging again, but this time his loveshack with her will have a shower and be much nicer so he'll probably be less inclined to "miss" home. If you're still willing to keep the door open now, I hope you'll at least slam it shut if that's what happens.

 

Alie, I do think you're making progress. You went from thinking you had to keep up appearances at the cabin weekend to realizing that was ridiculous. You could have welcomed him back last night and convinced yourself this time it's really different. But I still think your hope for this situation far exceeds the practical reality, and you are still participating in an unhealthy dynamic. I hope you'll start setting some firm deadlines for when you will exit the vicious cycle.

[aileD]

I know it's weird because technically he is "living" with her now, but yes there is something about that sept 1 date that seems final for me.

 

Why I can't see that now, dont know. But somewhere in my brain and heart knows that if he stays one night in that apartment, it's over. Maybe that makes it real to my heart or whatever.

[Cloudcuckoo]

You don't seem to really want advice...you're going to what you want & it's your business BUT next time he does it (which he will bc why wouldn't he, he knows you'll take him back) you'll know you're very much part of you're own misery. You know what your H is about & no more prentending

 

You're both being horrible examples to your kids...all your kids are seeing, is worth is based on wether or not you can keep a unhealthy marriage...I feel sorry for them that they're stuck in a situation with two parents that need a tremendous amount of IC...you both need to fix yourselves as individuals before your marriage ever had a prayer...may god be with your kids.

 

That's a stretch too far, and beyond the pale....

 

No need for blunt and unnecessary assumptions or rudeness. The woman is looking for support, not chastisement...none of us is perfect and Ive certainly seen and heard a thousand times more revolting behaviour, but giving her a cyber slap in the face is not the way to do it.

 

She's well aware that she's as weak as her husband is I'm sure.

[heartwhole]

I know it's weird because technically he is "living" with her now, but yes there is something about that sept 1 date that seems final for me.

 

Why I can't see that now, dont know. But somewhere in my brain and heart knows that if he stays one night in that apartment, it's over. Maybe that makes it real to my heart or whatever.

 

In the grand scheme of things, a few more weeks to slide into the pool slowly rather than diving in aren't a huge deal. Just make sure you are continuing to put yourself first, read your Chump Lady or whatever you need to get angry and get motivated, and start preparing for the worst (i.e. him moving in with her Sept 1 with lots of excuses and tossing the occasional crumb your way). For your own sake, please stop hoping for the best.

 

The truth is that his relationship with her is a just a symptom of his issues. Eventually she will meet someone better or grow up and the relationship will end. He'll probably even come back. But I don't think taking him back teaches your children anything good.

 

When I found out about my husband's EA, I was trying to hold on and believe in us and blah blah blah. When I found out it was really a PA, my self-respect kicked in. I don't work, I have a chronic illness, but who cares. I wasn't going to chase some man who was chasing someone else, even if that man was my husband of 10 years and the father of my children. I set him free to go be with her. I thought they deserved each other, and he certainly didn't deserve me. Here was the "blessing" he'd been hoping for, she'd been praying for, but his eyes widened in horror. The bubble burst. He wanted it when he couldn't have it. He didn't want it when he could.

 

I really couldn't do it. I couldn't accept being disrespected like that. I am a quality person, smart, sexy, strong. I know I could find a worthy man. I wasn't just calling his bluff -- I was drawing a line in the sand. I was daring him to cross it. If he did, we were done. I hope you can take the next few weeks to draw yours.

 

My children are very young and he never left us. If you can't be strong for yourself, please be strong for your children who are dealing with this awful situation just as much as you are, but without years of perspective and experience and maturity to help them. Their father is a withered branch in their family tree right now, so all the strength must come from you. You've got to stop begging him to be strong again and start being strong yourself.

 

Good luck Alie. I know you have it in you.

[OneLov]

I know it's weird because technically he is "living" with her now, but yes there is something about that sept 1 date that seems final for me.

 

Why I can't see that now, dont know. But somewhere in my brain and heart knows that if he stays one night in that apartment, it's over. Maybe that makes it real to my heart or whatever.

 

Becareful you're not kicking the can and using that arbitrary date as a means to buy yourself more time to act. IMO, there's no time like now. She's an adult, and he's not a white knight. She doesn't need a bodyguard. If life on her own gets so terrible, she can move home. Simply put, her safety is a red herring; it's not his problem.

[Whoknew30]

That's a stretch too far, and beyond the pale....

 

No need for blunt and unnecessary assumptions or rudeness. The woman is looking for support, not chastisement...none of us is perfect and Ive certainly seen and heard a thousand times more revolting behaviour, but giving her a cyber slap in the face is not the way to do it.

 

She's well aware that she's as weak as her husband is I'm sure.

 

It's the truth...get me once "shame on you"...get me again "shame on me".

 

First time completely just "happend to her" this time she's being a willing participant & from what she's says this time worse bc he's barely seeing their kids...what happens next time?

 

He's left her twice & she's making him breakfast. It's enabling & not just his bad treatment of her but the kids too. If we kiss dad's butt every time he leaves for another woman,he may come back...a mother's weakness should be put away to protect her kids.

 

She should file for divorce (don't have to completely go through with it) & have him mentally evaluated by the court to see if they think he's stable enough to be around the kids. Could be a way to get him the help from his being so screwed up from childhood abuse. Then at least she'd k ow the truth...is he mentally messed up or just a cold hearted jerk. It's better than how's she's handling it. They all need help & therapy wouldn't hurt the kids either at this point I'm sure either.

[aileD]

I didn't make him breakfast.

 

WE made breakfast TOGETHER for OUR FAMILY.

 

My kids NEEDED THAT.

 

Therapy is in the world for everyone, I don't have insurance right now but WS is working on getting free from archdiocese for EVERYONE.

 

He has not been a terrible father towards the kids thru this entire ordeal, just the last month or so when he left. I don't excuse that, his excuse is that he has to focus on this and work it out so he can make a decision. I don't buy that either as far as the kids are concerned because you can still always see your kids. I get that. No excuse for that.

 

He's alone today. Taking it hour by hour. I'm dealing with a family medical crisis for my cousin so that's keeping my mind off of things.

[Red123]

You don't seem to really want advice...you're going to what you want & it's your business BUT next time he does it (which he will bc why wouldn't he, he knows you'll take him back) you'll know you're very much part of you're own misery. You know what your H is about & no more prentending

 

You're both being horrible examples to your kids...all your kids are seeing, is worth is based on wether or not you can keep a unhealthy marriage...I feel sorry for them that they're stuck in a situation with two parents that need a tremendous amount of IC...you both need to fix yourselves as individuals before your marriage ever had a prayer...may god be with your kids.

 

So many assumptions in this post. The op comes here for support, this is unnecessary. Her kids are teens and I don't get how having breakfast and spending some time with their dad is such a horrible example. I don't think you need to pray for her children, there is nothing in her posts that say she isn't taking care of them. I'm not sure why you chose to throw stones about her parenting, are you perfect? And do you always set a perfect example for your children? I know I am not, I do my best and I am sure I make mistakes. During your affair or your husbands were you both perfect examples to the kids? I doubt it, so maybe remember no one is perfect all of time.

[Mr. Lucky]

I know it's weird because technically he is "living" with her now, but yes there is something about that sept 1 date that seems final for me.

 

Why I can't see that now, dont know. But somewhere in my brain and heart knows that if he stays one night in that apartment, it's over. Maybe that makes it real to my heart or whatever.

 

Have you told him this? Not sure why it's different than living together in a car but if that's your line in the sand he should know.

 

Also would recommend you consider having him live somewhere other than with you for a while. And if that situation sends him back to her, pretty telling piece of information.

 

I don't care about her closure, I don't need her permission to resume my marriage, she can go **** herself for all I care.

 

Hey it would be great if he just stopped talking to her and ran back to me. But that doesn't work because he's RUNNING instead of DEALING. And running makes people chase you. She chases. He needs to end it and she needs to know its ended that's just the way it is.

 

If he were NC with her, which is the only way any reconciliation will succeed, her reaction to ANYTHING - closure, where he spends his time, etc. - would drop easily into the "don't know, don't care" file...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Cloudcuckoo]

It's the truth...get me once "shame on you"...get me again "shame on me".

 

First time completely just "happend to her" this time she's being a willing participant & from what she's says this time worse bc he's barely seeing their kids...what happens next time?

 

He's left her twice & she's making him breakfast. It's enabling & not just his bad treatment of her but the kids too. If we kiss dad's butt every time he leaves for another woman,he may come back...a mother's weakness should be put away to protect her kids.

 

She should file for divorce (don't have to completely go through with it) & have him mentally evaluated by the court to see if they think he's stable enough to be around the kids. Could be a way to get him the help from his being so screwed up from childhood abuse. Then at least she'd k ow the truth...is he mentally messed up or just a cold hearted jerk. It's better than how's she's handling it. They all need help & therapy wouldn't hurt the kids either at this point I'm sure either.

 

The truth according to whom??....

 

As for therapy...

[aileD]

Have you told him this? Not sure why it's different than living together in a car but if that's your line in the sand he should know.

 

Also would recommend you consider having him live somewhere other than with you for a while. And if that situation sends him back to her, pretty telling piece of information.

 

No I haven't told him this. I don't want it to get in his head that he'll just wait til then to start thinking about things.

If he were NC with her, which is the only way any reconciliation will succeed, her reaction to ANYTHING - closure, where he spends his time, etc. - would drop easily into the "don't know, don't care" file...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Agree with living somewhere else, we do have a downstairs apartment that is free.

 

 

If he were NC with her, which is the only way any reconciliation will succeed, her reaction to ANYTHING - closure, where he spends his time, etc. - would drop easily into the "don't know, don't care" file...

 

Yes, that's the hard thing. I feel...and history tells me...that when he takes the coward way out of breaking up with her (email, leaving in the middle of the night, going to work with her then sneaking out and having me come get him), NC doesn't stay. Most of this is because he is weak. Yes, we know this, it's already been established. The other part of it is that she is relentless in wanting answers. Even just today she called him at least 40 times in the 20 mins we were in the car together. She demands to see him and doesn't give up until she does, she'll show up at his work, she's threatened to come INTO his work if he didn't meet her, etc etc etc. All because he just can't freaking look her in the eye and end it face to face. Sure he could get a restraining order, but how often does that happen? He already feels like he's ruined her life enough. He's not going to make it worse for her. I would love to say who gives a F, but...he does. So I understand what youre saying and youre completely right, and it does seem like he is closer to getting there. I"m not making excuses for him, I'm just telling you whats going on.

 

 

I hesitate in using the "file for divorce, show him you're serious with papers but you don't really have to divorce" strategy on a person who has been abandoned his entire life. By his mother, by his father, by his stepmother, by his church, by the people that were supposed to take care of him...etc.

 

A normal man will think "oh damn, she's serious! I better stop this nonsense and get back before I ruin my life".

 

My husband doesn't think like that. He thinks "another person wants to leave me, everyone leaves me, I'm destined to be alone in this life, no one loves me anyway, I might as well just disappear"

 

yeah, sad him. poor baby right? well yeah.. poor him. But he's got a screwed up history and has been stuck in victim cycle since he was 5 years old.

 

Sure I can leave him alone but I'm his wife. We've been together forever. You get through stuff with people you love. I can clearly see a relation to his past in EVERYTHING that we've gone through. He is finally going to counseling, I don't believe I should leave in the middle of a crisis just because my feelings are getting hurt.

 

If that makes me a ****ty person,then so be it.

Edited August 14, 2016 by aileD