Looking for some hope...

[Crusnik]

Hi everyone, i'm new here, its kinda hard expressing myself but i'll give my best. Seriously need some advice here...

 

I'm 31 male and I've been dating the women of my dreams "officially" since jan2015. I should add she lives on another city about 1h away from me. During the first year everything was perfect, we loved each other so much and were really good friends.

 

But these last couple months i became depressed with work issues, i became quite cold with her sometimes because i didn't felt supported and we were only seeing at weekends.

 

I know its my fault for letting myself get depressed, guess she no longer felt secure with me and slowly feel out of love to my current self.

All that and the fact that she always wanted to live together ...she wanted me to move to her city so we could share a flat etc... In my stupidity i never truly gave that a serious thought because of my work issues...

 

She was fed up with my neglect and lack of effort towards the later part of our relationship and I saw it too late. She broke up with me almost two months ago. She told me she wanted to be alone for a while, wanted to be happy with herself and that she didn't loved me anymore. I was in shock and didn't knew what to say at the time so i let her go....went NC for 3 days.... Thats when it finally sinked in, i waited till the weekend and tried to reasoning with her...yeah wasted effort...

 

I gave it a couple days and went to see her in the middle of the week, (was not easy to have her agree on meeting me..) i just wanted 10 minutes of her time but we ended up having a great talk that lasted for a couple hours.

 

I told her that i knew perfectly well that i messed up, i knew what and how, i apologized, promised i would never allow that to happen again, and that i had made my mind about what i could do to make up for everything.

I was decided to get a flat for us there and change my job, so we could live together and give it a serious try . She was hesitant for a while, but ended up declining.

 

Her birthday was coming up on mid july, so i thought of giving her the thing she wanted the most (a Golden Retriever)

I knew she could not keep the pet atm because she is just renting a room there... best case scenario we would get back together and could have it on our flat or so i thought, even if we didnt get back together she could keep it on her parents house and it would be my parting gift to her.... worst case scenario i would keep the pet.

Yeah she didnt accepted it, actually she got so pissed off at me she told me she wanted it but not now that we broke up, and everything thing that i have been doing so far i should have done it while we were together, she cried a lot...i felt awful with myself...

 

Bottom line the last time she called me...was to tell me that we would never be together again, that she didnt love me ( told me that a couple times because she said that i needed to hear that so that i can move on) it seriously hurt, she was so cold with me, i even crashed down and started to cry and begging for a 1 chance... (once again bad move)

 

Its been 2 weeks that we don't exchange a letter...she keeps on posting happy photos of her with her friends...she's on vacations atm..

 

Ive been spending my days hoping she might want to come back and try to fix us. I truly love her and would do anything in my power to fix things, we were great together, we didn't argue or anything, our only problem is the distance...and that i intended to fix in 2 months... really don't know what else can i do... the ball is on her court i guess...

 

I've known myself for over 30 years now, so i can pretty much say for sure, that i am unable to move on until she starts dating again. As long as i know she is single i wont under any circumstance open my door to anyone else.

We still have a couple unfinished business and she doesn't want to lose me as a friend either. I also have a pretty good relationship with her family, so its not like i can disappear from her life even if i wanted to.

I'm just so sad with all of this... things didnt have to end like this....i know she is/was confused just a couple weeks ago she said she probably still loved me but couldn't express it and she wanted to be alone for a while and we would see about moving in together later on. Guess giving her the Pet made her decide for the worse for now.

[RocketQueen]

Hi, Sorry you're feeling so low. I know how it feels, been there, done that, got the t-shirt and go back there from time to time.

 

The thing I love most about this site is that almost every post I read could have been me a while ago and every optimistic post WILL be me...eventually.

 

One thing I will say is you have to kill that hope for you both as a couple- it serves no purpose for you or your chances of being a couple again.

 

I am not saying you won't be again in the future but all hope does is keep you stuck in the present mindset.

 

Have hope that it will get better. That you will feel better without her.

 

I am almost 19 months on from a break up. I had hope for us to get back together and it held me back so much. Whenever he did make contact that hope clouded my judgement and made me believe the little lies (intentional or not- I think he was VERY conflicted) for a while but even when we were 'trying again' I still had that feeling in my gut that it wasn't quite right.

 

I am now full no contact and cannot tell you how better I feel. Yes, I still feel terrible on some days but I am not feeling terrible AND confused.

 

The peace of mind that I have knowing when my phone pings that it isn't him is priceless.

 

I miss what we had with all of my heart but I missed him when we were in contact too.

 

When I first came here and read about no contact I did what I think everyone does, I thought my situation was different. No contact was not for us...we had something special, something stronger...I was wrong. I had false hope.

 

No contact has given me a clarity I never thought I would get.

 

If he were to contact me today, I TRULY don't know what I would do, even if I want to hear the things he could say.

 

I truly do recommend you go no contact. See this relationship for what it is- over and lose all hope of restarting it.

 

No contact will put you in such a strong position to be objective and if the situation arises that SHE contacts YOU, you will be in a much better place for both of you.

 

Sorry this reply is long. I am just in awe at how much no contact (true no contact) has given me.

 

Take care xxx

Edited August 6, 2016 by RocketQueen
typo

[Crusnik]

Thank you so much for your kind words, i'm just unable to let go... i've tried really did...

Taking from my past experience i just know that i am broken yet holding on and will continue on as long as she is single... I've been on a 11years relationship before...she got GIGs...3 months later she came back crying and begging...i was a fool in thinking that things could work again...that i could forgive her.

Once the trust is broken there is no chance...things are never the same, we still held for another half a year. But i was no longer the same person, didnt care anymore... still loved her, but was no longer in love...

It had a terrible ending... her mom was getting ready for an operation in the hospital, i was there for my ex, things were actually going well, until she texted me one morning breaking up right before an importante work meeting/presentation and she knew it very well... Damn that was f@cking hard.... got off of work...brought some flowers and went to visit her mom at the hospital...

I was there sitting next to her mom supporting her best i could like i always did...guess what... my ex walking in the room with her GIGs guy....oh man...the dude even tried to handshake me...wtf... really?

 

I kissed her mother wished her the best, i told her that would always be there if she ever needed anything (she was like a mother to me), i held my head high and walked out to never look back again. Was the f@cking worse day of my life or so i thought, at least i had a valid reason to move on which i did.

 

 

All i'm saying is i dont want to lose this girl now, she is the women of my life, and we really didnt have any issues aside from the distance. Its hard to swallow this... im really tired of crying ..exhausted... quite my gym ...went from 82kg to 64kg, becoming a complete loser...