Some men turned off by women who don't need saving?

[Arieswoman]

Agree 100% with simpleNfit #48

 

A "fully" independent woman doesn't mean she doesn't want a man for companionship. I am a fully independent man, no need to be SAVED, but I WANT to be with a woman. I don't understand how being fully independent equates to not wanting a relationship.

 

I am a fully independent woman and thought my exH respected that. However, he cheated with some brain-dead female who needed "saving" from a bad relationship with her fiancee.

 

I can only wonder why the silly beggar took up with me in the first place?

 

Now I am married to someone who respects my intelligence and independence

[Gr8fuln2020]

In my experience, there are some men who have the "white knight" syndrome. Just out there trying to save the world, one crazy woman at a time.

 

There are some men who can't deal with someone who doesn't need anything but time and love.

 

Yup. I was one of them. Made the mistake once and got burned. Never again. The crazy thing was I thought she had her crap together, so didn't think it would be as nuts as it became. Never did that kind of thing in the past and will not in the future...again.

 

Now, it's becoming clear that there are so few ladies out there who don't need anything...too many need too much and are, themselves, looking for someone to save them. Ugh.

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's another way they say "Men are intimidated by my independence" line, but rephrased differently. They seem to enjoy wearing their Independence on their sleeve like a badge of honor and proclaim how they have little time for dating. They can be brash and obnoxious.

 

It's another way a self-proclaimed "Independent woman" brags a little too much about her Independence.

Edited August 20, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[PrettyEmily77]

This right here. True independence is very attractive but often that kind of attitude is just a cover for awful personality traits.

 

 

Such as?

 

That's a genuine question, by the way. Because from where I'm standing, that's a pretty invalid and unfounded argument. I've met a lot of independent people is my life (of both genders), and I've yet to see anything that indicates a direct link between independence and bad personality traits (and I'm not even a feminist, so that's saying something).

 

I personally like truly independent men who think for themselves, not parrots who repeat the same nonsensical generalisations about women this and women that ad nauseam.

 

Follow my reasoning here for a minute: if you have issues with both independent women and those who 'need saving', it seems to me you have an issue with women in general.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This right here. True independence is very attractive but often that kind of attitude is just a cover for awful personality traits.

 

NOT my experience AT ALL. What kind of people are you meeting?

[normal person]

It's another way they say "Men are intimidated by my independence" line, but rephrased differently. They seem to enjoy wearing their Independence on their sleeve like a badge of honor and proclaim how they have little time for dating. They can be brash and obnoxious.

 

It's another way a self-proclaimed "Independent woman" brags a little too much about her Independence.

 

Correction: It's another way they mean "Some men who are less successful than me and/or totally insecure about it are intimidated by my independence." As I mentioned in a previous post, no man worth his salt is intimidated or put off by a successful woman. The only ones that are are the ineffectual ones that are rendered superfluous to her as a result of her success.

 

A woman proclaiming independence is not "bragging," it's a useful filter for weeding out the bitter, angry, bums who would have no chance with her anyways and assume her independence is somehow a slight against their shortcomings.

 

The guys who naturally see female independence through this paradigm are precisely the ones she's probably trying to avoid. These are the guys who get insecure when a women is more successful than him and have to try and take her down a few pegs by complaining that she's boastful because they feel emasculated.

 

And call me crazy, but I think it's demeaning to attach a lot of stock to "female independence" rather than "independence" in general.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Correction: It's another way they mean "Some men who are less successful than me and/or totally insecure about it are intimidated by my independence." As I mentioned in a previous post, no man worth his salt is intimidated or put off by a successful woman. The only ones that are are the ineffectual ones that are rendered superfluous to her as a result of her success.

 

That I do agree with you on, Normal P., in fact I cannot stand a helpless woman. I know women that won't even touch a yard tool. lol. They leave that up to their husbands.

 

I knew of a woman that didn't understand the concept that an oil change is necessary. lol

 

A woman proclaiming independence is not "bragging," it's a useful filter for weeding out the bitter, angry, bums who would have no chance with her anyways and assume her independence is somehow a slight against their shortcomings.

 

The guys who naturally see female independence through this paradigm are precisely the ones she's probably trying to avoid. These are the guys who get insecure when a women is more successful than him and have to try and take her down a few pegs by complaining that she's boastful because they feel emasculated.

 

Actually, you're right here, but there are cases that women use their independence as an excuse...usually you can tell this if a sizable pattern of men her dating failures wind up with her saying the same thing, her independence, as a reason.

 

I recall talking to such a woman, I'm trying to recall her interactions with men she would first start to date. They would notice something unfeminine about her, like they were missing certain elements htat make them feminene.

 

And no, it wasn't the fact they needed saving, but she gave them the impression...not sure of a nicer way to put it...unfeeling. Mechanical perhaps? Vulcan-like? Lacked compassion even? Like she didn't speak with inflection.

 

Basically, there was just some element of their femininity missing. Sometimes they would even lack a sense of humor or they are just laughin on the inside? Think 7 of 9 from Star Trek. lol

 

Sometimes when I would see online dating profile pics of women. They would have like 5 to 7 photos up of themselves...and they'd have this expressionless face. You could tell it in the eyes and these guys could tell that face-to-face.

 

The one that I know that was the subject of this post, I get that vibe from her. We're good friends, but she has this voice that's just...I dunno, unfeeling or something. Very monotone.

 

Very dry.

[GoodOnPaper]

I get that vibe from her.

 

When you boil it down, this is probably all you need to say. A woman's vibe that says "I don't need anyone" isn't going to be attractive . . . period. Maybe this is the manifestation of "good-on-paper" struggles that some women are starting to experience. Welcome to the club . . .

 

However, it seems that men are taking the blunt end of the matter.

 

Good-on-paper man: Struggles because he is perceived as too "boring", nothing to spark an emotional connection. Some try to compensate by pursuing women they think will look up to him in some way - we men do have a pragmatic streak, after all. These men are bashed for being insecure - although, granted, the white-knight syndrome is one of the classic "nice guy" symptoms.

 

Good-on-paper woman: Struggles because she gives off a "I-don't-need-anyone" vibe that is off-putting. Interpreted as being intimidated by "independence", men are bashed for being insecure because they are not attracted to this.

 

In any coupling, it takes two to tango. The man and woman may need to adapt their expectations and approaches.

[Woggle]

NOT my experience AT ALL. What kind of people are you meeting?

 

What I am talking about are the women who go around saying they don't need a man in a male bashing kind of way. They are actually similar to so called nice guys in the sense that they take a positive which is niceness or independence and use it as a cover for bad personality traits. Genuinely being a nice and kind person is a good thing but many of these guys are whiny, needy and passive aggressive and they think women are obligated to fall in love with him because of that niceness. Genuine independence is a good thing but some women who shout it from the rooftops just want to tell men how useless and unwanted are and are misandrists who are nearly impossible to get along with and think being good to a man equals being a doormat.

[thecrucible]

I'm in two minds about this.

 

On the one hand, I think it's important to show a man some vulnerability. In a way this comes naturally to me because I'm quiet at heart and fairly agreeable so men make all sorts of assumptions based on that. I don't feel less of a feminist if I ask for a help with a few things. I think that if you don't let a man help you sometimes, it's like you're refusing his love. I'm a generous person myself and I feel upset sometimes if a person says something like "oh you don't need to do that for me". I think a woman's vulnerability goes hand in hand with a man's generosity - I don't like situations where the man doesn't actually offer to help at all and you are forced to ask him every time when some of it should come naturally.

 

On the other hand, I don't want a man to think I need 'saving'. I think this is a really weird way to think about a relationship with the opposite sex. I would hate if a man actually had this opinion of me. It's because it shows that he doesn't see me as a person, but just something he wants to fix. I don't really think he fully understands me. I have dated guys who have thought this about me and they have completely mistaken my quiet nature and my emotional side for me needing help. I am not looking for a man to feel sorry for me.