LDR - a German guy?

[maryannly]

Three months ago I got to know a German guy through Internet. We started talking and day by day our conversations went longer and longer. As I was clearly the less-interested part of this friendship, he approached me quite strongly. This was quite surprising due to the fact that I guess Germans are not usually like that. However I started liking him more and more. He was really keen on visiting me and getting together. So, about a month ago we decided to get together and he came to see me in the country were I live. By that time we had got quite close and he was very open in terms of how he felt towards me. I liked that a lot and when we met in real life, everything was sooo amazing. We spent four days together and I really enjoyed every minute of it and since then I really feel I am developing feelings for him. We are talking literally every day - by texting - and the texts are usually quite long. At the beginning we texted even more, now usually once or twice a day, as it really takes time to type that much haha..

So here is also the issue - I really feel that this every day texting is slowly killing this "relationship", but we have got so used to it already, that it seems almost strange to stop it. Don't get me wrong - I reaally like him and I would never want in a million years to stop talking to him, but I really feel that something should be done to sparkle things up a bit again. That he would wait for my texts as eagerly as at the beginning and also he wouldn't start taking me for granted either get bored with talking to me.

Second thing is, that I have been really started to think if we are on the same page in terms of this relationship - I don't even know if I should call it like that haha I mean, I really don't know what he thinks about all this - does he consider us to be exclusive and together or does he consider us just to be nice texting buddies. It's quite difficult to evaluate this, as we haven't talked about this so directly and I really don't think I should confront him about that, because I know in Germany people are usually not really keen on defining things like that.

So maybe someone knows some valuable advice to give me, as I'm really not experienced in terms of LDR or relationships at all. Oh, and yes of course we have discussed the possibilities of further meetings as well, so I hope it will soon happen.

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, I'm not sure I understand how your daily texting thing is 'killing' your relationship? How so? Do you mean you'd prefer to speak on the phone more often than text?

 

I'm also interested in hearing what your definition of 'sparkle' is. Are you wanting things to be more flirty and sexual now?

 

Second, who cares if Germans don't like to define things, YOU are part of this equation now and if YOU need to define or label what you are then you need to discuss that with him.

 

The worst thing you can do is NOT discuss things. If you're growing closer everyday and spending a lot of time connecting and making plans to meet up then you will have to have these types of uncomfortable conversations especially in a LDR. Long distance romances are challenging at the best of times so talking about your expectations, setting some boundaries, and just making sure you're both on the same page are all extremely important.

 

Is it safe to assume you've had sex or is this still just a friendship?

[Mr. Lucky]

Second thing is, that I have been really started to think if we are on the same page in terms of this relationship - I don't even know if I should call it like that haha I mean, I really don't know what he thinks about all this - does he consider us to be exclusive and together or does he consider us just to be nice texting buddies.

 

I'd be very cautious about making any assumptions, exclusivity included, based on 4 days of togetherness. The idea that he's celibate outside that time seems a stretch.

 

A better question is why you'd put all your eggs in this very uncertain basket? All the usual "catfishing" cautions aside, even if a LDR works well it can be a very lonely life...

 

Mr. Lucky

[justwhoiam]

Hi Maryannly,

 

Welcome to LS.

 

Where are you at? How often would you be able to see him?

It looks like it was just a casual meeting between friends. Did you kiss him or what? You discussed meeting again... I guess if the spark was there, there would have been more than a couple texts each day. And you can't force it into any direction. It just has to happen naturally, even though your enthusiasm can be contagious. But don't fool yourself. Your efforts might go into the void. And you'd be back to square one.