Wish me luck [updated from 'not sure what's going on']

[Mr. Lucky]

So that's where it is. If he doesn't come home after she moves in (I'll give him a couple days leeway in my mind as he's got a pickup truck and I'm sure will be asked to help move)...but if it doesn't happen, I'll be filling out the separation agreement paperwork.

 

After already living with her in varied habitats over the last year, what does this apartment represent that his complete dismissal of your marriage to this point doesn't?

 

After all he's done, why that particular future time and place ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

BTW - I noticed you've even given him a grace period, in case he gets "asked to help move" her.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Mr. Lucky

[ShatteredLady]

When my whole life turned to s**t I'll be the first to admit that I completely lost my mind. I was in total shock. I had blind faith that, after the first time, he would NEVER do anything like that to me again. He was my FAMILY. My lifelong best friend. "For better or worse". My love. My forever person.

 

One moment changed everything!

 

My reality was turned on its head. I couldn't believe that it was happening. I tried to find sanity in analyzing & making excuses for his behavior. I blamed myself! It's incredibly hard to be a people pleaser who can't even make the love of her life happy.

 

I hated myself. I fell into the abyss of self-loathing. He told me that I was a cripple, burden who was stealing his life, his desire for "Love, Romance & Adventure" from him. I believed him! I wanted to die. To be honest, my children & knowing the utter emotional devastation of loosing my brother to suicide was all that kept me alive.

 

 

THEN something liberating happened....I got bloody ANGRY!!!

 

We're 'reconciling' but now all of those words, the things you're quoting by him, all the really, really gut-wrenching, soul destroying stuff (that's almost numb a lot of the time at the moment for you) the awful things like her Mothers Day "To the VERY BEST mother in the world. ALL MY LOVE XXXX" start to boil through the haze.

 

To be honest if I were to file for divorce tomorrow it wouldn't be because he had 2 affairs, 12 years apart....It would because I got the 1/2 price LESSER VALUE bouquet of Mothers Day flowers!!! :lmao:

 

I think that his 'pity party' is going to be his 'Dig my own grave' party. You just don't know it yet.

When the storm clears. When the panic & agony no longer control your focus I just can't imagine anyone being able to live with what he's done/is doing to you & your children.

 

 

What happened in his first affair? When & how did it start? How long did it last? You know...the whole story? What kind of conversations did you have after & how long did it take for it not to be mentioned anymore?

 

We completely rugswept my H's first affair 12 years ago. It's like suddenly one day the nightmare was over & life continued. Then so very many life things happened, births, deaths. Excuses! We rugswept. It had been exhausting. I had nothing left.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I'd been different back then it would never of happened again.

[ShatteredLady]

"He's telling me how when they went to look it it the woman offered to buy a kayak holder for his kayaks, and I'm like "ummm...."....

 

So....How does the landlady know he's got Kayaks? More importantly, why does she assume he's moving in? He REALLY slipped there!

 

 

"I didn't say anything and he did say that she went back to the landlord and told her it would just be her moving"

 

So....Good save by him!!!

 

"the landlord was fine with it but wanted to make sure she could pay for it on her own...."

 

So....With all those quotes it's clear that they said that they were renting TOGETHER!! She had to inform her the plans had changed & it was just her & the joint income had changed.

 

"He said he feels good knowing that the landlord is JW, motherly and will be a good support for her...he said he feels like he's leaving her in a good position"

 

So....It's like he's talking about his DAUGHTER! Why does it surprise you that she likes glitter? She was 19-20 when they met!

 

 

"He also mentioned her parents went on vacation and took away her key so she couldn't stay there LOL. last year when they went on vaca, she invited him over to her parents house and I caught them red handed there. I told her mother and she was furious. So guess she's not trusted anymore lol."

 

I know that you're living a horrific nightmare. I truly don't know what I'd of been doing if I had been living your life for ALL this time. Its beyond words really. I say this very gently...You don't need the LOL's. I get that you told her mother (does he see you as the mean dragon who got his little distressed damsel homeless?) but you've indicated that you've said & done a lot of things. I don't know what they are & I truly understand the rage you feel.

 

At some point you will need to stop seeing her as the evil, controlling witch who's cast a spell on your poor sick husband....or maybe you don't yet. I don't know. I don't believe that you guys stand any chance at all of healing until HE takes all the blame for this utter cruelty & YOU hand it to him!!

[Steen719]

"He's telling me how when they went to look it it the woman offered to buy a kayak holder for his kayaks, and I'm like "ummm...."....

 

So....How does the landlady know he's got Kayaks? More importantly, why does she assume he's moving in? He REALLY slipped there!

 

 

"I didn't say anything and he did say that she went back to the landlord and told her it would just be her moving"

 

So....Good save by him!!!

 

"the landlord was fine with it but wanted to make sure she could pay for it on her own...."

 

So....With all those quotes it's clear that they said that they were renting TOGETHER!! She had to inform her the plans had changed & it was just her & the joint income had changed.

 

"He said he feels good knowing that the landlord is JW, motherly and will be a good support for her...he said he feels like he's leaving her in a good position"

 

So....It's like he's talking about his DAUGHTER! Why does it surprise you that she likes glitter? She was 19-20 when they met!

 

 

"He also mentioned her parents went on vacation and took away her key so she couldn't stay there LOL. last year when they went on vaca, she invited him over to her parents house and I caught them red handed there. I told her mother and she was furious. So guess she's not trusted anymore lol."

 

I know that you're living a horrific nightmare. I truly don't know what I'd of been doing if I had been living your life for ALL this time. Its beyond words really. I say this very gently...You don't need the LOL's. I get that you told her mother (does he see you as the mean dragon who got his little distressed damsel homeless?) but you've indicated that you've said & done a lot of things. I don't know what they are & I truly understand the rage you feel.

 

At some point you will need to stop seeing her as the evil, controlling witch who's cast a spell on your poor sick husband....or maybe you don't yet. I don't know. I don't believe that you guys stand any chance at all of healing until HE takes all the blame for this utter cruelty & YOU hand it to him!!

 

Good post, Shattered. It is just so hard to see her swallow his sh*t sandwich. Sad, sad, sad. This is not reconciliation. This is humiliation.

[cocorico]

 

 

 

 

That got him starting to talk about this situation. How he can't just leave her out there alone, he cares about her, bla bla. Said that she got a really good apartment, the landlord is Jehovah Witness too (she doesn't know AP is yet),it was affordable ,etc. He's telling me how when they went to look it it the woman offered to buy a kayak holder for his kayaks, and I'm like "ummm...."....(I'm thinking first off if you're not moving in why do you need kayak holders and second the kayaks are for the kids, you're not taking them from our house). I didn't say anything and he did say that she went back to the landlord and told her it would just be her moving (after they talked last week and he said he was coming back to work on our marriage) and the landlord was fine with it but wanted to make sure she could pay for it on her own, which she can.

 

So, seems the assumption on their end is that he'll be coming home when she moves in to her new place (I didnt ask, didn't say anything). He said he feels good knowing that the landlord is JW, motherly and will be a good support for her...he said he feels like he's leaving her in a good position (as opposed to in her car). He also mentioned her parents went on vacation and took away her key so she couldn't stay there LOL. last year when they went on vaca, she invited him over to her parents house and I caught them red handed there. I told her mother and she was furious. So guess she's not trusted anymore lol.

 

He says it's hard for him, and he knows why it has to be done but the thought of never having her in his life again is very hard for him to handle emotionally. He's like it's not like a regular break up where you can still talk to them and check in and see how their life is going, it's out FOREVER. I just said, well if we're going to work on things then we need to be able to trust eachother...and I would never be able to do that with her in our life and if he can't do that then we won't be able to work on things. He said he realizes that.

 

 

Ailed,

 

It's touching how much he obviously cares for her, and how you encourage this caring side of him to find expression... But don't you wish he cared for you, and your kids, even a fraction of how deeply he cares for her? His solicitous concern is laudable - but shouldn't it be addressed toward his kids, and you, rather than his latest conquest?

[amomwhoknows]

ailed

 

Do you have your own attorney? I am very concerned that the bankruptcy (regardless of having discussed it before the affair) may be jeopardizing you and your children's financial futures.

 

Cheaters lie. ALL THE TIME. He may be luring you into a terrible financial situation. He may not really be planning on leaving this girl.

 

You may be better off divorcing and having him take the debt. How will you not lose the cabin in bankruptcy? Is your house protected?

 

You need your own representation. You owe it to your kids and your self.

[anika99]

By reading your thread and reading the OW's thread it's pretty obvious that what your husband tells you and what he tells the OW are two very different things. The one thing you and the OW have in common is that you both believe him when neither of you should. He's telling you that he is going to dump her as soon as she moves into her apartment but I bet he's telling her something very different. He will keep this up as long as you both allow it.

[goodyblue]

"He's telling me how when they went to look it it the woman offered to buy a kayak holder for his kayaks, and I'm like "ummm...."....

 

So....How does the landlady know he's got Kayaks? More importantly, why does she assume he's moving in? He REALLY slipped there!

 

 

"I didn't say anything and he did say that she went back to the landlord and told her it would just be her moving"

 

So....Good save by him!!!

 

"the landlord was fine with it but wanted to make sure she could pay for it on her own...."

 

So....With all those quotes it's clear that they said that they were renting TOGETHER!! She had to inform her the plans had changed & it was just her & the joint income had changed.

 

"He said he feels good knowing that the landlord is JW, motherly and will be a good support for her...he said he feels like he's leaving her in a good position"

 

So....It's like he's talking about his DAUGHTER! Why does it surprise you that she likes glitter? She was 19-20 when they met!

 

 

"He also mentioned her parents went on vacation and took away her key so she couldn't stay there LOL. last year when they went on vaca, she invited him over to her parents house and I caught them red handed there. I told her mother and she was furious. So guess she's not trusted anymore lol."

 

I know that you're living a horrific nightmare. I truly don't know what I'd of been doing if I had been living your life for ALL this time. Its beyond words really. I say this very gently...You don't need the LOL's. I get that you told her mother (does he see you as the mean dragon who got his little distressed damsel homeless?) but you've indicated that you've said & done a lot of things. I don't know what they are & I truly understand the rage you feel.

 

At some point you will need to stop seeing her as the evil, controlling witch who's cast a spell on your poor sick husband....or maybe you don't yet. I don't know. I don't believe that you guys stand any chance at all of healing until HE takes all the blame for this utter cruelty & YOU hand it to him!!

 

I don't even blame the girlfriend, she is 20 for Christ's sake. This is all on him and the best thing OP could do is run. He doesn't love her.

[turnera]

I can't believe you're buying this stuff. And I would bet money that you will NOT file for separation or divorce, but will just wait...a little longer.

 

And even if he DOES come back, he will NEVER stop contacting her. She is the pretty, young hot, tight version that he gets to relive his youth with (sorry) and he will not be able to give that up. He COULD give that up - if he were about to lose you.

 

But since you're going out to eat with him and lapping up his words and saying nothing and giving him 'time' to even things out and even help her move...he now knows he can return to her any time he wants and you'll be fine with it, as long as you get part of him.

 

Sorry, but that's how male cheaters work. You've dug your own grave to be married to either a serial cheater or a man who has two wives for the rest of his life.

[Red123]

By reading your thread and reading the OW's thread it's pretty obvious that what your husband tells you and what he tells the OW are two very different things. The one thing you and the OW have in common is that you both believe him when neither of you should. He's telling you that he is going to dump her as soon as she moves into her apartment but I bet he's telling her something very different. He will keep this up as long as you both allow it.

 

Is his OW posting here too?

[aileD]

Apparently she posted once in the OW forum before me. It doesn't appear she's been back since. People here brought it to my attention when they saw similarities in our story.

 

Well apparently I can't do anything right.

 

I didn't talk to him today. Maybe you guys will be happy for that

[turnera]

I'm sorry for being so critical. It's just that we see it over and over again. One of the two wants the marriage so much that they find themselves putting up with SO much more than they should. I just want to make sure you're making decisions for the right reasons, so you don't give up what YOU need just to stay married. It happens more than you'd think.

[ShatteredLady]

AileD. Please try not to beat yourself up. You're in an impossibly hard situation that you're not responsible for in any way whatsoever. You are the victim! I wish I could kick your husband in the bum!!!

 

I know that a lot of responses come-off as extremely tough love. It's not that people feel that "You can't do anything right". I'm my opinion you are doing amazingly well just maintaining your sanity right now!! Your husband is feeling sorry for himself, being self indulgent. He doesn't deserve a strong, compassionate wife like you.

 

I know what it's like being a mother, trying to do the right thing, trying to keep everything together for your FAMILY. Just keeping your head above water is daunting! I'm so very sorry. No-one should have to tolerate the weak, pathetic, heartless abuse that you're being subjected too.

 

((((Hugs for you & your poor children))))

 

I wish your husband could direct some of his time & care for your DAUGHTER over this selfish girl who's complicit in wrecking your family. His actions are unforgivable!! Stay strong!! You & your kids deserve so much more than this.

[wmacbride]

I don't even blame the girlfriend, she is 20 for Christ's sake. This is all on him and the best thing OP could do is run. He doesn't love her.

 

Sorry, but I don't agree.

 

A 20 year old is considered responsible enough to vote,get married, take up a dangerous job such as the military, the police or fire service, raise a child, sign a contract or other legal document, take out a loan, get a credit card, make major health care decisions, sue another individual, drink alcohol, drive a car, make career decisions, etc., etc., etc.

 

To somehow say that they are mature and intelligent enough to do all of the above but don't have the maturity or intellectual capacity to know better than to get involved with a married person is nonsense.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well apparently I can't do anything right.

 

I wish "2017 aileD" was available to post, bet she could give you some pretty cogent advice about the need for boundaries. I know "future me" could have saved me an awful lot of pain and heartache ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lobe]

ne said he feels good knowing that the landlord is JW, motherly and will be a good support for her...he said he feels like he's leaving her in a good position (as opposed to in her car).

 

This is REALLY BAD. Do you understand that his AP will likely be evicted once the landlord finds out she has been disfellowshipped?

[Lobe]

Which means she will be homeless and your husband will need to rescue her again. Just sayin' this is feeling a little too much like a set up.

 

As in, aileD loses.

[aileD]

I do hold her accountable too. I know she didn't make a commitment to me like he did, but she knew he was married and she knew my children were hurting, she knew I was hurting. She knew he wasn't actually leaving me so why did she continue? Because she's selfish. Just like he is.

 

He called me this morning. He discussed leaving her, and that they had been talking and he has been telling her he cannot be in a relationship with her, that he realizes we didn't do enough to work on our marriage and I had been there for him and they everything in his past, that we have tools now, resources and we see it can be done, etc etc.

 

He said that he was going to leave her yesterday. But that they continued to talk. Him giving her advice on future relationships (ok thanks DAD). She kept on asking if it had to be complete no contact and why did they have to be completely out of each others lives. He told her that if he was coming back to me to work on our marriage it would be to work on our marriage and to actually save our marriage and that staying in contact with her would not be respectful of me and our goal for fixing the marriage.

 

She apparently said something like if we don't work out then he should call her. I said I don't want him to come home with a backup plan for when things get hard in recovery. He said he told her that his intent was to fix our marriage and the only way he'd contact her is if we didn't make it, honestly, and we were actually divorced and did it right and he had lived on his own for awhile and even then if she was married or in a steady relationship then he wouldn't pursue her, she asked why and he said he's learned marriage is a serious commitment and you don't just throw it away because someone else comes along.

 

Apprently she feels "not good enough" and if she was "better" that he'd choose her. He told her that she could be the most beautiful perfect person on the world and it still wouldn't change the fact that he's married and hasn't put in a good enough effort to be a good husband and help restore our marriage and family.

 

I said a few things too. I said that I don't want him coming home so he can just say "ok we tried EVERYTHING now and it didn't work. I said I only want him to come home if it was with the intent that we WILL heal and have a great marriage, not that we MIGHT. He said he feels like we have the tools now that we didn't in the past and we have to work at it every day, but the intent is that we do heal and improve our marriage...or really build one from scratch again.

 

I also said I obviously didn't want her in our life at all, which I already mentioned above. I also told him that he can't just come home and pretend like he was never gone. He's been gone a month and a half and he has to have a conversation with the kids and make a commitment to to them too and explain what's going on and understand they are pissed. He was willing to do that.

 

I asked him if she was in her apartment yet and he said no. That he feels guilty for that but feels like he has to make a clean break. I also asked if she had any friends or a support system that can help her get through this breakup because in the past she's only ever reached out to HIm for comfort....which just starts things up again. He said no, she doesn't but he's been en outshine her to go back to church and to get back in that community and to reconnect with her mother.

 

I honestly think he has good intentions but I really don't think he's going to be able to leave her until she's in her apartment. I just feel it. And already she asked him today if she could just talk to him one more time after work. He said he would do that. Im not getting my hopes up. As said before she is persistent and he is weak.

 

But I do see how he's progressing, so I hope that he's meaning what he says and even though he's been a jerk sometimes he's always been honest with me about his feelings (sometimes too honest when it comes to her)...but I don't think he's lying about his intentions. He seems more clear about his willingness to work on our marriage. I had sent him an email awhile ago yelling at him saying I was pissed I did all this stuff for him and the family and finally when we're getting to the point of being able to work on us and reconnect and go on vacations and THATS when he decides to walk out. That I felt used to bear his kids and support him and I gave up so much of me in motherhood and wth a career and finally when I can breathe and enjoy my adulthood things--he dumps me for a younger model of me.

 

He said that resonated with him and I was right. He said I may have neglected him and his emotional needs but I didn't do it out of hatred or anger or anything. I was working hard and helping our family and he sees that now, that I didn't neglect him because I didn't love him and I don't deserve to be given up on just because he fell in love with someone else's attention.

 

Some will see I guess. Like I said...I'm not getting my hopes up because I really don't think he'll have the balls to leave until she's safe in an apartment. plus he said he was going to leave yesterday at 11, and today he agreed to talk "one last time".

 

So. I'm not blind. Just hopeful.

[aileD]

This is REALLY BAD. Do you understand that his AP will likely be evicted once the landlord finds out she has been disfellowshipped?

 

I said that too but he said not all of the churches are like that and this woman's church was more "modern".

 

Also, he said she brought AP around town showing her where things were and all that which makes be believe she is moving to an areas not close to the one she's in and familiar with now. That would be good.

[aileD]

I wish "2017 aileD" was available to post, bet she could give you some pretty cogent advice about the need for boundaries. I know "future me" could have saved me an awful lot of pain and heartache ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Me too.

[Lobe]

I said that too but he said not all of the churches are like that and this woman's church was more "modern".

 

Also, he said she brought AP around town showing her where things were and all that which makes be believe she is moving to an areas not close to the one she's in and familiar with now. That would be good.

 

I hope you're right, but I'm dubious. IME there is no such thing as "modern" JW church and this is just a disaster waiting to happen.

 

I sincerely hope you are able to hold to your bottom line - I suspect you'll be asking for separation agreement templates sooner than you think.

 

I remember feeling "maternal" towards the AP - my WH had me completely convinced she needed rescuing and that his motives in befriending her in the first place were wholesome. Once the fog clears, you will see this woman as little more than a sex toy for your husband. The fact she was a willing accomplice does not change the fact that your husband was and still is a liar - she was not in need of saving until after HE dragged her down. Try and remember that in all your magnanimity. No one ever won a prize for being a martyr.

Save

Edited August 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[wmacbride]

I do hold her accountable too. I know she didn't make a commitment to me like he did, but she knew he was married and she knew my children were hurting, she knew I was hurting. She knew he wasn't actually leaving me so why did she continue? Because she's selfish. Just like he is.

 

He called me this morning. He discussed leaving her, and that they had been talking and he has been telling her he cannot be in a relationship with her, that he realizes we didn't do enough to work on our marriage and I had been there for him and they everything in his past, that we have tools now, resources and we see it can be done, etc etc.

 

He said that he was going to leave her yesterday. But that they continued to talk. Him giving her advice on future relationships (ok thanks DAD). She kept on asking if it had to be complete no contact and why did they have to be completely out of each others lives. He told her that if he was coming back to me to work on our marriage it would be to work on our marriage and to actually save our marriage and that staying in contact with her would not be respectful of me and our goal for fixing the marriage.

 

She apparently said something like if we don't work out then he should call her. I said I don't want him to come home with a backup plan for when things get hard in recovery. He said he told her that his intent was to fix our marriage and the only way he'd contact her is if we didn't make it, honestly, and we were actually divorced and did it right and he had lived on his own for awhile and even then if she was married or in a steady relationship then he wouldn't pursue her, she asked why and he said he's learned marriage is a serious commitment and you don't just throw it away because someone else comes along.

 

Apprently she feels "not good enough" and if she was "better" that he'd choose her. He told her that she could be the most beautiful perfect person on the world and it still wouldn't change the fact that he's married and hasn't put in a good enough effort to be a good husband and help restore our marriage and family.

 

I said a few things too. I said that I don't want him coming home so he can just say "ok we tried EVERYTHING now and it didn't work. I said I only want him to come home if it was with the intent that we WILL heal and have a great marriage, not that we MIGHT. He said he feels like we have the tools now that we didn't in the past and we have to work at it every day, but the intent is that we do heal and improve our marriage...or really build one from scratch again.

 

I also said I obviously didn't want her in our life at all, which I already mentioned above. I also told him that he can't just come home and pretend like he was never gone. He's been gone a month and a half and he has to have a conversation with the kids and make a commitment to to them too and explain what's going on and understand they are pissed. He was willing to do that.

 

I asked him if she was in her apartment yet and he said no. That he feels guilty for that but feels like he has to make a clean break. I also asked if she had any friends or a support system that can help her get through this breakup because in the past she's only ever reached out to HIm for comfort....which just starts things up again. He said no, she doesn't but he's been en outshine her to go back to church and to get back in that community and to reconnect with her mother.

 

I honestly think he has good intentions but I really don't think he's going to be able to leave her until she's in her apartment. I just feel it. And already she asked him today if she could just talk to him one more time after work. He said he would do that. Im not getting my hopes up. As said before she is persistent and he is weak.

 

But I do see how he's progressing, so I hope that he's meaning what he says and even though he's been a jerk sometimes he's always been honest with me about his feelings (sometimes too honest when it comes to her)...but I don't think he's lying about his intentions. He seems more clear about his willingness to work on our marriage. I had sent him an email awhile ago yelling at him saying I was pissed I did all this stuff for him and the family and finally when we're getting to the point of being able to work on us and reconnect and go on vacations and THATS when he decides to walk out. That I felt used to bear his kids and support him and I gave up so much of me in motherhood and wth a career and finally when I can breathe and enjoy my adulthood things--he dumps me for a younger model of me.

 

He said that resonated with him and I was right. He said I may have neglected him and his emotional needs but I didn't do it out of hatred or anger or anything. I was working hard and helping our family and he sees that now, that I didn't neglect him because I didn't love him and I don't deserve to be given up on just because he fell in love with someone else's attention.

 

Some will see I guess. Like I said...I'm not getting my hopes up because I really don't think he'll have the balls to leave until she's safe in an apartment. plus he said he was going to leave yesterday at 11, and today he agreed to talk "one last time".

 

So. I'm not blind. Just hopeful.

 

I don't want to be a "debbie downer", but can I make two suggestions before you allow him to come back to your home

 

- first, get yourself tested for STD"s

 

-second, between that she may become desperate to keep him in her life if she feels she's losing him. this can translate form anything to attempting to get pregnant to a cry for attention

 

If you sense that will happen please DO NOT get yourself embroiled in that. Speaking from personal experience with a ws who's former ow took the cry for attention route, it will drag you down. Keep in mind that she got herself into his situation and it is not your fault. Don't accept calls from her "just to talk" or "because you need to know my side". Block her form your social media and mail, and if she persists, seek legal counsel for more ideas.

 

I hope she doesn't go down that route, but if she does, you need to protect yourself mentally. Her behavior and mental state is not your fault. You do not have to be her support system or a sponge for her bad feelings.

Edited August 22, 2016 by wmacbride

[Lobe]

You do not have to be her support system or a sponge for her bad feelings.

 

Yup. That maternal feeling you have for her is misplaced energy.

[OneLov]

OP,

 

In reading what you wrote, he never expressed "wanting" to do these things. It read like a kid telling his buddies he can't go out and play on Saturday because he had to help his parents with yard work. In your own words, he seems to be doing everything because it's the "right" thing. This should alarm you.

 

His actions do not give closure to the situation for anyone. So you should question what he's really learned. Start by realizing he should be saying, "look, I'm out of here because I want to be now."

 

He's not her dad and it's so creepy that he's treating her like he's her guardian. She's an adult woman; she'll be cool. Safe motels are inexpensive.

Edited August 22, 2016 by OneLov

[aileD]

I don't want to be a "debbie downer", but can I make two suggestions before you allow him to come back to your home

 

- first, get yourself tested for STD"s

 

-second, between that she may become desperate to keep him in her life if she feels she's losing him. this can translate form anything to attempting to get pregnant to a cry for attention

 

If you sense that will happen please DO NOT get yourself embroiled in that. Speaking from personal experience with a ws who's former ow took the cry for attention route, it will drag you down. Keep in mind that she got herself into his situation and it is not your fault. Don't accept calls from her "just to talk" or "because you need to know my side". Block her form your social media and mail, and if she persists, seek legal counsel for more ideas.

 

I hope she doesn't go down that route, but if she does, you need to protect yourself mentally. Her behavior and mental state is not your fault. You do not have to be her support system or a sponge for her bad feelings.

 

She has an IUD. Thank god. Yes there will be testing, I can't imagine there will be intimacy any time soon. She really has never tried to contact me (except for once when she was going to kill herself and wanted to tel me "how to love him":sick:).

 

She's already blocked from everything. I'm not worried about her contacting me, more worried about contacting him. It's so hard to prevent that.